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freakykatTitle: Every Heart Should Have A Beat
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Mark Zuckerberg/Eduardo Saverin
Summary: "One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
every heart should have a beat
Mark has always been of the mind that he can't be held completely at fault for some of the decisions he made when he was young (and a little stunted emotionally, he can admit that). He didn't realize at the time what comparing women to animals really sounded like outside of his head. (Maybe Erica's hesitation to friend him back isn't that unreasonable.) It didn't occur to him that saying what was in his head didn't always go well. It still really doesn't.
At the core of everything, he thinks that was always his main problem.
Mark Zuckerberg functioned inside his own head, and outside interference (i.e. Dustin talking, Chris scolding, his teachers lecturing) never sunk through. Until he met Eduardo Saverin. (The rules and his world probably changed that day, but it would take years for Mark to see that.)
Not that he listened to what Eduardo said any more than he had anyone else. (A lot of things, good and bad, wouldn't have happened if he had, so Mark thinks that's okay.)
It's that he actually heard him through all the noise and traffic going on in his own mind. He knew when Wardo was disappointed, and even though he couldn't (wouldn't) change what he did, it bothered him that the smallest part of him wanted to.
Only after Wardo had broken his laptop (and other things Mark didn't like to think about) and walked out of the offices did he get that it had been different with him.
Dustin calls it a miracle that they managed to get "your shit together, bros, cause that looked bleak, okay?" (Mark needs him to stop hanging around Sean so much.) But Mark doesn't believe in those. (Which, seeing as Facebook is probably one, seems ridiculous of him, but there you have it.)
It's not a miracle.
It was Eduardo.
-- --
Mark is in love with Eduardo.
This isn't a shocking revelation to anyone (and convenient since they're married and all) but Mark, probably, but it's a fact that he hadn't let himself think about too clearly for a long time -- years to be honest -- so it still takes Mark by surprise when he glances across the room or his desk or their table to find Eduardo there, steady and loving and his. It's a lot easier these days to believe it won't all disappear like smoke.
But sometimes Mark still thinks it will.
It's not something he actually talks to Eduardo about because he knows that will earn him a frown, or worse yet, the worried look that Eduardo only uses on Mark when he catches him on a seventy hour coding binge, or finds out that Mark hasn't eaten since lunch the day before, or he finds Mark awake on the couch at three in the morning. It's this look (huge eyes and a tense mouth, tentative in a way Mark hates) that makes Mark want to try harder even though those things can't be avoided sometimes. They make him Mark and Eduardo loves Mark. (At least he says it to him every day, which causes this flutter to start in Mark's chest, and he can't quite look at Eduardo after but he always tries to kiss him and mean it.)
So, Mark loves Eduardo. Stupidly. Completely. It's wired into him, coded, and he can't change it, won't and wouldn't want to. But he's Mark and the words just don't come out. He hasn't actually said them because Eduardo always does and Mark always responds ("Me too, Wardo." "Yeah, me too." etc). They've been married almost a year and meaning it for at least half of it (okay, maybe they meant it always) and he's happy. More than he's ever been. He thinks Eduardo is, too.
It doesn't occur to him that something is wrong until Dustin opens his big, fat mouth. He walks into Mark's office, trailed behind by Sean. He doesn't have time for them. The Albums coding is screwed up to hell. There's a meeting with Sid and the other lawyers he can't get out of in an hour.
And he had to cancel on Eduardo. Again.
"Get out."
It doesn't work, not that he thought it would.
"Mark, do me a favor and tell Sean that of course you've told your husband that you love him."
Mark stops typing, not looking away from his screen. The silence stretches out until Dustin explodes.
"MARK!"
Sean says, "I told you so."
Mark goes back to fixing the broken links.
-- --
Dustin corners him on his way to the bathroom (they need to build Mark his own private one so this kind of thing stops happening) and steers him toward Chris' office. Chris glances up, pausing his reading of the document in his hand, and raises one eyebrow. He looks really tired and Mark makes a note to get Sharon to force him to take a few days off (she scares even Chris).
"Do I even want to know?"
Mark rolls his eyes. "Dustin is an idiot."
Chris nods. "Why does that mean you're sitting in my office, though?"
"Mark hasn't told Eduardo he loves him," Dustin states exasperatedly, throwing himself on Chris’ couch and glaring at Mark with betrayal.
Chris waits a moment, looking at Mark, and he sighs deeply. "Really?"
Mark scoffs. "Okay, not that it's any of anyone's business, and seriously, Dustin, you need to get laid more often and stay the hell out of my marriage, but of course I have."
Dustin narrows his eyes. "You have? You've said the actual words, 'I love you, Wardo,' to Wardo?"
Mark opens his mouth to say that of course he has, what the hell, but then he snaps it shut because, well.
Chris’ face softens. "Oh, Mark."
Mark doesn't want to do this, shakes his head, waves his hands around as if to make a point. "He knows, okay?"
Dustin is giving him that look that says Mark has no idea how to behave like a real human boy with feelings. "But have you actually said the words?"
"I -- I don't have to say the actual words, Dustin. Eduardo knows. He doesn't need me to -- we're fine, okay? Leave it alone."
He stands up and heads to the door, but not before catching the way Chris watches him sadly as he leaves the room.
-- --
The reason the four of them work together is because they each have a specific role in their four-way friendship. Mark is brutal but his honesty is never without its reasons. They may not make sense to anyone else but they are valid. Eduardo brings comfort, and sometimes that backfires on him, but he's never not going to care. Dustin never lets them take life too seriously and offers his own brand of medicine to make the bad days better. Chris -- Chris is their sanity. He know what they need to hear. Not what they want to, but what they need to. He's practical when the rest of them let emotions (those they can't control and those they never show) get away from them.
So it doesn't surprise Mark to find Chris sitting on the couch in his office, laptop humming quietly next to him as he flips through a file. Mark hesitates at the door but it never works to avoid Chris.
He knows where Mark lives.
"How was the meeting?" He looks up, closing the folder and bringing his steady gaze to Mark's.
"Same as always." He sets down his laptop on his desk, straightens his shoulders back and turns to lean against his desk. "Everything is fine, Chris."
Chris folds one leg over his knee, hands clasped and resting in his lap. "I never said it wasn't."
Mark snorts, crosses his arms and glares at him. "You don't have to say anything. It's that look on your face."
"Why haven't you told Wardo you love him?"
He makes a face, turning to walk around his desk, but Chris’ next words stop him.
"I already know why, Mark. I want to hear you say it."
Mark doesn't look back. "You know?"
"If you say it then it's real, and if you mess up and Eduardo leaves again then it'll hurt too much."
Son of a bitch.
Mark shakes his head and continues not looking at him until he's sitting down in his chair. He feels more in control behind his desk. Chris stares at him from his position on the couch and waits. Mark's aware that Chris is capable of waiting for a long time.
"I don't know what you want me to say." Chris keeps staring. "Fine. Okay, so I'm in love with Eduardo. And things are going fine. I don't want -- he wasn't supposed to come back, Chris."
Mark can't say it out loud yet. He doesn't trust that karma won’t come back and take it away.
Chris looks at him quietly for another minute before nodding and standing up. "Okay."
"That's it?"
His friend's gaze softens as he shrugs. "I could tell you that Eduardo loves you back and that he isn't going to go anywhere. That you've already tested that by doing as much as you could to push him away, and he did as much as he could to stay away but it didn't work. What does that tell you?"
Mark looks away. "I don't know why he came back."
Chris makes a frustrated noise. "Ask him," he says, before turning on his heel and walking out.
Mark watches him stop in front of Dustin's office. Dustin keeps glancing into Mark's office. Whatever Chris says to him has Dustin relaxing and smiling gently toward Mark.
He swivels his chair, wakes his computer up and finds the spot he'd left off in his coding, throwing himself back into it. Mark doesn't want to think about it anymore.
-- --
The thing is, Eduardo has never made him doubt when he says he loves him or that he forgave him. It's never that.
The thing is that everything is new between, fragile where Mark is concerned, and he doesn't know what to do about that. He wants Eduardo to feel like Mark does. But it's never easy for him. The words catching in his mind when he wants to be able to -- give them to Eduardo.
The thing is, Mark wants to give Eduardo everything.
-- --
Sean rolls his eyes at Mark and says, "Mark, don't be a stupid."
"Why do you all say that to me?" Mark moans into the open bottle of beer dangling from his mouth. Eduardo is on a business trip and Sean is keeping him company.
"Because you are stupid."
Mark scowls at his beer bottle.
Sean sighs next to him and says, "You are a dude of action, Zuckerberg. So. Be the action."
Mark isn't sure if he's drunk or if Sean just had a really good suggestion pertaining to feelings.
-- --
He tries harder than he ever really has before because this is important.
Mark is a big picture kind of person. Always has been. It doesn't mean he doesn't get the concept of the journey being more important than the destination. He completely understands.
And thinks it's completely wrong.
Your destination is what should be important.
But he also knows that the details -- no matter how small -- can make or break that big picture.
So he decides that if he can't say the words then he'll find a way to show Eduardo. In a completely non-lame way, if possible. Dustin suggests candy and flowers. Mark tells him this is why he never gets laid. Sean thinks a trip to Ibiza for the upcoming White Party will help them get their gay on. Mark says hell no and even if they did, "you wouldn't be invited, Sean."
Chris says, "I am not getting involved," but hides a smile in his hand when Mark asks him.
It's actually Sharon who gives him the idea.
"Maybe you cook for him. What's his favorite food?"
Mark says, "Paella."
Sharon blinks.
"What?"
Her attempts at hiding a smile are pathetic. "No. I just -- didn't think you'd know. Sorry."
Mark isn't shocked or insulted. Really.
"What the hell is that by the way?"
"Yeah, no clue what that really is or how to make it, but he told me once that he missed eating that the most when he was away from home," he replies, then makes a face when she does that thing with hers she does anytime Mark talks about Eduardo. Which is a lot more than he thinks is probably healthy.
There was a time Sharon was afraid of him. (Okay, maybe there never was because she is way scarier than he could ever be, but she used to have normal expressions around him.)
"I'll find you a recipe."
But Mark knows that won't be good enough.
"No."
"No?"
He glances at Sharon. "I have it covered."
-- --
That night Mark scans through the numbers on Eduardo's phone while Eduardo's in the shower and transfers the one he needs over to his own phone.
-- --
Mark in the kitchen is not the disaster most people (Dustin, Sean, his sisters) assume it would be. He can follow directions pretty well, thank you. Granted, it's not an art form when Mark attempts it, but nothing burns and/or seems poisonous. He calls that a win.
He chooses to try his luck one day when Eduardo will be gone for most of it and he has their house to himself. Eduardo has a meeting in Frisco, and Mark takes the opportunity to try out the recipe he'd gotten. The directions and ingredients are written on a yellow pad in his meticulous, careful handwriting. He wants to make sure nothing goes wrong.
It turns out to be fairly easy once he gets going and Mark spends all afternoon mixing up things in his kitchen that make the house smell delicious.
He's pulling the last bit from the oven when he hears the front door open.
"Mark?" Eduardo calls from the front hall, keys dropping on the table just inside the front entry, "Why are you home so early?"
Mark frowns at that but pushes the thought aside for the moment, walking into the living room.
Eduardo grins hard, bending to kiss Mark soft, lingers at the corners of his mouth, pulling back with a confused expression. "What -- Mark, have you been eating--?"
He nods. "Paella. Tasting it to make sure it's okay, actually." He pushes Eduardo toward the stairs. "Go change, Wardo, and come back down for dinner."
"You made dinner?" Eduardo asks, awestruck wonder on his face, voice gone soft.
"I did. Go change."
Turning around to hide a grin (because Eduardo's face is the best thing ever when Mark surprises him and it's going to be something he does more often), Mark heads back to turn off the oven. Eduardo's footsteps are right behind him and he turns in time to watch him walk into the room.
Eduardo’s eyes are wide as he takes in the mess of their kitchen, and Mark bites his lip because he knows it looks bad but he'd never made paella before. He knows he might have gone overboard on it by making three different versions (the recipe suggested a few different variations) because none of them seemed good enough, but if he tries something (especially something for Eduardo) it has to be perfect.
"Don't stare too hard, Wardo. I promise to clean it up." He steers Eduardo to their dining room where the food is waiting on warmers and Eduardo freezes, stares at the table before looking at Mark silently.
He shrugs and feels that cold thread of fear that he might not have done what he should have. "I just thought you might want something different. I mean, not different for you because you've eaten this a lot, but you know." He stops blabbering and nudges Eduardo closer to the table. "Your mom sent me her personal recipe, but I'm pretty sure that it's not anywhere near as good."
Eduardo stares at him. "You called my mom?"
Mark bites his lip and nods slowly. "I wasn't sure how to make it and figured she'd--"
His words are cut off by Eduardo's mouth, hungry and hot, one hand threading through Mark's curls, the other one wrapping around Mark's waist. He makes a protesting sound but his hands are clenching onto Eduardo's shoulders and he shudders when their tongues meet, soft and sweet. His stomach aches with pleasure and Mark needs to breathe but he doesn't want to let go.
Eduardo pulls back to give him a grin that splits across his face. "You amaze me, Mark."
He feels his own eyes widen at that, air leaving his lungs, because that's Wardo. That's what he does to Mark, makes him -- he doesn't have the words. Eduardo overwhelms, and he hates that so much but he can't seem to change it. "We should eat. It's going to get cold."
Eduardo guides him away from the table and towards the stairs. He drops soft kisses as they go, lingers once or twice, makes Mark lean up, tighten his hold on him. "It's better the second time around."
Mark is sure he isn't just talking about the paella.
-- --
Eduardo's favorite book is The Little Prince. He once told Mark that, quiet and a little shy, during a drunken study session at Harvard. (Eduardo is many things but shy is not one of them.) He told Mark that his father used to read it to him when he was a kid, and that until he was ten, Eduardo wanted to live on a planet with a rose he could love and take care of forever. That he related to the little prince. Mark kept his mouth shut because he'd remembered thinking when he'd read the book that the prince should have walked away from the rose, left it to die on its own, and been more worried about the fact that he lived alone on a bare planet with nothing to show for it. That was fucking tragic.
(Mark realizes how very prophetic it all is now.)
So when Eduardo's birthday rounds the corner, he knows what he wants to do.
He looks for over a week until he finally finds a first edition of the book, signed by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, at an auction in Paris. He can't actually go there himself because then Eduardo would want to know why Mark is leaving the country or want to go with him. He needs it to be a surprise. Dustin is at his parents for the week and Chris -- well, Chris has enough going on as it is. He contemplates sending Sharon but he's not sure he could function without her for more than a few hours (he is aware she is the reason he hasn't killed most of the people he comes into contact with on a daily basis because she handles all the crap that would set him off).
That leaves Sean.
His life is ridiculous.
Sean jumps at the chance to help him (and go party in Paris for a few nights), and Mark sends him with specific instructions, dread churning in his chest.
Eduardo notices his tension in the following days and makes an effort, as always, to ease it, but it's not until Sean walks into his office holding a package carefully wrapped in his hands, sets it gently on his desk, that Mark feels the stress ease out of his body. He glances up at Sean and gives him a rare smile.
"Thank you."
Sean glances away, shrugs and walks back out. If Mark didn't know better, he’d swear that Sean was blushing.
The book is warm when he touches it, cover only slightly worn from age, and Mark opens it with care. His French is passable but Eduardo speaks it fluently, so he knows this is going to be good. That he'll be happy with it and that's enough for Mark.
-- --
He isn't sure whether he'll give Eduardo the gift at the party that Dustin puts together, but Chris encourages him to, so he has it wrapped and tucks it away in Dustin's office the day before the party. Dustin goes all out for the celebration but keeps the guests to a minimum, inviting the few of Eduardo's co-workers who Eduardo would call friends, his cousins Carlos and Paolo who live in L.A. and drive up for Eduardo (and Mark is not intimidated by them at all), Gretchen who gives Mark the most annoyingly adoring look when he brings Eduardo a drink while they are talking, and a few essential personnel from the office.
And Sean, of course.
He knows that Dustin invited Eduardo's parents but Mark is secretly relieved they couldn't make it. (Well, he would have been fine seeing Adela.)
The food is really good, the drinks flow freely, and by the time they sing “Happy Birthday” (Eduardo's cousins throwing in a few verses in Portuguese and picking him up to kiss his cheeks when they finish), everyone is loose and relaxed. The presents range from the ridiculous (a tie bib - "It's totally the thing now, Eduardo," Dustin says, grinning) to the inappropriate (Mark hides his face at Sean's gift certificate from an exclusive sex toy shop - "Mark and I have probably got this down, but thanks, Sean," Eduardo says) to the useful (a new organizer because Chris can always be counted on).
Mark slips into the house and retrieves the book, brings it back out just in time to hand it Eduardo. "Happy Birthday, Wardo."
Eduardo's eyes light up as he reaches for the gift, leans in to give Mark a kiss on the cheek and quietly says, "Thank you," before turning back to the present. He opens it slowly and it takes Mark all his willpower not to make him rip the paper off so he can get to it. Mark keeps his eyes on Eduardo's face as he pulls the book out. It goes slack for a moment, his lips parting, and Mark thinks there's a tremble at the corners of his mouth. He opens the flap and reads silently, eyes scanning the page. Mark doesn't panic, even if he doesn't understand what it means exactly (but he is getting better at not assuming the worst here), shifts his gaze to Sean who is hiding a smile behind his hand. Then Eduardo looks at him, eyes wet, and he steps forward to take the damn book away but Eduardo pulls it back, turns quickly to hand it to Chris, and before Mark knows what’s happening, Eduardo is in his space, both hands cradling Mark's face, and kisses him.
Mark's eyes close and he sighs into the kiss, doesn't think about the crowd of people around them or that they never do this, not in public, because that doesn't matter. This is about them. Eduardo's teeth bite his lips, illicit a moan that will embarrass him later to remember, and Mark clenches at the back of Eduardo's jacket. They pull apart and Mark hears Sean cheering them on and Carlos telling them to get a room, but when he glances at him he sees the smile he's giving them. Dustin jumps around Chris who gives Mark a thumbs up. Eduardo leans down once more to catch Mark's lips.
"So you liked it then," Mark mumbles against Eduardo's mouth, meets his dark, heavy gaze.
Eduardo laughs softly, a bit watery, and noses his cheek, trailing kisses on his skin, behind Mark's ear and whispers, "I love you so much."
Mark pulls his mouth back down to his this time and kisses him again.
-- --
He expects Eduardo to call him on his recent attention. It's not unusual, per se, but it's more than Mark had given before. He takes off an entire day to coincide with Eduardo's and they go out to lunch. He lets Eduardo drag him into this old bookstore that Eduardo loves and sits quietly with him on one of the overstuffed love seats in the back. Mark takes out his laptop, moving it only when Eduardo nudges it off Mark's knees to claim his lap.
They go out to dinner a little more often and spend an evening or two on their couch with Mark trying to make Eduardo understand why Star Wars is as awesome as it is ("It's a space western, Wardo. With robots. And Jedi mind tricks. And the fucking Death Star. What about that isn't awesome?").
But Eduardo doesn't.
And Mark still loves him.
Sometimes Mark catches him looking toward him, his face a combination of hope and fear that Mark understands. He probably has the same look on his own face every so often. But it makes Mark feel better, too.
He's not alone in this.
-- --
Sex with Wardo is awesome. That's not really surprising because hello, it's Wardo. His face alone turns Mark on so much that he can't sit still when he looks at him. His legs wrapped around Mark's hips distract Mark in the middle of coding when the memory flashes in his mind and it takes him too long to push that image away. Being in love with Wardo is not productive for Mark's work or website. (It never really was, but he doesn't care anymore about that.)
Sometimes it's quick and dirty.
Mark’s been dealing with privacy issues, a crash on the back end slowing them down to a crawl, and the backlash from the new features, all within a span of thirty hours. He hasn't seen the inside of his house in that long, and Eduardo in even longer, but he doesn’t expect it when he shows up at the offices.
He notices Eduardo leaning against the doorway and gives him what is probably an exhausted half-smile. "Hey. What are you doing here? It's fuck o'clock in the morning, Wardo."
Eduardo looks at him for a long moment then steps inside, closes the door behind him and walks to the desk. "I couldn't sleep."
The words without you are left unspoken but Mark can see the circles under Eduardo's eyes and he frowns, his shoulders hunch down more. He fails a lot of the time at this kind of thing.
He sees Eduardo roll his eyes as he rounds the corner of the desk, pushes the button to bring down the privacy shield on the windows of Mark's office. Before he can ask, Eduardo drops to his knees, pulls Mark's chair closer, and looks up at him. "Don't start over-thinking. I missed you so I came down here to fix that." He reaches up to trace his fingers over Mark's mouth, and Mark's heart beats against them when they trail down his neck, his chest. Eduardo's other hand pulls at Mark's waist, moves him forward.
Eduardo's fingers are fast and undo his zip, shove his boxers aside, uncovering Mark's cock. Eduardo's mouth is hot and slick. Mark leans his head back, eyes closing, and moans long and louder than he should. The thought that people might hear them passes through his head, but then Eduardo’s tongue licks up Mark's shaft and his mind blanks out except for the heat and suction he feels. It's sloppy and fast, Mark's hand gripping hard on Eduardo's head, hips jerking up into his mouth until Eduardo makes a choking sound but he doesn't stop, keeps at it until Mark comes with Eduardo's name on his lips.
All of the tension leaves his muscles and Mark pets Eduardo’s hair, eyes open halfway to see Eduardo swallow and swallow until it's too much to see. Eduardo rests his head against Mark's thighs, rubs his face against him, then fixes Mark’s clothes and stands up. Mark starts to protest because he wants to taste Eduardo but then he sees the wet stain on Eduardo's trousers. He meets Eduardo’s gaze.
Eduardo came from touching Mark, from taking Mark, and the heat rolls through him, his cock twitching painfully.
"We're going home."
Eduardo looks at him, confused, as he wipes his hands with a tissue. "But the --"
"It'll wait."
He's met with raised eyebrows.
Mark grabs at Eduardo's shirt, wrinkled and slightly damp, brings him closer to bite at his jaw. Eduardo jerks in response, stifles a groan when Mark says, "I'm taking you home and fucking you, Wardo. Do not argue."
Eduardo laughs happily against Mark's mouth. "I have no problem with this plan."
-- --
He can handle those times because he feels like he can control himself when it's about their need to have each other nownownow. It's hot and fast and too much going on for Mark to think about anything else.
Sometimes, though, it's soft and quiet.
It's Eduardo running his hands over Mark's skin, mumbling words against his neck, touching the small of Mark's back, licking gently at the crease where Mark's thighs meet his groin, burying his face in Mark's chest or hip or cock and kissing gently, reverently, and Mark doesn't know what to do with himself then. Eduardo slots his hips between Mark's legs and pushes at them until Mark gives way, arranges so he can slip inside Mark in one long, hot slide. He makes them wait, forehead dropping to Mark's.
"Open your eyes, Mark. I want to see."
It's too much and Mark can't stop the groan that rumbles out of him as Eduardo slides almost all the way out before pushing in all the way. He sets the pace, usually slow and steady, no matter how much Mark begs. The build starts in his spine and shoots out through his legs, arms, chest. Mark digs his fingers into the sweat-slicked skin of Eduardo’s back, jerking his hips to get more, more friction, more flesh, more Eduardo.
Eduardo keeps on kissing him, touching him, caressing his neck and shoulder and face, mumbling love and endearments and --
He comes with eyes wide open and it's blinding and hot and so much of everything.
Eduardo falls off the edge with him.
-- --
Dustin worries about their relationship more than either Mark or Eduardo ever do. He thinks Mark's lack of expressing his emotions means trouble. It doesn't matter that Mark does express them in his own way. Mark doesn't know how to explain that he can't take the chance of saying them out loud and then it going to hell.
But Dustin doesn't need him to say that because he's Dustin and fucking psychic, apparently.
"I get that you think you'll jinx it, Mark. Hell, I even understand why you do. You've loved him a long time and wasted a bunch of it being an asshole."
Mark makes a face but it's sadly true.
"And I know that you show him. I see that."
Mark is relieved to hear it.
"But sometimes you need to hear it."
Mark was afraid of that.
-- --
He wants to say the words every single day but it's -- he doesn't know what it is. Dr. Turner, his therapist, tells him it's a fear of commitment or rejection. That it's more the way Mark was built and that's not something you can change easily.
"Fire her, Mark," his mother says on the phone one night, and Mark smirks into the receiver. She hates the idea of her son going to a shrink when she's more than capable of helping.
"You just want to be my therapist, Mom."
She snorts. "I am your therapist, son. I just don't get paid for it."
Mark rolls his eyes, looks over his shoulder as Eduardo strolls through the room, only wearing mussed hair and sleep pants. He gives Mark a sleepy smile, brushes a hand over his head as he heads towards the kitchen. It's a lazy Sunday for both of them. He brings his attention back to his mother. "This is what happens when you have kids. I told you that."
"You are a pain in my ass, honey."
Mark laughs but it’s cut off by a sigh when Eduardo wraps his arms around Mark's shoulders from behind, kisses his neck and rubs their cheeks together. "Good morning, querido."
Mark closes his eyes and turns to drop a quiet kiss on Eduardo's mouth. "Good morning."
His mother makes a funny noise on the other end of the line. "Mark, you don't have a problem expressing anything. Trust me."
Eduardo gives him a strange look, having heard that, but Mark shakes his head.
Thankfully, his mother saves him from having to explain when she asks to talk to Eduardo. He hands his husband the phone, mouthing, "My mom wants to say hi," and his heart trips over in his chest at the happiness on Eduardo's face when he grabs the phone and says, "Hey, Mom."
-- --
They fight about one thing more than anything else.
Mark wants Eduardo to come back to Facebook. Eduardo refuses.
"Do you not remember what happened last time?" Eduardo snaps as he throws the file Mark handed him onto the coffee table. "We lost two years, Mark. I don't -- baby, I appreciate that you want me to be a part of this, but you're a part of it, so I am, too. That's how this marriage thing works."
Mark pushes away the thrill he gets from Eduardo's endearments (and Mark knows how stupid he is over Wardo because he always hated pet names before him) and waves his hand at the papers. "But you just were."
Eduardo gives him a look. "Looking over some of the book-keeping and reading up on new projects is not the same thing as working for you -- for you, Mark -- and you know that."
He shoves a hand through his hair, makes it puff up and out and it's incredibly distracting. Mark's hand itches to smooth it down.
"I like who we are together, Mark."
"And working at the company will change that, how?"
It's an honest question, and Eduardo pauses to think about it before saying, "Okay, you say that Facebook is ours, right?"
Mark nods.
"Right. But that's because I'm here -- for you, at home -- to listen to the problems you're having there, give an opinion, argue about it, but ultimately it's always your decision and you know that I'll support whatever you decide. That wouldn't be the case if I went back, Mark."
He starts to argue but Eduardo shakes his head.
"No, don't even. It honestly would not. You need to be in control, to know that you have the ultimate say in the company. If I was there, I might take that away from you, in your mind, anyway, and where would we be then?"
Mark scowls as he thinks about that, and more so when he glances up to see Eduardo's smirk.
"You know I'm right."
Mark doesn't look at him.
"Say it."
Mark snorts.
-- --
Eduardo's job takes him on monthly trips out of state and on some occasions even the country. Mark suggests that Eduardo open his own consulting firm (or whatever will make him happy), but Eduardo insists he needs to learn the business inside and out before he can. He works odd hours of the day, invests in several different start-ups, and does all the consulting work his company allows.
Mark misses him anytime he's gone.
Everyone at Facebook (and the coffee shop they frequent, and Mark's relatives, and pretty much the whole world) understands to stay clear of Mark whenever Eduardo is on a trip. (They learned this early on and now Dustin sends out a mass company email, excluding Mark of course, to warn for anger ball Mark.) It's not like Eduardo has to actually go, because he could work at Facebook, but whatever. They've had that conversation and Mark isn't going to admit that Eduardo's point is clear and probably right.
So he takes stupid trips for his stupid job and Mark stays behind, works one hundred hour weeks while Eduardo is gone, eats when Chris forces him to, and barely sees the inside of his house. (He hates how quiet it is without Wardo noises in the background.)
It's during one of these trips, in New York, that Eduardo accidentally runs into his father at a conference they are both attending. Mark learns about it through Sean, who calls him directly.
"Wait, what?"
"Wardo's dad is at the conference. They had a massive fucking fight. I mean, Mark, it was epic and shit."
Mark shakes his head. "How do you even know this, Sean?" He doesn't think about the fact that he has spoken to Eduardo and he hadn't mentioned it.
"I got eyes everywhere, Marky. Do not forget this. Sean Parker knows all."
Mark tries really hard to not roll his eyes when he talks to Sean because it happens so often in a conversation with his friend that the effort is useless at this point. He starts to ask for details when Sean's voice gets low, serious in a way it almost never does.
"I think you need to call him, Mark. He needs some support. David suggested he could even cut the trip short, but you know Wardo." David is one of the partners at Eduardo's company, one of the few colleagues Mark knows Eduardo likes.
Mark does know Eduardo. There's no way his husband would slack off on his job for anything, especially not his father. He'd be determined to do the exact opposite. It wouldn't matter if his own boss told him to leave. Eduardo is a stubborn fuck when he wants to be.
Eduardo would barely be able to handle a couple of hours (obviously) alone around his father, let alone a couple of days.
Mark knows what he needs to do.
"Sean, listen, thanks for the call, man."
Sean makes an approving noise. Of course he knows what Mark is thinking. His psychic abilities are almost as creepy as Dustin's. "Anytime. Someone needs to look out after you two."
Mark hangs up and opens a new browser, makes a quick search and then purchase before calling Chris.
"I need you to do me a favor."
|Part Two|
Author:
freakykatRating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Mark Zuckerberg/Eduardo Saverin
Summary: "One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
every heart should have a beat
Mark has always been of the mind that he can't be held completely at fault for some of the decisions he made when he was young (and a little stunted emotionally, he can admit that). He didn't realize at the time what comparing women to animals really sounded like outside of his head. (Maybe Erica's hesitation to friend him back isn't that unreasonable.) It didn't occur to him that saying what was in his head didn't always go well. It still really doesn't.
At the core of everything, he thinks that was always his main problem.
Mark Zuckerberg functioned inside his own head, and outside interference (i.e. Dustin talking, Chris scolding, his teachers lecturing) never sunk through. Until he met Eduardo Saverin. (The rules and his world probably changed that day, but it would take years for Mark to see that.)
Not that he listened to what Eduardo said any more than he had anyone else. (A lot of things, good and bad, wouldn't have happened if he had, so Mark thinks that's okay.)
It's that he actually heard him through all the noise and traffic going on in his own mind. He knew when Wardo was disappointed, and even though he couldn't (wouldn't) change what he did, it bothered him that the smallest part of him wanted to.
Only after Wardo had broken his laptop (and other things Mark didn't like to think about) and walked out of the offices did he get that it had been different with him.
Dustin calls it a miracle that they managed to get "your shit together, bros, cause that looked bleak, okay?" (Mark needs him to stop hanging around Sean so much.) But Mark doesn't believe in those. (Which, seeing as Facebook is probably one, seems ridiculous of him, but there you have it.)
It's not a miracle.
It was Eduardo.
-- --
Mark is in love with Eduardo.
This isn't a shocking revelation to anyone (and convenient since they're married and all) but Mark, probably, but it's a fact that he hadn't let himself think about too clearly for a long time -- years to be honest -- so it still takes Mark by surprise when he glances across the room or his desk or their table to find Eduardo there, steady and loving and his. It's a lot easier these days to believe it won't all disappear like smoke.
But sometimes Mark still thinks it will.
It's not something he actually talks to Eduardo about because he knows that will earn him a frown, or worse yet, the worried look that Eduardo only uses on Mark when he catches him on a seventy hour coding binge, or finds out that Mark hasn't eaten since lunch the day before, or he finds Mark awake on the couch at three in the morning. It's this look (huge eyes and a tense mouth, tentative in a way Mark hates) that makes Mark want to try harder even though those things can't be avoided sometimes. They make him Mark and Eduardo loves Mark. (At least he says it to him every day, which causes this flutter to start in Mark's chest, and he can't quite look at Eduardo after but he always tries to kiss him and mean it.)
So, Mark loves Eduardo. Stupidly. Completely. It's wired into him, coded, and he can't change it, won't and wouldn't want to. But he's Mark and the words just don't come out. He hasn't actually said them because Eduardo always does and Mark always responds ("Me too, Wardo." "Yeah, me too." etc). They've been married almost a year and meaning it for at least half of it (okay, maybe they meant it always) and he's happy. More than he's ever been. He thinks Eduardo is, too.
It doesn't occur to him that something is wrong until Dustin opens his big, fat mouth. He walks into Mark's office, trailed behind by Sean. He doesn't have time for them. The Albums coding is screwed up to hell. There's a meeting with Sid and the other lawyers he can't get out of in an hour.
And he had to cancel on Eduardo. Again.
"Get out."
It doesn't work, not that he thought it would.
"Mark, do me a favor and tell Sean that of course you've told your husband that you love him."
Mark stops typing, not looking away from his screen. The silence stretches out until Dustin explodes.
"MARK!"
Sean says, "I told you so."
Mark goes back to fixing the broken links.
-- --
Dustin corners him on his way to the bathroom (they need to build Mark his own private one so this kind of thing stops happening) and steers him toward Chris' office. Chris glances up, pausing his reading of the document in his hand, and raises one eyebrow. He looks really tired and Mark makes a note to get Sharon to force him to take a few days off (she scares even Chris).
"Do I even want to know?"
Mark rolls his eyes. "Dustin is an idiot."
Chris nods. "Why does that mean you're sitting in my office, though?"
"Mark hasn't told Eduardo he loves him," Dustin states exasperatedly, throwing himself on Chris’ couch and glaring at Mark with betrayal.
Chris waits a moment, looking at Mark, and he sighs deeply. "Really?"
Mark scoffs. "Okay, not that it's any of anyone's business, and seriously, Dustin, you need to get laid more often and stay the hell out of my marriage, but of course I have."
Dustin narrows his eyes. "You have? You've said the actual words, 'I love you, Wardo,' to Wardo?"
Mark opens his mouth to say that of course he has, what the hell, but then he snaps it shut because, well.
Chris’ face softens. "Oh, Mark."
Mark doesn't want to do this, shakes his head, waves his hands around as if to make a point. "He knows, okay?"
Dustin is giving him that look that says Mark has no idea how to behave like a real human boy with feelings. "But have you actually said the words?"
"I -- I don't have to say the actual words, Dustin. Eduardo knows. He doesn't need me to -- we're fine, okay? Leave it alone."
He stands up and heads to the door, but not before catching the way Chris watches him sadly as he leaves the room.
-- --
The reason the four of them work together is because they each have a specific role in their four-way friendship. Mark is brutal but his honesty is never without its reasons. They may not make sense to anyone else but they are valid. Eduardo brings comfort, and sometimes that backfires on him, but he's never not going to care. Dustin never lets them take life too seriously and offers his own brand of medicine to make the bad days better. Chris -- Chris is their sanity. He know what they need to hear. Not what they want to, but what they need to. He's practical when the rest of them let emotions (those they can't control and those they never show) get away from them.
So it doesn't surprise Mark to find Chris sitting on the couch in his office, laptop humming quietly next to him as he flips through a file. Mark hesitates at the door but it never works to avoid Chris.
He knows where Mark lives.
"How was the meeting?" He looks up, closing the folder and bringing his steady gaze to Mark's.
"Same as always." He sets down his laptop on his desk, straightens his shoulders back and turns to lean against his desk. "Everything is fine, Chris."
Chris folds one leg over his knee, hands clasped and resting in his lap. "I never said it wasn't."
Mark snorts, crosses his arms and glares at him. "You don't have to say anything. It's that look on your face."
"Why haven't you told Wardo you love him?"
He makes a face, turning to walk around his desk, but Chris’ next words stop him.
"I already know why, Mark. I want to hear you say it."
Mark doesn't look back. "You know?"
"If you say it then it's real, and if you mess up and Eduardo leaves again then it'll hurt too much."
Son of a bitch.
Mark shakes his head and continues not looking at him until he's sitting down in his chair. He feels more in control behind his desk. Chris stares at him from his position on the couch and waits. Mark's aware that Chris is capable of waiting for a long time.
"I don't know what you want me to say." Chris keeps staring. "Fine. Okay, so I'm in love with Eduardo. And things are going fine. I don't want -- he wasn't supposed to come back, Chris."
Mark can't say it out loud yet. He doesn't trust that karma won’t come back and take it away.
Chris looks at him quietly for another minute before nodding and standing up. "Okay."
"That's it?"
His friend's gaze softens as he shrugs. "I could tell you that Eduardo loves you back and that he isn't going to go anywhere. That you've already tested that by doing as much as you could to push him away, and he did as much as he could to stay away but it didn't work. What does that tell you?"
Mark looks away. "I don't know why he came back."
Chris makes a frustrated noise. "Ask him," he says, before turning on his heel and walking out.
Mark watches him stop in front of Dustin's office. Dustin keeps glancing into Mark's office. Whatever Chris says to him has Dustin relaxing and smiling gently toward Mark.
He swivels his chair, wakes his computer up and finds the spot he'd left off in his coding, throwing himself back into it. Mark doesn't want to think about it anymore.
-- --
The thing is, Eduardo has never made him doubt when he says he loves him or that he forgave him. It's never that.
The thing is that everything is new between, fragile where Mark is concerned, and he doesn't know what to do about that. He wants Eduardo to feel like Mark does. But it's never easy for him. The words catching in his mind when he wants to be able to -- give them to Eduardo.
The thing is, Mark wants to give Eduardo everything.
-- --
Sean rolls his eyes at Mark and says, "Mark, don't be a stupid."
"Why do you all say that to me?" Mark moans into the open bottle of beer dangling from his mouth. Eduardo is on a business trip and Sean is keeping him company.
"Because you are stupid."
Mark scowls at his beer bottle.
Sean sighs next to him and says, "You are a dude of action, Zuckerberg. So. Be the action."
Mark isn't sure if he's drunk or if Sean just had a really good suggestion pertaining to feelings.
-- --
He tries harder than he ever really has before because this is important.
Mark is a big picture kind of person. Always has been. It doesn't mean he doesn't get the concept of the journey being more important than the destination. He completely understands.
And thinks it's completely wrong.
Your destination is what should be important.
But he also knows that the details -- no matter how small -- can make or break that big picture.
So he decides that if he can't say the words then he'll find a way to show Eduardo. In a completely non-lame way, if possible. Dustin suggests candy and flowers. Mark tells him this is why he never gets laid. Sean thinks a trip to Ibiza for the upcoming White Party will help them get their gay on. Mark says hell no and even if they did, "you wouldn't be invited, Sean."
Chris says, "I am not getting involved," but hides a smile in his hand when Mark asks him.
It's actually Sharon who gives him the idea.
"Maybe you cook for him. What's his favorite food?"
Mark says, "Paella."
Sharon blinks.
"What?"
Her attempts at hiding a smile are pathetic. "No. I just -- didn't think you'd know. Sorry."
Mark isn't shocked or insulted. Really.
"What the hell is that by the way?"
"Yeah, no clue what that really is or how to make it, but he told me once that he missed eating that the most when he was away from home," he replies, then makes a face when she does that thing with hers she does anytime Mark talks about Eduardo. Which is a lot more than he thinks is probably healthy.
There was a time Sharon was afraid of him. (Okay, maybe there never was because she is way scarier than he could ever be, but she used to have normal expressions around him.)
"I'll find you a recipe."
But Mark knows that won't be good enough.
"No."
"No?"
He glances at Sharon. "I have it covered."
-- --
That night Mark scans through the numbers on Eduardo's phone while Eduardo's in the shower and transfers the one he needs over to his own phone.
-- --
Mark in the kitchen is not the disaster most people (Dustin, Sean, his sisters) assume it would be. He can follow directions pretty well, thank you. Granted, it's not an art form when Mark attempts it, but nothing burns and/or seems poisonous. He calls that a win.
He chooses to try his luck one day when Eduardo will be gone for most of it and he has their house to himself. Eduardo has a meeting in Frisco, and Mark takes the opportunity to try out the recipe he'd gotten. The directions and ingredients are written on a yellow pad in his meticulous, careful handwriting. He wants to make sure nothing goes wrong.
It turns out to be fairly easy once he gets going and Mark spends all afternoon mixing up things in his kitchen that make the house smell delicious.
He's pulling the last bit from the oven when he hears the front door open.
"Mark?" Eduardo calls from the front hall, keys dropping on the table just inside the front entry, "Why are you home so early?"
Mark frowns at that but pushes the thought aside for the moment, walking into the living room.
Eduardo grins hard, bending to kiss Mark soft, lingers at the corners of his mouth, pulling back with a confused expression. "What -- Mark, have you been eating--?"
He nods. "Paella. Tasting it to make sure it's okay, actually." He pushes Eduardo toward the stairs. "Go change, Wardo, and come back down for dinner."
"You made dinner?" Eduardo asks, awestruck wonder on his face, voice gone soft.
"I did. Go change."
Turning around to hide a grin (because Eduardo's face is the best thing ever when Mark surprises him and it's going to be something he does more often), Mark heads back to turn off the oven. Eduardo's footsteps are right behind him and he turns in time to watch him walk into the room.
Eduardo’s eyes are wide as he takes in the mess of their kitchen, and Mark bites his lip because he knows it looks bad but he'd never made paella before. He knows he might have gone overboard on it by making three different versions (the recipe suggested a few different variations) because none of them seemed good enough, but if he tries something (especially something for Eduardo) it has to be perfect.
"Don't stare too hard, Wardo. I promise to clean it up." He steers Eduardo to their dining room where the food is waiting on warmers and Eduardo freezes, stares at the table before looking at Mark silently.
He shrugs and feels that cold thread of fear that he might not have done what he should have. "I just thought you might want something different. I mean, not different for you because you've eaten this a lot, but you know." He stops blabbering and nudges Eduardo closer to the table. "Your mom sent me her personal recipe, but I'm pretty sure that it's not anywhere near as good."
Eduardo stares at him. "You called my mom?"
Mark bites his lip and nods slowly. "I wasn't sure how to make it and figured she'd--"
His words are cut off by Eduardo's mouth, hungry and hot, one hand threading through Mark's curls, the other one wrapping around Mark's waist. He makes a protesting sound but his hands are clenching onto Eduardo's shoulders and he shudders when their tongues meet, soft and sweet. His stomach aches with pleasure and Mark needs to breathe but he doesn't want to let go.
Eduardo pulls back to give him a grin that splits across his face. "You amaze me, Mark."
He feels his own eyes widen at that, air leaving his lungs, because that's Wardo. That's what he does to Mark, makes him -- he doesn't have the words. Eduardo overwhelms, and he hates that so much but he can't seem to change it. "We should eat. It's going to get cold."
Eduardo guides him away from the table and towards the stairs. He drops soft kisses as they go, lingers once or twice, makes Mark lean up, tighten his hold on him. "It's better the second time around."
Mark is sure he isn't just talking about the paella.
-- --
Eduardo's favorite book is The Little Prince. He once told Mark that, quiet and a little shy, during a drunken study session at Harvard. (Eduardo is many things but shy is not one of them.) He told Mark that his father used to read it to him when he was a kid, and that until he was ten, Eduardo wanted to live on a planet with a rose he could love and take care of forever. That he related to the little prince. Mark kept his mouth shut because he'd remembered thinking when he'd read the book that the prince should have walked away from the rose, left it to die on its own, and been more worried about the fact that he lived alone on a bare planet with nothing to show for it. That was fucking tragic.
(Mark realizes how very prophetic it all is now.)
So when Eduardo's birthday rounds the corner, he knows what he wants to do.
He looks for over a week until he finally finds a first edition of the book, signed by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, at an auction in Paris. He can't actually go there himself because then Eduardo would want to know why Mark is leaving the country or want to go with him. He needs it to be a surprise. Dustin is at his parents for the week and Chris -- well, Chris has enough going on as it is. He contemplates sending Sharon but he's not sure he could function without her for more than a few hours (he is aware she is the reason he hasn't killed most of the people he comes into contact with on a daily basis because she handles all the crap that would set him off).
That leaves Sean.
His life is ridiculous.
Sean jumps at the chance to help him (and go party in Paris for a few nights), and Mark sends him with specific instructions, dread churning in his chest.
Eduardo notices his tension in the following days and makes an effort, as always, to ease it, but it's not until Sean walks into his office holding a package carefully wrapped in his hands, sets it gently on his desk, that Mark feels the stress ease out of his body. He glances up at Sean and gives him a rare smile.
"Thank you."
Sean glances away, shrugs and walks back out. If Mark didn't know better, he’d swear that Sean was blushing.
The book is warm when he touches it, cover only slightly worn from age, and Mark opens it with care. His French is passable but Eduardo speaks it fluently, so he knows this is going to be good. That he'll be happy with it and that's enough for Mark.
-- --
He isn't sure whether he'll give Eduardo the gift at the party that Dustin puts together, but Chris encourages him to, so he has it wrapped and tucks it away in Dustin's office the day before the party. Dustin goes all out for the celebration but keeps the guests to a minimum, inviting the few of Eduardo's co-workers who Eduardo would call friends, his cousins Carlos and Paolo who live in L.A. and drive up for Eduardo (and Mark is not intimidated by them at all), Gretchen who gives Mark the most annoyingly adoring look when he brings Eduardo a drink while they are talking, and a few essential personnel from the office.
And Sean, of course.
He knows that Dustin invited Eduardo's parents but Mark is secretly relieved they couldn't make it. (Well, he would have been fine seeing Adela.)
The food is really good, the drinks flow freely, and by the time they sing “Happy Birthday” (Eduardo's cousins throwing in a few verses in Portuguese and picking him up to kiss his cheeks when they finish), everyone is loose and relaxed. The presents range from the ridiculous (a tie bib - "It's totally the thing now, Eduardo," Dustin says, grinning) to the inappropriate (Mark hides his face at Sean's gift certificate from an exclusive sex toy shop - "Mark and I have probably got this down, but thanks, Sean," Eduardo says) to the useful (a new organizer because Chris can always be counted on).
Mark slips into the house and retrieves the book, brings it back out just in time to hand it Eduardo. "Happy Birthday, Wardo."
Eduardo's eyes light up as he reaches for the gift, leans in to give Mark a kiss on the cheek and quietly says, "Thank you," before turning back to the present. He opens it slowly and it takes Mark all his willpower not to make him rip the paper off so he can get to it. Mark keeps his eyes on Eduardo's face as he pulls the book out. It goes slack for a moment, his lips parting, and Mark thinks there's a tremble at the corners of his mouth. He opens the flap and reads silently, eyes scanning the page. Mark doesn't panic, even if he doesn't understand what it means exactly (but he is getting better at not assuming the worst here), shifts his gaze to Sean who is hiding a smile behind his hand. Then Eduardo looks at him, eyes wet, and he steps forward to take the damn book away but Eduardo pulls it back, turns quickly to hand it to Chris, and before Mark knows what’s happening, Eduardo is in his space, both hands cradling Mark's face, and kisses him.
Mark's eyes close and he sighs into the kiss, doesn't think about the crowd of people around them or that they never do this, not in public, because that doesn't matter. This is about them. Eduardo's teeth bite his lips, illicit a moan that will embarrass him later to remember, and Mark clenches at the back of Eduardo's jacket. They pull apart and Mark hears Sean cheering them on and Carlos telling them to get a room, but when he glances at him he sees the smile he's giving them. Dustin jumps around Chris who gives Mark a thumbs up. Eduardo leans down once more to catch Mark's lips.
"So you liked it then," Mark mumbles against Eduardo's mouth, meets his dark, heavy gaze.
Eduardo laughs softly, a bit watery, and noses his cheek, trailing kisses on his skin, behind Mark's ear and whispers, "I love you so much."
Mark pulls his mouth back down to his this time and kisses him again.
-- --
He expects Eduardo to call him on his recent attention. It's not unusual, per se, but it's more than Mark had given before. He takes off an entire day to coincide with Eduardo's and they go out to lunch. He lets Eduardo drag him into this old bookstore that Eduardo loves and sits quietly with him on one of the overstuffed love seats in the back. Mark takes out his laptop, moving it only when Eduardo nudges it off Mark's knees to claim his lap.
They go out to dinner a little more often and spend an evening or two on their couch with Mark trying to make Eduardo understand why Star Wars is as awesome as it is ("It's a space western, Wardo. With robots. And Jedi mind tricks. And the fucking Death Star. What about that isn't awesome?").
But Eduardo doesn't.
And Mark still loves him.
Sometimes Mark catches him looking toward him, his face a combination of hope and fear that Mark understands. He probably has the same look on his own face every so often. But it makes Mark feel better, too.
He's not alone in this.
-- --
Sex with Wardo is awesome. That's not really surprising because hello, it's Wardo. His face alone turns Mark on so much that he can't sit still when he looks at him. His legs wrapped around Mark's hips distract Mark in the middle of coding when the memory flashes in his mind and it takes him too long to push that image away. Being in love with Wardo is not productive for Mark's work or website. (It never really was, but he doesn't care anymore about that.)
Sometimes it's quick and dirty.
Mark’s been dealing with privacy issues, a crash on the back end slowing them down to a crawl, and the backlash from the new features, all within a span of thirty hours. He hasn't seen the inside of his house in that long, and Eduardo in even longer, but he doesn’t expect it when he shows up at the offices.
He notices Eduardo leaning against the doorway and gives him what is probably an exhausted half-smile. "Hey. What are you doing here? It's fuck o'clock in the morning, Wardo."
Eduardo looks at him for a long moment then steps inside, closes the door behind him and walks to the desk. "I couldn't sleep."
The words without you are left unspoken but Mark can see the circles under Eduardo's eyes and he frowns, his shoulders hunch down more. He fails a lot of the time at this kind of thing.
He sees Eduardo roll his eyes as he rounds the corner of the desk, pushes the button to bring down the privacy shield on the windows of Mark's office. Before he can ask, Eduardo drops to his knees, pulls Mark's chair closer, and looks up at him. "Don't start over-thinking. I missed you so I came down here to fix that." He reaches up to trace his fingers over Mark's mouth, and Mark's heart beats against them when they trail down his neck, his chest. Eduardo's other hand pulls at Mark's waist, moves him forward.
Eduardo's fingers are fast and undo his zip, shove his boxers aside, uncovering Mark's cock. Eduardo's mouth is hot and slick. Mark leans his head back, eyes closing, and moans long and louder than he should. The thought that people might hear them passes through his head, but then Eduardo’s tongue licks up Mark's shaft and his mind blanks out except for the heat and suction he feels. It's sloppy and fast, Mark's hand gripping hard on Eduardo's head, hips jerking up into his mouth until Eduardo makes a choking sound but he doesn't stop, keeps at it until Mark comes with Eduardo's name on his lips.
All of the tension leaves his muscles and Mark pets Eduardo’s hair, eyes open halfway to see Eduardo swallow and swallow until it's too much to see. Eduardo rests his head against Mark's thighs, rubs his face against him, then fixes Mark’s clothes and stands up. Mark starts to protest because he wants to taste Eduardo but then he sees the wet stain on Eduardo's trousers. He meets Eduardo’s gaze.
Eduardo came from touching Mark, from taking Mark, and the heat rolls through him, his cock twitching painfully.
"We're going home."
Eduardo looks at him, confused, as he wipes his hands with a tissue. "But the --"
"It'll wait."
He's met with raised eyebrows.
Mark grabs at Eduardo's shirt, wrinkled and slightly damp, brings him closer to bite at his jaw. Eduardo jerks in response, stifles a groan when Mark says, "I'm taking you home and fucking you, Wardo. Do not argue."
Eduardo laughs happily against Mark's mouth. "I have no problem with this plan."
-- --
He can handle those times because he feels like he can control himself when it's about their need to have each other nownownow. It's hot and fast and too much going on for Mark to think about anything else.
Sometimes, though, it's soft and quiet.
It's Eduardo running his hands over Mark's skin, mumbling words against his neck, touching the small of Mark's back, licking gently at the crease where Mark's thighs meet his groin, burying his face in Mark's chest or hip or cock and kissing gently, reverently, and Mark doesn't know what to do with himself then. Eduardo slots his hips between Mark's legs and pushes at them until Mark gives way, arranges so he can slip inside Mark in one long, hot slide. He makes them wait, forehead dropping to Mark's.
"Open your eyes, Mark. I want to see."
It's too much and Mark can't stop the groan that rumbles out of him as Eduardo slides almost all the way out before pushing in all the way. He sets the pace, usually slow and steady, no matter how much Mark begs. The build starts in his spine and shoots out through his legs, arms, chest. Mark digs his fingers into the sweat-slicked skin of Eduardo’s back, jerking his hips to get more, more friction, more flesh, more Eduardo.
Eduardo keeps on kissing him, touching him, caressing his neck and shoulder and face, mumbling love and endearments and --
He comes with eyes wide open and it's blinding and hot and so much of everything.
Eduardo falls off the edge with him.
-- --
Dustin worries about their relationship more than either Mark or Eduardo ever do. He thinks Mark's lack of expressing his emotions means trouble. It doesn't matter that Mark does express them in his own way. Mark doesn't know how to explain that he can't take the chance of saying them out loud and then it going to hell.
But Dustin doesn't need him to say that because he's Dustin and fucking psychic, apparently.
"I get that you think you'll jinx it, Mark. Hell, I even understand why you do. You've loved him a long time and wasted a bunch of it being an asshole."
Mark makes a face but it's sadly true.
"And I know that you show him. I see that."
Mark is relieved to hear it.
"But sometimes you need to hear it."
Mark was afraid of that.
-- --
He wants to say the words every single day but it's -- he doesn't know what it is. Dr. Turner, his therapist, tells him it's a fear of commitment or rejection. That it's more the way Mark was built and that's not something you can change easily.
"Fire her, Mark," his mother says on the phone one night, and Mark smirks into the receiver. She hates the idea of her son going to a shrink when she's more than capable of helping.
"You just want to be my therapist, Mom."
She snorts. "I am your therapist, son. I just don't get paid for it."
Mark rolls his eyes, looks over his shoulder as Eduardo strolls through the room, only wearing mussed hair and sleep pants. He gives Mark a sleepy smile, brushes a hand over his head as he heads towards the kitchen. It's a lazy Sunday for both of them. He brings his attention back to his mother. "This is what happens when you have kids. I told you that."
"You are a pain in my ass, honey."
Mark laughs but it’s cut off by a sigh when Eduardo wraps his arms around Mark's shoulders from behind, kisses his neck and rubs their cheeks together. "Good morning, querido."
Mark closes his eyes and turns to drop a quiet kiss on Eduardo's mouth. "Good morning."
His mother makes a funny noise on the other end of the line. "Mark, you don't have a problem expressing anything. Trust me."
Eduardo gives him a strange look, having heard that, but Mark shakes his head.
Thankfully, his mother saves him from having to explain when she asks to talk to Eduardo. He hands his husband the phone, mouthing, "My mom wants to say hi," and his heart trips over in his chest at the happiness on Eduardo's face when he grabs the phone and says, "Hey, Mom."
-- --
They fight about one thing more than anything else.
Mark wants Eduardo to come back to Facebook. Eduardo refuses.
"Do you not remember what happened last time?" Eduardo snaps as he throws the file Mark handed him onto the coffee table. "We lost two years, Mark. I don't -- baby, I appreciate that you want me to be a part of this, but you're a part of it, so I am, too. That's how this marriage thing works."
Mark pushes away the thrill he gets from Eduardo's endearments (and Mark knows how stupid he is over Wardo because he always hated pet names before him) and waves his hand at the papers. "But you just were."
Eduardo gives him a look. "Looking over some of the book-keeping and reading up on new projects is not the same thing as working for you -- for you, Mark -- and you know that."
He shoves a hand through his hair, makes it puff up and out and it's incredibly distracting. Mark's hand itches to smooth it down.
"I like who we are together, Mark."
"And working at the company will change that, how?"
It's an honest question, and Eduardo pauses to think about it before saying, "Okay, you say that Facebook is ours, right?"
Mark nods.
"Right. But that's because I'm here -- for you, at home -- to listen to the problems you're having there, give an opinion, argue about it, but ultimately it's always your decision and you know that I'll support whatever you decide. That wouldn't be the case if I went back, Mark."
He starts to argue but Eduardo shakes his head.
"No, don't even. It honestly would not. You need to be in control, to know that you have the ultimate say in the company. If I was there, I might take that away from you, in your mind, anyway, and where would we be then?"
Mark scowls as he thinks about that, and more so when he glances up to see Eduardo's smirk.
"You know I'm right."
Mark doesn't look at him.
"Say it."
Mark snorts.
-- --
Eduardo's job takes him on monthly trips out of state and on some occasions even the country. Mark suggests that Eduardo open his own consulting firm (or whatever will make him happy), but Eduardo insists he needs to learn the business inside and out before he can. He works odd hours of the day, invests in several different start-ups, and does all the consulting work his company allows.
Mark misses him anytime he's gone.
Everyone at Facebook (and the coffee shop they frequent, and Mark's relatives, and pretty much the whole world) understands to stay clear of Mark whenever Eduardo is on a trip. (They learned this early on and now Dustin sends out a mass company email, excluding Mark of course, to warn for anger ball Mark.) It's not like Eduardo has to actually go, because he could work at Facebook, but whatever. They've had that conversation and Mark isn't going to admit that Eduardo's point is clear and probably right.
So he takes stupid trips for his stupid job and Mark stays behind, works one hundred hour weeks while Eduardo is gone, eats when Chris forces him to, and barely sees the inside of his house. (He hates how quiet it is without Wardo noises in the background.)
It's during one of these trips, in New York, that Eduardo accidentally runs into his father at a conference they are both attending. Mark learns about it through Sean, who calls him directly.
"Wait, what?"
"Wardo's dad is at the conference. They had a massive fucking fight. I mean, Mark, it was epic and shit."
Mark shakes his head. "How do you even know this, Sean?" He doesn't think about the fact that he has spoken to Eduardo and he hadn't mentioned it.
"I got eyes everywhere, Marky. Do not forget this. Sean Parker knows all."
Mark tries really hard to not roll his eyes when he talks to Sean because it happens so often in a conversation with his friend that the effort is useless at this point. He starts to ask for details when Sean's voice gets low, serious in a way it almost never does.
"I think you need to call him, Mark. He needs some support. David suggested he could even cut the trip short, but you know Wardo." David is one of the partners at Eduardo's company, one of the few colleagues Mark knows Eduardo likes.
Mark does know Eduardo. There's no way his husband would slack off on his job for anything, especially not his father. He'd be determined to do the exact opposite. It wouldn't matter if his own boss told him to leave. Eduardo is a stubborn fuck when he wants to be.
Eduardo would barely be able to handle a couple of hours (obviously) alone around his father, let alone a couple of days.
Mark knows what he needs to do.
"Sean, listen, thanks for the call, man."
Sean makes an approving noise. Of course he knows what Mark is thinking. His psychic abilities are almost as creepy as Dustin's. "Anytime. Someone needs to look out after you two."
Mark hangs up and opens a new browser, makes a quick search and then purchase before calling Chris.
"I need you to do me a favor."
|Part Two|