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freakykatTitle: crumble and fall (like an animal)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Summary: Kris knew from the first moment he met Adam that they were supposed to be something important.
Tommy and Alisan find a place among the clan easily and it's like they've always been a part of their lives. Alisan becomes involved with Cale and his soothsayers. Her skills are put to good use there.
Tommy and Matt hit it off and he spends his days helping reinforce the security (though most of his time is actually spent playing guitar with Matt, Cook and Crystal).
Adam is glad that they wanted to stay. He needs them in his life. Especially when he starts functioning as the head again. Working all day with Kris exhilarates and drains him at the same time. He can unwind with his best friends at night and forget the way Kris looks when he's thinking, the way he bites his lower lip in concentration, the corded muscle of his neck when bends his head to one side. He doesn't have to think about what it might be like to taste his mouth or touch his skin or lick his way inside him just to hear his moans.
He wants Kris to believe him when he does all those things. They haven't talked about it but he can guess that Kris doesn't get it yet. Won't understand that Adam knows now. He can say the words but it'll take so much more for Kris to let himself open up.
“You need to find out what happened while you were gone.” Alisan says one night as they lay on his bed, sipping from the wine Tommy found for them. He'd gone with Neil to a party of sorts, mingling with the crowd he'd be ruling with. Kris had declined to go. “That will give you a clue.”
“And I think it's time you told him what went down with you when you left.”
He wants to do that but Lil is afraid of the wrath of the clan, of what Kim and Neil might do if they knew. Kris is her friend and she'd hurt him with lies. But it might be the only way.
“Okay. I think I know who to ask.”
Brad grins when Adam enters his room but one look at his face and it falls. He follows Adam as he makes his way to Brad's bed, sits on the edge carefully until he can look him in the face. They've never needed words and it's not difficult to read Brad's face, resigned when sits up, Indian style and meets Adam's questioning gaze.
“He – didn't stop because of you.”
The tightness in his lungs loosens slightly. Adam hangs his head, breathing in deeply, staring at the freckles he can make out on his arm as he crossing them over his chest. He can feel the blow coming before Brad says anything.
“You were gone and everything was – it was crazy. We were all dealing with it. Some better than others. Mostly we just wanted to get Kris through it.”
He can't look at Brad while he talks. Adam knows what his face will look like and he can't handle that.
“Was – was it bad?” He knows the answer already.
“Were you?”
Adam hesitates, nods jerkily. “Wrecked.”
“Yeah, I figured as much.” Brad sighs, unfurls his legs, leaning back on his elbows. Adam can see his movements from the corner of his eye. “He pretended like the best of them. Defended you when anyone would be stupid enough to bad mouth you. Kris has a better poker face than anyone gives him credit for.”
He glances over, watches Brad's face as he remembers and the churning in his stomach magnifies.”Tell me, Brad.”
“We had to remind him to eat, make sure he slept. He just dove into running things, taking up the slack from – well, he stopped coming to dinner or interacting with us. Even my yelling at him like a banshee didn't seem to work. Everyone was caught up in their own problems.” Brad closes his eyes, swallows hard. “He was missing for two days before we noticed.”
“Here drink this.”
Adam reaches up blindly to take the glass filled with amber liquid, gulping it down quickly because he's seriously going to throw up otherwise. He sets the drink down on the table, hand trembling before he looks up at Brad. This was not where he thought this conversation would lead him.
“How long was he – did they hurt him?” There's rage rushing through his head and chest and veins. He wants to kill them, all of them for touching Kris. He doesn't even know who they are but he wants them to pay.
Brad nods. “Some.” He pushes Adam down when he tries to get to his feet. “Oh, no. I want your pretty little ass to stay right here.” Brad keeps him in place until Adam relaxes, until his breathing is back to normal before he lets the pressure on Adam shoulder loosen. “Listen to me, baby. We got them, okay?”
“They dead?” Adam asks and sees Brad roll his eyes.
“Of course they are. You think we'd let them live after that? When we couldn't connect them to Cowell – and that fucking bastard was behind it, I still believe that – Neil disposed of them.” He says this last part quietly, making Adam pay attention. “He felt guilty for Kris' kidnapping.”
Adam's brow furrows, his hand tightening on the glass he's still holding on to. “Why?”
Brad sighs. “Neil was on Kris watch the day he disappeared. They had a huge fight and Neil took off, didn't check back with Kris. Then he was gone.”
“That little --”
“Oh, suck it, Lambert. It was a mistake. Neil paid for it, believe me.” Brad looks him directly in the eyes. “It happened. We can't change it.”
“How long did they have him before you got him back?” He needs details, wants to form the images in his head so that he'll never let it happen. He won't lose Kris.
“We didn't.” Brad smiles, proudly. “Kris rescued himself. He was hurt when he finally managed to make it home but he was alive.”
He can't wrap his head around any of what Brad is saying. Kris had been hurt, almost killed if what Brad isn't telling him is clear and Adam hadn't known. He rises slowly to his feet, walks toward the picture window that overlooks Kim's garden. Brad had chosen this room for the view.
He senses Brad's gaze on him but can't muster up the courage to look at him. This is all his fault.
“It's not, Adam.”
It takes him a minute to build the wall around his thoughts.
“Thank you for that.” Brad sounds relieved, rubs his head with the palm of one hand and that makes Adam look back at him. “You hurt me a little bit, honey. It's almost as jumbled in your head as it is in Kris'.” He comes to stand next to him, leans his head on Adam's shoulder, arm wraps around Adam's waist. They stay quiet for several moments, watching the sun set over the trees. He can feel Brad thinking and when he finally does speak, it's hesitant, unsure.
“He never talks about it. Ever. And we all stopped trying.”
Adam crosses his arms in an attempt to alleviate the sudden crush he feels in chest. “That's when he stopped making music, right?”
Brad's silence is answer enough.
Kris opens the door to the library, craning his head around it and scanning the large room. He concentrates, listening for any noise but it's empty. Like every other room he's searched for Adam in. Pulling back, he closes the door and pauses to think. His hands are trembling, heart beating too fast to be healthy, really. It's too soon but they don't have a choice.
He catches sight of Brad heading down the main hall to the kitchen and runs after him.
“Brad.”
Brad freezes but doesn't turn around to look at him. “Yeah?”
Kris aims a glare at Brad's back. “Have you seen Adam anywhere?”
There's a tale-tell sign that he does when Brad hesitates at the question and Kris' stomach drops. “He still in your room?”
Brad turns, shaking his head as he moves closer. “It's not what you think. He was upset. Wanted some answers about – some concerns.”
Kris believes him, feels the ease of tension in his muscles. “Okay. Is he there?”
“Is who where?”
Adam stands at the top of the stairs, gaze fixed on only Kris, his smile sad at the edges and Kris' eyes widen as he flicks them toward Brad. He receives a shrug in return and then Brad is gone through the kitchen door leaving Kris with an Adam he's not ready to deal with.
Contrary to what anyone might think Kris isn't blind. Adam is different, even more so now than when he first came back. He's kept their connection as closed off as he can but emotions filter through regardless and he knows that Adam means it when he says he's back. Kris isn't sure of the reason but the intent is real. He won't deny that. Which means that eventually they'll have to talk about their bonding, their marriage and how they have to lead together.
They'll have to deal with Kris' love head on. He's not ready for that at all.
Kris shoves that to the side. They have a crisis to deal with.
“Cowell is making a move.”
The emergency meeting is underway by the time Kris and Adam get there. Everyone stops talking when they enter, all eyes falling to Adam, then moving over to Kris. He sees the questions on the faces in the room. They're waiting for them to make a decision. He'd brought Adam up to date on the situation after his dramatic avoidance tactic.
Neil stands next to Kris' dad at the front of the room and when he glances at Adam, his face darkens some. Kris gets his attention, raises an eyebrow and Neil wipes the stormy expression off his face, rolling his eyes.
“Like I was saying one of my informants told me that Cowell is expected to reach Riverside later this week. He knows we're on the lookout for him so he's trying to sneak in quietly.”
“Do we know what he's going to use against Harold?” Adam asks, stepping further into the room, grabbing Kris' elbow as he does and guides them both in. Kris sends him a glare but lets himself be handled. There's warmth spreading from where Adam is holding his arm. It's ridiculous how much one small touch affects him.
Neil glares at Adam, shifting his gaze to Kris and sighs when Kris gives him a baleful look. “Whatever it was, Harold didn't cave. They're getting ready for a fight,” he answers Adam question the moves closer to where Katy and Anoop are standing.
Adam's fingers switch position, encircling Kris' wrist and pulling him closer. He doesn't dare look at Adam's face when he feels one of his hands rest against his waist. He notices Brad's eyebrows rise slightly and their eyes meet. Kris shrugs in response to the question in that look.
Everyone is looks toward Kris father, their King, waiting for his input.
But his attention seems focused on Adam. They're having a silent conversation. The tension in the room thickens as they wait for the outcome of whatever is happening between their two leaders.
Adam shakes his head and in response Kris watches his father nod, speaking softly. “You can.”
Kris glances at Adam and pauses when he catches his gaze, holds it with his own and there's a familiar buzz in the back of his mind. One he hasn't felt in years. His breathing changes, tries to ease that sensation away but he shouldn't fight it. This is important.
So Kris slowly drops the wall he erected over the years and lets Adam in.
There's too many emotions coming at him for Kris to discern them properly but the one he can focus on is Adam's fear – it's what keeps him from grabbing a firm hold of this. He focuses on that, pushes his belief that Adam can do anything out to him. Adam closes his eyes, shakes his head and Kris feels the anger welling up in chest.
“Any idea his numbers?” Kris looks away from Adam to ask.
Neil watches him closely before answering. “More than he normally would. Cowell knows Harold isn't going to give in to him easily. He can get away with it since Riverside is basically up for grabs.”
Harold had no successor to take over his clan. A run of bad luck and something rarely seen with their kind. It made him easy pickings for the likes of Cowell. Kris has been campaigning to form an alliance with him for some time.
“We need to be the ones to get it then.”
Adam's voice is strong, steady and when Kris turns to look at him, there's a glint in his eyes that he remembers. He squelches the hope that rising up but nods in agreement. “That's right. I could go first --”
“No, you can't.” Adam cuts him off, shaking his head as he turns to Kris' father but he's not going to be dismissed that easily.
“Adam, I've been working on this for a while. I know the details and Harold trusts me. I should do this.”
Another shake of his head and Kris wants to punch Adam's face a little. He's pretty sure Adam felt that from the slight raise of his eyebrow and the tiny smile that edges his mouth. He directs his attention at Katy and Anoop. “We don't need everyone to go this time. I'll leave it to your discretion who comes with us. Make sure to double the security here at the house.” He doesn't miss the happily surprised expression from Anoop, who leaves immediately to do as Adam said. Katy steps closer to her husband, touches his face once and Neil's face softens when he looks at her. Kris glances away as they talk quietly.
Adam is talking with his father and this is what he wanted all along. For Adam to care enough, to try, to be ready.
But for some reason he can't breathe right.
The room is buzzing with nervous energy. Small groups forming all around, making plans and it's how he wanted it. This – the fighting for what they need – is the reason Kris worked so hard to get Adam back. It's what they needed. He's relieved and happy for the most part. But the smallest bit of Kris shrivels at realizing that he's not needed. Not anymore.
He's been tied to them his entire life, not expecting more than what he knew they'd give him. That changed with Adam's departure. He became the person they turned to and Kris would be lying if he didn't admit, even if just to himself, that he felt useful. Like he'd found his niche. But it's all different with Adam here. The links in the chain are loose.
Kris doesn't know what do with that.
He slips out quietly, stops to answer a couple of questions before heading up the stairs. He needs a shower, maybe some food, and time to process.
Then he can face Adam.
“Why did you leave?”
Kris jumps, tightens the towel wrapped around his hips as he turns to find Adam lounging on the bed. The pose is casual enough but Kris can still read him well and the tense line of Adam's jaw tells him that he's mad. Adam's gaze slides down and then up Kris' bare chest and he shivers in response.
“Everything was under control.” He starts for his clean cloth, shakes them out while trying to ignore the heat he feels on his skin from Adam's intense study. “I planned to find you. Bring you up to date.”
“I need you.”
Kris freezes, shirt hanging loosely from his fingers at his side. “What?” He turns around, meets Adam's eyes. His heart is beating hard against his chest and there's this tingle under bones and skin that he recognizes.
Adam lets out a frustrated grow, rising from the bed and closes the distance between them in two strides. Kris stops breathing for the second it takes his mind to compute that Adam's hands are on his arms. They pull until Kris is flush up against Adam. His skin burns where Adam touches him, ghosts his fingers over Kris' shoulder, neck, jaw and stops, holds him steady.
“Look at me.”
He wants to say no because he knows he'll fall, he'll give in like he's wanted to since he knew that Adam was his. They should talk about this. What it means. He knows Adam is staying but he wants more than what he's offered. He wants everything.
These are the things he should say.
But his eyes flick up to Adam's at the command. So many things there that he can't deal with them. He closes his eyes, leaning his head against Adam's chin.”Don't do this to me. I can't – it took me a long time to --” Adam's fingers press against his mouth to stop him from talking but Kris opens his lips, licks at their tips, tastes salt and heat and Adam.
“Jesus. Baby, I'm not going to last long enough to tell you what I have to, if you don't stop.” Adam's voice is low, tremulous and it goes straight to Kris cock, makes him shudder. He lets go of Adam's fingers, leans his head back and closes his eyes.
“Oh god. You don't even know what you look like do you.” One of Adam's hands grip tighter on his waist, the other sliding to the back of his neck, tangling in Kris' hair and there's a yank that makes him moan loud, vibrates through them both. “I wanted to make you understand that this is supposed to be us. This whole thing, I can't do it without you. I don't want to.” The words fall over his cheek, into the corner of his mouth and he blinks back the tears.
He wants so bad it hurts everywhere.
“Kris.”
His eyes open halfway, enough to catch the pained expression on Adam's face. It's what he supposes he look like.
“You're not leaving, do you understand? You're mine. Your place is here with me.”
Kris wants to argue because he wasn't the one that left but Adam's mouth covers his and every thought flies out of his head. All he has room for is Adam: his scent, his hands pulling at the towel that's protecting him from this, fingers curling around Kris. His vision blanks out when Adam jerks quick and steady. Fingers clenching into Adam's shirt, their mouth fused and then their moving, falling and Adam covers him completely. Every part lining up together.
His chest hurts, hot and heavy, and he lets go of Adam long enough to get his hands free. They roam across his Adam's back, dig into his flesh and he hears the groan that emits from the back of Adam's throat. He pulls at the shirt and Adam stops, looks up.
“Take this off. Now.”
Shirt gone, Adam presses down and the first contact is like a spark, sets them off and it's all a tangle of limbs, skin revealing as the last of the layers separating them disappear. Their tongues dual for control, teeth nipping on lips, breath mingling. Adam licks a stripe down his neck and chest, hovers to whisper something Kris can't understand before taking one nipple in his mouth. Kris arches up, grips on Adam's back when he bites down, trembles against him.
“A-Adam.”
Adam stops, glances up at Kris and the picture he makes with hair mussed all over his head, lips wet and red, eyes so dark that Kris can only make out a ring of blue that he knows will stay with him forever. “Did you want me to --”
Kris shakes his head. “No, don't stop.” He swallows down, tries to wet his parched throat but his voice is a rasp when he asks, “Fuck me.” He can see the shock that gives Adam, the way it makes him pant and there’s a possessive glint in Adam's eyes that should scare him. It doesn't. He just wants. He sees the struggle it's taking to keep him from flipping Kris over and claiming.
He tries to pull away and Kris wraps his legs around his waist, digs fingers deeper into his arms. “Please.”
“I don't want to hurt you.”
Kris does. He wants to feel Adam inside, under his hands, on his skin. It's bigger than a feeling, it's a necessity. He needs him now. “You won't.” He pushes Adam away for a moment, reaches across the span of the bed, fingers fumbling with the drawer. Adam's hand covers his, moves it away. Kris watches as he pulls the bottle of lube out, searches for something and turns questioning eyes to Kris. “There's no --”
Kris shakes his head. They won't need it. Not if this is what they do. Whatever Adam decides after this, he'll own Kris forever. Like he has for years. “I don't have any. Just – please, Adam.”
It must be the sound of his voice because Adam opens the bottle without hesitation, pours the lube over his hand and leans down to kiss him. The softness of it contrasts with the pressure he feels from Adam's probing fingers. It grows when Adam adds another and they slide in, crook up and Kris closes his eyes, moaning loud. Another sharp pain that crawls down his spine, puddles at the base and then Adam disappears. His eyes pop open and he sees Adam's mouth cover his cock, then suck the head in and he pulls at Adam's shoulders, shaking his head. “No. Inside me. I need you. Please.”
And that's all Adam can take, he thinks, because he sits back on his haunches, grips his own cock and Kris licks his lips. He wants to taste but he needs the pain to recede. Wants to feel the pleasure that’s always been there, just on the edges. It's been there since for as long as he can remember.
Adam pushes in and in and in until he bottoms out. Kris starts talking, words he can't comprehend saying but it seems to spur Adam, makes his thrust harder, faster. He grunts against Kris lips, sweat trailing down his face and he reaches up, holds on to his cheek, kissing Adam sweetly.
The growl that Adam gives drives through Kris, makes him push up into Adam, meeting him as he presses in, his head digging into the pillow. His orgasm crashes over him and he comes hard, vision whiting. Adam's fingers bite into his thighs, push his legs up against his chest and he loses control, his rhythm erratic. Adam comes with Kris' name on his lips.
It washes over Kris, wave after wave of pleasure crashing around them. There's a dull buzz in the back of his mind that he recognizes. Adam's thoughts are jumbles of love and fear and happiness, Kris feels it all in the overwhelming sensations that flow between them. For one moment they're completely united: hearts, minds, souls, bodies.
Adam collapses on top of him, their chests heaving in unison, and Kris presses his face into Adam's neck, breathes him in deeply. It'll be like this now. They'll be united even when apart. Neither one of them can leave. He closes his eyes and wishes it'll be enough for Adam. That he'll be enough.
Adam's fingers thread through his hair as he pulls out slowly. Kris winces when Adam rolls them over, arms circling around Kris. He sighs into his hair, stroking gently over Kris' head.
“We should have seriously done that years ago.”
Kris feels the bubble of laughter start at the pit of his stomach and he hides his mouth against Adam's shoulder.
“Are you laughing at me, Kristopher?”
Adam he sounds happy, relieved and Kris pulls away to see for himself, wanting to know what Adam looks like when he’s like this.
Adam is grinning down at him, eyes soft and sweet. Kris' eyes fall to Adam’s mouth, bruised and red, and he leans up and kisses him gently. Kris loves Adam so completely he can't contain it anymore. Maybe Adam doesn't feel it as deeply, but now Kris knows Adam does feel it.
This is enough. He has Adam with him. There's no going back. They'll make it work.
Waking up in Adam's arms brings with it the panic and doubt that had somehow evaded Kris before. The light is fading, night approaching fast. Adam's face is pressed against the back of his neck, his steady breath moist on his skin. It's very much like so many dreams he's had that it takes Kris a moment to realize that this is real. His head reels, this constant almost hum in the background because this wasn't how it he thought it would go. He closes his eyes and allows his mind to reach out to the noise. The presence is warm and open to him.
The connection flares and images assault his brain, emotions flying at him and Kris pulls back, closes that door fast.
Adam's arms tightens around his waist, lips warm on his shoulder. “Too much?”
He nods, brings his hand to lay gently against Adam's arm.
The knock on his door startles them both. “You guys decent?”
Kris pulls the sheets up, covers them both, catching the quick smile that Adam sends him before answering Brad. “Yeah. Come in.”
Brad's face is a mix of regret and humor, one eyebrow raised as he looks at them. His eyes look between the two of them, frowning as he does. “You needed to be downstairs an hour ago. I delayed them as much as I could when I found your room empty, but it's time.”
Adam looks to Kris, locking their gazes. “I'll be down in a few minutes, okay? Can you run interference until then?”
Brad rolls his eyes, sighing deeply, his face mirroring a put upon expression and Kris can't help smile a little. “If I must.” He points a finger at Adam. “Use the time wisely, man, and make that stupid freaked look on his face disappear.”
“That's the plan.”
That seems to satisfy Brad and he leaves them alone.
Kris starts to move but Adam pulls him back until they’re facing one another, hand coming to the back to Kris' head. He draws Kris in, kisses the corner of his mouth until Kris relaxes, melts against him.
“Good. Now listen to me. I wanted to do this differently.”
He breathes into the crook of Adam's neck, fingers flexing where he's holding on to him. “Do what?”
Adam sighs into his hair, pulls back a few inches to look down at him. “I can't make you believe that I'm not going anywhere. I want you, too. I'm staying. I’m not going anywhere.”
Kris swallows hard, pushes down the hope bubbling in his chest. “If this is about our deal --”
“Shut up about that stupid deal. I didn't come back because of it. I'm here because I want to be here. With you.” Adam noses Kris face softly, voice sure and steady. “There's so much you don't know. The real reason why I left.”
That makes Kris' head come up. “Real reason? What are you talking about?”
Adam shakes his head. “There's no time right now. I promise that when I get back I'll tell you everything. But believe me, please, that I want to be here. You are what I need. Where I want to live.”
Kris feels a hot prick in his eyes and he lets out a ragged breath. It's so much more than he expected ever and a lot to handle but he allows himself to hope. Adam brushes away the stray tear that fell down his cheek, drops a soft kiss on his lips, his words falling across Kris' mouth. “Can you do that for me? Wait just a little more?”
It's what he's always done.
“Okay.”
Adam smiles and pulls him closer, wraps his arms around Kris, covering his mouth and he shivers, lets himself fall.
This is enough for now
They argue about Kris staying.
“I'm a big boy, Adam. I can take care of myself.”
“I never said otherwise, baby.”
“You might need me.”
“We can't both go. If something goes wrong --” Kris' look makes Adam stop talking immediately.
“Then I want to be there to help you.”
Adam grabs his shoulders, locks his eyes with Kris'. “We're supposed to take care of them, right? Someone needs to be here to do that.”
He can't argue with that, but he doesn't have to like the fact that Adam's right.
It takes them most of the night to prep and Kris runs around helping wherever he's needed. He doesn't see Adam but he doesn't have to. He can feel him and somehow that makes it easier to get things done, having that presence with him.
Anoop gives him a knowing look when he assists in organizing their supplies but Kris ignores it.
He's not ready to share anything with the clan. They're expecting it and once they know, it'll be all about ceremonies and what the union represents. Kris wants to keep it for himself. He doesn't want to think about dragging Adam into something he never wanted.
Brad gives him a quick hug as he runs to catch up with Cassidy. Kris sees the worry creasing his forehead and touches his cheek quickly. “They'll be okay.” Brad drops a kiss on his head and hurries toward the back. Cass is a scout and will be leaving before most of the clan.
The decision has been made to keep to the back roads, travel the whole night until they reach Riverside. Adam needs to have a few hours to set up the defenses and get King Harold's alliance.
Kris watches Adam talking with the King, nodding and pointing at the map they're holding between them. There's a flurry of activity and Kris turns his head. Brad hugs Cassidy, kissing him quick, blocking Kris' view of Cass' face. He's pretty sure they're crazy over each other but won't admit it. He thinks saying anything might be a little hypocritical.
Brad steps back, walking toward the house, not looking back. Cass stares at him until Johns and Cook flank him. They take a moment to breathe – taking stock, Kris imagines, since it's what he does right before he changes – and before Kris even blinks they've morphed. They head into the woods, legs a blur, disappearing in the thick forest.
Adam wraps a hand around Kris’ arm, turns him to pull him into a hug that's a promise and Kris exhales against his chest.
“I'll be back.”
“I know.”
He moves back, tilts his face up and lets Adam kiss him. He deepens it, lingers there before he remembers where they are. Pulling away hurts, a literal, physical pain, and Kris bites down his panic. Adam looks like he wants to say something but Randy’s yell cuts through the moment and Kris steps back, motions toward the waiting group.
“Go. Show them.”
Adam gives him a half smile, another quick kiss and heads away from him. Kris doesn't wait to watch him leave, turns on his heels and strides to the house. They have to make sure the town is battered down. Families that want the extra protection of their security will be filing in and he needs to make sure they have enough room.
He has his people to take care of.
Kris can't stop pacing.
His room is one of the smaller ones in the house so the distance from one end of it to the other isn't very far.
It just makes him feel better to move.
He knows it does no good to worry. That it’s wasted energy he could be using to help... someone. Lil always needs extra hands with the kids, especially on nights where there is so much distress with the adults. Neil needs a solid wall of flesh to bounce his fear and anger off of. There's so much of that in him that Kris worries it clouds his better judgment. Megan is gearing up for what will be a horde of soldiers trekking through their door. She's got the staff working overtime in the kitchens. Last he saw, Katy was having a conniption fit over the adjustments Anoop had made in the security system.
(Kris thinks: if he survives the battle, Katy is going to kill him.)
He has a list.
A very long list of everything he can be supervising: clan members who need his reassurance, brothers he needs to keep out of trouble, paperwork to be filed, mothers to be calmed, fathers to listen to.
Brad to... well, be Brad.
He runs a hand over his face, pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. He forces his muscles to relax.
He has a specific job.
It's what everyone counts on him to do.
Be the port in the storm, Kristopher.
Wasn't that what Cassidy always said?
Kris nods to himself, wipes hands on his jeans and breathes in deeply, turns to the door.
It’s time to go to work.
Kris stops in front of the door Alisan sent him to.
He pokes his head into the nursery (what is usually one of their two music rooms) quietly, spots Lil across the room, open book in her lap. There are four kids sitting on the floor in front of her, rapt attention as she speaks.
"And the wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws."
Her voice is soft, enchanting and warm. Her own kids are sleeping a few feet from the entrance and Kris winks when Lil's youngest sees him and grins. He wiggles his fingers at her, mimes sleep and she closes her eyes tight.
Kris smiles and closes the door behind him.
He takes note to send in a few extra blankets.
It is going to be a cold night.
The kitchens are bustling as he enters through the back door and he gets a flash of memories from his childhood. He'd always found comfort in this room. The noises Cookie would make under her breath while she moved around the pots. The smells of stew bubbling on the stove, meat being seared with spices and sauces Kris couldn't even begin to name. Pies and cakes baking in the ancient stove his dad had refused to change no matter how much his mom or Cookie complained.
“It was good enough for all the Allens before us.”
He had missed this home more than he realized in the short time he was away.
Kris smiles, keeps away from Archie as he runs past him toward the pantry, excusing himself repeatedly when he sees Kris standing there.
“Hurry it up, kid. We don't have much time for you to fumble all over Kris with your crush or whatever,” Megan yells from across the kitchen. It's a mean thing to do and Kris tries not to laugh at the way Archie's eyes widen, his head starting to shake quickly.
Kris waves his hand. He is fully aware of Archie's feelings and how they are not directed at him in any way. “Don't worry about it. Git goin' before she throws her spatula at ya.”
He bows and runs down the stairs. Kris cringes when he hears something fall and Archie's nervous “Sorry! Sorry!” floats up.
“Jesus on a cracker! You break something valuable, kid, and I'll kill you myself.” She glares over at him, motions to the table behind her and raises an eyebrow. “Make yourself useful, would ya? Start rolling.”
Megan is loud and colorful and cranky. She also has the capacity to read everything in his mind. Almost as well as Brad and that's a very scary thing.
Kris can't imagine what they would do without her. He thinks of Matt, hopes he makes it back. Megan looks at him, her eyes soft and worried, and Kris blocks his thoughts from her completely. He unbuttons his shirt sleeves, rolls them up to his elbows and washes his hands.
He has dough to flatten.
They get word that the clan is headed back.
Cowell retreated.
Kris sits on the bottom step of the staircase, hands over his mouth and breathes.
The itch in his head makes him smile and he pushes his relief through. He feels Adam's thoughts reach back out to him. They can't quite hear each other yet, the connection too new, but it's enough for Kris.
Adam is fine.
Brad is sitting in his favorite purple wing-back chair, the one he'd claimed the moment they'd relocated back to Conway, when Kris walks into the study. He's looking over some maps intently, brow furrowed in a way Kris rarely sees and it gives him pause. Brad's mind is an amazing wonderland of strategy. He's known (of) Brad since they were both seventeen and Kris admits that Brad hasn't led them down the wrong path yet.
Kris watches him quietly, hides a smile as Brad leans back, tight gold pants stretching over his legs, long black leather coat flapping over the sides of the chair, glistening in the lamplight. His shirt is a ridiculous swirl of purple and red and lime green. It's one of Cassidy's, he thinks.
It's a comfort to him, really, that Brad is still Brad even in the midst of everything.
“You keep looking at me like that, baby boy, and I think we might have some trouble.” He doesn't turn to look at Kris but his shoulders relax slightly which is an unspoken invitation to stay.
Kris walks around to stand in front of him, keeps his eyes away from the map spread out across the low table. “Promises, promises. You've been making them for years, Bell.”
Brad smirks down at his paper. “I'd like to keep my body parts where they are, thanks ever so much.”
Kris pretends he doesn't understand. It's easier than explaining that, no, really, Brad has nothing to worry about. He decides to veer away from that particular subject.
“You okay?”
Brad glances up, smiles, then shrugs and looks back down. “Just doubting myself here.”
Kris raises an eyebrow. “You?”
“It happens every blue moon, you know.” Brad flips a sheet in one of his files, flicks his gaze to Kris again and holds it. “I'm fabulous, honey, not omnipotent.”
Kris bites his lip, grins. “You're mighty potent from what I hear, Bradley.”
Brad's eyes go wide and then he laughs, that quick, real one he has. “I'm telling on you, Kristopher!”
He likes to catch Brad off guard every so often. Keeps him on his toes.
Kris moves toward the window, holds the curtain open to look over the front grounds. They have two guards at every entrance, three patrolling the road leading up to the house, four hiding out in the surrounding area and Katy wants to add another group as soon as everyone is back safe. He would argue, but she's scary as hell.
He feels restless. Impotent.
It's a feeling Kris doesn't deal well with.
“I should have gone.”
Brad snorts and Kris hears him make a mark on one of the maps, the scratch of the paper loud in the quiet of the room. “Wasn't going to happen.”
Kris rolls his eyes, crosses his arms and shoots a glare at him over his shoulder. “I've been doing this for a long time, Brad.”
Brad nods, chews on the eraser of his pencil before stroking it across the paper in his lap. “And you will again. Once it's all official. Until then, you need to stay here.”
Kris' head drops and he rubs at the back of his neck. “What if – he doesn't -”
Brad looks up and Kris meets his stare, sees the way his eyes soften at the edges. “He's been training for this since he was fifteen.” Kris nods, because he understands that. “This is his chance to establish his place here again.” Brad sighs, “For fuck's sake, Kristopher, you were the one that talked him into coming home, remember?”
He does.
“I know.”
Brad gives a curt nod then waves Kris over. “Come here.” He points to Texas, finger on the small dot not too far from El Paso. “They should be at Jerry's ranch by now.”
Good, Kris thinks. It won't take them too long to travel from there to Conway by night. He itches to run freely over open space, wind rushing through his hair, legs aching with the strain of keeping up pace.
Maybe he can take a quick jaunt through the -
“Don't even think about it, Allen.”
Kris hates when he does that.
“Then stop thinking so loud.”
So says the man that can have entire conversations just using his eyebrows. Kris rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
Allison is one of his favorite people in the world. He loves everything about her. The way she laughs so uninhibitedly, like it doesn't matter what happens, as long as she keeps up her spirits, it'll work out.
She's flits around the room helping Leila with one thing or another, stopping to check with his mom in case she needs some assistance, too.
It's a sight he missed while he was gone.
When she catches sight of him, her squeal is loud and infectious, makes him laugh despite the knot that's been twisting in his stomach over the past day.
He catches Leila's gaze, shakes his head at the unspoken question and feels like he's failing her when her face falls.
Allison takes his hand and sits him at the table where she's been working.
Kris needs to think about anything other than the fact that nobody has returned yet.
So, he looks at swatches of cloths in varying colors of the rainbow and listens to Allison describe the dress Cassidy was going to make her for the reception.
He nods and lets her rapid succession of words carry him off with her.
“Maybe I should have gone with them.”
Kris pauses as he pours his father coffee, meets Eber's gaze over his dad's shoulder. They know that's not really the best idea. His father's health is in decline even if he tries his best not to let it show. He would never have made it to the battle.
“Dad. It's okay. I'm sure the delay has more to do with the weather.” It's been raining for two days and Kris keeps repeating that answer to everyone that asks why they haven't heard anything yet. He thinks Brad's “Jesus fucking Christ, people, we'd have heard if they were all dead. No clan could keep that a secret for long” was a bit harsh but Kris can't really argue with that logic.
If something tragic had happened, they would know by now.
“Have a little faith, Neil,” Eber says, one hand clasped on his friend's shoulder and Kris throws him a grateful smile.
It's all he can do not to throw up from his own nerves.
Everyone is fine.
Adam is fine.
Kris thinks he'd know otherwise.
|Part Five|
Author:
freakykatRating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Summary: Kris knew from the first moment he met Adam that they were supposed to be something important.
Tommy and Alisan find a place among the clan easily and it's like they've always been a part of their lives. Alisan becomes involved with Cale and his soothsayers. Her skills are put to good use there.
Tommy and Matt hit it off and he spends his days helping reinforce the security (though most of his time is actually spent playing guitar with Matt, Cook and Crystal).
Adam is glad that they wanted to stay. He needs them in his life. Especially when he starts functioning as the head again. Working all day with Kris exhilarates and drains him at the same time. He can unwind with his best friends at night and forget the way Kris looks when he's thinking, the way he bites his lower lip in concentration, the corded muscle of his neck when bends his head to one side. He doesn't have to think about what it might be like to taste his mouth or touch his skin or lick his way inside him just to hear his moans.
He wants Kris to believe him when he does all those things. They haven't talked about it but he can guess that Kris doesn't get it yet. Won't understand that Adam knows now. He can say the words but it'll take so much more for Kris to let himself open up.
“You need to find out what happened while you were gone.” Alisan says one night as they lay on his bed, sipping from the wine Tommy found for them. He'd gone with Neil to a party of sorts, mingling with the crowd he'd be ruling with. Kris had declined to go. “That will give you a clue.”
“And I think it's time you told him what went down with you when you left.”
He wants to do that but Lil is afraid of the wrath of the clan, of what Kim and Neil might do if they knew. Kris is her friend and she'd hurt him with lies. But it might be the only way.
“Okay. I think I know who to ask.”
Brad grins when Adam enters his room but one look at his face and it falls. He follows Adam as he makes his way to Brad's bed, sits on the edge carefully until he can look him in the face. They've never needed words and it's not difficult to read Brad's face, resigned when sits up, Indian style and meets Adam's questioning gaze.
“He – didn't stop because of you.”
The tightness in his lungs loosens slightly. Adam hangs his head, breathing in deeply, staring at the freckles he can make out on his arm as he crossing them over his chest. He can feel the blow coming before Brad says anything.
“You were gone and everything was – it was crazy. We were all dealing with it. Some better than others. Mostly we just wanted to get Kris through it.”
He can't look at Brad while he talks. Adam knows what his face will look like and he can't handle that.
“Was – was it bad?” He knows the answer already.
“Were you?”
Adam hesitates, nods jerkily. “Wrecked.”
“Yeah, I figured as much.” Brad sighs, unfurls his legs, leaning back on his elbows. Adam can see his movements from the corner of his eye. “He pretended like the best of them. Defended you when anyone would be stupid enough to bad mouth you. Kris has a better poker face than anyone gives him credit for.”
He glances over, watches Brad's face as he remembers and the churning in his stomach magnifies.”Tell me, Brad.”
“We had to remind him to eat, make sure he slept. He just dove into running things, taking up the slack from – well, he stopped coming to dinner or interacting with us. Even my yelling at him like a banshee didn't seem to work. Everyone was caught up in their own problems.” Brad closes his eyes, swallows hard. “He was missing for two days before we noticed.”
“Here drink this.”
Adam reaches up blindly to take the glass filled with amber liquid, gulping it down quickly because he's seriously going to throw up otherwise. He sets the drink down on the table, hand trembling before he looks up at Brad. This was not where he thought this conversation would lead him.
“How long was he – did they hurt him?” There's rage rushing through his head and chest and veins. He wants to kill them, all of them for touching Kris. He doesn't even know who they are but he wants them to pay.
Brad nods. “Some.” He pushes Adam down when he tries to get to his feet. “Oh, no. I want your pretty little ass to stay right here.” Brad keeps him in place until Adam relaxes, until his breathing is back to normal before he lets the pressure on Adam shoulder loosen. “Listen to me, baby. We got them, okay?”
“They dead?” Adam asks and sees Brad roll his eyes.
“Of course they are. You think we'd let them live after that? When we couldn't connect them to Cowell – and that fucking bastard was behind it, I still believe that – Neil disposed of them.” He says this last part quietly, making Adam pay attention. “He felt guilty for Kris' kidnapping.”
Adam's brow furrows, his hand tightening on the glass he's still holding on to. “Why?”
Brad sighs. “Neil was on Kris watch the day he disappeared. They had a huge fight and Neil took off, didn't check back with Kris. Then he was gone.”
“That little --”
“Oh, suck it, Lambert. It was a mistake. Neil paid for it, believe me.” Brad looks him directly in the eyes. “It happened. We can't change it.”
“How long did they have him before you got him back?” He needs details, wants to form the images in his head so that he'll never let it happen. He won't lose Kris.
“We didn't.” Brad smiles, proudly. “Kris rescued himself. He was hurt when he finally managed to make it home but he was alive.”
He can't wrap his head around any of what Brad is saying. Kris had been hurt, almost killed if what Brad isn't telling him is clear and Adam hadn't known. He rises slowly to his feet, walks toward the picture window that overlooks Kim's garden. Brad had chosen this room for the view.
He senses Brad's gaze on him but can't muster up the courage to look at him. This is all his fault.
“It's not, Adam.”
It takes him a minute to build the wall around his thoughts.
“Thank you for that.” Brad sounds relieved, rubs his head with the palm of one hand and that makes Adam look back at him. “You hurt me a little bit, honey. It's almost as jumbled in your head as it is in Kris'.” He comes to stand next to him, leans his head on Adam's shoulder, arm wraps around Adam's waist. They stay quiet for several moments, watching the sun set over the trees. He can feel Brad thinking and when he finally does speak, it's hesitant, unsure.
“He never talks about it. Ever. And we all stopped trying.”
Adam crosses his arms in an attempt to alleviate the sudden crush he feels in chest. “That's when he stopped making music, right?”
Brad's silence is answer enough.
Kris opens the door to the library, craning his head around it and scanning the large room. He concentrates, listening for any noise but it's empty. Like every other room he's searched for Adam in. Pulling back, he closes the door and pauses to think. His hands are trembling, heart beating too fast to be healthy, really. It's too soon but they don't have a choice.
He catches sight of Brad heading down the main hall to the kitchen and runs after him.
“Brad.”
Brad freezes but doesn't turn around to look at him. “Yeah?”
Kris aims a glare at Brad's back. “Have you seen Adam anywhere?”
There's a tale-tell sign that he does when Brad hesitates at the question and Kris' stomach drops. “He still in your room?”
Brad turns, shaking his head as he moves closer. “It's not what you think. He was upset. Wanted some answers about – some concerns.”
Kris believes him, feels the ease of tension in his muscles. “Okay. Is he there?”
“Is who where?”
Adam stands at the top of the stairs, gaze fixed on only Kris, his smile sad at the edges and Kris' eyes widen as he flicks them toward Brad. He receives a shrug in return and then Brad is gone through the kitchen door leaving Kris with an Adam he's not ready to deal with.
Contrary to what anyone might think Kris isn't blind. Adam is different, even more so now than when he first came back. He's kept their connection as closed off as he can but emotions filter through regardless and he knows that Adam means it when he says he's back. Kris isn't sure of the reason but the intent is real. He won't deny that. Which means that eventually they'll have to talk about their bonding, their marriage and how they have to lead together.
They'll have to deal with Kris' love head on. He's not ready for that at all.
Kris shoves that to the side. They have a crisis to deal with.
“Cowell is making a move.”
The emergency meeting is underway by the time Kris and Adam get there. Everyone stops talking when they enter, all eyes falling to Adam, then moving over to Kris. He sees the questions on the faces in the room. They're waiting for them to make a decision. He'd brought Adam up to date on the situation after his dramatic avoidance tactic.
Neil stands next to Kris' dad at the front of the room and when he glances at Adam, his face darkens some. Kris gets his attention, raises an eyebrow and Neil wipes the stormy expression off his face, rolling his eyes.
“Like I was saying one of my informants told me that Cowell is expected to reach Riverside later this week. He knows we're on the lookout for him so he's trying to sneak in quietly.”
“Do we know what he's going to use against Harold?” Adam asks, stepping further into the room, grabbing Kris' elbow as he does and guides them both in. Kris sends him a glare but lets himself be handled. There's warmth spreading from where Adam is holding his arm. It's ridiculous how much one small touch affects him.
Neil glares at Adam, shifting his gaze to Kris and sighs when Kris gives him a baleful look. “Whatever it was, Harold didn't cave. They're getting ready for a fight,” he answers Adam question the moves closer to where Katy and Anoop are standing.
Adam's fingers switch position, encircling Kris' wrist and pulling him closer. He doesn't dare look at Adam's face when he feels one of his hands rest against his waist. He notices Brad's eyebrows rise slightly and their eyes meet. Kris shrugs in response to the question in that look.
Everyone is looks toward Kris father, their King, waiting for his input.
But his attention seems focused on Adam. They're having a silent conversation. The tension in the room thickens as they wait for the outcome of whatever is happening between their two leaders.
Adam shakes his head and in response Kris watches his father nod, speaking softly. “You can.”
Kris glances at Adam and pauses when he catches his gaze, holds it with his own and there's a familiar buzz in the back of his mind. One he hasn't felt in years. His breathing changes, tries to ease that sensation away but he shouldn't fight it. This is important.
So Kris slowly drops the wall he erected over the years and lets Adam in.
There's too many emotions coming at him for Kris to discern them properly but the one he can focus on is Adam's fear – it's what keeps him from grabbing a firm hold of this. He focuses on that, pushes his belief that Adam can do anything out to him. Adam closes his eyes, shakes his head and Kris feels the anger welling up in chest.
“Any idea his numbers?” Kris looks away from Adam to ask.
Neil watches him closely before answering. “More than he normally would. Cowell knows Harold isn't going to give in to him easily. He can get away with it since Riverside is basically up for grabs.”
Harold had no successor to take over his clan. A run of bad luck and something rarely seen with their kind. It made him easy pickings for the likes of Cowell. Kris has been campaigning to form an alliance with him for some time.
“We need to be the ones to get it then.”
Adam's voice is strong, steady and when Kris turns to look at him, there's a glint in his eyes that he remembers. He squelches the hope that rising up but nods in agreement. “That's right. I could go first --”
“No, you can't.” Adam cuts him off, shaking his head as he turns to Kris' father but he's not going to be dismissed that easily.
“Adam, I've been working on this for a while. I know the details and Harold trusts me. I should do this.”
Another shake of his head and Kris wants to punch Adam's face a little. He's pretty sure Adam felt that from the slight raise of his eyebrow and the tiny smile that edges his mouth. He directs his attention at Katy and Anoop. “We don't need everyone to go this time. I'll leave it to your discretion who comes with us. Make sure to double the security here at the house.” He doesn't miss the happily surprised expression from Anoop, who leaves immediately to do as Adam said. Katy steps closer to her husband, touches his face once and Neil's face softens when he looks at her. Kris glances away as they talk quietly.
Adam is talking with his father and this is what he wanted all along. For Adam to care enough, to try, to be ready.
But for some reason he can't breathe right.
The room is buzzing with nervous energy. Small groups forming all around, making plans and it's how he wanted it. This – the fighting for what they need – is the reason Kris worked so hard to get Adam back. It's what they needed. He's relieved and happy for the most part. But the smallest bit of Kris shrivels at realizing that he's not needed. Not anymore.
He's been tied to them his entire life, not expecting more than what he knew they'd give him. That changed with Adam's departure. He became the person they turned to and Kris would be lying if he didn't admit, even if just to himself, that he felt useful. Like he'd found his niche. But it's all different with Adam here. The links in the chain are loose.
Kris doesn't know what do with that.
He slips out quietly, stops to answer a couple of questions before heading up the stairs. He needs a shower, maybe some food, and time to process.
Then he can face Adam.
“Why did you leave?”
Kris jumps, tightens the towel wrapped around his hips as he turns to find Adam lounging on the bed. The pose is casual enough but Kris can still read him well and the tense line of Adam's jaw tells him that he's mad. Adam's gaze slides down and then up Kris' bare chest and he shivers in response.
“Everything was under control.” He starts for his clean cloth, shakes them out while trying to ignore the heat he feels on his skin from Adam's intense study. “I planned to find you. Bring you up to date.”
“I need you.”
Kris freezes, shirt hanging loosely from his fingers at his side. “What?” He turns around, meets Adam's eyes. His heart is beating hard against his chest and there's this tingle under bones and skin that he recognizes.
Adam lets out a frustrated grow, rising from the bed and closes the distance between them in two strides. Kris stops breathing for the second it takes his mind to compute that Adam's hands are on his arms. They pull until Kris is flush up against Adam. His skin burns where Adam touches him, ghosts his fingers over Kris' shoulder, neck, jaw and stops, holds him steady.
“Look at me.”
He wants to say no because he knows he'll fall, he'll give in like he's wanted to since he knew that Adam was his. They should talk about this. What it means. He knows Adam is staying but he wants more than what he's offered. He wants everything.
These are the things he should say.
But his eyes flick up to Adam's at the command. So many things there that he can't deal with them. He closes his eyes, leaning his head against Adam's chin.”Don't do this to me. I can't – it took me a long time to --” Adam's fingers press against his mouth to stop him from talking but Kris opens his lips, licks at their tips, tastes salt and heat and Adam.
“Jesus. Baby, I'm not going to last long enough to tell you what I have to, if you don't stop.” Adam's voice is low, tremulous and it goes straight to Kris cock, makes him shudder. He lets go of Adam's fingers, leans his head back and closes his eyes.
“Oh god. You don't even know what you look like do you.” One of Adam's hands grip tighter on his waist, the other sliding to the back of his neck, tangling in Kris' hair and there's a yank that makes him moan loud, vibrates through them both. “I wanted to make you understand that this is supposed to be us. This whole thing, I can't do it without you. I don't want to.” The words fall over his cheek, into the corner of his mouth and he blinks back the tears.
He wants so bad it hurts everywhere.
“Kris.”
His eyes open halfway, enough to catch the pained expression on Adam's face. It's what he supposes he look like.
“You're not leaving, do you understand? You're mine. Your place is here with me.”
Kris wants to argue because he wasn't the one that left but Adam's mouth covers his and every thought flies out of his head. All he has room for is Adam: his scent, his hands pulling at the towel that's protecting him from this, fingers curling around Kris. His vision blanks out when Adam jerks quick and steady. Fingers clenching into Adam's shirt, their mouth fused and then their moving, falling and Adam covers him completely. Every part lining up together.
His chest hurts, hot and heavy, and he lets go of Adam long enough to get his hands free. They roam across his Adam's back, dig into his flesh and he hears the groan that emits from the back of Adam's throat. He pulls at the shirt and Adam stops, looks up.
“Take this off. Now.”
Shirt gone, Adam presses down and the first contact is like a spark, sets them off and it's all a tangle of limbs, skin revealing as the last of the layers separating them disappear. Their tongues dual for control, teeth nipping on lips, breath mingling. Adam licks a stripe down his neck and chest, hovers to whisper something Kris can't understand before taking one nipple in his mouth. Kris arches up, grips on Adam's back when he bites down, trembles against him.
“A-Adam.”
Adam stops, glances up at Kris and the picture he makes with hair mussed all over his head, lips wet and red, eyes so dark that Kris can only make out a ring of blue that he knows will stay with him forever. “Did you want me to --”
Kris shakes his head. “No, don't stop.” He swallows down, tries to wet his parched throat but his voice is a rasp when he asks, “Fuck me.” He can see the shock that gives Adam, the way it makes him pant and there’s a possessive glint in Adam's eyes that should scare him. It doesn't. He just wants. He sees the struggle it's taking to keep him from flipping Kris over and claiming.
He tries to pull away and Kris wraps his legs around his waist, digs fingers deeper into his arms. “Please.”
“I don't want to hurt you.”
Kris does. He wants to feel Adam inside, under his hands, on his skin. It's bigger than a feeling, it's a necessity. He needs him now. “You won't.” He pushes Adam away for a moment, reaches across the span of the bed, fingers fumbling with the drawer. Adam's hand covers his, moves it away. Kris watches as he pulls the bottle of lube out, searches for something and turns questioning eyes to Kris. “There's no --”
Kris shakes his head. They won't need it. Not if this is what they do. Whatever Adam decides after this, he'll own Kris forever. Like he has for years. “I don't have any. Just – please, Adam.”
It must be the sound of his voice because Adam opens the bottle without hesitation, pours the lube over his hand and leans down to kiss him. The softness of it contrasts with the pressure he feels from Adam's probing fingers. It grows when Adam adds another and they slide in, crook up and Kris closes his eyes, moaning loud. Another sharp pain that crawls down his spine, puddles at the base and then Adam disappears. His eyes pop open and he sees Adam's mouth cover his cock, then suck the head in and he pulls at Adam's shoulders, shaking his head. “No. Inside me. I need you. Please.”
And that's all Adam can take, he thinks, because he sits back on his haunches, grips his own cock and Kris licks his lips. He wants to taste but he needs the pain to recede. Wants to feel the pleasure that’s always been there, just on the edges. It's been there since for as long as he can remember.
Adam pushes in and in and in until he bottoms out. Kris starts talking, words he can't comprehend saying but it seems to spur Adam, makes his thrust harder, faster. He grunts against Kris lips, sweat trailing down his face and he reaches up, holds on to his cheek, kissing Adam sweetly.
The growl that Adam gives drives through Kris, makes him push up into Adam, meeting him as he presses in, his head digging into the pillow. His orgasm crashes over him and he comes hard, vision whiting. Adam's fingers bite into his thighs, push his legs up against his chest and he loses control, his rhythm erratic. Adam comes with Kris' name on his lips.
It washes over Kris, wave after wave of pleasure crashing around them. There's a dull buzz in the back of his mind that he recognizes. Adam's thoughts are jumbles of love and fear and happiness, Kris feels it all in the overwhelming sensations that flow between them. For one moment they're completely united: hearts, minds, souls, bodies.
Adam collapses on top of him, their chests heaving in unison, and Kris presses his face into Adam's neck, breathes him in deeply. It'll be like this now. They'll be united even when apart. Neither one of them can leave. He closes his eyes and wishes it'll be enough for Adam. That he'll be enough.
Adam's fingers thread through his hair as he pulls out slowly. Kris winces when Adam rolls them over, arms circling around Kris. He sighs into his hair, stroking gently over Kris' head.
“We should have seriously done that years ago.”
Kris feels the bubble of laughter start at the pit of his stomach and he hides his mouth against Adam's shoulder.
“Are you laughing at me, Kristopher?”
Adam he sounds happy, relieved and Kris pulls away to see for himself, wanting to know what Adam looks like when he’s like this.
Adam is grinning down at him, eyes soft and sweet. Kris' eyes fall to Adam’s mouth, bruised and red, and he leans up and kisses him gently. Kris loves Adam so completely he can't contain it anymore. Maybe Adam doesn't feel it as deeply, but now Kris knows Adam does feel it.
This is enough. He has Adam with him. There's no going back. They'll make it work.
Waking up in Adam's arms brings with it the panic and doubt that had somehow evaded Kris before. The light is fading, night approaching fast. Adam's face is pressed against the back of his neck, his steady breath moist on his skin. It's very much like so many dreams he's had that it takes Kris a moment to realize that this is real. His head reels, this constant almost hum in the background because this wasn't how it he thought it would go. He closes his eyes and allows his mind to reach out to the noise. The presence is warm and open to him.
The connection flares and images assault his brain, emotions flying at him and Kris pulls back, closes that door fast.
Adam's arms tightens around his waist, lips warm on his shoulder. “Too much?”
He nods, brings his hand to lay gently against Adam's arm.
The knock on his door startles them both. “You guys decent?”
Kris pulls the sheets up, covers them both, catching the quick smile that Adam sends him before answering Brad. “Yeah. Come in.”
Brad's face is a mix of regret and humor, one eyebrow raised as he looks at them. His eyes look between the two of them, frowning as he does. “You needed to be downstairs an hour ago. I delayed them as much as I could when I found your room empty, but it's time.”
Adam looks to Kris, locking their gazes. “I'll be down in a few minutes, okay? Can you run interference until then?”
Brad rolls his eyes, sighing deeply, his face mirroring a put upon expression and Kris can't help smile a little. “If I must.” He points a finger at Adam. “Use the time wisely, man, and make that stupid freaked look on his face disappear.”
“That's the plan.”
That seems to satisfy Brad and he leaves them alone.
Kris starts to move but Adam pulls him back until they’re facing one another, hand coming to the back to Kris' head. He draws Kris in, kisses the corner of his mouth until Kris relaxes, melts against him.
“Good. Now listen to me. I wanted to do this differently.”
He breathes into the crook of Adam's neck, fingers flexing where he's holding on to him. “Do what?”
Adam sighs into his hair, pulls back a few inches to look down at him. “I can't make you believe that I'm not going anywhere. I want you, too. I'm staying. I’m not going anywhere.”
Kris swallows hard, pushes down the hope bubbling in his chest. “If this is about our deal --”
“Shut up about that stupid deal. I didn't come back because of it. I'm here because I want to be here. With you.” Adam noses Kris face softly, voice sure and steady. “There's so much you don't know. The real reason why I left.”
That makes Kris' head come up. “Real reason? What are you talking about?”
Adam shakes his head. “There's no time right now. I promise that when I get back I'll tell you everything. But believe me, please, that I want to be here. You are what I need. Where I want to live.”
Kris feels a hot prick in his eyes and he lets out a ragged breath. It's so much more than he expected ever and a lot to handle but he allows himself to hope. Adam brushes away the stray tear that fell down his cheek, drops a soft kiss on his lips, his words falling across Kris' mouth. “Can you do that for me? Wait just a little more?”
It's what he's always done.
“Okay.”
Adam smiles and pulls him closer, wraps his arms around Kris, covering his mouth and he shivers, lets himself fall.
This is enough for now
They argue about Kris staying.
“I'm a big boy, Adam. I can take care of myself.”
“I never said otherwise, baby.”
“You might need me.”
“We can't both go. If something goes wrong --” Kris' look makes Adam stop talking immediately.
“Then I want to be there to help you.”
Adam grabs his shoulders, locks his eyes with Kris'. “We're supposed to take care of them, right? Someone needs to be here to do that.”
He can't argue with that, but he doesn't have to like the fact that Adam's right.
It takes them most of the night to prep and Kris runs around helping wherever he's needed. He doesn't see Adam but he doesn't have to. He can feel him and somehow that makes it easier to get things done, having that presence with him.
Anoop gives him a knowing look when he assists in organizing their supplies but Kris ignores it.
He's not ready to share anything with the clan. They're expecting it and once they know, it'll be all about ceremonies and what the union represents. Kris wants to keep it for himself. He doesn't want to think about dragging Adam into something he never wanted.
Brad gives him a quick hug as he runs to catch up with Cassidy. Kris sees the worry creasing his forehead and touches his cheek quickly. “They'll be okay.” Brad drops a kiss on his head and hurries toward the back. Cass is a scout and will be leaving before most of the clan.
The decision has been made to keep to the back roads, travel the whole night until they reach Riverside. Adam needs to have a few hours to set up the defenses and get King Harold's alliance.
Kris watches Adam talking with the King, nodding and pointing at the map they're holding between them. There's a flurry of activity and Kris turns his head. Brad hugs Cassidy, kissing him quick, blocking Kris' view of Cass' face. He's pretty sure they're crazy over each other but won't admit it. He thinks saying anything might be a little hypocritical.
Brad steps back, walking toward the house, not looking back. Cass stares at him until Johns and Cook flank him. They take a moment to breathe – taking stock, Kris imagines, since it's what he does right before he changes – and before Kris even blinks they've morphed. They head into the woods, legs a blur, disappearing in the thick forest.
Adam wraps a hand around Kris’ arm, turns him to pull him into a hug that's a promise and Kris exhales against his chest.
“I'll be back.”
“I know.”
He moves back, tilts his face up and lets Adam kiss him. He deepens it, lingers there before he remembers where they are. Pulling away hurts, a literal, physical pain, and Kris bites down his panic. Adam looks like he wants to say something but Randy’s yell cuts through the moment and Kris steps back, motions toward the waiting group.
“Go. Show them.”
Adam gives him a half smile, another quick kiss and heads away from him. Kris doesn't wait to watch him leave, turns on his heels and strides to the house. They have to make sure the town is battered down. Families that want the extra protection of their security will be filing in and he needs to make sure they have enough room.
He has his people to take care of.
Kris can't stop pacing.
His room is one of the smaller ones in the house so the distance from one end of it to the other isn't very far.
It just makes him feel better to move.
He knows it does no good to worry. That it’s wasted energy he could be using to help... someone. Lil always needs extra hands with the kids, especially on nights where there is so much distress with the adults. Neil needs a solid wall of flesh to bounce his fear and anger off of. There's so much of that in him that Kris worries it clouds his better judgment. Megan is gearing up for what will be a horde of soldiers trekking through their door. She's got the staff working overtime in the kitchens. Last he saw, Katy was having a conniption fit over the adjustments Anoop had made in the security system.
(Kris thinks: if he survives the battle, Katy is going to kill him.)
He has a list.
A very long list of everything he can be supervising: clan members who need his reassurance, brothers he needs to keep out of trouble, paperwork to be filed, mothers to be calmed, fathers to listen to.
Brad to... well, be Brad.
He runs a hand over his face, pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. He forces his muscles to relax.
He has a specific job.
It's what everyone counts on him to do.
Be the port in the storm, Kristopher.
Wasn't that what Cassidy always said?
Kris nods to himself, wipes hands on his jeans and breathes in deeply, turns to the door.
It’s time to go to work.
Kris stops in front of the door Alisan sent him to.
He pokes his head into the nursery (what is usually one of their two music rooms) quietly, spots Lil across the room, open book in her lap. There are four kids sitting on the floor in front of her, rapt attention as she speaks.
"And the wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws."
Her voice is soft, enchanting and warm. Her own kids are sleeping a few feet from the entrance and Kris winks when Lil's youngest sees him and grins. He wiggles his fingers at her, mimes sleep and she closes her eyes tight.
Kris smiles and closes the door behind him.
He takes note to send in a few extra blankets.
It is going to be a cold night.
The kitchens are bustling as he enters through the back door and he gets a flash of memories from his childhood. He'd always found comfort in this room. The noises Cookie would make under her breath while she moved around the pots. The smells of stew bubbling on the stove, meat being seared with spices and sauces Kris couldn't even begin to name. Pies and cakes baking in the ancient stove his dad had refused to change no matter how much his mom or Cookie complained.
“It was good enough for all the Allens before us.”
He had missed this home more than he realized in the short time he was away.
Kris smiles, keeps away from Archie as he runs past him toward the pantry, excusing himself repeatedly when he sees Kris standing there.
“Hurry it up, kid. We don't have much time for you to fumble all over Kris with your crush or whatever,” Megan yells from across the kitchen. It's a mean thing to do and Kris tries not to laugh at the way Archie's eyes widen, his head starting to shake quickly.
Kris waves his hand. He is fully aware of Archie's feelings and how they are not directed at him in any way. “Don't worry about it. Git goin' before she throws her spatula at ya.”
He bows and runs down the stairs. Kris cringes when he hears something fall and Archie's nervous “Sorry! Sorry!” floats up.
“Jesus on a cracker! You break something valuable, kid, and I'll kill you myself.” She glares over at him, motions to the table behind her and raises an eyebrow. “Make yourself useful, would ya? Start rolling.”
Megan is loud and colorful and cranky. She also has the capacity to read everything in his mind. Almost as well as Brad and that's a very scary thing.
Kris can't imagine what they would do without her. He thinks of Matt, hopes he makes it back. Megan looks at him, her eyes soft and worried, and Kris blocks his thoughts from her completely. He unbuttons his shirt sleeves, rolls them up to his elbows and washes his hands.
He has dough to flatten.
They get word that the clan is headed back.
Cowell retreated.
Kris sits on the bottom step of the staircase, hands over his mouth and breathes.
The itch in his head makes him smile and he pushes his relief through. He feels Adam's thoughts reach back out to him. They can't quite hear each other yet, the connection too new, but it's enough for Kris.
Adam is fine.
Brad is sitting in his favorite purple wing-back chair, the one he'd claimed the moment they'd relocated back to Conway, when Kris walks into the study. He's looking over some maps intently, brow furrowed in a way Kris rarely sees and it gives him pause. Brad's mind is an amazing wonderland of strategy. He's known (of) Brad since they were both seventeen and Kris admits that Brad hasn't led them down the wrong path yet.
Kris watches him quietly, hides a smile as Brad leans back, tight gold pants stretching over his legs, long black leather coat flapping over the sides of the chair, glistening in the lamplight. His shirt is a ridiculous swirl of purple and red and lime green. It's one of Cassidy's, he thinks.
It's a comfort to him, really, that Brad is still Brad even in the midst of everything.
“You keep looking at me like that, baby boy, and I think we might have some trouble.” He doesn't turn to look at Kris but his shoulders relax slightly which is an unspoken invitation to stay.
Kris walks around to stand in front of him, keeps his eyes away from the map spread out across the low table. “Promises, promises. You've been making them for years, Bell.”
Brad smirks down at his paper. “I'd like to keep my body parts where they are, thanks ever so much.”
Kris pretends he doesn't understand. It's easier than explaining that, no, really, Brad has nothing to worry about. He decides to veer away from that particular subject.
“You okay?”
Brad glances up, smiles, then shrugs and looks back down. “Just doubting myself here.”
Kris raises an eyebrow. “You?”
“It happens every blue moon, you know.” Brad flips a sheet in one of his files, flicks his gaze to Kris again and holds it. “I'm fabulous, honey, not omnipotent.”
Kris bites his lip, grins. “You're mighty potent from what I hear, Bradley.”
Brad's eyes go wide and then he laughs, that quick, real one he has. “I'm telling on you, Kristopher!”
He likes to catch Brad off guard every so often. Keeps him on his toes.
Kris moves toward the window, holds the curtain open to look over the front grounds. They have two guards at every entrance, three patrolling the road leading up to the house, four hiding out in the surrounding area and Katy wants to add another group as soon as everyone is back safe. He would argue, but she's scary as hell.
He feels restless. Impotent.
It's a feeling Kris doesn't deal well with.
“I should have gone.”
Brad snorts and Kris hears him make a mark on one of the maps, the scratch of the paper loud in the quiet of the room. “Wasn't going to happen.”
Kris rolls his eyes, crosses his arms and shoots a glare at him over his shoulder. “I've been doing this for a long time, Brad.”
Brad nods, chews on the eraser of his pencil before stroking it across the paper in his lap. “And you will again. Once it's all official. Until then, you need to stay here.”
Kris' head drops and he rubs at the back of his neck. “What if – he doesn't -”
Brad looks up and Kris meets his stare, sees the way his eyes soften at the edges. “He's been training for this since he was fifteen.” Kris nods, because he understands that. “This is his chance to establish his place here again.” Brad sighs, “For fuck's sake, Kristopher, you were the one that talked him into coming home, remember?”
He does.
“I know.”
Brad gives a curt nod then waves Kris over. “Come here.” He points to Texas, finger on the small dot not too far from El Paso. “They should be at Jerry's ranch by now.”
Good, Kris thinks. It won't take them too long to travel from there to Conway by night. He itches to run freely over open space, wind rushing through his hair, legs aching with the strain of keeping up pace.
Maybe he can take a quick jaunt through the -
“Don't even think about it, Allen.”
Kris hates when he does that.
“Then stop thinking so loud.”
So says the man that can have entire conversations just using his eyebrows. Kris rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
Allison is one of his favorite people in the world. He loves everything about her. The way she laughs so uninhibitedly, like it doesn't matter what happens, as long as she keeps up her spirits, it'll work out.
She's flits around the room helping Leila with one thing or another, stopping to check with his mom in case she needs some assistance, too.
It's a sight he missed while he was gone.
When she catches sight of him, her squeal is loud and infectious, makes him laugh despite the knot that's been twisting in his stomach over the past day.
He catches Leila's gaze, shakes his head at the unspoken question and feels like he's failing her when her face falls.
Allison takes his hand and sits him at the table where she's been working.
Kris needs to think about anything other than the fact that nobody has returned yet.
So, he looks at swatches of cloths in varying colors of the rainbow and listens to Allison describe the dress Cassidy was going to make her for the reception.
He nods and lets her rapid succession of words carry him off with her.
“Maybe I should have gone with them.”
Kris pauses as he pours his father coffee, meets Eber's gaze over his dad's shoulder. They know that's not really the best idea. His father's health is in decline even if he tries his best not to let it show. He would never have made it to the battle.
“Dad. It's okay. I'm sure the delay has more to do with the weather.” It's been raining for two days and Kris keeps repeating that answer to everyone that asks why they haven't heard anything yet. He thinks Brad's “Jesus fucking Christ, people, we'd have heard if they were all dead. No clan could keep that a secret for long” was a bit harsh but Kris can't really argue with that logic.
If something tragic had happened, they would know by now.
“Have a little faith, Neil,” Eber says, one hand clasped on his friend's shoulder and Kris throws him a grateful smile.
It's all he can do not to throw up from his own nerves.
Everyone is fine.
Adam is fine.
Kris thinks he'd know otherwise.
|Part Five|
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Date: 2011-08-12 04:57 pm (UTC)