FIC: Welcome to Heartbreak - Part Two
May. 14th, 2010 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freakykatTitle: Welcome to Heartbreak
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Make no money. Do not sue me.
Characters/Pairings: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor, various primary and secondary characters
Warnings: Some violent images, language, sexual content
Spoilers: Various situations from S1 - end of S5
Summary: A complete AU where Justin and Brian never meet, Gus is never born and Brian runs away from having to be the one unchanging facet in his family and friend's lives. Brian and Justin find each other. And the rest is out of their hands.
Author’s Notes: Everyone can blamewouldbedorothy for this. During a discussion, she talked about this video bunny she had for a Brian/Justin AU vid using Kanye West’s “Welcome to Heartbreak” and then THIS happened. Written for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
qafbigbang challenge! Thanks to the mods for putting it together!
Part One
Part Two
The silence is heavy through the phone line as Brian pours another glass of Beam, takes a couple of deep gulps and puts it down with a small clink. It sounds louder in the quiet of the room.
“Let me get this straight,” Alex begins and Brian is pretty sure that he’s drinking something strong right about now too, “You saw your dream guy?”
“In the flesh.”
“Brian…”
“I’m not losing my fucking mind, Alex. I saw him. He was there, standing with his-” Brian has no idea how to finish that sentence. “Justin Taylor, what the fuck.”
Alex chokes on the phone, squeaks out a “Justin Taylor?” coughs a few times, then tries again. “Justin Taylor. That’s your - guy?”
“I take it you know him.”
He hears a large snort and says, “You can say that, yeah.”
Brian feels tightness in his chest and says, “This is fucked up, Alex. I don’t even - I’ve never seen him before in my life.”
Alex doesn’t make a sound and Brian thinks that the most honest reaction because what exactly was there left to say.
*
He has a vivid memory - that’s how he would describe it - of Justin mouthing along his spine, hands flexing over the muscles of his back, breath falling wet against his skin.
Brian trembles.
*
He signs the final papers for the building - his house he supposes - and feels a surge of - what? He doesn’t really know. Brian moves the pen across the paper and hands it back to Jennifer.
Something occurs to him.
“Jennifer?”
She brings her attention over to him and smiles, waiting.
“You have any kids?”
The question catches her by surprise but she recovers fast, smile getting wider and he recognizes the shape even before she speaks.
“I have two. My daughter, Molly who just turned twelve. And my son, Justin.”
Brian is pretty sure that this joke isn’t anywhere near funny anymore.
*
The dreams stop completely.
*
He isn’t avoiding the diner or Michael even if it seems that way. Starting his own advertising company sucks so much of his time that Brian doesn’t even have the energy to suck or get sucked anywhere else. He wakes up to plans, meetings, lunches and strategy conferences. Two nights out of the week, he ends up sleeping on the couch in his newly finished office. He made sure his, Ted and Cynthia’s would be done first. No one he works with is spending much time doing anything else either.
He manages to forget about anything other than work.
Until Justin Taylor walks in through the glass doors of his office. Brian watches him study the room and stops from asking what he thinks of the decoration. He doesn’t know Justin, no matter what his mind tells him.
Justin’s eyes meet Brian’s and he smiles tentatively.
“Hi. Remember me?”
Brian stops the laugh before it escapes and stands up, reaching his hand out. He can handle this now that he’s prepared.
“The ubiquitous Justin Taylor.”
Justin laughs and Brian quells the shiver down his spine.
“I’m not sure how accurate that actually is.”
Brian is sure this is the most surreal conversation he’s had sober. He motions toward one of the empty chairs and looks at Justin expectantly.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Taylor?”
The smile is slow and brightens the room as it grows.
“I think it’s more what I can do for you, Mr. Kinney.”
Brian raises an eyebrow and smirks.
“And what exactly is that?”
Justin’s gaze falls to Brian’s mouth and for one second Brian has the flash of an image - Justin on his back across Brian’s desk, legs over Brian’s shoulders, body arching up in pleasure, mouth hanging open while Brian fucks into him - and when he blinks, Justin is staring at him like he knows exactly what Brian was thinking.
They stare across at one another and Brian is pleased when Justin averts his eyes first. It puts him back in control and he likes that. He needs that.
Justin clears his throat then leans forward, sliding the small portfolio Brian hadn’t even noticed he was carrying across the desk toward him. “Michael said that you were opening your own company. He mentioned that you might want someone to design the logo, letterhead. Thought I should come down and show you my work.”
Brian stares at the leather bound book for a long time before he returns his gaze to Justin.
He looks nervous and Brian catches him rubbing his right wrist gently. He doesn’t ask, just opens the portfolio and starts flipping through pages. Most of the beginning pages are other designs - Liberty Gym, Emmett and Vic’s catering company, Michael’s store. Others a little fancier and he recognizes Jennifer’s logo among them.
“I’m an artist. Mostly paint. Some textiles.”
“I know.”
He says it before he realizes he has, ignores the pleased smile that Justin sends him.
“I had no idea my awesome talent was known far and wide.”
Brian laughs without meaning to, watches it reach Justin and makes him smile wider.
“I’ve seen some of your work.”
Justin looks surprised.
Brian shrugs. “Michael.”
“Right. I forget - is it weird that you and I have never met?”
He swallows hard.
“Not really. I didn’t live here.”
Justin shakes his head. “But we should have met. I’ve been friends with Michael for a few years. It’s just - “
Brian shrugs again. “It’s not that important.”
“Hmmm. So, are you interested?”
He looks up, knows the meaning of that is more than just business cards and letterhead designs.
“I might be. Think I need to see what you have in mind.”
Justin grins. “I’ve been brainstorming for a couple of days.” He looks down at his watch, makes a face and glances back up. “I have a couple of appointments. How about dinner?”
Brian stops and stares.
“Are you asking me out?”
Justin snorts, shakes his head quickly. “No, that’s - not like. I don’t like dates. I don’t do that.”
Brian breathes a little easier. “Good man.”
“More a business dinner. We can go over…things.”
Business dinner.
Brian nods. “Okay. Not tonight. I have a couple of other things to do. We can meet early tomorrow.”
Justin nods, takes the paper with Brian’s information and stands to leave. “So, tomorrow.”
There’s some commotion at the door and Justin closes his eyes, letting out a soft “Shit.”
Brian glances at him before the ball of fury rams through his door.
“Did you manage to get what you wanted, asshole? Can we go now?”
He blinks a few times.
He hates his life a little more every day.
Daphne stops mid-stride when she sees Brian, her eyes widening and then her scowl turns into a grin. “Well, small fucking world.” She waves at him and Brian nods back at her.
“Daphne.”
He doesn’t know why he remembers her name but he guesses it would be hard to forget the girl really.
Justin looks back and forth between them.
“You know each other?”
Brian shakes his head while Daphne nods, turning back to Justin. “This is the guy I told you about. The gorgeous, sarcastic bastard I sat next to in first class.”
He kind of likes that description.
Justin’s head swivels to look at him, eyes bigger than before. “Oh.” He grabs Daphne’s arm, starts toward the door, calls back to Brian over his shoulder. “So, okay. Tomorrow.”
Brian stands in the middle of his office and watches the door close silently behind them.
He knows what people would say if he told them about his dreams. About Jennifer and Daphne.
But Brian doesn’t believe in that shit. Fate isn’t real.
He’s in charge of his life.
Nothing and no one else is.
*
Brian misses dreaming. It wasn’t always pleasant, he knows that. There was more than one occasion when he really wished that he hadn’t dreamt at all. Those nightmares of blood and screams - he figures they were his own - fear and loss.
He fucking hated those.
It’s the others, that he feels like an empty ache.
Something about the Brian he was in those times… happy. Maybe.
He closes his eyes, bites back a moan when the lips wrapped around his cock tighten and he pretends he doesn’t realize they feel wrong.
*
“So.”
Brian meets Michael’s eyes in the mirror, raises an eyebrow as he waits. He glances at his reflection, makes a face at the tie in his right hand and studies the one in the opposite hand. When Michael doesn’t automatically continue, Brian turns to look at him directly.
“What?”
“I just - I’m surprised is all.”
He really needs to brush up on his Michael speak because he is completely lost. He figures his face gives him away when Michael sighs, shrugs and says “You and Justin.”
Brian freezes.
“What?”
That’s the only word that he seems to know currently.
“This date thing.”
Brian shakes his head, ignores that little voice in the back of his head that’s laughing at him. “It’s not a date.”
Michael snorts.
“Michael. It’s a business dinner.”
He feels Michael’s gaze on him and looks over, catches something in his face and frowns.
“Is there something I’m missing?”
Michael starts to speak then just as quickly he snaps his mouth shut, shakes his head.
“Good. I don’t need you starting shit. And please, don’t go spreading that around.”
When he glances in the mirror, Michael is hiding a smile.
Brian is going to punch him.
*
Justin eats more than anyone Brian has ever known. It’s not a surprising fact since he’d known that. It was one of the million bits of knowledge that he had access to about Justin. But knowing and actually witnessing were two completely different things.
He flips another page in the presentation Justin had brought, making notes mentally on what he liked, what he thought would be perfect, and maybe what could work if they tweaked it. The designs are simple in color, the lettering intricate without overdoing it.
He feels Justin’s stare and glances up, blinks at the quick grin he receives. “What?”
“It’s just - this is really strange.”
Brian’s brow furrows and he looks around their table. “I eat dinner pretty frequently.”
Justin rolls his eyes, laughs softly and Brian shivers just a little. “I meant… us meeting this way.” Brian doesn’t respond and Justin doesn’t wait. “You know my best friend. I know yours. We’ve had the same circle of friends for a few years and never met until now? It’s just strange.”
Brian starts to deny that it was. He’s been avoiding thinking about it. But what he says surprises them both.
“Your mom is my real estate agent.”
Justin pauses, blinks at Brian, his mouth open in an O and Brian shrugs. “So maybe we need to expand our mutual acquaintances some.”
“No shit.”
Brian flashes a grin, watches how Justin’s gaze focuses on it, pupils darkening slightly before he meets Brian’s eyes. He shakes his head, forking more of his potatoes into his mouth as he points at the folder in Brian’s hand. He chews and swallows as Brian watches the line of his throat. He needs to take a deep breath and fists his hands on his legs to keep from reaching out and touching. He wants to trace that path with fingers and tongue and teeth. Already knows what it tastes like, where to lick to make Justin moan.
“So.”
He manages to keep his face blank when he brings his attention back to what Justin is saying and ignores the knowing look he receives in return.
“Tell me how brilliant I am and how you want me.”
Brian stares.
“For the job, of course.”
Justin’s grin is cocky and sure, full of so many things that Brian will never admit he wishes he could have.
“You’re a confident little fucker, aren’t you?”
Justin shrugs, carefully piling his fork before meeting Brian’s eyes. “Only one way to find out.” He takes in his bite, eyes never leaving Brian’s.
He is so fucking screwed.
*
He didn’t fuck Justin right after their business dinner (he refuses to call it a date, no matter what Michael says) and if anyone had asked, he couldn’t have come up with any reason why he didn’t. Not one. Justin was hot. Justin was interesting. Justin was smart.
Most importantly, Justin wanted Brian to fuck him.
The only thing stopping him was knowing - deep down in his bones - knowing it would change everything.
*
He knows a lot about Justin. The taste of the line of Justin’ s back. The softness of the skin between his thighs. The way that Brian’s fingers twisting slowly inside him causes Justin to release a moan from deep in his chest.
He knows what Justin looks like when Brian slides inside for the first time. The way his fingers curl into Brian’s. The strength of Justin’s grip when he touches Brian’s hair, his skin, his face.
The first thing he learns about Justin, though, is that he hates bananas.
He watches Justin carefully spoon them out of Debbie’s fruit salad, sliding them over to Brian’s plate, casting his eyes up and winking at him. Brian rolls his eyes, takes his first bite and notices Ben looking across the table at him. He shrugs as he eats the fruit and fights against returning the grin he receives.
*
The second thing Brian learns about Justin is that he pours his all into the art he creates. He could have guessed that.
He sits in the booth, across from Justin and tries not to watch his hands moving over his drawing pad. He keeps his gaze down, reads his paper and ignores what he knows Justin is doing. Michael and Ben plop into the booth and Brian scoots toward the wall. Justin does the same.
Ben sits to Brian’s left and leans over, studies Justin’s sketch and when he glances at Brian, there’s a smile twitching on his mouth. He doesn’t say anything, just turns to his menu.
Michael doesn’t have the same instinct of keeping his thoughts to himself.
“What are you doing?”
Brian thinks that the new mayoral race is a joke. Who the fuck would vote for an asshole like Stockwell? He knows Justin is looking at Michael now.
“What?”
“You’re sketching Brian.”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re okay with this?”
Brian glances up to meet Michael’s stare before he turns back to his paper and says, “Am I hot?”
Ben laughs, glances at the sketch and nods. “It’s a good likeness.”
Brian looks over at him, raises an eyebrow and smirks. “So I’m hot.” He briefly meets Justin’s eyes, notices the deeper blue that Brian knows is for him alone and shrugs.
“Justin knows what’s worth drawing.”
“I do.”
Brian looks back down at his paper.
*
The third thing Brian learns about Justin is that he doesn’t know the word subtle. It’s not even in his vocabulary. Brian realizes he is not exactly familiar with the concept either. He hates bullshit.
Blunt and to the point.
That’s just the way he likes it.
He doesn’t think much when Justin is everywhere he is because if he did then it would mean he had to admit to himself that he looked for him when he walked into a room. It wasn’t that bad.
And even if it was, Brian didn’t look at it too closely.
He steps inside Babylon, feels the surge of energy that immediately surrounds him. Breaths in the sweat, heat, sex and smiles as he feels eyes following his progress across the floor. He reaches the bar, asks for his regular and leans back to survey the room, find what he wants. He flashes to Justin and shakes his head.
Emmett pops up at his side, drags him toward the dance floor and Brian swallows back his drink as he follows. The beat flows over him at first and he leans back, lets his body meld against the one behind him. He watches Emmett under his eyelashes and when he leaves with his own warm body a few minutes later, Brian walks toward the back.
His body buzzes, chemically enhanced thanks to his dance partner but underneath he feels that raw need. He wants to fuck someone. Fast and dirty and hard.
He makes his way through sweaty bodies, clinging against one another, gyrating to sounds only they can hear. Let’s the music they make - the deep bass of moans and pitched notes of release envelope him, eyes roaming over the room, searching for what he wants.
His stomach drops to his feet and he stops, gaze fixed on the opposing wall. He lets his eyes wander over Justin’s frame, hands gripping shoulders. Brian strolls slowly, angles for a clearer view and leans back, watches Justin’s face. His eyelids flutter when he fucks inside the little twink bent over for him. When he opens them, they find Brian’s and he stutters, mouth opens in a gasp before finding his rhythm again.
Brian senses someone kneel at his feet, the zipper of his jeans is undone and he sucks in a quick breath when his cock is enveloped in heat. He tears his gaze from Justin’s and tries to concentrate. He digs his fingers into damp hair and jerks his hips. The blowjob is sloppy and it leaves him frustrated. He can feel everything pooling at the base of his spine. He brings his gaze back to Justin.
Justin’s head lolls back, exposing the line of his neck. Brian bites in a moan, closes his eyes and pushes harder in, fucks the mouth around his dick. He makes out groans, the slapping of skin stopping and he opens to see Justin pull out. His cock is red and engorged. Brian follows Justin fingers as they pull off the condom.
Their eyes meet and Justin saunters - that’s the only fucking word for it - his way over to Brian, pants open, his penis still exposed. When he reaches Brian, he leans his head on Brian’s shoulder, breath warm against his skin.
“Brian.”
Justin’s voice is rough and needy. Brian rubs his cheek against Justin’s head, ghost of a kiss against silky hair. He feels teeth scrap his shaft and he groans out loud. He can feel it - the surge starting to spread down his legs and through his arms.
There’s a strange hand fumbling at Justin’s pants and Brian swats it away.
“You keep doing what you’re doing.”
Brian holds the twink’s head in place, moves into the mouth slowly, and brings his other hand down to Justin’s pants, grips hard and slides it over the hot muscle, thumbing the head. Justin shudders, dropping open mouth kisses on Brian’s neck in between moans and Brian tightens his hold. He lets Justin fuck into his hand, follows the rhythm. Their breathing comes in pants and when Justin spills over Brian’s hand, everything seems to stop.
Brian remembers this. What it felt like. Knows what it will feel like when his mouth crashes into Justin.
He comes hard, leans his head against Justin and stays until he can breath evenly again.
His chest aches and he opens his eyes, finds Justin’s watching him.
They break apart and Justin fixes Brian’s hair, smoothes it away. When he’s satisfied, he gives Brian a bright grin. “I’m willing to wait.”
Brian’s eyes follow him out of the room.
*
What he didn’t know about Justin and finds ridiculously hot even when it annoys the fuck out of him is his stubbornness. Brian has never met a more persistent little shit in his life.
And he is a sneaky motherfucker.
After the back room, Brian tries to avoid Justin.
It was too close to everything he knows never belonged to him. It’s easier the other way. Ignorance is bliss and all that fucking clarity does is make your life more miserable.
Brian finds new clients to woo. He stays in most nights, gets his fucks from the computer or as a quickie in the bathroom at Woody’s, the diner, the alley behind Babylon. He can’t go in the backroom yet and doesn’t wonder why. Just deals with it. The few times he is available, it’s dinner at Debbie’s (to get her off his back) or a fast drink at the bar.
Justin is always there but to Brian’s relief (and slight irritation), he doesn’t seem affected by what happens. He treats Brian the same. Mild flirting and innuendos, makes jokes at his expense, lets Brian do the same. It’s like it never happened.
Brian’s perfectly fine with that.
He prefers it that way.
The first time he fucks someone else in the bathroom at the diner, he isn’t sure what to expect. But when he strolls back out and glances at Justin, he gets a raised eyebrow and nicely done expression. He heads to the counter and doesn’t even notice when his bathroom partner stops at his side. He gives Brian his number, telling him to call and Brian doesn’t even watch him walk out the door.
Brian blinks down at the paper, looks up at Justin. He sees something flit across Justin’s face. He hands him the number and motions to the trashcan. Justin crumbles the paper and throws it away then continues with re-telling the epic story of Emmett and his newly-outed football player.
*
It was inevitable.
He knew that from the beginning but no one can say Brian doesn’t try. The dreams are no longer a part of his life and he misses them, he does. But the longer Justin is around, the less that emptiness exists.
There’s a fear in the back of his mind. He never remembers all the details of his dreams but he knows enough that he can sense there’s something out there waiting for them.
What it is, he couldn’t say.
Brian doesn’t believe in fate. Or happily ever after. Or love.
He tells himself that when Justin grins up at him as he walks into Debbie’s house.
He chants it silently in his mind when Justin hugs him and his hand lingers on Brian’s skin.
He repeats it when Justin sits next to him on the sofa and leans his head on Brian’s shoulder.
Debbie watches them and he doesn’t look away when she stares at him for a long moment. She finds whatever she’s looking for and nods before returning to Carl.
*
He kisses Justin for the first time in Michael’s old room at Debbie’s house. Brian knows everything was leading up to it. Justin had gotten under his skin like no one ever had and Brian was an asshole, stubborn, even a cruel fucker when necessary.
But he wasn’t a liar.
And he wanted Justin.
Like he hadn’t wanted anyone or anything in his life.
He also knows that he needs to have Justin.
Justin is quiet all through dinner and when they’re done, he disappears upstairs. When he doesn’t come back down after almost an hour, Brian goes to look for him. He finds him in Michael’s room, sketchbook open on the bed. Justin is standing near Michael’s desk, staring at an old photo of Brian and Michael when they were fourteen.
“You hiding for a reason?”
Justin smiles over his shoulder at Brian and shrugs. “Not on purpose. I’ve got things on my mind.”
Brian nods and waits. Justin never needs prompting. If he wanted to talk, he would. He sits on the bed and watches Justin rub the back of his neck. The sigh he lets out is deep and the closest to sad that Brian has ever really heard from him. Justin didn’t dwell on crap. He dealt and moved on. It was one of the things Brian liked about him.
“I ran into Ethan today.”
Brian freezes.
He kind of hates that name.
Justin never went into much detail about his relationship which Brian was grateful for. Their group had a tendency for the dramatics so the less of it the better but what he knew was enough to want to kick the little fiddler’s ass.
He’d forced Justin into the closet for his career and then broke his promise which in Brian’s head was worse than anything else he could have done. It was why he never made them.
“What did he want?”
“Me to come back. To forgive him. The usual shit he wants.”
Brian stares at the back of Justin’s head.
“What did you say?”
Justin turns to look at him. “That I wasn’t interested.”
Brian smirks. “That’s all you had to say?”
The grin he receives is huge and Brian blinks at it.
“Well, I actually told him to fuck off only not that nicely.”
Brian laughs, catches Justin’s gaze on his mouth and something short circuits in his head.
Fuck it.
He stands and is in front of Justin before either one of them can blink. He watches Justin’s eyes widen, hears his breathing stop as he pulls him in. Justin swallows hard and Brian’s chest expands. He knows that Justin wants him just as much and it’s powerful - this moment. It’s like being on the edge of a cliff and he has to make the decision whether to take that step away or to let it go.
His lips find Justin, warm and dry. Justin sighs, pulls at Brian and it’s all rush of familiar and new and comfort and so much fucking want that Brian can’t really breath properly. It’s everything he remembers but it isn’t the same at all. This isn’t a memory, the fragment of a scene in his head.
This is Justin’s skin and mouth. Tongue dueling with Brian’s, skin hot where Brian touches him, teeth nipping at his lips. Justin’s hands are all over, under clothes, on his head. His nails scrape over Brian’s arms, digging in with too much force and not enough. Everything is real.
Justin’s hands slide up Brian’s shirt to grip his shoulders, the material bunches in his fingers, and he leans his forehead on Brian’s chin, laughs a little.
“It took you long enough, asshole.”
Brian leans down, kisses Justin once and pulls away long enough to reply.
“You have no fucking idea.”
He shuts out Justin’s reply with his mouth.
*
Justin in his bed is exactly like Brian remembers. Pale skin, warm mouth, and never ending hunger for whatever he can get. Brian pushes in, breathes the gasp from Justin’s mouth and stutters out his own. There’s too much and he doesn’t know what to do with it all. He leans on one arm and fucks Justin hard and deep.
The sound of skin slapping skin, their groans, Brian’s name surrounds them and he can’t stop from gripping Justin hair, pulling back to expose that piece of skin he has wanted since before he even knew it existed. He bites down hard, licks to soothe it away. Justin’s hands find Brian’s head and he pulls until their mouths meet.
When Brian grips Justin’s cock and pulls once, twice, Justin comes hot on Brian’s hands and chest.
*
Justin isn’t like anyone else Brian has ever known. He doesn’t push him for answers when Brian has none. He doesn’t demand definition or ask Brian to give something that he isn’t ready for. They fall into - he doesn’t even know what to call it. It’s not any different than before except Brian gets to fuck Justin whenever and wherever. They end up sneaking into the bathroom at the diner and Debbie’s a lot.
They fuck like teenagers, which for Justin isn’t too far off.
Brian ends up giving Justin a key to the loft to make it easier for both of them.
Justin is there a few nights later, filling up his sketchbook with a frenzy Brian hasn‘t seen from him before. He doesn’t ask any questions. There’s Thai waiting for him in the oven and he makes a plate, brings it to the couch and sits on the floor opposite Justin.
Justin finishes his work, gets up and sits on the couch above Brian’s head. He runs his fingers slowly through Brian’s hair and when Brian is done eating, he stands, sets Brian’s plate aside before straddling him.
“I had a fucked up day.”
Brian stares at him for a minute. “I can fix that.”
He scoots Justin closer, catches their mouths together and slides them to the floor.
*
Brian grasps Justin’s wrist, starts massaging the way he always sees Justin doing. He knows the story behind it isn’t something Justin likes to talk about.
“I ran into Hobbs today.”
That would explain it.
Brian tenses next to Justin, feels his fingers twine with Brian’s before he starts speaking.
“He seems to be the same asshole he always was.”
Brian thinks that word doesn’t really cover it. He doesn’t respond, just lets Justin roll onto his chest and brushes his hand over Justin’s back. Brian didn’t know anything about Justin when Hobbs had attacked him, damaging Justin’s hand. He knew that Hobbs had never paid and it was still something that he had to live with.
Justin kissed his way up Brian’s chest, hovering over his mouth. “Thank you.”
Brian shakes his head and pulls him closer.
*
He had a bad day.
All he wants is to go home and hopes to find Justin.
So, he goes to Babylon instead.
He drinks enough to make him forget, fucks two guys in the backroom and dances with Emmett until he can’t anymore. Michael pours him into a taxi and he stumbles through the door, finds Justin leaving. When he sees Brian, he drops his bag to help him to the bed.
Brian blacks out.
He wakes up to find two aspirins, a bottle of water on his bedside table. He searches for a note.
“Hey.”
He moves his head carefully and meets Justin’s amused stare.
“Hi.” Brian croaks out and cringes at the sound.
Justin shakes his head, crosses the room, and climbs onto the bed, crawling towards Brian. He pushes Brian back against the mattress and lies down next to him.
Brian doesn’t think about how good it feels.
*
He knew Michael would never let it go. Brian hopes he doesn’t have to deal with him at all. But that’s not how it works out. He does feel a false sense of security when the weeks pass and nothing comes of it.
It’s a Friday. Michael wants to go out and Brian decides they need a little refreshment before heading to the club. He hands Michael the joint, releasing the smoke in his lungs.
“Are you in love with him?”
Brian chokes a little, sputters a string of curses and sits up. Michael pounds on his back until he stops coughing. He gives Brian a wry, amused grin and says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Brian shakes his head. “It’s not - that’s not it at all.”
Michael snorts. He pats Brian’s shoulder, hands him the toke and lays back down.
He fucking hates Michael sometimes.
*
He wakes up in a cold sweat and feels Justin’s warm hands on his back. They card through Brian’s damp hair, soothing quietly. His lips murmur against Brian’s skin, dropping small kisses along Brian’s jaw.
“Are you okay?”
Brian nods. “Yeah.”
“Bad dream?”
It was the same nightmare he’s had for years now. Justin, blood, Brian’s scream. The same parking lot and shadowed walls. Brian’s heart races and he closes his eyes, forces the images away.
“You could say that.”
Justin makes an hmm sound and trails his fingers up Brian’s arm. They’ve been in this position before. Usually it’s Justin that needs the comfort. He still has nightmares from everything he’d dealt with. Brian wants to punch something anytime Justin trembles against him with fear.
“It was about you.”
Justin freezes, raises his head to stare into Brian’s eyes.
Brian’s never liked secrets. They make everything worse.
“Right. I have something to tell you.”
Justin blinks a few times before he nods his head. Brian can feel the tension running over his spine and he curls one hand around Justin’s neck, pulls him closer.
“I’ve had these dreams for years…”
*
Lindsay and Melanie’s wedding wasn’t something Brian had been looking forward to. He was happy for them in his own way. Or at least he didn’t give them as a hard a time as they expected. But he hates the idea of being there.
Justin bribes him with talk of Babylon and a little three person game.
Brian is getting way too easy.
The wedding bores him to no end but when Justin smoothes one hand down his back, resting it against Brian’s waist, he relaxes into the gesture. He stifles a groan while Justin mutters dirty words that conjure even dirtier images.
He gets half-drunk with Emmett and Ben on two bottles of champagne.
When Chris Hobbs shows up as a server for the reception, Brian thinks it’s the sign that he needs. He wants to take Justin home and do what he’s wanted to with him all day. Justin disagrees.
“I’m not letting that fucker scare me away, Brian.”
Brian clenches his jaw. “That’s not what this is.”
“Yes, it would be and you know it. This is important to Lindsay and Mel. It’s a huge deal to me.”
He doesn’t argue further. Justin is fucking stubborn on a good day.
So, they stay.
Justin dances while Brian watches. His eyes drift to Hobbs more than once and each time catches the other man staring at Justin. Brian squeezes his drink hard when Hobbs walks outside. He’s on a break, Brian guesses.
Good.
He motions to Emmett, points to the door and waits for the answering nod of understanding. He swallows the rest of his drink and walks outside. The air is crisp for spring and Brian breathes in. He smells cigarette smoke and follows the scent until he finds Chris Hobbs leaning against the side of the house. He takes a drag of his butt, stares at Brian while he does.
Brian doesn’t realize what he’s going to do until he has Hobbs’ neck between his hands. He tightens his grip, pushes back into the wall and leans in close.
“Listen to me, you fucking piece of trash. Are you listening?”
Hobbs makes a motion that would be a nod if Brian’s arm wasn’t pinning him in place.
“I know you got away with hurting Justin before. And that in your sick mind, it gives you free reign to try again. But let me assure you, if you touch him , ever, I will kill you.”
Hobbs eyes widen and Brian smirks unkindly. “They’ll find you in pieces, Hobbs. I promise you that. So, whatever you were thinking of doing, don’t.” He pulls back, releases the death grip on Hobbs’ throat and backs away as he smoothes out his own suit jacket.
He re-enters quietly and sees Justin searching the room. He moves up behind him, wraps one arm around his waist, whispers into his ear. “Tell me we can get the fuck out of here now, please.”
Justin laughs, turning to look into Brian’s face and stops, frowning slightly. “What happened?”
Brian raises an eyebrow and shrugs, bluffing. “Nothing.”
Justin’s eyes narrow but he doesn’t get the chance to ask because Debbie shows up at their side and pulls Brian with her to the dance floor. Brian throw a laughing Justin the middle finger as he follows. Debbie pats his face once before he twirls her into the dance.
It’s some old song he knows is Debbie’s favorite. About a dance and who he gets to go home with. He glances over at Justin, who is having a debate with Ted over who the hell knows what and bites back a small smile. When he turns his attention back to Debbie, she’s looking at him with that stupid, sappy grin of hers, eyes watering.
“Debbie. Don’t.”
“I’m just so happy for you, Brian.”
“Oh, god.”
“Stop being an asshole about it.”
“He can’t help that, Deb.”
Brian turns to Justin, his gaze imploring for help and almost sighs in relief when Justin puts his hand out and asks, “Mind if I cut in?”
“Please.”
Brian steps back and starts to turn but Justin’s hand wraps around his wrists, tugging until they’re facing each other. He grins up at Brian and slides his hands around Brian’s waist and up his back.
Debbie grins at them and goes to find Carl to finish up her dance.
Justin leans his head on Brian’s shoulder and they sway to the music. Brian sighs and gives in. What the hell is new? He rubs his chin on Justin’s head and huffs out. “You’re a sneaky little shit.”
“The dreams didn’t make that clear?”
Brian snorts. “No, they didn’t.”
He feels Justin grin against his chest.
“Advantage: Taylor.”
“Shove it, Sunshine.”
He hears the little intake of breath that causes Justin and looks down into his upturned face. He leans down, kisses him slowly, and feels Justin melt into him. It’s still new, this thing with Justin and he doesn’t know if it will last. He is sure he’ll screw it up more than once. Lindsay and Mel’s request isn’t something he imagines will be easy for them. He never thought he’d be where he is.
The dreams, the years, the few.
But it’s where he finds himself.
And it’s where he wants to be.
It’s who he wants to be.
Justin is what Brian wants.
Everything else doesn’t matter.
End.
Author:
freakykatDisclaimer: I do not own anything. Make no money. Do not sue me.
Characters/Pairings: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor, various primary and secondary characters
Warnings: Some violent images, language, sexual content
Spoilers: Various situations from S1 - end of S5
Summary: A complete AU where Justin and Brian never meet, Gus is never born and Brian runs away from having to be the one unchanging facet in his family and friend's lives. Brian and Justin find each other. And the rest is out of their hands.
Author’s Notes: Everyone can blame
wouldbedorothy for this. During a discussion, she talked about this video bunny she had for a Brian/Justin AU vid using Kanye West’s “Welcome to Heartbreak” and then THIS happened. Written for qafbigbang challenge! Thanks to the mods for putting it together!Part One
Part Two
The silence is heavy through the phone line as Brian pours another glass of Beam, takes a couple of deep gulps and puts it down with a small clink. It sounds louder in the quiet of the room.
“Let me get this straight,” Alex begins and Brian is pretty sure that he’s drinking something strong right about now too, “You saw your dream guy?”
“In the flesh.”
“Brian…”
“I’m not losing my fucking mind, Alex. I saw him. He was there, standing with his-” Brian has no idea how to finish that sentence. “Justin Taylor, what the fuck.”
Alex chokes on the phone, squeaks out a “Justin Taylor?” coughs a few times, then tries again. “Justin Taylor. That’s your - guy?”
“I take it you know him.”
He hears a large snort and says, “You can say that, yeah.”
Brian feels tightness in his chest and says, “This is fucked up, Alex. I don’t even - I’ve never seen him before in my life.”
Alex doesn’t make a sound and Brian thinks that the most honest reaction because what exactly was there left to say.
*
He has a vivid memory - that’s how he would describe it - of Justin mouthing along his spine, hands flexing over the muscles of his back, breath falling wet against his skin.
Brian trembles.
*
He signs the final papers for the building - his house he supposes - and feels a surge of - what? He doesn’t really know. Brian moves the pen across the paper and hands it back to Jennifer.
Something occurs to him.
“Jennifer?”
She brings her attention over to him and smiles, waiting.
“You have any kids?”
The question catches her by surprise but she recovers fast, smile getting wider and he recognizes the shape even before she speaks.
“I have two. My daughter, Molly who just turned twelve. And my son, Justin.”
Brian is pretty sure that this joke isn’t anywhere near funny anymore.
*
The dreams stop completely.
*
He isn’t avoiding the diner or Michael even if it seems that way. Starting his own advertising company sucks so much of his time that Brian doesn’t even have the energy to suck or get sucked anywhere else. He wakes up to plans, meetings, lunches and strategy conferences. Two nights out of the week, he ends up sleeping on the couch in his newly finished office. He made sure his, Ted and Cynthia’s would be done first. No one he works with is spending much time doing anything else either.
He manages to forget about anything other than work.
Until Justin Taylor walks in through the glass doors of his office. Brian watches him study the room and stops from asking what he thinks of the decoration. He doesn’t know Justin, no matter what his mind tells him.
Justin’s eyes meet Brian’s and he smiles tentatively.
“Hi. Remember me?”
Brian stops the laugh before it escapes and stands up, reaching his hand out. He can handle this now that he’s prepared.
“The ubiquitous Justin Taylor.”
Justin laughs and Brian quells the shiver down his spine.
“I’m not sure how accurate that actually is.”
Brian is sure this is the most surreal conversation he’s had sober. He motions toward one of the empty chairs and looks at Justin expectantly.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Taylor?”
The smile is slow and brightens the room as it grows.
“I think it’s more what I can do for you, Mr. Kinney.”
Brian raises an eyebrow and smirks.
“And what exactly is that?”
Justin’s gaze falls to Brian’s mouth and for one second Brian has the flash of an image - Justin on his back across Brian’s desk, legs over Brian’s shoulders, body arching up in pleasure, mouth hanging open while Brian fucks into him - and when he blinks, Justin is staring at him like he knows exactly what Brian was thinking.
They stare across at one another and Brian is pleased when Justin averts his eyes first. It puts him back in control and he likes that. He needs that.
Justin clears his throat then leans forward, sliding the small portfolio Brian hadn’t even noticed he was carrying across the desk toward him. “Michael said that you were opening your own company. He mentioned that you might want someone to design the logo, letterhead. Thought I should come down and show you my work.”
Brian stares at the leather bound book for a long time before he returns his gaze to Justin.
He looks nervous and Brian catches him rubbing his right wrist gently. He doesn’t ask, just opens the portfolio and starts flipping through pages. Most of the beginning pages are other designs - Liberty Gym, Emmett and Vic’s catering company, Michael’s store. Others a little fancier and he recognizes Jennifer’s logo among them.
“I’m an artist. Mostly paint. Some textiles.”
“I know.”
He says it before he realizes he has, ignores the pleased smile that Justin sends him.
“I had no idea my awesome talent was known far and wide.”
Brian laughs without meaning to, watches it reach Justin and makes him smile wider.
“I’ve seen some of your work.”
Justin looks surprised.
Brian shrugs. “Michael.”
“Right. I forget - is it weird that you and I have never met?”
He swallows hard.
“Not really. I didn’t live here.”
Justin shakes his head. “But we should have met. I’ve been friends with Michael for a few years. It’s just - “
Brian shrugs again. “It’s not that important.”
“Hmmm. So, are you interested?”
He looks up, knows the meaning of that is more than just business cards and letterhead designs.
“I might be. Think I need to see what you have in mind.”
Justin grins. “I’ve been brainstorming for a couple of days.” He looks down at his watch, makes a face and glances back up. “I have a couple of appointments. How about dinner?”
Brian stops and stares.
“Are you asking me out?”
Justin snorts, shakes his head quickly. “No, that’s - not like. I don’t like dates. I don’t do that.”
Brian breathes a little easier. “Good man.”
“More a business dinner. We can go over…things.”
Business dinner.
Brian nods. “Okay. Not tonight. I have a couple of other things to do. We can meet early tomorrow.”
Justin nods, takes the paper with Brian’s information and stands to leave. “So, tomorrow.”
There’s some commotion at the door and Justin closes his eyes, letting out a soft “Shit.”
Brian glances at him before the ball of fury rams through his door.
“Did you manage to get what you wanted, asshole? Can we go now?”
He blinks a few times.
He hates his life a little more every day.
Daphne stops mid-stride when she sees Brian, her eyes widening and then her scowl turns into a grin. “Well, small fucking world.” She waves at him and Brian nods back at her.
“Daphne.”
He doesn’t know why he remembers her name but he guesses it would be hard to forget the girl really.
Justin looks back and forth between them.
“You know each other?”
Brian shakes his head while Daphne nods, turning back to Justin. “This is the guy I told you about. The gorgeous, sarcastic bastard I sat next to in first class.”
He kind of likes that description.
Justin’s head swivels to look at him, eyes bigger than before. “Oh.” He grabs Daphne’s arm, starts toward the door, calls back to Brian over his shoulder. “So, okay. Tomorrow.”
Brian stands in the middle of his office and watches the door close silently behind them.
He knows what people would say if he told them about his dreams. About Jennifer and Daphne.
But Brian doesn’t believe in that shit. Fate isn’t real.
He’s in charge of his life.
Nothing and no one else is.
*
Brian misses dreaming. It wasn’t always pleasant, he knows that. There was more than one occasion when he really wished that he hadn’t dreamt at all. Those nightmares of blood and screams - he figures they were his own - fear and loss.
He fucking hated those.
It’s the others, that he feels like an empty ache.
Something about the Brian he was in those times… happy. Maybe.
He closes his eyes, bites back a moan when the lips wrapped around his cock tighten and he pretends he doesn’t realize they feel wrong.
*
“So.”
Brian meets Michael’s eyes in the mirror, raises an eyebrow as he waits. He glances at his reflection, makes a face at the tie in his right hand and studies the one in the opposite hand. When Michael doesn’t automatically continue, Brian turns to look at him directly.
“What?”
“I just - I’m surprised is all.”
He really needs to brush up on his Michael speak because he is completely lost. He figures his face gives him away when Michael sighs, shrugs and says “You and Justin.”
Brian freezes.
“What?”
That’s the only word that he seems to know currently.
“This date thing.”
Brian shakes his head, ignores that little voice in the back of his head that’s laughing at him. “It’s not a date.”
Michael snorts.
“Michael. It’s a business dinner.”
He feels Michael’s gaze on him and looks over, catches something in his face and frowns.
“Is there something I’m missing?”
Michael starts to speak then just as quickly he snaps his mouth shut, shakes his head.
“Good. I don’t need you starting shit. And please, don’t go spreading that around.”
When he glances in the mirror, Michael is hiding a smile.
Brian is going to punch him.
*
Justin eats more than anyone Brian has ever known. It’s not a surprising fact since he’d known that. It was one of the million bits of knowledge that he had access to about Justin. But knowing and actually witnessing were two completely different things.
He flips another page in the presentation Justin had brought, making notes mentally on what he liked, what he thought would be perfect, and maybe what could work if they tweaked it. The designs are simple in color, the lettering intricate without overdoing it.
He feels Justin’s stare and glances up, blinks at the quick grin he receives. “What?”
“It’s just - this is really strange.”
Brian’s brow furrows and he looks around their table. “I eat dinner pretty frequently.”
Justin rolls his eyes, laughs softly and Brian shivers just a little. “I meant… us meeting this way.” Brian doesn’t respond and Justin doesn’t wait. “You know my best friend. I know yours. We’ve had the same circle of friends for a few years and never met until now? It’s just strange.”
Brian starts to deny that it was. He’s been avoiding thinking about it. But what he says surprises them both.
“Your mom is my real estate agent.”
Justin pauses, blinks at Brian, his mouth open in an O and Brian shrugs. “So maybe we need to expand our mutual acquaintances some.”
“No shit.”
Brian flashes a grin, watches how Justin’s gaze focuses on it, pupils darkening slightly before he meets Brian’s eyes. He shakes his head, forking more of his potatoes into his mouth as he points at the folder in Brian’s hand. He chews and swallows as Brian watches the line of his throat. He needs to take a deep breath and fists his hands on his legs to keep from reaching out and touching. He wants to trace that path with fingers and tongue and teeth. Already knows what it tastes like, where to lick to make Justin moan.
“So.”
He manages to keep his face blank when he brings his attention back to what Justin is saying and ignores the knowing look he receives in return.
“Tell me how brilliant I am and how you want me.”
Brian stares.
“For the job, of course.”
Justin’s grin is cocky and sure, full of so many things that Brian will never admit he wishes he could have.
“You’re a confident little fucker, aren’t you?”
Justin shrugs, carefully piling his fork before meeting Brian’s eyes. “Only one way to find out.” He takes in his bite, eyes never leaving Brian’s.
He is so fucking screwed.
*
He didn’t fuck Justin right after their business dinner (he refuses to call it a date, no matter what Michael says) and if anyone had asked, he couldn’t have come up with any reason why he didn’t. Not one. Justin was hot. Justin was interesting. Justin was smart.
Most importantly, Justin wanted Brian to fuck him.
The only thing stopping him was knowing - deep down in his bones - knowing it would change everything.
*
He knows a lot about Justin. The taste of the line of Justin’ s back. The softness of the skin between his thighs. The way that Brian’s fingers twisting slowly inside him causes Justin to release a moan from deep in his chest.
He knows what Justin looks like when Brian slides inside for the first time. The way his fingers curl into Brian’s. The strength of Justin’s grip when he touches Brian’s hair, his skin, his face.
The first thing he learns about Justin, though, is that he hates bananas.
He watches Justin carefully spoon them out of Debbie’s fruit salad, sliding them over to Brian’s plate, casting his eyes up and winking at him. Brian rolls his eyes, takes his first bite and notices Ben looking across the table at him. He shrugs as he eats the fruit and fights against returning the grin he receives.
*
The second thing Brian learns about Justin is that he pours his all into the art he creates. He could have guessed that.
He sits in the booth, across from Justin and tries not to watch his hands moving over his drawing pad. He keeps his gaze down, reads his paper and ignores what he knows Justin is doing. Michael and Ben plop into the booth and Brian scoots toward the wall. Justin does the same.
Ben sits to Brian’s left and leans over, studies Justin’s sketch and when he glances at Brian, there’s a smile twitching on his mouth. He doesn’t say anything, just turns to his menu.
Michael doesn’t have the same instinct of keeping his thoughts to himself.
“What are you doing?”
Brian thinks that the new mayoral race is a joke. Who the fuck would vote for an asshole like Stockwell? He knows Justin is looking at Michael now.
“What?”
“You’re sketching Brian.”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re okay with this?”
Brian glances up to meet Michael’s stare before he turns back to his paper and says, “Am I hot?”
Ben laughs, glances at the sketch and nods. “It’s a good likeness.”
Brian looks over at him, raises an eyebrow and smirks. “So I’m hot.” He briefly meets Justin’s eyes, notices the deeper blue that Brian knows is for him alone and shrugs.
“Justin knows what’s worth drawing.”
“I do.”
Brian looks back down at his paper.
*
The third thing Brian learns about Justin is that he doesn’t know the word subtle. It’s not even in his vocabulary. Brian realizes he is not exactly familiar with the concept either. He hates bullshit.
Blunt and to the point.
That’s just the way he likes it.
He doesn’t think much when Justin is everywhere he is because if he did then it would mean he had to admit to himself that he looked for him when he walked into a room. It wasn’t that bad.
And even if it was, Brian didn’t look at it too closely.
He steps inside Babylon, feels the surge of energy that immediately surrounds him. Breaths in the sweat, heat, sex and smiles as he feels eyes following his progress across the floor. He reaches the bar, asks for his regular and leans back to survey the room, find what he wants. He flashes to Justin and shakes his head.
Emmett pops up at his side, drags him toward the dance floor and Brian swallows back his drink as he follows. The beat flows over him at first and he leans back, lets his body meld against the one behind him. He watches Emmett under his eyelashes and when he leaves with his own warm body a few minutes later, Brian walks toward the back.
His body buzzes, chemically enhanced thanks to his dance partner but underneath he feels that raw need. He wants to fuck someone. Fast and dirty and hard.
He makes his way through sweaty bodies, clinging against one another, gyrating to sounds only they can hear. Let’s the music they make - the deep bass of moans and pitched notes of release envelope him, eyes roaming over the room, searching for what he wants.
His stomach drops to his feet and he stops, gaze fixed on the opposing wall. He lets his eyes wander over Justin’s frame, hands gripping shoulders. Brian strolls slowly, angles for a clearer view and leans back, watches Justin’s face. His eyelids flutter when he fucks inside the little twink bent over for him. When he opens them, they find Brian’s and he stutters, mouth opens in a gasp before finding his rhythm again.
Brian senses someone kneel at his feet, the zipper of his jeans is undone and he sucks in a quick breath when his cock is enveloped in heat. He tears his gaze from Justin’s and tries to concentrate. He digs his fingers into damp hair and jerks his hips. The blowjob is sloppy and it leaves him frustrated. He can feel everything pooling at the base of his spine. He brings his gaze back to Justin.
Justin’s head lolls back, exposing the line of his neck. Brian bites in a moan, closes his eyes and pushes harder in, fucks the mouth around his dick. He makes out groans, the slapping of skin stopping and he opens to see Justin pull out. His cock is red and engorged. Brian follows Justin fingers as they pull off the condom.
Their eyes meet and Justin saunters - that’s the only fucking word for it - his way over to Brian, pants open, his penis still exposed. When he reaches Brian, he leans his head on Brian’s shoulder, breath warm against his skin.
“Brian.”
Justin’s voice is rough and needy. Brian rubs his cheek against Justin’s head, ghost of a kiss against silky hair. He feels teeth scrap his shaft and he groans out loud. He can feel it - the surge starting to spread down his legs and through his arms.
There’s a strange hand fumbling at Justin’s pants and Brian swats it away.
“You keep doing what you’re doing.”
Brian holds the twink’s head in place, moves into the mouth slowly, and brings his other hand down to Justin’s pants, grips hard and slides it over the hot muscle, thumbing the head. Justin shudders, dropping open mouth kisses on Brian’s neck in between moans and Brian tightens his hold. He lets Justin fuck into his hand, follows the rhythm. Their breathing comes in pants and when Justin spills over Brian’s hand, everything seems to stop.
Brian remembers this. What it felt like. Knows what it will feel like when his mouth crashes into Justin.
He comes hard, leans his head against Justin and stays until he can breath evenly again.
His chest aches and he opens his eyes, finds Justin’s watching him.
They break apart and Justin fixes Brian’s hair, smoothes it away. When he’s satisfied, he gives Brian a bright grin. “I’m willing to wait.”
Brian’s eyes follow him out of the room.
*
What he didn’t know about Justin and finds ridiculously hot even when it annoys the fuck out of him is his stubbornness. Brian has never met a more persistent little shit in his life.
And he is a sneaky motherfucker.
After the back room, Brian tries to avoid Justin.
It was too close to everything he knows never belonged to him. It’s easier the other way. Ignorance is bliss and all that fucking clarity does is make your life more miserable.
Brian finds new clients to woo. He stays in most nights, gets his fucks from the computer or as a quickie in the bathroom at Woody’s, the diner, the alley behind Babylon. He can’t go in the backroom yet and doesn’t wonder why. Just deals with it. The few times he is available, it’s dinner at Debbie’s (to get her off his back) or a fast drink at the bar.
Justin is always there but to Brian’s relief (and slight irritation), he doesn’t seem affected by what happens. He treats Brian the same. Mild flirting and innuendos, makes jokes at his expense, lets Brian do the same. It’s like it never happened.
Brian’s perfectly fine with that.
He prefers it that way.
The first time he fucks someone else in the bathroom at the diner, he isn’t sure what to expect. But when he strolls back out and glances at Justin, he gets a raised eyebrow and nicely done expression. He heads to the counter and doesn’t even notice when his bathroom partner stops at his side. He gives Brian his number, telling him to call and Brian doesn’t even watch him walk out the door.
Brian blinks down at the paper, looks up at Justin. He sees something flit across Justin’s face. He hands him the number and motions to the trashcan. Justin crumbles the paper and throws it away then continues with re-telling the epic story of Emmett and his newly-outed football player.
*
It was inevitable.
He knew that from the beginning but no one can say Brian doesn’t try. The dreams are no longer a part of his life and he misses them, he does. But the longer Justin is around, the less that emptiness exists.
There’s a fear in the back of his mind. He never remembers all the details of his dreams but he knows enough that he can sense there’s something out there waiting for them.
What it is, he couldn’t say.
Brian doesn’t believe in fate. Or happily ever after. Or love.
He tells himself that when Justin grins up at him as he walks into Debbie’s house.
He chants it silently in his mind when Justin hugs him and his hand lingers on Brian’s skin.
He repeats it when Justin sits next to him on the sofa and leans his head on Brian’s shoulder.
Debbie watches them and he doesn’t look away when she stares at him for a long moment. She finds whatever she’s looking for and nods before returning to Carl.
*
He kisses Justin for the first time in Michael’s old room at Debbie’s house. Brian knows everything was leading up to it. Justin had gotten under his skin like no one ever had and Brian was an asshole, stubborn, even a cruel fucker when necessary.
But he wasn’t a liar.
And he wanted Justin.
Like he hadn’t wanted anyone or anything in his life.
He also knows that he needs to have Justin.
Justin is quiet all through dinner and when they’re done, he disappears upstairs. When he doesn’t come back down after almost an hour, Brian goes to look for him. He finds him in Michael’s room, sketchbook open on the bed. Justin is standing near Michael’s desk, staring at an old photo of Brian and Michael when they were fourteen.
“You hiding for a reason?”
Justin smiles over his shoulder at Brian and shrugs. “Not on purpose. I’ve got things on my mind.”
Brian nods and waits. Justin never needs prompting. If he wanted to talk, he would. He sits on the bed and watches Justin rub the back of his neck. The sigh he lets out is deep and the closest to sad that Brian has ever really heard from him. Justin didn’t dwell on crap. He dealt and moved on. It was one of the things Brian liked about him.
“I ran into Ethan today.”
Brian freezes.
He kind of hates that name.
Justin never went into much detail about his relationship which Brian was grateful for. Their group had a tendency for the dramatics so the less of it the better but what he knew was enough to want to kick the little fiddler’s ass.
He’d forced Justin into the closet for his career and then broke his promise which in Brian’s head was worse than anything else he could have done. It was why he never made them.
“What did he want?”
“Me to come back. To forgive him. The usual shit he wants.”
Brian stares at the back of Justin’s head.
“What did you say?”
Justin turns to look at him. “That I wasn’t interested.”
Brian smirks. “That’s all you had to say?”
The grin he receives is huge and Brian blinks at it.
“Well, I actually told him to fuck off only not that nicely.”
Brian laughs, catches Justin’s gaze on his mouth and something short circuits in his head.
Fuck it.
He stands and is in front of Justin before either one of them can blink. He watches Justin’s eyes widen, hears his breathing stop as he pulls him in. Justin swallows hard and Brian’s chest expands. He knows that Justin wants him just as much and it’s powerful - this moment. It’s like being on the edge of a cliff and he has to make the decision whether to take that step away or to let it go.
His lips find Justin, warm and dry. Justin sighs, pulls at Brian and it’s all rush of familiar and new and comfort and so much fucking want that Brian can’t really breath properly. It’s everything he remembers but it isn’t the same at all. This isn’t a memory, the fragment of a scene in his head.
This is Justin’s skin and mouth. Tongue dueling with Brian’s, skin hot where Brian touches him, teeth nipping at his lips. Justin’s hands are all over, under clothes, on his head. His nails scrape over Brian’s arms, digging in with too much force and not enough. Everything is real.
Justin’s hands slide up Brian’s shirt to grip his shoulders, the material bunches in his fingers, and he leans his forehead on Brian’s chin, laughs a little.
“It took you long enough, asshole.”
Brian leans down, kisses Justin once and pulls away long enough to reply.
“You have no fucking idea.”
He shuts out Justin’s reply with his mouth.
*
Justin in his bed is exactly like Brian remembers. Pale skin, warm mouth, and never ending hunger for whatever he can get. Brian pushes in, breathes the gasp from Justin’s mouth and stutters out his own. There’s too much and he doesn’t know what to do with it all. He leans on one arm and fucks Justin hard and deep.
The sound of skin slapping skin, their groans, Brian’s name surrounds them and he can’t stop from gripping Justin hair, pulling back to expose that piece of skin he has wanted since before he even knew it existed. He bites down hard, licks to soothe it away. Justin’s hands find Brian’s head and he pulls until their mouths meet.
When Brian grips Justin’s cock and pulls once, twice, Justin comes hot on Brian’s hands and chest.
*
Justin isn’t like anyone else Brian has ever known. He doesn’t push him for answers when Brian has none. He doesn’t demand definition or ask Brian to give something that he isn’t ready for. They fall into - he doesn’t even know what to call it. It’s not any different than before except Brian gets to fuck Justin whenever and wherever. They end up sneaking into the bathroom at the diner and Debbie’s a lot.
They fuck like teenagers, which for Justin isn’t too far off.
Brian ends up giving Justin a key to the loft to make it easier for both of them.
Justin is there a few nights later, filling up his sketchbook with a frenzy Brian hasn‘t seen from him before. He doesn’t ask any questions. There’s Thai waiting for him in the oven and he makes a plate, brings it to the couch and sits on the floor opposite Justin.
Justin finishes his work, gets up and sits on the couch above Brian’s head. He runs his fingers slowly through Brian’s hair and when Brian is done eating, he stands, sets Brian’s plate aside before straddling him.
“I had a fucked up day.”
Brian stares at him for a minute. “I can fix that.”
He scoots Justin closer, catches their mouths together and slides them to the floor.
*
Brian grasps Justin’s wrist, starts massaging the way he always sees Justin doing. He knows the story behind it isn’t something Justin likes to talk about.
“I ran into Hobbs today.”
That would explain it.
Brian tenses next to Justin, feels his fingers twine with Brian’s before he starts speaking.
“He seems to be the same asshole he always was.”
Brian thinks that word doesn’t really cover it. He doesn’t respond, just lets Justin roll onto his chest and brushes his hand over Justin’s back. Brian didn’t know anything about Justin when Hobbs had attacked him, damaging Justin’s hand. He knew that Hobbs had never paid and it was still something that he had to live with.
Justin kissed his way up Brian’s chest, hovering over his mouth. “Thank you.”
Brian shakes his head and pulls him closer.
*
He had a bad day.
All he wants is to go home and hopes to find Justin.
So, he goes to Babylon instead.
He drinks enough to make him forget, fucks two guys in the backroom and dances with Emmett until he can’t anymore. Michael pours him into a taxi and he stumbles through the door, finds Justin leaving. When he sees Brian, he drops his bag to help him to the bed.
Brian blacks out.
He wakes up to find two aspirins, a bottle of water on his bedside table. He searches for a note.
“Hey.”
He moves his head carefully and meets Justin’s amused stare.
“Hi.” Brian croaks out and cringes at the sound.
Justin shakes his head, crosses the room, and climbs onto the bed, crawling towards Brian. He pushes Brian back against the mattress and lies down next to him.
Brian doesn’t think about how good it feels.
*
He knew Michael would never let it go. Brian hopes he doesn’t have to deal with him at all. But that’s not how it works out. He does feel a false sense of security when the weeks pass and nothing comes of it.
It’s a Friday. Michael wants to go out and Brian decides they need a little refreshment before heading to the club. He hands Michael the joint, releasing the smoke in his lungs.
“Are you in love with him?”
Brian chokes a little, sputters a string of curses and sits up. Michael pounds on his back until he stops coughing. He gives Brian a wry, amused grin and says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Brian shakes his head. “It’s not - that’s not it at all.”
Michael snorts. He pats Brian’s shoulder, hands him the toke and lays back down.
He fucking hates Michael sometimes.
*
He wakes up in a cold sweat and feels Justin’s warm hands on his back. They card through Brian’s damp hair, soothing quietly. His lips murmur against Brian’s skin, dropping small kisses along Brian’s jaw.
“Are you okay?”
Brian nods. “Yeah.”
“Bad dream?”
It was the same nightmare he’s had for years now. Justin, blood, Brian’s scream. The same parking lot and shadowed walls. Brian’s heart races and he closes his eyes, forces the images away.
“You could say that.”
Justin makes an hmm sound and trails his fingers up Brian’s arm. They’ve been in this position before. Usually it’s Justin that needs the comfort. He still has nightmares from everything he’d dealt with. Brian wants to punch something anytime Justin trembles against him with fear.
“It was about you.”
Justin freezes, raises his head to stare into Brian’s eyes.
Brian’s never liked secrets. They make everything worse.
“Right. I have something to tell you.”
Justin blinks a few times before he nods his head. Brian can feel the tension running over his spine and he curls one hand around Justin’s neck, pulls him closer.
“I’ve had these dreams for years…”
*
Lindsay and Melanie’s wedding wasn’t something Brian had been looking forward to. He was happy for them in his own way. Or at least he didn’t give them as a hard a time as they expected. But he hates the idea of being there.
Justin bribes him with talk of Babylon and a little three person game.
Brian is getting way too easy.
The wedding bores him to no end but when Justin smoothes one hand down his back, resting it against Brian’s waist, he relaxes into the gesture. He stifles a groan while Justin mutters dirty words that conjure even dirtier images.
He gets half-drunk with Emmett and Ben on two bottles of champagne.
When Chris Hobbs shows up as a server for the reception, Brian thinks it’s the sign that he needs. He wants to take Justin home and do what he’s wanted to with him all day. Justin disagrees.
“I’m not letting that fucker scare me away, Brian.”
Brian clenches his jaw. “That’s not what this is.”
“Yes, it would be and you know it. This is important to Lindsay and Mel. It’s a huge deal to me.”
He doesn’t argue further. Justin is fucking stubborn on a good day.
So, they stay.
Justin dances while Brian watches. His eyes drift to Hobbs more than once and each time catches the other man staring at Justin. Brian squeezes his drink hard when Hobbs walks outside. He’s on a break, Brian guesses.
Good.
He motions to Emmett, points to the door and waits for the answering nod of understanding. He swallows the rest of his drink and walks outside. The air is crisp for spring and Brian breathes in. He smells cigarette smoke and follows the scent until he finds Chris Hobbs leaning against the side of the house. He takes a drag of his butt, stares at Brian while he does.
Brian doesn’t realize what he’s going to do until he has Hobbs’ neck between his hands. He tightens his grip, pushes back into the wall and leans in close.
“Listen to me, you fucking piece of trash. Are you listening?”
Hobbs makes a motion that would be a nod if Brian’s arm wasn’t pinning him in place.
“I know you got away with hurting Justin before. And that in your sick mind, it gives you free reign to try again. But let me assure you, if you touch him , ever, I will kill you.”
Hobbs eyes widen and Brian smirks unkindly. “They’ll find you in pieces, Hobbs. I promise you that. So, whatever you were thinking of doing, don’t.” He pulls back, releases the death grip on Hobbs’ throat and backs away as he smoothes out his own suit jacket.
He re-enters quietly and sees Justin searching the room. He moves up behind him, wraps one arm around his waist, whispers into his ear. “Tell me we can get the fuck out of here now, please.”
Justin laughs, turning to look into Brian’s face and stops, frowning slightly. “What happened?”
Brian raises an eyebrow and shrugs, bluffing. “Nothing.”
Justin’s eyes narrow but he doesn’t get the chance to ask because Debbie shows up at their side and pulls Brian with her to the dance floor. Brian throw a laughing Justin the middle finger as he follows. Debbie pats his face once before he twirls her into the dance.
It’s some old song he knows is Debbie’s favorite. About a dance and who he gets to go home with. He glances over at Justin, who is having a debate with Ted over who the hell knows what and bites back a small smile. When he turns his attention back to Debbie, she’s looking at him with that stupid, sappy grin of hers, eyes watering.
“Debbie. Don’t.”
“I’m just so happy for you, Brian.”
“Oh, god.”
“Stop being an asshole about it.”
“He can’t help that, Deb.”
Brian turns to Justin, his gaze imploring for help and almost sighs in relief when Justin puts his hand out and asks, “Mind if I cut in?”
“Please.”
Brian steps back and starts to turn but Justin’s hand wraps around his wrists, tugging until they’re facing each other. He grins up at Brian and slides his hands around Brian’s waist and up his back.
Debbie grins at them and goes to find Carl to finish up her dance.
Justin leans his head on Brian’s shoulder and they sway to the music. Brian sighs and gives in. What the hell is new? He rubs his chin on Justin’s head and huffs out. “You’re a sneaky little shit.”
“The dreams didn’t make that clear?”
Brian snorts. “No, they didn’t.”
He feels Justin grin against his chest.
“Advantage: Taylor.”
“Shove it, Sunshine.”
He hears the little intake of breath that causes Justin and looks down into his upturned face. He leans down, kisses him slowly, and feels Justin melt into him. It’s still new, this thing with Justin and he doesn’t know if it will last. He is sure he’ll screw it up more than once. Lindsay and Mel’s request isn’t something he imagines will be easy for them. He never thought he’d be where he is.
The dreams, the years, the few.
But it’s where he finds himself.
And it’s where he wants to be.
It’s who he wants to be.
Justin is what Brian wants.
Everything else doesn’t matter.
End.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 08:12 am (UTC)I love the way you put the hint to some of the most beautiful canon scenes...and I adore that you make them so subtle, so deep and profound, with just a little of words and descriptions.
You've created a story that is somewhat better than canon, your Brian is simply amazing, torn apart from his fear of love and to be loved and his endless pure unique love for Justin.
Thank you, you really made my day, I'm proud to have choosen this moving masterpiece, my "sixth sense" has worked right;), love_ya:):):)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 10:42 am (UTC)Thank you!! xD
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 01:30 pm (UTC)So many memories all rolled into one.
The dreams were perfect. It was like he was waiting to find him, that he left PA without ever knowing Justin, & he had to come home to find him.
Your so amazing, how you intertwined the AU with canon.
I loved every word,,fuck talk about ridiculously romantic,,they were destined to be together.
Off to bed, shit I love them.,hugs Jxx
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:18 am (UTC)Thanks so much for reading!
A lovely alternative
Date: 2010-05-15 02:13 pm (UTC)A lovely treat for a rainy morning. Thanks for sharing.
CYN
Re: A lovely alternative
Date: 2010-05-24 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 03:03 pm (UTC)The story has everything I love about QaF: mature Brian, strong Justin, Daphne, Jennifer, Vic, no Drama with Mel, realistically portrait of Brian's friendship with Michael and Lindsay, and not to forget, Alex. :D
Thank you so, so much!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:21 am (UTC)I'm so happy you read this and enjoyed it! The general basis was an idea
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:22 am (UTC)[eyes you]
Date: 2010-05-15 04:44 pm (UTC)[is evil, greedy bitch]
Re: [eyes you]
Date: 2010-05-24 02:23 am (UTC)YOU ARE.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 05:01 pm (UTC)And I totally loved this: "'This is the guy I told you about. The gorgeous, sarcastic bastard I sat next to in first class.'
He kind of likes that description."
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 05:47 pm (UTC)Dee Dee
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:25 am (UTC)♥
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 08:57 pm (UTC)loved it :-)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 06:06 am (UTC)Yay, I was the spark that lit the tinder!!!! *gets big head*
I'm torn now, with making the video, to make it my original vision or try to follow this. Not that different except for the end. I really appreciate that you did happy ending but I don't know how to do happy ending video the way that song ends! lol
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:31 am (UTC)Thanks for reading even when you were afraid to, lol. And for the idea!
And totally do it your way!
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Date: 2010-05-16 11:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 01:08 pm (UTC)I love this bit too much to be able to say how much. This, for me, is so *them*!
Wonderful story, I enjoyed every minute of it :)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 07:02 pm (UTC)The whole progression was very powerful, I thought. I loved the way you wrote in very short sentences, very short paragraphs, just as people's thoughts and actions would occur.
Brava!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 11:24 pm (UTC)Though, one of my favorite parts was Brian confronting Hobbs. Hobbs deserves having the life scared out of him.
The only thing I missed was not knowing Justin's reaction to Brian's dreams. But the rest was fabulous! :D
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:37 am (UTC)I loved that scene with Hobbs. I think Brian deserved that kind od scene!
I didn't put in Justin's reaction because it's really told from Brian's POV, you know? It be hard to do that without having to delve more into Justin and I'm not sure it would have worked.
But yay that you loved it!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 07:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 03:22 pm (UTC)I'm a sucker for AUs where Brian and Justin meet later, so I was predisposed to love this one, and then you had all the destiny of their love involved, and Brian was perfect and Justin was absolutely spot-on, and oh, it reminded me of how much I adore this pairing.
Fantastic job.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 02:40 am (UTC)YAY! So glad you liked it!