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Title: Indebted
Chapter: Three - Waking in Dreams
Sequel/Series: series
Author:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Time Frame: Takes place during 3rd season starting after 3.04 - AU timelime
Summary: Justin and Brian find their lives intwine no matter what they do.
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Justin/Ethan implied
Notes: Thanks to
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Disclaimer: I own none of this - they belong to Showtime, Cowlip and others. I only play with them a little. Once I'm done, I'll dust them off and give them back.
Indebted
Chapter Three: Waking in Dreams
“I’m ready.”
You’re surprised at the calmness in your voice, because - inside - it’s chaos. Buildings falling, worlds colliding and spinning out of control, and you in the center of it. With nothing to hold onto, to keep from throwing you into an infinite oblivion. You can feel trembles in your fingers, will them to stop. Take a breath….just breathe…in and out…
“Look at me.”
You obey because it’s him, and you always do. You hold in some form of a gasp when his bleak eyes take you in, focusing on some point on your skin. This had been a bad idea. He’s too close now. In every way. Loss of physical proximity had helped, made it easier to forget or pretend to forget how he made you feel. Shivers and colors and warmth and fucking longing…
“Turn your head down some, Justin.”
You stiffen, shove away the thrill you get when he does that, and do as he says. He rarely called you by your name. He had a number of nicknames…some, like “little shit,” used in annoyance or amusement…others, like “Sunshine,” when he meant to be sweet. Well, if anyone could call him sweet. But “Justin,” he only used in the throes of emotions…when he was inside, filling you, owning…and your name fell from his lips like a prayer.
Your mind so wrapped up in these thoughts that you don’t hear his approach, only the sound of his breathing, the feel of it across the nape of your neck where he was -- fuck. He dropped one kiss, another, and yet another, leaving a trail of moisture behind.
“Justin.”
There it was again. Your name in that tone…with that emotion, and you turn your head to peek at him from behind your shoulder. His eyes lock on yours, and he kisses what he can reach of your mouth. “You need to relax. It’s just me.”
You shrug helplessly. “I can’t.” It was the truth. Every nerve ending tingled in his presence, tightened and threatened to snap at his voice. It was never easy -- it would never be. His hands, always surprisingly soft and warm, reach for you, and you can breathe…you feel life surging through you. He trails one finger over your forearm and you lean back. You can feel the rising and falling of his chest, the sound of his heartbeat, and it’s home.
“Brian.”
He seems to stop breathing for a moment, and you wonder if he’ll stop now. If you had broken the spell you seem to be under. There’s something almost surreal about it. It can’t be this easy, this right…
You forget everything when his lips fall on your bare shoulder, biting gently, lapping the mark with his tongue. Desperate, needy hands fall to your waist, holding you firmly, and you could give a shit if the pressure leaves bruises. You fall into the swirl of emotions and urgency that permeates from him. It makes you smile, giggling from happiness wanting to spurt out.
He still wants you.
You reach behind, your hand finding the back of his head, caressing his hair. He lets his chin fall on your shoulder, and there’s a sigh of contentment loose in the air. You’re not sure which one of you released it and realize it doesn’t matter. He nudges his face into the curve of your neck, dropping kisses, murmuring words against your skin. His roaming hand finds you hard and leaking, grasps tightly, and your pleasure vibrates in your throat. Thumb stroking over the sensitive tip, breath in your ear, and his plea shimmers down your back.
“I want inside.”
Suddenly, you seem to hover in the air, feet no longer touching solid ground, and you moan some semblance of his name. You gyrate to his movement and you know this isn’t real. It can’t be. It feels too… His hand shifts under, brushing against your throbbing balls. He plays with the soft covering of hair, and you hear his laugh as he shifts. He pulls away, kissing the side of your face as he secures you around the waist with one arm. You feel his hand trail slowly down your back, rubbing softly on the flesh he touches…one finger now circling rings around your aching, puckered hole.
“Oh god.”
You cry out when one digit enters gently, stretching….heat and friction fight and blend. Through the rush of colors across your senses, your name falls from his lips. You push back hard, begging now, and another finger joins the first. You bend over, the arm holding you saving you from collapse. Trying for more…needing him to fill you. You find your voice. “Please. Fuck me.”
“You want me, baby?”
You freeze at the words… Brian would never… Your eyes refuse to open, to lose this place, but the feel of him is different. The finger no longer coaxes…no seduction breathes on your skin…touching your fractured soul…
It feels wrong. You recoil against, uncomfortable, and your feet hit the floor hard. Something pinches, pushes too hard, and you grimace….
“My Jus wants it bad this morning.”
Justin’s eyes flew open, taking in the scene around him. Dingy beige walls met his gaze, and his heart grew heavy with grief. He had been there. Home. Tears formed around the edges of his vision and he forced them back. He could feel Ethan against his back, his clammy touch on his skin. Inside places that in his dreams had been someone else’s.
He was a liar, but fuck if he would become a hypocrite.
“Ethan.” Some knot in his throat made it sound more a croak than syllables, but it seemed to register. Ethan paused, still inside but no longer moving. “Am I hurting you, baby?”
Justin forced his face to remain impassive, pushed away the grimace right beneath the mask, and nodded. “Yeah. A little.” Justin shifted away, glad when he felt Ethan leave, and sighed at the emptiness.
“I’m sorry. From the happy sounds, I thought you were enjoying it.”
Justin resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the petulant note in Ethan’s voice and turned halfway to look at him. He reached a hand to his face and smiled. “I’m sorry. I guess the shock of waking up…” The excuse petered away and he knew that Ethan wasn’t buying it. He realized he didn’t care. “I have to work.”
Ethan sighed, reaching for his arm and pulling down. “Come on, Jus. You’ve been working all week.” He grinned up at him. “Let’s go to the conservatory. I wrote something new for you.”
Justin managed to stifle the retort that sprang into his mind. Instead, he pulled away gently, smiled thinly. “We need the money, Ethan.” He glanced back as he walked to the bathroom. “Besides, after Teddy’s arrest, Debbie’s been too distracted to be any good. She needs me there.”
He closed the bathroom door hard, cutting off whatever Ethan’s reply might have been. The reflection in the mirror looked haggard, even sad, and Justin ran a hand through his hair, watching as the image mimicked him.
It was still unbelievable that Ted had been arrested for running a gay porn site. That was the real reason, and the whole world knew, even if no one would say it. He felt anger take over that warm, fuzzy place he’d found in his dreams. Fucking Stockwell. Homophobic son-of-a-bitch was determined to hurt them. The anger doubled when he thought of Brian helping that asshole.
He would never have guessed that Brian Kinney would turn on his own. On the only ideals he ever upheld. There was the smallest part of him that still didn’t quite believe it. Brian would never… Something else was going on.
And fuck if he wasn’t going to find out what.
He turned on the water, finding his brush and adding toothpaste, absentmindedly going through his morning routine. Avoiding the hazy remnants of dreams that threatened to spill forth. In the light of day, it would hurt a thousand times more…
“Please, Brian. I’m begging you. Help. Him.”
Brian’s head lay on the cold surface of his desk, one hand fisted, pounding a rhythm on his thigh, the other buried in his hair. The pain inside and out would fade away with time, he repeated in his mind.
That had been unfair.
He knew no one could have possibly known the power Emmett had over him. Each in their own way did. Yet he made sure to never show any vulnerability. And he had been ready for him. He was no fool. He knew Emmett loved Ted, and that eventually he would show up, like Debbie had, screaming his anger and demanding he do something.
He had prepared for that.
Not the quiet, desperate submission he had witnessed. Not the swallowing of his pride and begging for help.
“Shit.”
It was Emmett that, with flourish, unrelenting optimism, and quiet understanding, had won over Brian from almost the first instant. He had seen this vulnerable, sweet, but damn brave boy become a man. He had felt that first burst of lust he’d had (because Emmett was beautiful) turn into protective brotherly instincts. No one had been more surprised than he was about that.
Emmett had been -- before Justin, and his own son -- the baby of his chosen family. The youngest and most dearly loved member. And Brian still saw him that way. Out of all the boys, Emmett had never once asked him for anything. Never demanded.
And when he disapproved, it was quietly. Never openly berating him. Only letting him know through looks and silences what he was thinking. It was Brian’s favorite trait in Emmett.
“Deep down, you care about us.”
Fuck if he wasn’t right. Not that Brian was admitting that to anyone, least of all himself.
When Ted had come to him, pleading for assistance, there had been that sharp pang he always felt when the ones he cared about would ask him for anything. Of course, as always, it was ignored, and relief flooded when Ted had cursed at him. God knows, even if he could help…
But Emmett…that had been love. Sacrifice. Brian understood that. Admired it. Looking at Emmett, blue eyes red and filling with tears, he knew it was a done deal. He would get Ted out of this mess. Somehow.
Head raising, he leaned back, staring intently at the ceiling, seeking answers he knew wouldn’t come. He tapped his fingers, mind whirling…thinking…
His hand stopped, one thought slowly forming, and he sat upright. He pushed the intercom, calling out to his assistant. “Cynthia.”
“Yes, Brian?”
“Set up a meeting with Stockwell.” The name stuck in his throat, and disgust, which was becoming familiar, coiled in him. He glanced at the newspaper. Ted’s scared face stared at him. “Make it at the racquetball court.”
“You got it.”
He folded the paper in half, hiding the accusing eyes from his sight, and ran one hand through his hair.
This had better fucking work…
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” Justin took a hit of the joint that Daphne held out to him. He let it burn a path through him, smoke trailing from his mouth as he spoke. “You’re a fucking confidence booster.”
She grinned maniacally. “What are best friends for?”
“Fuck if I know.”
Her hand smacked the back of his head and he forced a laugh. He glanced over at her, speaking quickly. “I had a dream.” He placed the emphasis on “dream” and watched Daphne’s face twist in disgust.
“I don’t want to know.’
“Daphne…”
“No. Please. I’m already traumatized enough with your choice. Do not make me listen to the details of your dream sex life with Ethan.”
“Who was talking about Ethan?” Justin muttered, peeking from the corner of his eye and catching her confused expression. He couldn’t blame her. He was lost on what to do with all he felt. Maybe if he talked about it…”I was talking about Brian.”
Daphne practically screeched to a halt. Her mouth gaped open, but Justin could see the happy light shining from her eyes. “Brian?!” She made a disbelieving noise, and with hands held out asked, “But I thought you said you were over him?” She couldn’t hide the thrill in her voice.
Justin shrugged. “I thought so, too.”
“Well, what happened?”
“I dreamt about him last night. Somehow he learned how to levitate and we were fucking mid-air…almost.”
“Almost mid-air or almost fucking?” Daphne laughed when he hit her arm with his hand.
“It’s not funny, Daph. What the hell is wrong with me?”
She raised one eyebrow, staring intently at him. “You really want me to answer that? ‘Cause, really, you won’t like what you hear.” They continued their walk in silence.
“You think I made the wrong choice, don’t you?”
Daphne shrugged. “I think you made the choice you needed to make.”
“But you don’t agree with it.”
“I’m not here to agree. My role is supporting player in your little melodrama. Supporting being the operative word.”
Justin glared at her. “Admit it. You think it was a stupid decision.”
Daphne snorted. “Stupid isn’t exactly the word I’d use.”
They reached the bus stop and the conversation ended abruptly. He was heading to Debbie’s before his shift, and Daphne had a date with the library. They agreed to meet later at Woody’s, and she kissed his cheek before crossing the street and grabbing a cab.
Justin watched her go.
She was right. Stupid didn’t even begin to cover it.
|Chapter 4|
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Date: 2007-10-06 04:46 am (UTC)My feedback today shall be in a list. *ehem* Things I *looove* about this chapter (and fic):
1. The dream. I was in friggin' heaven, as Justin was, and then... 'baby'. My eyes flew open, I reeled back, and said... this was too good to be true. PERFECT.
2. The way Justin said he'd been home in the dream. The way he reacted to Ethan's 'clammy hands'. His sadness.
3. Brian reflecting on Emmett and what he meant to him. OMG. WOW. Like... I really, really love Emmett and love his relationship with Brian and you captured it sooo perfectly... Brian being protective, and admiring, and *loving* Emmett. I think that might have been my fave section right there.
4. Daphne. Can I have one? Seriously, seriously in character, JUST what Justin needed.
Finally: I LOVE this. Can't wait for more. Like, can't.
loooove u!
Hugs,
Arlad
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:39 am (UTC)lol. I'm sorry about that. Thank you. And will it help if I say that the title "waking in dreams" is a subtle hint...mayhap what Justin dreamt about wasn't exactly JUST a dream...just saying lol.
2. The way Justin said he'd been home in the dream. The way he reacted to Ethan's 'clammy hands'. His sadness.
It's started to come to him now. The realization of what he did. And he can't take it back. He doesn't want to or shouldn't have to. It was something he *had* to do. And now he has to make a decision if he wants to continue where he is.
3. Brian reflecting on Emmett and what he meant to him. OMG. WOW. Like... I really, really love Emmett and love his relationship with Brian and you captured it sooo perfectly... Brian being protective, and admiring, and *loving* Emmett. I think that might have been my fave section right there.
What I wrote was something I always sensed about Brian's feelings for Emmett. He rarely took shots at him. He was almost always sympathetic. Openly affectioniate with him. He seemed to carry a great respect for Emmett and I think vice versa. So I'm glad that I could convey that.
4. Daphne. Can I have one? Seriously, seriously in character, JUST what Justin needed.
LOL. I want a Daphne too! *claps* Glad she's IC. I've been working with POV for something else and it came pretty easily here.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting honey!
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Date: 2007-10-06 04:57 am (UTC)This part... I really loved Justin's dream and Daphne's reaction to it. lol I love Daphney. :)
I always loved Brian's and Emmett's relationship in the show - it seemed the most....'normal'. You had it described perfectly here. :D
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:41 am (UTC)More soon!
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Date: 2007-10-06 09:55 am (UTC)And It was v v worthwhile, the waiting,
Your characters r perfectly IC, Daphne's dialogue and support especially and Emmett's character was perfectly disected too..
The sex was perfect too, it was really easy to picture it in that slow hazy, dreamy quality, each touch a caress, a sigh = it even made me sigh and I, sadly, wasnt even being touched by Brian.. but I sighed anyway
And u dont know how thankful I am that Justin didnt "do it" with Ethan.. Iv always found it very hard to imagine and I constantly try and convince myself that Justin was the top in that relationship.. Ethan was greasy and clammy, he only bathed that one time while Brian and Justin were constantly seen in the shower.. (Nods fervantly)
Well yeah that, I think is my whole, very lengthy review... cant wait for the next Chapter
no subject
Date: 2007-10-07 02:46 am (UTC)Your characters r perfectly IC, Daphne's dialogue and support especially and Emmett's character was perfectly disected too..
That makes me so happy. Thank you!
The sex was perfect too, it was really easy to picture it in that slow hazy, dreamy quality, each touch a caress, a sigh = it even made me sigh and I, sadly, wasnt even being touched by Brian.. but I sighed anyway.
yay! I was hoping that it was good. I sighed while writing for christ sakes lol.
lmao @ the Ethan thing. I concur lol.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Next chapter soon!
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Date: 2007-10-06 11:39 am (UTC)Well, you know I had to be alone with this chapter to truly enjoy the deliciousness as I beta'd :) I still feel the loss that came at that first non-italicized line. *sigh*
Lovely Bri/Em, too. All wonderful. Want more desperately.
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:48 am (UTC)lol. I'm sorry about the harshness of the reality hon lol...but I never said what he was dreaming wasn't real... :)
You know how much I adore that Brian and Emmett scene. :)
More soon!
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Date: 2007-10-06 12:06 pm (UTC)Great chapter! I always love when Daphne tells it like it is!
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:50 am (UTC)Justin is, I think, at the moment wising up. He's realizing that what he was looking for, wasn't really what he was looking for.
Thank you! Daphne is the best!
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Date: 2007-10-06 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-07 02:51 am (UTC)More soon!
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Date: 2007-10-06 05:10 pm (UTC)Valkyrie
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:53 am (UTC)More soon!
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Date: 2007-10-06 06:37 pm (UTC)Can't wait for more! Thanks for this one :)
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Date: 2007-10-07 02:56 am (UTC)Ya'll keep saying that lol! I'm actually surprised how much this story flows. That's a good thing. It means you guys won't have to wait FOREVER for updates lol.
Thank you for the comments! I enjoyed the dream.
I do think that Justin is figuring out this isn't what he wants. I'm not sure if he thinks it's a mistake though. It really was, as Daphne, something he needed to do.
I adore Brian and Emmett dynamic. It really intrigued me on the show so I wanted to use that here.
More soon! Thank you for reading!!
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Date: 2007-10-06 08:59 pm (UTC)The dream! Can we talk about the dream? I started to copy my favorite parts of it, but I couldn't decide, because it is so utterly beautiful and intense and had me make all *guuuuh* *droool*. And you captured that confusing moment when you wake up after a magnificent dream so perfectly. Poor Justin. To wake up to Ethan all over him ... *shudders*
She was right. Stupid didn’t even begin to cover it.
Well, she is right. But on the other hand it probably was a mistake Justin had to make to see what he lost with leaving Brian. And the other way round.
I love that you brought Daphne into your story. She is the coolest girl. And she has to be, dealing with Justin. lol
Not the quiet, desperate submission he had witnessed. Not the swallowing of his pride and begging for help.
Oh, and I adore what you said about the Brian-Emmett-dynamic. It's always been a fascinating aspect of the show for me. He lives his life as unapologetic and honest as Brian and I think that's why Brian respects Emmett. And I guess it's one reason why he helped Ted in the end.
Loved it to pieces! Thanks so much, Kat. *hugs*
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Date: 2007-10-07 03:01 am (UTC)Well, she is right. But on the other hand it probably was a mistake Justin had to make to see what he lost with leaving Brian. And the other way round.
Absolutely. That's why Daphne tell him that it was the choice he *had* to make. Because it was. He needed to see for himself. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It gives us perspective about things we don't see when we are too close.
I adore Daphne. She was always and will always be Brian and Justin's biggest fan lol.
Brian and Emmett's relationship was so layered. They had a fabulous and under-used dynamic which I hope to have more of in this story. You are right. They are VERY much alike.
Thank you love! *hugs*
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Date: 2007-10-07 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-07 06:48 am (UTC)A-ha. This is because you are very astute. There is some truth to the dream, yes. Thanks, hon!
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Date: 2007-10-08 02:26 am (UTC)You'd have to be crazy to not dream about Brain ;-)
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to more.
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Date: 2007-10-09 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 09:51 am (UTC)The dream in the beginning was hot. Too sad it was just a dream. Brian's thoughts of Emmett - I'm sure he felt it that way in the series too. Justin and Daphne - BFF. And we know Daphne has always been Brian/Justin supporter. How can you not love her? Can't wait for more. Hugs. Lili
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Date: 2007-10-09 08:17 pm (UTC)Ahhh...the dream. That was interesting to write lol. I always loved Brian and Emmett's friendship. There was alot of quiet respect between them. I do adore Daphene lol.
Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2007-10-08 02:28 pm (UTC)Poor Justin! He's going through a lot as he sorts through his feelings to figure out what he really wants and needs. He's lucky he's got Daphne. And he still has Brian, if he doesn't quite realize that :)
Very nice!
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Date: 2007-10-09 08:10 pm (UTC)I like the path Justin seems to be taking. It's about self-realization.
Thank you!
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Date: 2007-10-08 08:37 pm (UTC)LET'S GET IT TOGETHER WITH THE UPDATES, WOMAN!
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Date: 2007-10-09 08:20 pm (UTC)LOL. I promise to get right on that!
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Date: 2007-10-10 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-10 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 12:07 am (UTC)Oh wow. The dream, so seductive and sensuous - beautifully written - but so cruelly interrupted! I can't bear thinking of Justin in that grimy apartment with Ethan, especially as he knows how stupid he has been. Love the Em/Ted parts too, they are integral to the storyline but are adding to Brian's stress. Poor Brian.
You are just .... amazing.
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Date: 2007-10-14 09:22 am (UTC)I had a ball writing that dream sequence - or was it really a dream...hmmm? - and was happy noone wanted to kill me for doing that. Yeah, Ethan doesn't quite know what to think yet but he will see things clearly soon.
Poor Em/Teddy. *sigh* Always poor Brian. He's keeping WAY too many secrets.
Awww...shucks! You're kind of wonderful yourself. :)
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Date: 2007-10-20 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-20 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-20 12:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-20 10:45 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2007-10-26 04:06 pm (UTC)"you want me, baby?"
Brian will NEVER say that, which is when I freaked out, all in a panic that one of my favourite authors has lost her touch... the magic is gone... how could YOU have let him slip out of character?!!
and of course, I was barely able to breathe again when... it's fucking Ethan all over Justin!! aaarrrggghhhhh!!
there is just absolutely no way that I am able to fall in love with Ethan (not saying this is what you went for here, commenting on the character and what actually happened in the series), I don't care how cute or sexy he is, how terrible it must have been for him to play second fiddle while little Justin got his bread buttered on both sides... no. njet. nee. nope. nein. NEVER!!
fabulous job, once again, absolutely love this. think I'm falling in love all over again!
you've managed to get me so involved and worked up that I might now be able to start on my let's-get-some-serious-revenge-on-Ian idea. ;-)
you weren't planning on going out over the weekend, where you? >:)
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Date: 2007-10-26 05:28 pm (UTC)Oh god...Brian would never EVER in a million years call him baby. Sunshine, for sure. Mockingly (but kinda not/but yes mocking)call him honey, possible. Baby, fu-ck NO! LOL.I was sure that everyone would know then it was a dream lol....
You know I hated - HATED with a fiery passion Ian when I first saw it. Wanted him DEAD, and usually don't mind when fanfic writers make him suffer lol, but on the second and so forth watching I find him to be such a freaking bore and just so DAMN. STUPID. that he makes me laugh cause he's just such a YUTZ!
And I appreciate (don't love necessairly lol but appreciate) what happened with B/J. I think they may have both needed it...well I think Justin needed it. He would never have realized what he had if he hadn't and it was the first time that Brian was ALLOWED to FULLY display how much he loved Justin. I mean, everything he did was about Justin lol. It was great in a lot of ways but hell in alot of others which is why it's my second fave season lol.
Going out this weekend? Actually I *am* working on two updates, one which is the second and last part of Never Did Run Smooth and of course...this one. *runs and hides*
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Date: 2007-10-26 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-26 05:59 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you're enjoying it so much though!
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Date: 2007-10-27 04:13 am (UTC)I thought your porny stuff was absolutely perfect. it had me all hot and bothered >:) without it sounding like one of Ted's... employees! :))
more important - you got Brian and Justin exactly right, in how each of them are in bed.
but yes, same here with having issues about it. I've never wrote anything as intimite/explicit/whatever as BJ being together, and I'm having great difficulty with it. I've never even wrote just a hint at a sex scene; the mere thought of it has me blushing (no matter how much I love reading other writers's stories about it!), nevermind now being at the point that I have to describe it!!! *very, VERY red in the face!* LOL
I wasn't raised all that conservatively, but the postings I've read so far is much more graphic detailed than what I've come across in my pre-obsessed days; not that I don't like it! on the contrary, I WILL admit to finding it... really, really facinating? >:) definitely not offensive :)) and I thought yours were just right - more than that, it wasn't just fucking, but rather Brian beginning to get weak in the knees...
So I am now stuck on my story on exactly this subject - there's a very fine line between authentic and porn or just sounding stupid and making the poor reader cringe... the one thing, I have decided though? adding toys to BJ would be going too far. I can't recall (and I think I know all the BJ scenes pretty well... :)) ), they ever used any toys - Brian doesn't need any, he's all hot and kinky etc. enough just by himself. so at least I don't have to go that far! :))
now Emmit (whom I absolutely ADORE!!!) is something else entirely... ;-)
hon, you're doing GOOD! it's so much better than the couple of Mills&Boons I've read... :))
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Date: 2007-10-27 06:49 am (UTC)But when it came to writing slash - it was so much easier. Maybe because they say you write that kind of thing better when you have to use your imagination more, you know. I don't know what a guy feels like exactly but I can intergrate what I felt with the character and it can work. I was so damn proud of the short I wrote Drowning. It was basically a gapfiller of porn lol.
The more you try, the more comfortable you become. I think the biggest misconception about it is that when writing sometimes the author wants to describe all the technicilites. It's not necessary, I mean some yes of course lol but mostly what I try to do is equate the act with an emotion or sensation and write it together.
My advice before writing: READ ALOT of GOOD porn lol. Then put some music in the background that makes you feel something emotionally and give it a shot. Check out Drowning if you want. And tf you need someone to look it over, feel free to send it to me and I can help with suggestions or whatever.
This is becoming a book dude lol. But I did want to say that, toys are good things though I agree that B/J don't need them. I DO think they used them when we didn't get to see. I mean, it was them. They totally would for fun. Just not often is all lol.
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Date: 2007-11-03 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-03 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-04 12:25 am (UTC)it's about time. He has never felt as at home
with Ethan as he would like everyone to think.
Nothing and no one ever made him feel as safe,
happy and loved as Brian did until he threw it
all away. Could he change things or is it to
late?
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Date: 2007-11-05 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 04:19 am (UTC)*waves*
Hi! Just found you lurking in my bookmarks and I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far!
Out of all the boys, Emmett had never once asked him for anything. Never demanded.
And when he disapproved, it was quietly. Never openly berating him. Only letting him know through looks and silences what he was thinking.
OMG, I love you for writing this!
I can't wait to pick this up again tomorrow and see where you're going with it.
Lisa
no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 06:54 am (UTC)*waves*
Hi! Just found you lurking in my bookmarks and I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far!
LOL. Yeah, that was why I did it LOL. You know Brian would NEVER EVER use that term LOL...
OMG, I love you for writing this!
I can't wait to pick this up again tomorrow and see where you're going with it.
Oh, thank you! I love Emmett! Thank you for reading!