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freakykatIt's still Sunday SOMEWHERE.
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kari77 - thank you so much, sweetie!
Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author:freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Thirteen
Pairing: Luke/Noah, some other surprise pairings
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Beta: Thanks toladysonsie for stepping in and pinch hitting this!
W/C: 2508
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death, violence
Author’s Note: Thanks for the being patient, guys. It's still Sunday SOMEWHERE. Promise earilier next week!
Story Notes: Found in Chapter One.
All chapters found here.
Chapter Thirteen
“Okay, baby, spill.”
Noah glanced over at Carly, tried to school his features into an innocent expression. “I have no clue what you're talking about.”
Carly snorted, reaching for the honey in the cupboard and pouring a generous amount into Noah's tea. “I always love it when you think you can lie to me.”
“I'm not lying to you.”
“Okay. Fine. I always love it when you feel like you can get one over on me.”
She handed Noah the cup and met his eyes, held them with her probing stare before she smiled wide. “You're going to propose to Luke, aren't you?”
Noah startled, choked, as some of the tea spilled over the rim of his cup onto the counter. Carly laughed as she reached for a towel, cleaning up the mess, and waited out Noah's stammering.
“How – I haven't – seriously, how?”
There were times that Carly felt like the worst mother in the world. She loved her kids – she'd die for any of them without a moment's thought – but her actions had never shown them how much that was true. She knew, being the oldest and in so many ways the most scarred, Noah had a hard time understanding her love.
“I'm your mother. I know you, Noah Benjamin.”
He rolled his eyes but the tiny quirk on his lips made her grin at him.
She stared at him until, finally, he sighed deeply and nodded.
“Yeah. I'm asking him.”
The noise she made was high-pitched and fairly loud. Noah jumped slightly when she combined it with the hug he wasn't expecting. She muffled her laugh in his shirt and rubbed one hand up his back, soothing like she had during his periods of nightmares when he'd first stayed with her.
Pulling back, she grabbed his face, kissing him sloppily on his cheek, not allowing him to move away even when he tried. “I'm so happy for you!”
“I haven't asked him yet. We don't know -”
Carly slapped the back of his head gently, rolled her own eyes this time. “Don't be obtuse, Noah. Please.”
He grinned at her, those beautiful eyes of his shining with love and nerves and all those emotions he worked to keep from everyone but Luke. Or maybe it was just from her. She pushed the thought away and brushed his hair off his face.
“I need to talk to Holden and Lily first.”
She giggled at that, shaking her head as she looked at the wonderful man Noah had become. Whatever part she may have had in making that happen gave her heart a thrill. “Where did you come from, sweetness?”
It was a question she'd asked him for years. Anytime and every time he'd done something to make her proud of him.
Noah shrugged but said nothing. He glanced at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners and she grinned harder.
They stared at each other like that for a long time until Noah glanced away, cleared his throat and asked quietly.
“Will you help me figure out what to do?”
Carly felt the tears sting her eyes and she nodded. “Of course I will, honey.”
Noah hugged her and not for the first time since Noah had fallen into her life, she thanked whatever force had brought him to her.
“You know I always will.”
*
When Carly got the call, she wasn't really surprised by it. Her kids had learned a few things from her in all these years. The knee-jerk reaction of running away, whether that was in a car or at the bottom of a bottle, was something they came to honestly. So, Hank's call at one in the morning wasn't a shock in any way.
She pulled her clothes on, grabbed her jacket and told Neil where she would be. He kissed her softly, asked that she call him if she needed any help and locked the door behind her.
Carly doesn't know what she ever did to deserve him but she's grateful that he's hers.
On the drive to the bar she started to formulate her plan of attack, the different variations she might need because if she knew one thing it was that this wasn't going to be easy.
Yo's is pretty deserted on a Wednesday night (or Thursday morning, more like it) and she found Noah’s slumped figure at a table in the back. She waved at Hank as she made her way there, mouthed a “thank you” before sliding into the booth next to her son. She knew that he was aware she was there, that he was ignoring her in the hopes that she'd go away.
It was cute he thought that would work.
Hank brought her a glass of tonic water, smiled in that way one parent did to another and left them alone.
They sat in silence for close to thirty minutes before Noah turned his head to look at her, eyes narrowed.
“Go home, Carly.”
She gave him a bright smile. “Not happening unless you come with me.”
Noah closed his eyes. “I'm not in the mood. Really.”
“Oh, right. Because I love being woken up in the middle of the night to come and pick up one of my kids from a drunken stupor. I'm always in the mood for that.”
Noah glared at her. “You should be used to drunk stupors.”
Carly blinked and snorted, shaking her head. “Ouch. Direct hit, sweetie.” It hurt a lot more than she would let him know. She knew Noah held a lot in all these years and when he was cornered, he could be ruthless.
Another thing he learned from her, she thought.
She saw his face lose its color when he realized what he'd said, eyes closing against that and she touched his head, stroking the damp strands away from his forehead.
“Carly, please. Go home.”
It would probably be better to leave him alone, to let him get this out of his system. She knew Noah better than he realized. He'd drink until he could barely stand then he would call a cab, stumble home, let the grief wash over him until sleep took over. In the morning, he'd wake up and most of it would be gone. Whatever wasn't, he'd shove back into that little box he kept reined.
In the end, he'd be okay. Like he always was.
But Carly wasn't sure that being okay, just okay, was good enough anymore.
“I go when you go.”
Noah sighed, thumped his head on the table and for the first time in years, he actually cursed in her presence. It made Carly smile softly. Good. He wasn't too far gone that she couldn't reach him. She rubbed one hand in circles on his back and listened to his breathing as he fought tears she knew he wanted to let go of.
“It's okay, baby.”
He turned his head to the side, still leaning on the table and she watched the streak of tears down his cheeks.
“Mama.”
Her heart broke at the well of pain she could see in his eyes. It had been nearly a decade since he'd called her that and all she could do was gather him in her arms and let him cling to her, soothing the wounds she could. The rest she'd have to let someone else take care of.
“I let it happen.”
“Noah. No. Sweetie. No.”
She knew that he wouldn't listen. Not to her at least.
Rubbing one hand over his head, she pushed gently at his shoulders and when he moved away, she stood. Holding out her hand, she pulled him up and out of the booth.
“It's time we got you home.”
He didn't protest, just leaned against her as she walked him out, waved at Hank for help as they weaved their way unsteadily to the door. When they had Noah secured inside her car, she thanked Hank and waited until he was out of sight before pulling out her phone.
“Hey, it's Carly.”
She swallowed the worry that what she was about to do could blow up in her face but, in the end, she followed that instinct she had when it came to Noah.
This was the right thing to do.
“Noah needs you.”
*
It's too early for him to get any chores done but Holden doesn't know what else he can do. He's restless, sad and just plain scared.
He loved this town but sometimes it's felt like a curse to be a part of it. Nothing could ever be simple. Happiness was fleeting and when you thought that maybe, just maybe, it's going to be okay, the rug was pulled out from under you. It's like Oakdale was a festering wound that never healed.
He took a sip from the coffee in his hand, making a face at the bitter aftertaste, and glanced up at the moon. He wished he could leave. Take his entire brood with him and move somewhere else. Iowa, maybe. They could start fresh, leave the blood and pain behind.
It was a gut reaction to Vienna's death but he contemplated it for several minutes. He didn't know how he'd convince his kids to leave but he thought it wasn't impossible. A sad smile quirked at his lips as he thought that they'd have to sedate Noah to get him away from there but it might be worth it.
“That's a very strange expression to have at this time in the morning, Holden Snyder.”
He doesn't even startle at Lucinda's voice.
The woman had stopped scaring him a decade ago.
When he meets her eyes she has the same contemplative, worried look he is pretty sure is on his face.
“Planning the great escape?”
He smiled, snorted into his cup as he turned to gaze out over the dark fields, the shadow of the barn. “I hate it when you do that.”
Lucinda chuckled, taking the seat next to his on the swing and following his line of sight. “This is your home.”
He nodded. “I know that.”
She watched his profile and Holden figured she found whatever she was looking for when she nodded, glancing away after several long moments.
“I do not have the slightest idea what has happened, darling, but I do not like it.”
He looked over at her, an expression on her face he rarely saw from Lucinda Walsh: fear. It tugged at his heart and he slid closer to her, his arm coming around her shoulder. “Believe me, Lucinda, I feel the same way.”
“I think we all do.”
They both turned their heads to see Emma stepping through the back door onto the porch, holding her own coffee.
No one would be sleeping it seemed.
“I just don't know what to do.” Emma's voice cracked and Holden stood to hug her.
“There's nothing you have to do, Mama.”
“Poor Vienna.”
He squeezed her harder and turned to look at Lucinda's face, strained with grief.
“I cannot imagine what Henry is going through right now.”
They could. He knew his mother could. Meg's death was still too new and now – this.
He heard his mother repeat quietly, “I wish there was something I could do.”
Holden nodded.
But there wasn't. Not really.
They needed to let the police handle everything.
“Noah will get to the bottom of things.”
He glanced at Lucinda, then his mother, before taking a deep breath, letting it out with a ragged edge. “Yes. He will. But at what cost?”
All Holden could remember was that stretch of time where Noah was so lost, none of them could reach him, and the only person that could have wasn't able to. All the months where he was so focused on revenge, on payback, that the Noah he knew hadn't been there.
“He won't stop until he finds the bastard, “ Lucinda said quietly.
Holden nodded because that was the truth.
Noah wouldn't give up.
And this time was different, this time he wouldn't have to do it alone.
He just hoped that Noah knew that. That he would ask for what he needed, what he wanted.
*
Luke knocked hard, rapidly on the door, until it opened and Carly's worried face came into view. She pulled him in quickly, hugged him hard for a long moment and then let him go just as fast.
“Where is he?”
“In the bedroom.”
He started toward the hall then stopped suddenly, turning to address Carly.
“Does he know you called?”
Carly looked almost sheepish before shaking her head. “Not really, no.”
Luke closed his eyes. “Carly.”
“Okay, Luke, come on. You know how my kid is. Stubborn doesn't even begin to cover it. He blames himself. Like he always does. And I know. I know that won't stop him from finding whoever killed Vienna. He won't stop until he does.”
It hurt him to hear the desperate note in Carly's voice, like she was reliving a nightmare again, which he knew was the truth. He just hadn't been around to hear it last time.
“But he doesn't have to lose himself. And you. Sweetheart, you're the only one who can keep him grounded.”
“Carly, you know he won't let me.”
She snorted, rolled her eyes, hand on her hips and it was so familiar that Luke smiled despite wanting to actually cry.
“Like that's every stopped you before, Luke.” She closed the distance between them, searching his eyes. “He needs you. He's always needed you. Don't let him push this time. Fight him. Make him understand.”
Luke nodded, straightened his shoulders and glanced at the closed bedroom door.
“I will.”
Carly sighed with relief, kissed his cheeks, picked up her coat and purse before turning back to look at him. “Tell him exactly what he doesn't want to hear. Because regardless of what he says, he needs to know.”
Luke watched her leave, listened for the snick of the door as it locked automatically behind her before glaring at the bedroom again. He couldn't even enjoy being back home. In the apartment he shared with the love of his life because in the next few minutes that said love was going to make him fight to stay.
He strode to the door, opened it with a flourish and met Noah's wide stare. They blinked at one another and then Luke smiled, wide, watched every emotion flicker across Noah's face before settling on annoyance.
Leaning against the door frame, Luke raised his eyebrow at the look Noah sent him, saying what he'd wanted to say for too long.
“Hey, baby, I'm here.”
-Chapter Fourteen-
♥
banner made by
kari77 - thank you so much, sweetie!Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author:
freakykatRating: NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Thirteen
Pairing: Luke/Noah, some other surprise pairings
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Beta: Thanks to
ladysonsie for stepping in and pinch hitting this!W/C: 2508
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death, violence
Author’s Note: Thanks for the being patient, guys. It's still Sunday SOMEWHERE. Promise earilier next week!
Story Notes: Found in Chapter One.
All chapters found here.
Chapter Thirteen
“Okay, baby, spill.”
Noah glanced over at Carly, tried to school his features into an innocent expression. “I have no clue what you're talking about.”
Carly snorted, reaching for the honey in the cupboard and pouring a generous amount into Noah's tea. “I always love it when you think you can lie to me.”
“I'm not lying to you.”
“Okay. Fine. I always love it when you feel like you can get one over on me.”
She handed Noah the cup and met his eyes, held them with her probing stare before she smiled wide. “You're going to propose to Luke, aren't you?”
Noah startled, choked, as some of the tea spilled over the rim of his cup onto the counter. Carly laughed as she reached for a towel, cleaning up the mess, and waited out Noah's stammering.
“How – I haven't – seriously, how?”
There were times that Carly felt like the worst mother in the world. She loved her kids – she'd die for any of them without a moment's thought – but her actions had never shown them how much that was true. She knew, being the oldest and in so many ways the most scarred, Noah had a hard time understanding her love.
“I'm your mother. I know you, Noah Benjamin.”
He rolled his eyes but the tiny quirk on his lips made her grin at him.
She stared at him until, finally, he sighed deeply and nodded.
“Yeah. I'm asking him.”
The noise she made was high-pitched and fairly loud. Noah jumped slightly when she combined it with the hug he wasn't expecting. She muffled her laugh in his shirt and rubbed one hand up his back, soothing like she had during his periods of nightmares when he'd first stayed with her.
Pulling back, she grabbed his face, kissing him sloppily on his cheek, not allowing him to move away even when he tried. “I'm so happy for you!”
“I haven't asked him yet. We don't know -”
Carly slapped the back of his head gently, rolled her own eyes this time. “Don't be obtuse, Noah. Please.”
He grinned at her, those beautiful eyes of his shining with love and nerves and all those emotions he worked to keep from everyone but Luke. Or maybe it was just from her. She pushed the thought away and brushed his hair off his face.
“I need to talk to Holden and Lily first.”
She giggled at that, shaking her head as she looked at the wonderful man Noah had become. Whatever part she may have had in making that happen gave her heart a thrill. “Where did you come from, sweetness?”
It was a question she'd asked him for years. Anytime and every time he'd done something to make her proud of him.
Noah shrugged but said nothing. He glanced at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners and she grinned harder.
They stared at each other like that for a long time until Noah glanced away, cleared his throat and asked quietly.
“Will you help me figure out what to do?”
Carly felt the tears sting her eyes and she nodded. “Of course I will, honey.”
Noah hugged her and not for the first time since Noah had fallen into her life, she thanked whatever force had brought him to her.
“You know I always will.”
*
When Carly got the call, she wasn't really surprised by it. Her kids had learned a few things from her in all these years. The knee-jerk reaction of running away, whether that was in a car or at the bottom of a bottle, was something they came to honestly. So, Hank's call at one in the morning wasn't a shock in any way.
She pulled her clothes on, grabbed her jacket and told Neil where she would be. He kissed her softly, asked that she call him if she needed any help and locked the door behind her.
Carly doesn't know what she ever did to deserve him but she's grateful that he's hers.
On the drive to the bar she started to formulate her plan of attack, the different variations she might need because if she knew one thing it was that this wasn't going to be easy.
Yo's is pretty deserted on a Wednesday night (or Thursday morning, more like it) and she found Noah’s slumped figure at a table in the back. She waved at Hank as she made her way there, mouthed a “thank you” before sliding into the booth next to her son. She knew that he was aware she was there, that he was ignoring her in the hopes that she'd go away.
It was cute he thought that would work.
Hank brought her a glass of tonic water, smiled in that way one parent did to another and left them alone.
They sat in silence for close to thirty minutes before Noah turned his head to look at her, eyes narrowed.
“Go home, Carly.”
She gave him a bright smile. “Not happening unless you come with me.”
Noah closed his eyes. “I'm not in the mood. Really.”
“Oh, right. Because I love being woken up in the middle of the night to come and pick up one of my kids from a drunken stupor. I'm always in the mood for that.”
Noah glared at her. “You should be used to drunk stupors.”
Carly blinked and snorted, shaking her head. “Ouch. Direct hit, sweetie.” It hurt a lot more than she would let him know. She knew Noah held a lot in all these years and when he was cornered, he could be ruthless.
Another thing he learned from her, she thought.
She saw his face lose its color when he realized what he'd said, eyes closing against that and she touched his head, stroking the damp strands away from his forehead.
“Carly, please. Go home.”
It would probably be better to leave him alone, to let him get this out of his system. She knew Noah better than he realized. He'd drink until he could barely stand then he would call a cab, stumble home, let the grief wash over him until sleep took over. In the morning, he'd wake up and most of it would be gone. Whatever wasn't, he'd shove back into that little box he kept reined.
In the end, he'd be okay. Like he always was.
But Carly wasn't sure that being okay, just okay, was good enough anymore.
“I go when you go.”
Noah sighed, thumped his head on the table and for the first time in years, he actually cursed in her presence. It made Carly smile softly. Good. He wasn't too far gone that she couldn't reach him. She rubbed one hand in circles on his back and listened to his breathing as he fought tears she knew he wanted to let go of.
“It's okay, baby.”
He turned his head to the side, still leaning on the table and she watched the streak of tears down his cheeks.
“Mama.”
Her heart broke at the well of pain she could see in his eyes. It had been nearly a decade since he'd called her that and all she could do was gather him in her arms and let him cling to her, soothing the wounds she could. The rest she'd have to let someone else take care of.
“I let it happen.”
“Noah. No. Sweetie. No.”
She knew that he wouldn't listen. Not to her at least.
Rubbing one hand over his head, she pushed gently at his shoulders and when he moved away, she stood. Holding out her hand, she pulled him up and out of the booth.
“It's time we got you home.”
He didn't protest, just leaned against her as she walked him out, waved at Hank for help as they weaved their way unsteadily to the door. When they had Noah secured inside her car, she thanked Hank and waited until he was out of sight before pulling out her phone.
“Hey, it's Carly.”
She swallowed the worry that what she was about to do could blow up in her face but, in the end, she followed that instinct she had when it came to Noah.
This was the right thing to do.
“Noah needs you.”
*
It's too early for him to get any chores done but Holden doesn't know what else he can do. He's restless, sad and just plain scared.
He loved this town but sometimes it's felt like a curse to be a part of it. Nothing could ever be simple. Happiness was fleeting and when you thought that maybe, just maybe, it's going to be okay, the rug was pulled out from under you. It's like Oakdale was a festering wound that never healed.
He took a sip from the coffee in his hand, making a face at the bitter aftertaste, and glanced up at the moon. He wished he could leave. Take his entire brood with him and move somewhere else. Iowa, maybe. They could start fresh, leave the blood and pain behind.
It was a gut reaction to Vienna's death but he contemplated it for several minutes. He didn't know how he'd convince his kids to leave but he thought it wasn't impossible. A sad smile quirked at his lips as he thought that they'd have to sedate Noah to get him away from there but it might be worth it.
“That's a very strange expression to have at this time in the morning, Holden Snyder.”
He doesn't even startle at Lucinda's voice.
The woman had stopped scaring him a decade ago.
When he meets her eyes she has the same contemplative, worried look he is pretty sure is on his face.
“Planning the great escape?”
He smiled, snorted into his cup as he turned to gaze out over the dark fields, the shadow of the barn. “I hate it when you do that.”
Lucinda chuckled, taking the seat next to his on the swing and following his line of sight. “This is your home.”
He nodded. “I know that.”
She watched his profile and Holden figured she found whatever she was looking for when she nodded, glancing away after several long moments.
“I do not have the slightest idea what has happened, darling, but I do not like it.”
He looked over at her, an expression on her face he rarely saw from Lucinda Walsh: fear. It tugged at his heart and he slid closer to her, his arm coming around her shoulder. “Believe me, Lucinda, I feel the same way.”
“I think we all do.”
They both turned their heads to see Emma stepping through the back door onto the porch, holding her own coffee.
No one would be sleeping it seemed.
“I just don't know what to do.” Emma's voice cracked and Holden stood to hug her.
“There's nothing you have to do, Mama.”
“Poor Vienna.”
He squeezed her harder and turned to look at Lucinda's face, strained with grief.
“I cannot imagine what Henry is going through right now.”
They could. He knew his mother could. Meg's death was still too new and now – this.
He heard his mother repeat quietly, “I wish there was something I could do.”
Holden nodded.
But there wasn't. Not really.
They needed to let the police handle everything.
“Noah will get to the bottom of things.”
He glanced at Lucinda, then his mother, before taking a deep breath, letting it out with a ragged edge. “Yes. He will. But at what cost?”
All Holden could remember was that stretch of time where Noah was so lost, none of them could reach him, and the only person that could have wasn't able to. All the months where he was so focused on revenge, on payback, that the Noah he knew hadn't been there.
“He won't stop until he finds the bastard, “ Lucinda said quietly.
Holden nodded because that was the truth.
Noah wouldn't give up.
And this time was different, this time he wouldn't have to do it alone.
He just hoped that Noah knew that. That he would ask for what he needed, what he wanted.
*
Luke knocked hard, rapidly on the door, until it opened and Carly's worried face came into view. She pulled him in quickly, hugged him hard for a long moment and then let him go just as fast.
“Where is he?”
“In the bedroom.”
He started toward the hall then stopped suddenly, turning to address Carly.
“Does he know you called?”
Carly looked almost sheepish before shaking her head. “Not really, no.”
Luke closed his eyes. “Carly.”
“Okay, Luke, come on. You know how my kid is. Stubborn doesn't even begin to cover it. He blames himself. Like he always does. And I know. I know that won't stop him from finding whoever killed Vienna. He won't stop until he does.”
It hurt him to hear the desperate note in Carly's voice, like she was reliving a nightmare again, which he knew was the truth. He just hadn't been around to hear it last time.
“But he doesn't have to lose himself. And you. Sweetheart, you're the only one who can keep him grounded.”
“Carly, you know he won't let me.”
She snorted, rolled her eyes, hand on her hips and it was so familiar that Luke smiled despite wanting to actually cry.
“Like that's every stopped you before, Luke.” She closed the distance between them, searching his eyes. “He needs you. He's always needed you. Don't let him push this time. Fight him. Make him understand.”
Luke nodded, straightened his shoulders and glanced at the closed bedroom door.
“I will.”
Carly sighed with relief, kissed his cheeks, picked up her coat and purse before turning back to look at him. “Tell him exactly what he doesn't want to hear. Because regardless of what he says, he needs to know.”
Luke watched her leave, listened for the snick of the door as it locked automatically behind her before glaring at the bedroom again. He couldn't even enjoy being back home. In the apartment he shared with the love of his life because in the next few minutes that said love was going to make him fight to stay.
He strode to the door, opened it with a flourish and met Noah's wide stare. They blinked at one another and then Luke smiled, wide, watched every emotion flicker across Noah's face before settling on annoyance.
Leaning against the door frame, Luke raised his eyebrow at the look Noah sent him, saying what he'd wanted to say for too long.
“Hey, baby, I'm here.”
-Chapter Fourteen-
♥
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Date: 2010-10-25 06:04 am (UTC)I love that Carly being Noah's mom freaks you out. Shoot, it still freaks ME out. I remember just being like "WHAT?" when it came to my mind but yeah. It works. It really really does.
She did call Luke. See? This is why it works, LOL.
Oh, Holden cracks my shit up like noone's bznz sometimes. His brain. *snorts*
I think it's a balm and a bane for Noah that so many believe in him. It's nice to have the support but at the same time it's like he CANNOT screw up, you know?
I haven't read all the comments for the latest chapter but I really hope you DID enjoy it!