![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freakykatTitle: crumble and fall (like an animal)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Summary: Kris knew from the first moment he met Adam that they were supposed to be something important.
What Adam likes the best about his friends is that they never know when to leave things alone. Sometimes it drives him crazy how they push until figure out the problem because usually whatever they come up with helps.
“You don't want him to let you go.”
Adam doesn't turn around, keeping his face toward the window, watching the lights of rushing traffic and wondering when he became so transparent. He knows he is because that hadn't been a question from Alisan.
“Adam?”
He takes a deep breath, buries his face in his hands briefly, rubbing his move. His thoughts are fast, scattered and he closes his eyes, tries to organize them enough to be able to speak. He faces his friends – his two best friends – and the words fall out in a heap.
“It wasn't Drake that made me run.”
Tommy seems more surprised than Alisan but not by much. They exchange a glance and then Tommy nods. “Yeah, I kinda got the impression this whole thing is all about Kris. I just didn't think you'd ever actually admit it.”
Adam grimaces. “Am I seriously that easy to read?”
Alisan shakes her head. “Not really, baby. We just know you pretty well.”
“And you have this habit of talking a lot when you drink. A lot.” He gives Adam a tentative smile and that loosen the tightness that's been gripping his chest since Kris walked out. “Talk to us, man.”
He sits on the soft chair that's always been his favorite and tells them about Drake. That Adam had needed someone to help him get past Brad.
“Brad knew that we weren't supposed to be together forever. He told me that. Many times.” Adam remembers fighting Brad every step of the way. Reassuring him that he would never love anyone else, never as much, not like he felt for Brad. All he'd ever get was the sad quirk of lips, kisses on his mouth and Brad's sincere “You already do, baby. You just don't know it.”
It used to drive Adam crazy and when Brad broke it off he'd been so angry. He couldn't see past what was in front of him.
“Getting over Brad – that was hard.” Adam swallow, feels that pinch in his heart at the memory of those weeks after. He could barely get out of bed. If it hadn't been for Kris pushing him, comforting him, Adam's not sure he would have made it out of that self imposed hell.
“Thing is – it wasn't – he was right.”
“You were in love with Kris.”
Adam hesitates before nodding fervently. “Stupidly. I just didn't know what it was because it was always there. And I'd known Kris since we were kids. I'd trained myself not to see him that way, you know?”
“What changed?”
“Kris went on a mission to Haiti for a year. We had some clans hit hard there and he organized the trip. He didn't leave until I was out of bed and taking care of myself first, though, because it's Kris.” He sees Alisan smile sweetly, nodding slowly and Adam knows she gets it. Living with Kris, she's seen all the little things that make him wonderful. “None of us wanted him to go. We didn't think it was a good idea but he's a stubborn prick when he wants something.” Another nod from Alisan and that makes him smile a little.
“So what happened when he came back?”
Adam shrugs. “I'd been getting ready to take more of the command of the clan. I mean, Neil was staying on as the head of the family – the king – until I was settled into the role but I was making a lot of the decisions, taking on the meetings, traveling to meets other royals, settling into it.”
“You liked it.”
He nods. “Yes, I did. It was my destiny according to everyone and I hate that it still feels like it's true. Anyway, I met Drake and we hit it off. We dated casually. He was more my friend than anything, you know? And then Brad reappeared back in my life at that point. Our friendship was tentative, I guess is the word, but we were trying.” He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes when the flash comes to him. He'd been getting ready for a council meeting, dressed in his suit, and he hadn't really been expecting the door to open as he walked down.
One second it was closed and the next Kris was standing in the doorway, rumpled and tired from days of travel but his eyes had found Adam. He'd broken into biggest grin Adam had ever seen and the room titled, got brighter. His heart started beating madly, his stomach twisted with want and need so sharp that Adam couldn't breathe and then Kris was in his arms, kissing his face, laughing in his ear. All he could do was hold on, press closer and it took every ounce of will power for Adam to let him.
“Then Kris came back and...that was it. I knew Brad had been right because when I saw him – I just understood what it meant.”
Alisan gives him a hard look. “Wait, so, you were in love with Kris. I'm damn sure Kris was in love with you.” Adam hates that past tense so very much. “Brad had told you that he was your meant-to-be-forever person but you didn't do anything?”
Adam throws his hands up in the air. “Ali, I didn't know what the fuck to do. This was Kris. Kris, okay? And I'd apparently loved him for so long that when I let myself think about it I didn't remember a time I didn't love him, okay? I freaked out. And I was – jealous.”
“Jealous?” Tommy eyebrows raised and he waved his hand for Adam to elaborate.
“He didn't come back alone.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. His name is Andrew. Kris met him on the mission and they'd become great friends. Even started writing music together. I hated him on sight.”
“Well, yeah, that makes sense.”
Adam shakes his head. “Andrew wanted Kris.” He raises one hand when Tommy starts to question that. “Believe me, he did. Everyone saw it except Kris. Or maybe he just ignored it and hoped it go away. Kinda like I did.”
Alisan snorts and he agrees with that. It was a stupid plan.
“I kept on seeing Drake and asked him to – be exclusive. I wasn't actually seeing anyone else but we made it more official.” His voice breaks and he blinks away the pinprick of tears that gather in his eyes. “And then we got attacked on one of my trips. They left us both for dead. I managed to survive but Drake --”
“And you blame yourself because...”
“If he hadn't been there --”
“Adam, you don't know that. Things are almost always out of our control.”
He looks up at Tommy and smile trembling, says, “That's what Kris kept saying.”
“Of course he did. The dude is pretty fucking smart.”
Drake's death nearly broke Adam and his struggle with that guilt has never gone away. But there was Kris, taking on some of the weight, holding him when he trembled with his grief, his anger, his fear. He'd healed, gotten through the darkness with Kris as his guide and when he'd reached the other side, he couldn't lie to himself anymore.
He was in love with Kris.
Everything that had been told to them was true.
Adam had even gotten the courage up to speak with Neil about it. He knew the king, the whole family was behind them, wanted their happiness and their marriage, thought not expected, was definitely wanted.
And then Lil had her vision, ran crying to Adam and shared it with him.
Kris, lying broken and bleeding at Adam's feet, an altar behind them, everything on fire.
Adam had thrown up.
It was like Drake all over again but this – this would kill him – it would destroy the family and Adam knew that he wouldn't want to live without Kris.
He tells this to Alisan and Tommy, their faces pale and he sees Tommy's hands shaking when takes a drink of water. Alisan looks a little bit confused, her mouth opening to say something but then she closes it.
“That's why you left?” Tommy asks.
Adam glances at them and has to look away at the pity he reads on their faces. “If I didn't marry him...”
“He wouldn't die.”
It was that simple.
“Did you ever think that maybe it wasn't what you thought?”
Adam had wished that. He'd spent years telling himself that he'd done the right thing.
But had he?
He knows couldn't have been the right decision. Probably has known it for a long time. The constant nightmares that plague him tell him that. He'd stuck to it because Kris had to live. That was the most important part.
But his people were dying without him. That was what Kris told him. Cowell riding high on his power, ruling with fear and Adam had walked away. His reasons were good. That hadn't changed.
“I don't know.”
Alisan steps forward, wraps her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. “Yes, you do. You love him. You love all of them.” She lays a hand on his head, closes her eyes and that frown appears again. “Adam, I had a vision when I saw Kris for the first time.” When Adam tries to jerk away, she holds him, shakes her head. “It was nothing like what you described. Are you sure about it?”
Adam swallows. “I believe the source.”
She nods. “Well, I think that maybe you did change it but if that's true then you need to push past this fear. You are his salvation.”
He wants to believe her and when he looks over at Tommy, his friends nods. “I don't have visions and I can see that.” He leans forward, hands clasped, resting on his knees. “You've never been happy here. This was a pit stop. I think you've known for a long time where you need to be to be truly happy.”
He doesn't know what to do now. Where to go from here. But he's pretty sure he can't figure it out sitting in his apartment. He once was brave enough to follow his instincts, even if he ignored his heart.
He turns to his friends.
“What if I can't do this?”
“You'd be stupid if you weren't scared. It's a kingdom in your hands.”
Adam closes his eyes. “Kris isn't going to understand. I've said no for so long. I don't even know -” He can see Kris in his mind's eye and it doesn't matter anymore that he wants to hide. He'll learn to get past that. He has to, because being afraid is no longer an option he has. Opening his eyes, he meets Alisan's and she smiles, nods in that way that tells him she's already ahead of him. “I'm going to need your help.”
He's going to have a hell of a time convincing Kris about what he wants.
Tommy stands up. “We're there, man.”
Adam's smile is nervous.
“You guys up for a road trip?”
Kris presses fingers gently against the side of his nose, wishes the throbbing headache away as hard as he can. It had taken longer than he wanted to get back home. Anoop had insisted on a detour when they'd gotten wind of Cowell in the vicinity of San Francisco. By the time he'd arrived at the house, his father had woken up and insisted he didn't need to be sent to the hospital. Despite protests from Kris and Kim, Neil couldn't be convinced. Cale tells Kris that as long as they keep it stress-free for him everything should be fine.
It takes him two days to catch up on what's happening with Cowell, the town and his family in general. He's not entirely surprised that Katy and Neil aren't speaking. They've been at each other throats for some time now. Kris hopes one of them breaks down soon and admits why. Otherwise, there's going to be bloodshed and he's really not in the mood to deal with that.
Brad is quiet, a little mad that Adam hadn't come back and Cass is upset he still cares so much. That doesn't seem to be going well.
Cowell is making a lot of noise in California.
Kris hasn't slept since he got back.
He opens his eyes, glancing over at his father's prone figure on the bed, breathing even and deep. Somehow he'd convinced his mom to let Allison fix her some dinner and they're off in the kitchens eating away. He knows it'll be his turn next because Allison doesn't miss anything. The problem is that he isn't hungry. Worry and exhaustion are warring for all his attention.
Adam had said no. Again. Kris knows that he can go back and wear him down. He'd be willing to do that but it's not as if he has the luxury of time on his hands. Cowell is making moves on their territories, their allies and aligning with their enemies. He needs to protect his people and the extending kingdom his family has fought for.
He can't waste his time going after something that he won't be able to ever have.
The problem with that is that he never made a contingency plan. He believed he could make Adam understand. That the deal he was willing to make would have sealed it.
Now he has to start over with no clue where to start.
There's a knock but before he can even say anything the door opens and Katy is there, eyes wide, shocked.
Kris stands quickly, heart beating too fast. “What's wrong?”
Katy shakes her head, beckons with one hand, voice choked when she says, “I think you need to go downstairs. Now.” He hesitates but she makes an impatient gesture at him. “I'll stay with your dad. Go.”
He wants to ask her what the hell happened to make her that way but if it's that important he can't waste time asking questions. Kris half-runs down the hall to the stairs and stops at the top when he sees the small crowd gathered around the entrance.
It takes him a moment but when he finally focuses on what everyone is staring at his throat closes up, heart dropping to his feet.
Adam looks up and Kris really hopes this isn't a dream because he might cry otherwise. Then Adam smiles at him, wide and relieved, and Kris knows this is real. He notices that Alisan and Tommy are standing behind Adam, tense and unhappy. Kris frowns until he realizes that Neil is blocking their path from the door into the house.
He takes the steps down slowly, calling out so that the rest of the room can hear him. “Your Highness.”
Neil turns to glare at Kris, mouth opening in shock and Kris shakes his head slightly. He understands what Neil feels. They talked about it back when Neil hadn't been so filled with anger and disappointment that he'd shut them all out. Adam's arrival isn’t a joy for his brother. But they never shared this outside of their inner circle and Neil knows better than to make a public display of his disapproval.
Kris manages to send all that to Neil, finding him surprisingly open and he watches as the tension leaves his shoulders. He doesn't seem to want to budge but when Kris nods he sighs loudly and stomps out of the room. There's the sound of a door slamming a few minutes later.
“That wasn't the homecoming I expected.” Adam says lightly and the crowd skitters with quiet laughter. The atmosphere in the foyer is friendly and Adam shakes hands with people as they come up to greet him. The servants that remember him offer quick hugs and Adam is kind to them all. It's like he'd never really left. Kris waits until everyone has cleared out before taking that final step down, standing in front of Adam as he does.
He sees warmth in Adam' s blue gaze and shivers, the sensation running down his spine. He smiles in return, watches Adam's pupils dilate when he does and wonders how Adam had ever missed what it meant. He knows it's a bad idea but it's a constant ache inside being far from Adam. He pushes into Adam's space, sliding arms around his shoulders and neck, tightening slightly. Adam's breath wafts over his skin and he hears the low moan that rumbles in Adam's chest. He rests his lips on Adam's ear, whispers a soft, “Thank you,” and feels Adam shudder in response.
Pulling away takes effort and when he does Adam stops him, leans his forehead against Kris', breathing in deep. There's a flare of want that turns into a flame when they're this close, and Kris has to close his eyes to keep from tasting Adam everywhere. He gets Adam to let go, stepping away and looking over at their audience. Tommy grins, wiggling his eyebrows and Alisan's face is dreamy as she sighs at them. He refrains from rolling his eyes at them, motions for them to come closer, hugging them in turn.
He can feel Adam watching him and glances over, sending a reassuring smile when he sees the uncertain look on his face. “I'm really glad you came.” He motions to the stairs as he looks back to his friends. “I'll take you guys to your rooms then we can make sure you get some dinner.” He meets Adam's eyes and half-smiles. “After that you can tell me what the hell took you so long.”
Adam laughs, shaking his head and reaches for Kris' hand, twines their fingers. “You are a bossy one, Kris Allen. Alright, but I think maybe I should find my parents, try to talk to my brother.”
Kris grimaces.
Neither of those are going to particularly fun conversations. He nods in agreement, pulls his hand away and misses the heat of Adam's almost immediately. “Okay. You remember where your room is, I assume. Make sure you eat something.” Adam nods and then heads off in the direction Neil had disappeared to.
Kris watches him until his out of the corner of his eye line then turns back to show his guests where to go.
Adam stutters in a breath as he closes the door to the study, leans his head against it to center his mind like Cam had taught him whenever he'd woken up with nightmares. He kept his face hidden until he was sure that his emotions weren't written across it. It was something he found difficult in this house, because there was constant activity. One of the staff always walking by or security detail doing their job never gives room for much privacy in the halls.
Once he doesn't feel like crying anymore, Adam walks in the direction he remembers the kitchen being. His stomach aches, hunger completely gone now but he'd told Kris he'd eat.
He doesn't want to break any more promises to anyone.
The progress to the kitchens is slowed down by Adam being greeted every few steps. Some people he remembers, others introduce themselves. There are a lot more security and staff then he remembers, but then again things aren't exactly the way they used to be.
“You broke our hearts, Adam.”
He shakes his head to quiet his mind.
The house changed in his absence. He's surprised by the high-tech additions he sees as he walks by. Papa Allen had always been an old-fashioned type of leader. He never believed in technology being the answer to anything. Adam's plans had included an upgrade to their property. He sees the blinking light of a security system panel as he turns down the hall and smiles.
He can guess whose idea it had been to make those changes.
Pushing against the swinging kitchen doors, Adam freezes in the entrance and the calm he'd managed to acquire after his talk with his parents and the non-talk with his brother flies right out the window.
Andrew is touching Kris.
Kris's face is a mixture of annoyance as he pulls his arms out of Andrew's grip. He takes a deep breath, says calmly. “How many times are we going to have this conversation? I said no. That's it.”
“It's because he's back.” Andrew steps closer to Kris, reaches for his face and it's like tunnel vision for Adam. All he can see is that someone is touching Kris. That's unacceptable. Especially if Kris doesn't want to be touched.
“That doesn't seem to be the case.” Adam gives Kris a smile, walking gracefully into the room, stopping only a few steps away from Kris. He glares at Andrew and his smile turns into a sneer. “He seemed to make it clear just now that his already answered whatever question you asked him. The answer was no. Maybe you should take the hint.”
Andrew's eyes flash with rage and Adam wants him to attack so he can have the satisfaction of pummeling him to the ground.
“You have no right to claim a damn thing after what you did.”
“Andrew, that's enough.” Kris' voice is dangerously low. Adam recognizes it as his 'don't push me or I'll kick your ass' voice. It makes every part of Adam pay attention. Kris' face is hard, angry in a way he doesn't recall ever seeing.
He wants to make it go away – misses immediately the easy smile and love that shined from Kris.
“It's fine, Kris.” Adam says, teeth clenched in anger and he stares Andrew down.
Kris shakes his head. “No, it's not.” His eyes stay on Andrew and he waits for the other man to look back at him before continuing. “Your loyalty is to this clan. That includes Adam. He is going to be your king. If this is a problem, Andrew, then you need to let me know and I'll make arrangements for you.”
Adam keeps his gaze on Andrew's back as he stomps out of the room and when he's sure they're alone, he faces Kris. “You didn't have to do that. I know he's your friend.”
Kris sighs. “He is. A good one at that. So, he should know that I value your friendship as much as I value his.”
After what he's just been through, hearing Kris say that makes Adam feel the rejection of his brother, the guilt from his parents even more. “You don't need to be nice about this, Kris. Why aren't you angry?”
He gets a glare in return. “Who says I'm not? But what I may or may not feel about you leaving isn't what's important now.” Kris stands closer to Adam, reaches one arm to hold on to his shoulder. “You came back. I assume that means that the deal I made is something you can do.” He squeezes quickly before letting go of Adam completely. Adam tries not to let out a groan of disappointment, the point of contact throbbing with warmth. “But to them you're back to claim your place. They need to rally around you. I'm not going to condone anyone disrespecting you.”
Adam tries to smile, but the tears he'd managed to avoid earlier gather in his eyes and he has to look away, turning from Kris so he doesn't see them.
Which is stupid because Kris still seems to know him better than most anyone.
“What happened?” Kris' hand wraps around Adam's neck, rubbing small circles into the skin. There's a wave of peace that flows through him and he reaches back, holds on to both the feeling and Kris’s hand. Kris's forehead touches the back of Adam's head as they breath together. “Tell me.”
“I knew it was going to be difficult, you know? Seeing them again, coming back after running for so long but – they look so weary, Kris. Almost broken and – I – I did that.” The hot backwash of tears fall on his cheeks, making him bite down on his lips to keep in the sob that threatens to come loose from his throat. “I can't ever make up for that. For the days and nights they've worried about me. The pain I caused by leaving them behind. Leaving everyone that needed me.”
Kris shakes his head, Adam can feel it and his breath ghosts across Adam's hair. “You're not the sole reason for their hard times, Adam. It's been tough.”
“Because I wasn't here. Don't try to excuse it, Kris.”
They don't speak again while Adam tires to regain his composure. Kris continues his quiet comfort, hand warm over Adam's shirt. When he thinks he can speak without it breaking him, Adam cants his head enough to meet Kris' eyes over his shoulder. “Neil hates me.”
“He doesn't hate you.”
Adam makes a derisive sort of sound, nodding his head. “He does. Made it pretty clear when I went to talk to him. He said I needed to go back to where I'd been hiding and forget that any of you existed.”
Kris makes a frustrated noise, running one hand over the back of Adam's head. “I'll talk to him.”
“No, please. Don't. I don't think it'll help.”
He senses Kris' hesitation but then he agrees with a quick nod. “Okay. But you need to make him listen, Adam. Neil took it hard after Drake died and you needed to leave.” Kris lets go of Adam, putting a bit of distance between them now that the immediate need for comfort has passed.
He locks his gaze with Kris and asks in disbelief. “Why don't you hate me?” He's wondered that for the last couple of months as Kris stepped back into his life. “Didn't you care that I left?”
Something dark flashes across Kris' face and he steps in, hands clenched into fists and Adam prepares for the hit before he even realizes it's coming. The contact of Kris' fist to his face isn't hard but it makes a clear point. His jaw throbs and there'll be an ugly bruise in the morning. He looks over at Kris shaking his hand out and realizes it might have hurt him more than it did Adam.
He moves to get closer but Kris holds his hand out. “Don't. Just.” He closes his eyes, breathing in and out, shallow, and when he opens them again, there's the anger that Adam had wanted to see.
“You're a fucking moron.”
Kris cursing is more shocking than the punch had been.
He's trembling, face twisted into so many warring emotions that Adam can't begin to try to read them all.
“You left me. I loved you and you left. As hard as I tried to understand the reasons, it cut me so deep that I don't think – I still haven't recovered. So don't be stupid and act wounded because I'm not going to use it to make you feel bad. If you didn't already feel that way, my pain isn't going to get that to happen. Why would I bother?”
Adam tries to speak but Kris waves it off. “I don’t matter anymore. We have bigger problems. You're back now. That's all that I care about.”
Adam lets him walk away, knowing that it's easier to do that than fight with him right now. Before Kris reaches the door, he stops, talking without looking back at him. “None of us hate you, Adam. Don't ever think that.” He disappears through the door and Adam can't help the relief that blooms in his chest.
Kris doesn't hate him.
He can work with that.
Adam isn't surprised to find that, aside from a few staff changes, nothing seems all that different from when he left. There's a comfort in that. He needs it to be the same. That way he can pick up where he left off.
Alisan snorts, legs crossed as she reclines across his bed. “Oh, sweetie. That's not going to happen, you know that, right?”
He does but that doesn't help him.
“Humor me, Alisan.”
His room is the same, the closet full of all his clothes. He'd forgotten how much he'd owned. It depresses him to know that most of them have to go. Half don't fit him anymore or aren't his style. The rest are a jumble of royal outfits, training clothes and casuals that he can still use.
Adam glances up when the door opens, heart jumping in his throat and then immediately falling when Tommy walks in, eyes wide.
“This place is unreal, dude. You have servants!”
He rolls his eyes. “I told you that I was --”
Tommy waves at him. “Yeah, you said king to be, I know. It's still, like, whoa.” His eyes light up at the array of cosmetics strewn across Adam's dresser. “Seriously. This is unbelievable.” He reaches for a compact, pulling the lid open.
Adam trades an amused smirk with Alisan.
“Oh, I wouldn't try any of those, Tommy. They're pretty ancient.”
He turns his head to find Kris in the doorway, hand gripping the door handle tightly, smiling over at Tommy. When he shifts his gaze to Adam and smiles wider, he feels this warmth in his chest, something he remembers from before. “Hey.”
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” It's said with some real concern. He'd been having nightmares at the time of his departure and of course Kris would wonder about that.
“I did.”
He knows they're staring at one another like idiots but it pains him to look away from Kris right at the moment. He knows that it was happening before. That it was getting harder to be away from him before Adam cut all ties.
Kris nods, satisfied with that apparently, and turns his attention to Alisan, giving her a warm smile. “I thought that made you and my – our – other Alli might want to meet. She can give you both a tour if you want.” He brings his focus to Adam, face serious suddenly and he takes a deep breath as he motions back out the door. “I don't want to pressure you, Adam, but Dad and Randy are waiting to speak with you in the parlor. There's breakfast there, too.” He throws that in like Adam was going to need to be bribed.
“Yeah, I'll be down in a minute.”
Kris' smile is relieved. He motions for Alisan and Tommy to go ahead of him and as he turns to head out of the room there's a tug at Adam. He needs Kris with him. “Are you going to be there?” He wants to know if he'll get to spend time with him or need to find excuses to make sure they do.
Kris stops, glances over his shoulder to meet Adam's eyes. “If you want me to I will.”
Adam nods. “I want you to.”
There's a long pause and then Kris half smiles. “Okay. I'll meet you there in ten minutes.”
Adam stares at the door for a long time after it's closed.
He isn’t sure what he should be expecting when he gets down to the meeting. Adam takes a moment to steel himself outside the door before he enters. His gaze lands on Kris, back to Adam, the line of his shoulders tense. It's when he hears his brother's voice that he understands why.
“If you want to trust him that's on you. Don't expect me to follow at your heels, Kristopher.”
“That's enough.” King Neil's command is firm, the tremble of his voice letting on his irritation. “We all agree that we need Adam. He's family. We don't judge family.”
His brother snorts. “This is all about Kris' feelings--”
“Let it go.” Kris sounds angry and Adam watches his posture go even more rigid as he rounds on his brother. “You don't know what I feel, Neil. But that's not even the point. Until Adam is caught up and decides he's ready to be in charge, I have the power. Whether you like it or not, that's how it goes. You had your chance to air your side when we came to decision of getting Adam back. I took your doubts into consideration. But since this isn't about you – or me for that matter – this whole argument is moot.”
Adam clears his throat, the room falling silent, all eyes on him. He keeps his gaze on Kris who gives him a reassuring smile, motions for him to come in. He enters the room, meets his brother's glare with one of his own, sees the surprise pass over Neil's face before he shakes his head and leaves, slamming the door after him. Adam sighs, looking back at the rest of the room. “Well, that went better than I expected after last night. At least he didn't, like, punch me.”
There's a familiar chuckle and he brings his gaze up to his king. He looks weary, older and fragile, something Adam had never attributed to Neil Allen. He moves hesitantly toward him. He's missed him more than he can say. Without thinking about it too hard, he reaches out and pulls him into a hug. “You still look good, Papa Allen.” He wants to cry when he feels the weakness in the grip that his mentor returns it with.
“It's been a long time since anyone's called me that.”
Kris is smiling softly, his arms crossed as he watches them hug and Adam meets his eyes, returns the smile with one of his own. It does the opposite of what he'd hoped, makes Kris look down and away. He brings his attention back to his king, pulling away to look at him. “You look good, old man.” It's a lie and they both know it. He can see that in the raised eyebrow and half smirk that Neil gives him.
“I can't believe you’re back.” He turns his loving gaze onto Kris, smile widening. “You did good, son.”
Adam bites his lips to keep from smiling at the slight pinking in Kris’ cheeks as he waves away his father's words.
“Adam's the one who came back. That's the important part.”
He wants to protest like he used to whenever Kris downplayed his role in anything. It used to drive Adam crazy when they were kids and he finds that it still does.
“Kris can be persuasive when he wants.”
That gets a grin from King Neil but before he can say anything, Randy steps forward and Adam panics for one second. He needs to face his fears and he may have been many things but he never backed down from a challenge. This is the biggest one he's had to face in years.
“Randy.”
The nod he gets is curt but there's warmth in the other man's eyes that Adam remembers, a look Randy would get whenever Adam did anything right. The fact that it's still there tells Adam that Kris was right all along. His place in the clan – it's where he's supposed to be. He shakes hands with Randy.
“We have a lot of catching up to do, Adam.”
He searches for Lil the first chance he gets.
“Don't attack her, Adam. Just talk. She must have had a good reason for what she did.”
Adam knows Alisan wants to be with him when he confronts Lil about her vision but he has to do this alone. That one moment with Lil in the gardens had changed his life forever and he finds doesn't find it surprising that when he finally finds her it's in the same spot.
She stands a few yards from where some kids are playing. Adam stops behind her, several feet away and watches them run around. It brings back memories of his own childhood. Kris and Katy exploring while his brother Neil and Daniel stalked them and Adam played mediator. Lil had been his friend. Keeping each other company while they watched their younger siblings and friends. He smiles despite the turmoil churning in his stomach.
“I heard you were back. Wondered how long it would take you to come for me.”
He jumps at the unexpected sound of Lil's voice but regains his composure quickly.
“You lied to me.”
There's no sense beating around the bush.
Lil's shoulders square before she glances back at him. The tears gathered in her eyes make him want to yield, but the years he's lost, the moments with Kris that he can't have back, those thoughts harden him against her pain.
“I'm sorry.”
That's not enough.
“I want to know why.”
She turns back to wave at a girl he doesn't recognize. “Mia, can you please ask Carrie to come watch you play in the garden while I speak to Mr. Lambert?”
The young girl eyes him cautiously before nodding. “Yes, Mama.”
“She grew up.”
Lil sniffs, sighing as she watches her daughter running to the house. “Time doesn't stop. No matter how much we wish it would.”
Adam clenches his fists at his side. They don't speak for the long minutes it takes Mia to return, a beautiful blonde in her wake. Her eyes flit to Adam, light up for a moment and then fall on Lil.
“Let's go inside.”
His first instinct is to demand that she tell him now. Scene or no scene, he's lost enough time on her word. But that won't get him anywhere. So her follows her. Because he needs answers. Because she knows the truths he doesn't. Because she was once his friend.
“I don't expect you to forgive me.”
Adam leans back against the dark oak desk, fingers clamped around the edge, white knuckled with anger. “Good to know.”
Lil takes a seat across from him, crosses her legs at the ankle, an old habit she'd had from way back when. It's a tell. He knows she's nervous. Something she only does when she doesn't want anyone to see it. Her hands fold on her lap and looks up, meets his eyes.
“This isn't an excuse that I'm going to give you. It's the reason and it wasn't right. It might not justify it but it's why I did it.”
Adam waits, crossing his arms to glare down at her.
“The vision – I did see Kris hurt, Adam. In pain and afraid. Alone and nearly dead. That was all true.”
That wasn't what Alisan had said.
“But you weren't there. That was the lie. You weren't finding his broken body.”
Adam closes his eyes, pushing away the images that had plagued him for years. “Why? Why did you do that to us?”
“He had my husband, Adam. Cowell had Teddy locked up. I couldn't – I had to do whatever I could to save him.”
“You could have told me the truth.” Adam grits his teeth, the words more a hiss than anything else.
Lil nods. “I know that. I'm sorry, Adam.” She swallows down tears and he wavers slightly, his anger fading as disappointment takes its place. “If I could change it, I would.”
Adam shakes his head, laugh mirthless. “You can't though, can you?” He pins her down with his anger, stops her in her tracks. “Do you have any idea what you did? Years, Lil, I spent years away from my family, my life, Kris because I thought I was saving him. Because you told me I had to, or I'd lose him.”
His fingers are trembling as he wipes his hand over his eyes, refusing to let her see the evidence of his pain. “It took me so long to let myself believe he could be mine and you snatched it away. You gave me these images of Kris, bleeding and gone.” Adam focuses on Lil, hands gesturing outward in an attempt to find some sense in all she'd done. “If it was you, would you forgive?”
Her silence is all the answer that's needed and he doesn't want to deal with her anymore. He wants to forget about her betrayal and focus on getting the life he gave up back. But he needs to know what happened. “Where's Teddy now?”
“Kris found out. He worked out a deal to have Teddy brought home.”
Adam closes his eyes. “And you never told him what you did?” He raises a hand, snorting in disbelief. “Of course you didn't. He would have exiled you.” His anger is this steady throbbing in his veins. “When you got your husband back, did it occur to you that I should know the truth? Did you think about finding me and telling me that I could have my life again?”
Lil takes a step towards him, makes Adam straighten to keep his distance. She stops when he glares at her. “Adam, I tried. Brad and I spent months looking for you. Then --” Her face does a complicated dance, one that he's seen on other faces recently and it makes his stomach twist painfully.
“What?”
She shakes her head. “It's not my place to tell you.”
He wants to hurt her as badly as she managed to hurt him. The nightmares that plagued him for years, crippled him at the beginning, keeping him away from Kris, were all her fault.
“Of course it's not.” He eyes her, furious and hurt. The urge to cause her pain is a pulsing need. “You knew I loved him and you still did it.” Adam shakes his head. “I can't forgive that.” He can't and probably never will. “But I'm not going to punish your family for your mistakes.” He made his decision on this before he'd even spoken to her. “You can stay.”
Adam doesn't wait for her response before walking out of the room. He has training to get to and meetings scheduled.
“He loves you.”
He pauses, hand on the door as she continues to speak.
“You love him.”
He twists the knob, opens the door to walk through as her words follow him out.
“You don't have to believe me but you were right back then. He belongs to you and you to him. You just need to claim him.”
It's not anything he doesn't already know.
Brad stares at him from the doorway, hands clutching his suitcase, eyes wide and disbelieving. Adam aims a wide smile at him.
“You going to stand there with your mouth hanging open – not that I mind that look on you, Bradley – or are you going to come inside and hug me?”
It takes a second and he hears the clatter of bags falling to the floor. Brad wraps his arms around Adam, gripping tight, shoves his face in the crook of Adam's neck.
“If you ever leave again, I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't care what Kristopher says.”
Adam's laugh is a little watery.
He's overwhelmed by everything that's thrown at him. Adam wonders if it had always been this way but he's can't remember ever feeling like this. Maybe because he'd been preparing for it for so long that the pressure had just been a part of his life. He knows the difference now but it makes stepping back less frightening than he would have expected. This is the life he is choosing.
Brad reassures him that he can fit back in it. Though he thinks it'll be harder to than it was before.
“A lot of things have changed, baby.”
There's so much to re-learn and he dives in head first. It surprises Kris, that he's stuck around; he can tell by the way he looks at Adam every time he walks into a room. It hurts Adam to know that Kris doubts him – not that anyone can blame him – and he works harder just to try to prove to him that he means it. It's taken years for Adam to realize the mistake he made in walking away. He won't be giving up this time around.
So they go over their current negotiations, treaties, allies, enemies. They've grown exponentially since he'd last been part of it and it gives him a deep sense of pride when Kris points out that most of what they took over were part of Adam's original plans. But he won't take credit because he knows that Kris executed it all.
Adam watches Kris closely. The way their people go directly to him whenever they have a concern. How Kris responds immediately, though now he turns to Adam if it's a problem he believes is important enough for Adam to deal with. They work well together, fit in ways Adam hadn't wanted to see. When he isn't elbow deep in paper work or meetings, lunches to get reacquainted with the other clan leaders, he's re-training with Anoop and Katy.
If that's what the torture they put him through can be called. Hours and hours of running through old programs, learning the new ones that they're using with their young. Anoop was always tough, pushing the skills into your head until they were all you could think about. He's not any different now. It's Katy that makes Adam nervous. Growing up together, she'd been sweet and funny. One of the best warriors Adam had ever seen but outside the battlefield, there was warmth to her that drew you in. He'd been jealous of how close she and Kris were. (Not that he'd admitted that to himself at the time.)
From the first moment that his re-training starts he can tell that it's different with Katy. She's polite and takes her time with him, helping with the flaws that are inevitable when you stop exercising muscles that you need for the kind of fighting they do. But the cold, distant woman he interacts with is so far away from the laughing, sweet girl who used to help him drive Anoop crazy, that it borders on the ridiculous.
He doesn't try to ask her why (he has a good idea what she'd say) but he misses his friend a lot.
Randy spends hours with him exercising his transformation skills. He hasn't forgotten them. It wasn't like he didn't use them over the years. There were times that he'd needed to let the wolf run free. It's a part of him and where he once hated it, now it's defines so much of his past and future. He says as much to Randy and blinks at the brilliant smile he gets in return.
“Who says you can't teach an old dog anything new.”
Adam rolls his eyes and concentrates, feels that twisting in his gut before he changes form, takes off across the grass and into the woods. Nothing in his vast experience compares to the sensation of the wind through his fur, his paws digging into the soft earth, the pungent smells of the world, the sounds that assault him. He wonders if he still looks the same. Thick black fur intermixed with silver and white if he remembers correctly. He runs and runs until he's panting then turns back to the path that leads to the house.
He sniffs the air, heart accelerating when he catches a whiff of Kris and takes off in that direction, skidding to a halt when he sees Kris. He stands with his back to Adam, talking intently with one of the gate guards, Johns. Kris stops suddenly, glances back and there's a mix of joy and fear when he sees Adam. He can feel it coming off Kris in waves. Adam moves fast, legs working to reach Kris and when he does, he nuzzles his face against Kris' leg. There's some hesitation but then Kris digs his fingers in the fur at the base of Adam's head, scratches gently. The touch courses through fur, skin and bones, and he shudders at how good it feels, wonders what it'll be like when they become one.
He pulls away, licking Kris' hand before heading back towards the training room where Randy is waiting.
It won't be long before he's ready.
He’s loved Allison from the first time her parents had brought her to them. She'd been seven years old and one look had made Adam want to cuddle her, protect her from the forces that had stolen her human life. She would never be the same. It was a blessing that she'd been so young. She wouldn't remember her attack or what it felt like to change the first time. The good thing was that Allison took to transforming and her wolf nature like a fish to water. Almost a second nature and unless you knew that she'd once been human, it was hard to tell that she wasn't born a wolf.
He'd left when she'd been on the cusp of child and woman.
The first time she runs at him, arms open, laughing at the way he's eyes widen when he'd recognizes her face, hair a flame of red trailing behind her, his heart stops. She is beautiful. The awkwardness of her pre-teen years, not knowing her own place in the world was gone. They spend an entire night eating chocolate ice cream and cookies, talking in detail over his adventures away from home. She seemed to have known he'd be back.
Adam finds that faith refreshing. At least someone believed in him. (Not that he blames anyone who didn't.)
After that, he’s hard pressed to keep her away and she becomes his shadow, only leaving him alone when he's in meetings with Kris. Her eyes sparkle every time he mentions those. He tells her what it's like to sit with Kris for hours: how he holds back from touching Kris or the way it makes his day when he gets Kris to smile. He rolls his eyes at the romantic ideas she has in her head about what they talk about.
“You guys are totally meant-to-be, you know what I'm saying, hermano.”
Adam can't argue with that.
He's pretty sure that she's right.
But it's not what she thinks.
They talk about policies, treaties, strategies. Kris fills him in on the changes in the clan, the problems they've been facing, rivalries, arrangements, and every once in a while, like now, an unexpected bit of information.
He blinks at Kris.
“Neil and Katy?”
Kris nods, smiles slightly. “I know, right?”
“My brother and Katy? Are you serious?”
“Completely.”
“Katy and Neil are married?”
“Two years.”
Adam can't wrap his mind around it, though he understands now why Katy acts as she does. She's bonded to his brother, apparently they're mates, and if he recalls what he's learned about what that means, her feelings are synched to Neil's. He hates Adam. She feels that and he guesses it has to be confusing. He makes a mental note to see if he can stop their training sessions. He might be able to convince Anoop that he's ready, maybe reduce the schedule to only the two of them.
When he looks up, Kris is staring at him. “She won't be happy if you quit on her.”
Adam raises an eyebrow then shrugs. “I find it a little freaky that you can still do that.”
“Well, your face doesn't hide much, Adam.”
Not from Kris at least. He's never been able to keep his thoughts to himself around him. “Yeah, well. It's uncomfortable for her and I'm back in shape. It'll be okay.”
Kris shakes his head, hiding his smile. “Good luck with that plan.”
They sit in silence for a few minutes while Kris looks through a pile of folders. He wants to show Adam some plans for a new center in town. There's a music program that Allison had been talking about. That reminds him of a question he's been meaning to ask Kris. (He asked Allison but her face had fallen and she'd shut him down immediately saying, “Ask Kris.”)
“Kris, I've been wondering something.”
Soft brown eyes meet his, wary and a little tired but he can sense an alertness, walls coming up around Kris. “What?”
Adam glances down at his hands, playing nervously with his nails before finding the words. “You don't play or sing anymore.”
Kris' face closes off. “That's not really a question.”
“No, it's not. I know you don't. What I want to know is why?”
He watches Kris carefully. Tries to find an answer in his gaze but Kris won't look at him. His gaze flutters all around the room. He shuffles papers, fixes and organizes the desk he uses and Adam thinks he's going to ignore him.
“I don't do that anymore.”
Adam opens his mouth but Kris continues.
“There's no time, really. And that was – a different life, Adam.”
“That's bullshit.” Adam reaches out, grabs Kris hand, strokes fingers over the warm skin of his wrist. “It's a part of you. There was no way you could give it up just like that. Something happened.” Brad has said as much without saying anything.
Kris scowls, raises to his feet, pulling his hand out of Adam's. “Dad wants to meet with you before the council gathering tomorrow. It's a good idea. He can bring you up to speed on the issues and how we're handling their decision to stand down on the fight with Cowell.”
“Don't change the subject.”
Kris bends his head, sighs loudly before he meets Adam's stare, holds it. “Let it go, Adam, okay?”
He starts to protest but the King enters, though Adam sees him pause for a moment on the threshold before he moves into the room. “Am I interrupting something?”
Kris shakes his head, musters a smile for his father. “No, we were finishing up. Adam is ready for you, Dad.” He turns to him and nods. “I have some things to take care of in town, but I'll see you in the morning.” He's out the door before Adam can stop him and he growls in frustration. He feels a hand on his shoulder, reassuring.
“Give him time, Adam. It's been – he's gone through a lot. It'll take some doing but he'll realize you're here for good.”
He doesn't want to scare Kris away but he's going to have to make him see that things are different.
“I hope so, Papa Allen.”
|Part Four|
Author:
freakykatRating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Summary: Kris knew from the first moment he met Adam that they were supposed to be something important.
What Adam likes the best about his friends is that they never know when to leave things alone. Sometimes it drives him crazy how they push until figure out the problem because usually whatever they come up with helps.
“You don't want him to let you go.”
Adam doesn't turn around, keeping his face toward the window, watching the lights of rushing traffic and wondering when he became so transparent. He knows he is because that hadn't been a question from Alisan.
“Adam?”
He takes a deep breath, buries his face in his hands briefly, rubbing his move. His thoughts are fast, scattered and he closes his eyes, tries to organize them enough to be able to speak. He faces his friends – his two best friends – and the words fall out in a heap.
“It wasn't Drake that made me run.”
Tommy seems more surprised than Alisan but not by much. They exchange a glance and then Tommy nods. “Yeah, I kinda got the impression this whole thing is all about Kris. I just didn't think you'd ever actually admit it.”
Adam grimaces. “Am I seriously that easy to read?”
Alisan shakes her head. “Not really, baby. We just know you pretty well.”
“And you have this habit of talking a lot when you drink. A lot.” He gives Adam a tentative smile and that loosen the tightness that's been gripping his chest since Kris walked out. “Talk to us, man.”
He sits on the soft chair that's always been his favorite and tells them about Drake. That Adam had needed someone to help him get past Brad.
“Brad knew that we weren't supposed to be together forever. He told me that. Many times.” Adam remembers fighting Brad every step of the way. Reassuring him that he would never love anyone else, never as much, not like he felt for Brad. All he'd ever get was the sad quirk of lips, kisses on his mouth and Brad's sincere “You already do, baby. You just don't know it.”
It used to drive Adam crazy and when Brad broke it off he'd been so angry. He couldn't see past what was in front of him.
“Getting over Brad – that was hard.” Adam swallow, feels that pinch in his heart at the memory of those weeks after. He could barely get out of bed. If it hadn't been for Kris pushing him, comforting him, Adam's not sure he would have made it out of that self imposed hell.
“Thing is – it wasn't – he was right.”
“You were in love with Kris.”
Adam hesitates before nodding fervently. “Stupidly. I just didn't know what it was because it was always there. And I'd known Kris since we were kids. I'd trained myself not to see him that way, you know?”
“What changed?”
“Kris went on a mission to Haiti for a year. We had some clans hit hard there and he organized the trip. He didn't leave until I was out of bed and taking care of myself first, though, because it's Kris.” He sees Alisan smile sweetly, nodding slowly and Adam knows she gets it. Living with Kris, she's seen all the little things that make him wonderful. “None of us wanted him to go. We didn't think it was a good idea but he's a stubborn prick when he wants something.” Another nod from Alisan and that makes him smile a little.
“So what happened when he came back?”
Adam shrugs. “I'd been getting ready to take more of the command of the clan. I mean, Neil was staying on as the head of the family – the king – until I was settled into the role but I was making a lot of the decisions, taking on the meetings, traveling to meets other royals, settling into it.”
“You liked it.”
He nods. “Yes, I did. It was my destiny according to everyone and I hate that it still feels like it's true. Anyway, I met Drake and we hit it off. We dated casually. He was more my friend than anything, you know? And then Brad reappeared back in my life at that point. Our friendship was tentative, I guess is the word, but we were trying.” He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes when the flash comes to him. He'd been getting ready for a council meeting, dressed in his suit, and he hadn't really been expecting the door to open as he walked down.
One second it was closed and the next Kris was standing in the doorway, rumpled and tired from days of travel but his eyes had found Adam. He'd broken into biggest grin Adam had ever seen and the room titled, got brighter. His heart started beating madly, his stomach twisted with want and need so sharp that Adam couldn't breathe and then Kris was in his arms, kissing his face, laughing in his ear. All he could do was hold on, press closer and it took every ounce of will power for Adam to let him.
“Then Kris came back and...that was it. I knew Brad had been right because when I saw him – I just understood what it meant.”
Alisan gives him a hard look. “Wait, so, you were in love with Kris. I'm damn sure Kris was in love with you.” Adam hates that past tense so very much. “Brad had told you that he was your meant-to-be-forever person but you didn't do anything?”
Adam throws his hands up in the air. “Ali, I didn't know what the fuck to do. This was Kris. Kris, okay? And I'd apparently loved him for so long that when I let myself think about it I didn't remember a time I didn't love him, okay? I freaked out. And I was – jealous.”
“Jealous?” Tommy eyebrows raised and he waved his hand for Adam to elaborate.
“He didn't come back alone.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. His name is Andrew. Kris met him on the mission and they'd become great friends. Even started writing music together. I hated him on sight.”
“Well, yeah, that makes sense.”
Adam shakes his head. “Andrew wanted Kris.” He raises one hand when Tommy starts to question that. “Believe me, he did. Everyone saw it except Kris. Or maybe he just ignored it and hoped it go away. Kinda like I did.”
Alisan snorts and he agrees with that. It was a stupid plan.
“I kept on seeing Drake and asked him to – be exclusive. I wasn't actually seeing anyone else but we made it more official.” His voice breaks and he blinks away the pinprick of tears that gather in his eyes. “And then we got attacked on one of my trips. They left us both for dead. I managed to survive but Drake --”
“And you blame yourself because...”
“If he hadn't been there --”
“Adam, you don't know that. Things are almost always out of our control.”
He looks up at Tommy and smile trembling, says, “That's what Kris kept saying.”
“Of course he did. The dude is pretty fucking smart.”
Drake's death nearly broke Adam and his struggle with that guilt has never gone away. But there was Kris, taking on some of the weight, holding him when he trembled with his grief, his anger, his fear. He'd healed, gotten through the darkness with Kris as his guide and when he'd reached the other side, he couldn't lie to himself anymore.
He was in love with Kris.
Everything that had been told to them was true.
Adam had even gotten the courage up to speak with Neil about it. He knew the king, the whole family was behind them, wanted their happiness and their marriage, thought not expected, was definitely wanted.
And then Lil had her vision, ran crying to Adam and shared it with him.
Kris, lying broken and bleeding at Adam's feet, an altar behind them, everything on fire.
Adam had thrown up.
It was like Drake all over again but this – this would kill him – it would destroy the family and Adam knew that he wouldn't want to live without Kris.
He tells this to Alisan and Tommy, their faces pale and he sees Tommy's hands shaking when takes a drink of water. Alisan looks a little bit confused, her mouth opening to say something but then she closes it.
“That's why you left?” Tommy asks.
Adam glances at them and has to look away at the pity he reads on their faces. “If I didn't marry him...”
“He wouldn't die.”
It was that simple.
“Did you ever think that maybe it wasn't what you thought?”
Adam had wished that. He'd spent years telling himself that he'd done the right thing.
But had he?
He knows couldn't have been the right decision. Probably has known it for a long time. The constant nightmares that plague him tell him that. He'd stuck to it because Kris had to live. That was the most important part.
But his people were dying without him. That was what Kris told him. Cowell riding high on his power, ruling with fear and Adam had walked away. His reasons were good. That hadn't changed.
“I don't know.”
Alisan steps forward, wraps her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. “Yes, you do. You love him. You love all of them.” She lays a hand on his head, closes her eyes and that frown appears again. “Adam, I had a vision when I saw Kris for the first time.” When Adam tries to jerk away, she holds him, shakes her head. “It was nothing like what you described. Are you sure about it?”
Adam swallows. “I believe the source.”
She nods. “Well, I think that maybe you did change it but if that's true then you need to push past this fear. You are his salvation.”
He wants to believe her and when he looks over at Tommy, his friends nods. “I don't have visions and I can see that.” He leans forward, hands clasped, resting on his knees. “You've never been happy here. This was a pit stop. I think you've known for a long time where you need to be to be truly happy.”
He doesn't know what to do now. Where to go from here. But he's pretty sure he can't figure it out sitting in his apartment. He once was brave enough to follow his instincts, even if he ignored his heart.
He turns to his friends.
“What if I can't do this?”
“You'd be stupid if you weren't scared. It's a kingdom in your hands.”
Adam closes his eyes. “Kris isn't going to understand. I've said no for so long. I don't even know -” He can see Kris in his mind's eye and it doesn't matter anymore that he wants to hide. He'll learn to get past that. He has to, because being afraid is no longer an option he has. Opening his eyes, he meets Alisan's and she smiles, nods in that way that tells him she's already ahead of him. “I'm going to need your help.”
He's going to have a hell of a time convincing Kris about what he wants.
Tommy stands up. “We're there, man.”
Adam's smile is nervous.
“You guys up for a road trip?”
Kris presses fingers gently against the side of his nose, wishes the throbbing headache away as hard as he can. It had taken longer than he wanted to get back home. Anoop had insisted on a detour when they'd gotten wind of Cowell in the vicinity of San Francisco. By the time he'd arrived at the house, his father had woken up and insisted he didn't need to be sent to the hospital. Despite protests from Kris and Kim, Neil couldn't be convinced. Cale tells Kris that as long as they keep it stress-free for him everything should be fine.
It takes him two days to catch up on what's happening with Cowell, the town and his family in general. He's not entirely surprised that Katy and Neil aren't speaking. They've been at each other throats for some time now. Kris hopes one of them breaks down soon and admits why. Otherwise, there's going to be bloodshed and he's really not in the mood to deal with that.
Brad is quiet, a little mad that Adam hadn't come back and Cass is upset he still cares so much. That doesn't seem to be going well.
Cowell is making a lot of noise in California.
Kris hasn't slept since he got back.
He opens his eyes, glancing over at his father's prone figure on the bed, breathing even and deep. Somehow he'd convinced his mom to let Allison fix her some dinner and they're off in the kitchens eating away. He knows it'll be his turn next because Allison doesn't miss anything. The problem is that he isn't hungry. Worry and exhaustion are warring for all his attention.
Adam had said no. Again. Kris knows that he can go back and wear him down. He'd be willing to do that but it's not as if he has the luxury of time on his hands. Cowell is making moves on their territories, their allies and aligning with their enemies. He needs to protect his people and the extending kingdom his family has fought for.
He can't waste his time going after something that he won't be able to ever have.
The problem with that is that he never made a contingency plan. He believed he could make Adam understand. That the deal he was willing to make would have sealed it.
Now he has to start over with no clue where to start.
There's a knock but before he can even say anything the door opens and Katy is there, eyes wide, shocked.
Kris stands quickly, heart beating too fast. “What's wrong?”
Katy shakes her head, beckons with one hand, voice choked when she says, “I think you need to go downstairs. Now.” He hesitates but she makes an impatient gesture at him. “I'll stay with your dad. Go.”
He wants to ask her what the hell happened to make her that way but if it's that important he can't waste time asking questions. Kris half-runs down the hall to the stairs and stops at the top when he sees the small crowd gathered around the entrance.
It takes him a moment but when he finally focuses on what everyone is staring at his throat closes up, heart dropping to his feet.
Adam looks up and Kris really hopes this isn't a dream because he might cry otherwise. Then Adam smiles at him, wide and relieved, and Kris knows this is real. He notices that Alisan and Tommy are standing behind Adam, tense and unhappy. Kris frowns until he realizes that Neil is blocking their path from the door into the house.
He takes the steps down slowly, calling out so that the rest of the room can hear him. “Your Highness.”
Neil turns to glare at Kris, mouth opening in shock and Kris shakes his head slightly. He understands what Neil feels. They talked about it back when Neil hadn't been so filled with anger and disappointment that he'd shut them all out. Adam's arrival isn’t a joy for his brother. But they never shared this outside of their inner circle and Neil knows better than to make a public display of his disapproval.
Kris manages to send all that to Neil, finding him surprisingly open and he watches as the tension leaves his shoulders. He doesn't seem to want to budge but when Kris nods he sighs loudly and stomps out of the room. There's the sound of a door slamming a few minutes later.
“That wasn't the homecoming I expected.” Adam says lightly and the crowd skitters with quiet laughter. The atmosphere in the foyer is friendly and Adam shakes hands with people as they come up to greet him. The servants that remember him offer quick hugs and Adam is kind to them all. It's like he'd never really left. Kris waits until everyone has cleared out before taking that final step down, standing in front of Adam as he does.
He sees warmth in Adam' s blue gaze and shivers, the sensation running down his spine. He smiles in return, watches Adam's pupils dilate when he does and wonders how Adam had ever missed what it meant. He knows it's a bad idea but it's a constant ache inside being far from Adam. He pushes into Adam's space, sliding arms around his shoulders and neck, tightening slightly. Adam's breath wafts over his skin and he hears the low moan that rumbles in Adam's chest. He rests his lips on Adam's ear, whispers a soft, “Thank you,” and feels Adam shudder in response.
Pulling away takes effort and when he does Adam stops him, leans his forehead against Kris', breathing in deep. There's a flare of want that turns into a flame when they're this close, and Kris has to close his eyes to keep from tasting Adam everywhere. He gets Adam to let go, stepping away and looking over at their audience. Tommy grins, wiggling his eyebrows and Alisan's face is dreamy as she sighs at them. He refrains from rolling his eyes at them, motions for them to come closer, hugging them in turn.
He can feel Adam watching him and glances over, sending a reassuring smile when he sees the uncertain look on his face. “I'm really glad you came.” He motions to the stairs as he looks back to his friends. “I'll take you guys to your rooms then we can make sure you get some dinner.” He meets Adam's eyes and half-smiles. “After that you can tell me what the hell took you so long.”
Adam laughs, shaking his head and reaches for Kris' hand, twines their fingers. “You are a bossy one, Kris Allen. Alright, but I think maybe I should find my parents, try to talk to my brother.”
Kris grimaces.
Neither of those are going to particularly fun conversations. He nods in agreement, pulls his hand away and misses the heat of Adam's almost immediately. “Okay. You remember where your room is, I assume. Make sure you eat something.” Adam nods and then heads off in the direction Neil had disappeared to.
Kris watches him until his out of the corner of his eye line then turns back to show his guests where to go.
Adam stutters in a breath as he closes the door to the study, leans his head against it to center his mind like Cam had taught him whenever he'd woken up with nightmares. He kept his face hidden until he was sure that his emotions weren't written across it. It was something he found difficult in this house, because there was constant activity. One of the staff always walking by or security detail doing their job never gives room for much privacy in the halls.
Once he doesn't feel like crying anymore, Adam walks in the direction he remembers the kitchen being. His stomach aches, hunger completely gone now but he'd told Kris he'd eat.
He doesn't want to break any more promises to anyone.
The progress to the kitchens is slowed down by Adam being greeted every few steps. Some people he remembers, others introduce themselves. There are a lot more security and staff then he remembers, but then again things aren't exactly the way they used to be.
“You broke our hearts, Adam.”
He shakes his head to quiet his mind.
The house changed in his absence. He's surprised by the high-tech additions he sees as he walks by. Papa Allen had always been an old-fashioned type of leader. He never believed in technology being the answer to anything. Adam's plans had included an upgrade to their property. He sees the blinking light of a security system panel as he turns down the hall and smiles.
He can guess whose idea it had been to make those changes.
Pushing against the swinging kitchen doors, Adam freezes in the entrance and the calm he'd managed to acquire after his talk with his parents and the non-talk with his brother flies right out the window.
Andrew is touching Kris.
Kris's face is a mixture of annoyance as he pulls his arms out of Andrew's grip. He takes a deep breath, says calmly. “How many times are we going to have this conversation? I said no. That's it.”
“It's because he's back.” Andrew steps closer to Kris, reaches for his face and it's like tunnel vision for Adam. All he can see is that someone is touching Kris. That's unacceptable. Especially if Kris doesn't want to be touched.
“That doesn't seem to be the case.” Adam gives Kris a smile, walking gracefully into the room, stopping only a few steps away from Kris. He glares at Andrew and his smile turns into a sneer. “He seemed to make it clear just now that his already answered whatever question you asked him. The answer was no. Maybe you should take the hint.”
Andrew's eyes flash with rage and Adam wants him to attack so he can have the satisfaction of pummeling him to the ground.
“You have no right to claim a damn thing after what you did.”
“Andrew, that's enough.” Kris' voice is dangerously low. Adam recognizes it as his 'don't push me or I'll kick your ass' voice. It makes every part of Adam pay attention. Kris' face is hard, angry in a way he doesn't recall ever seeing.
He wants to make it go away – misses immediately the easy smile and love that shined from Kris.
“It's fine, Kris.” Adam says, teeth clenched in anger and he stares Andrew down.
Kris shakes his head. “No, it's not.” His eyes stay on Andrew and he waits for the other man to look back at him before continuing. “Your loyalty is to this clan. That includes Adam. He is going to be your king. If this is a problem, Andrew, then you need to let me know and I'll make arrangements for you.”
Adam keeps his gaze on Andrew's back as he stomps out of the room and when he's sure they're alone, he faces Kris. “You didn't have to do that. I know he's your friend.”
Kris sighs. “He is. A good one at that. So, he should know that I value your friendship as much as I value his.”
After what he's just been through, hearing Kris say that makes Adam feel the rejection of his brother, the guilt from his parents even more. “You don't need to be nice about this, Kris. Why aren't you angry?”
He gets a glare in return. “Who says I'm not? But what I may or may not feel about you leaving isn't what's important now.” Kris stands closer to Adam, reaches one arm to hold on to his shoulder. “You came back. I assume that means that the deal I made is something you can do.” He squeezes quickly before letting go of Adam completely. Adam tries not to let out a groan of disappointment, the point of contact throbbing with warmth. “But to them you're back to claim your place. They need to rally around you. I'm not going to condone anyone disrespecting you.”
Adam tries to smile, but the tears he'd managed to avoid earlier gather in his eyes and he has to look away, turning from Kris so he doesn't see them.
Which is stupid because Kris still seems to know him better than most anyone.
“What happened?” Kris' hand wraps around Adam's neck, rubbing small circles into the skin. There's a wave of peace that flows through him and he reaches back, holds on to both the feeling and Kris’s hand. Kris's forehead touches the back of Adam's head as they breath together. “Tell me.”
“I knew it was going to be difficult, you know? Seeing them again, coming back after running for so long but – they look so weary, Kris. Almost broken and – I – I did that.” The hot backwash of tears fall on his cheeks, making him bite down on his lips to keep in the sob that threatens to come loose from his throat. “I can't ever make up for that. For the days and nights they've worried about me. The pain I caused by leaving them behind. Leaving everyone that needed me.”
Kris shakes his head, Adam can feel it and his breath ghosts across Adam's hair. “You're not the sole reason for their hard times, Adam. It's been tough.”
“Because I wasn't here. Don't try to excuse it, Kris.”
They don't speak again while Adam tires to regain his composure. Kris continues his quiet comfort, hand warm over Adam's shirt. When he thinks he can speak without it breaking him, Adam cants his head enough to meet Kris' eyes over his shoulder. “Neil hates me.”
“He doesn't hate you.”
Adam makes a derisive sort of sound, nodding his head. “He does. Made it pretty clear when I went to talk to him. He said I needed to go back to where I'd been hiding and forget that any of you existed.”
Kris makes a frustrated noise, running one hand over the back of Adam's head. “I'll talk to him.”
“No, please. Don't. I don't think it'll help.”
He senses Kris' hesitation but then he agrees with a quick nod. “Okay. But you need to make him listen, Adam. Neil took it hard after Drake died and you needed to leave.” Kris lets go of Adam, putting a bit of distance between them now that the immediate need for comfort has passed.
He locks his gaze with Kris and asks in disbelief. “Why don't you hate me?” He's wondered that for the last couple of months as Kris stepped back into his life. “Didn't you care that I left?”
Something dark flashes across Kris' face and he steps in, hands clenched into fists and Adam prepares for the hit before he even realizes it's coming. The contact of Kris' fist to his face isn't hard but it makes a clear point. His jaw throbs and there'll be an ugly bruise in the morning. He looks over at Kris shaking his hand out and realizes it might have hurt him more than it did Adam.
He moves to get closer but Kris holds his hand out. “Don't. Just.” He closes his eyes, breathing in and out, shallow, and when he opens them again, there's the anger that Adam had wanted to see.
“You're a fucking moron.”
Kris cursing is more shocking than the punch had been.
He's trembling, face twisted into so many warring emotions that Adam can't begin to try to read them all.
“You left me. I loved you and you left. As hard as I tried to understand the reasons, it cut me so deep that I don't think – I still haven't recovered. So don't be stupid and act wounded because I'm not going to use it to make you feel bad. If you didn't already feel that way, my pain isn't going to get that to happen. Why would I bother?”
Adam tries to speak but Kris waves it off. “I don’t matter anymore. We have bigger problems. You're back now. That's all that I care about.”
Adam lets him walk away, knowing that it's easier to do that than fight with him right now. Before Kris reaches the door, he stops, talking without looking back at him. “None of us hate you, Adam. Don't ever think that.” He disappears through the door and Adam can't help the relief that blooms in his chest.
Kris doesn't hate him.
He can work with that.
Adam isn't surprised to find that, aside from a few staff changes, nothing seems all that different from when he left. There's a comfort in that. He needs it to be the same. That way he can pick up where he left off.
Alisan snorts, legs crossed as she reclines across his bed. “Oh, sweetie. That's not going to happen, you know that, right?”
He does but that doesn't help him.
“Humor me, Alisan.”
His room is the same, the closet full of all his clothes. He'd forgotten how much he'd owned. It depresses him to know that most of them have to go. Half don't fit him anymore or aren't his style. The rest are a jumble of royal outfits, training clothes and casuals that he can still use.
Adam glances up when the door opens, heart jumping in his throat and then immediately falling when Tommy walks in, eyes wide.
“This place is unreal, dude. You have servants!”
He rolls his eyes. “I told you that I was --”
Tommy waves at him. “Yeah, you said king to be, I know. It's still, like, whoa.” His eyes light up at the array of cosmetics strewn across Adam's dresser. “Seriously. This is unbelievable.” He reaches for a compact, pulling the lid open.
Adam trades an amused smirk with Alisan.
“Oh, I wouldn't try any of those, Tommy. They're pretty ancient.”
He turns his head to find Kris in the doorway, hand gripping the door handle tightly, smiling over at Tommy. When he shifts his gaze to Adam and smiles wider, he feels this warmth in his chest, something he remembers from before. “Hey.”
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” It's said with some real concern. He'd been having nightmares at the time of his departure and of course Kris would wonder about that.
“I did.”
He knows they're staring at one another like idiots but it pains him to look away from Kris right at the moment. He knows that it was happening before. That it was getting harder to be away from him before Adam cut all ties.
Kris nods, satisfied with that apparently, and turns his attention to Alisan, giving her a warm smile. “I thought that made you and my – our – other Alli might want to meet. She can give you both a tour if you want.” He brings his focus to Adam, face serious suddenly and he takes a deep breath as he motions back out the door. “I don't want to pressure you, Adam, but Dad and Randy are waiting to speak with you in the parlor. There's breakfast there, too.” He throws that in like Adam was going to need to be bribed.
“Yeah, I'll be down in a minute.”
Kris' smile is relieved. He motions for Alisan and Tommy to go ahead of him and as he turns to head out of the room there's a tug at Adam. He needs Kris with him. “Are you going to be there?” He wants to know if he'll get to spend time with him or need to find excuses to make sure they do.
Kris stops, glances over his shoulder to meet Adam's eyes. “If you want me to I will.”
Adam nods. “I want you to.”
There's a long pause and then Kris half smiles. “Okay. I'll meet you there in ten minutes.”
Adam stares at the door for a long time after it's closed.
He isn’t sure what he should be expecting when he gets down to the meeting. Adam takes a moment to steel himself outside the door before he enters. His gaze lands on Kris, back to Adam, the line of his shoulders tense. It's when he hears his brother's voice that he understands why.
“If you want to trust him that's on you. Don't expect me to follow at your heels, Kristopher.”
“That's enough.” King Neil's command is firm, the tremble of his voice letting on his irritation. “We all agree that we need Adam. He's family. We don't judge family.”
His brother snorts. “This is all about Kris' feelings--”
“Let it go.” Kris sounds angry and Adam watches his posture go even more rigid as he rounds on his brother. “You don't know what I feel, Neil. But that's not even the point. Until Adam is caught up and decides he's ready to be in charge, I have the power. Whether you like it or not, that's how it goes. You had your chance to air your side when we came to decision of getting Adam back. I took your doubts into consideration. But since this isn't about you – or me for that matter – this whole argument is moot.”
Adam clears his throat, the room falling silent, all eyes on him. He keeps his gaze on Kris who gives him a reassuring smile, motions for him to come in. He enters the room, meets his brother's glare with one of his own, sees the surprise pass over Neil's face before he shakes his head and leaves, slamming the door after him. Adam sighs, looking back at the rest of the room. “Well, that went better than I expected after last night. At least he didn't, like, punch me.”
There's a familiar chuckle and he brings his gaze up to his king. He looks weary, older and fragile, something Adam had never attributed to Neil Allen. He moves hesitantly toward him. He's missed him more than he can say. Without thinking about it too hard, he reaches out and pulls him into a hug. “You still look good, Papa Allen.” He wants to cry when he feels the weakness in the grip that his mentor returns it with.
“It's been a long time since anyone's called me that.”
Kris is smiling softly, his arms crossed as he watches them hug and Adam meets his eyes, returns the smile with one of his own. It does the opposite of what he'd hoped, makes Kris look down and away. He brings his attention back to his king, pulling away to look at him. “You look good, old man.” It's a lie and they both know it. He can see that in the raised eyebrow and half smirk that Neil gives him.
“I can't believe you’re back.” He turns his loving gaze onto Kris, smile widening. “You did good, son.”
Adam bites his lips to keep from smiling at the slight pinking in Kris’ cheeks as he waves away his father's words.
“Adam's the one who came back. That's the important part.”
He wants to protest like he used to whenever Kris downplayed his role in anything. It used to drive Adam crazy when they were kids and he finds that it still does.
“Kris can be persuasive when he wants.”
That gets a grin from King Neil but before he can say anything, Randy steps forward and Adam panics for one second. He needs to face his fears and he may have been many things but he never backed down from a challenge. This is the biggest one he's had to face in years.
“Randy.”
The nod he gets is curt but there's warmth in the other man's eyes that Adam remembers, a look Randy would get whenever Adam did anything right. The fact that it's still there tells Adam that Kris was right all along. His place in the clan – it's where he's supposed to be. He shakes hands with Randy.
“We have a lot of catching up to do, Adam.”
He searches for Lil the first chance he gets.
“Don't attack her, Adam. Just talk. She must have had a good reason for what she did.”
Adam knows Alisan wants to be with him when he confronts Lil about her vision but he has to do this alone. That one moment with Lil in the gardens had changed his life forever and he finds doesn't find it surprising that when he finally finds her it's in the same spot.
She stands a few yards from where some kids are playing. Adam stops behind her, several feet away and watches them run around. It brings back memories of his own childhood. Kris and Katy exploring while his brother Neil and Daniel stalked them and Adam played mediator. Lil had been his friend. Keeping each other company while they watched their younger siblings and friends. He smiles despite the turmoil churning in his stomach.
“I heard you were back. Wondered how long it would take you to come for me.”
He jumps at the unexpected sound of Lil's voice but regains his composure quickly.
“You lied to me.”
There's no sense beating around the bush.
Lil's shoulders square before she glances back at him. The tears gathered in her eyes make him want to yield, but the years he's lost, the moments with Kris that he can't have back, those thoughts harden him against her pain.
“I'm sorry.”
That's not enough.
“I want to know why.”
She turns back to wave at a girl he doesn't recognize. “Mia, can you please ask Carrie to come watch you play in the garden while I speak to Mr. Lambert?”
The young girl eyes him cautiously before nodding. “Yes, Mama.”
“She grew up.”
Lil sniffs, sighing as she watches her daughter running to the house. “Time doesn't stop. No matter how much we wish it would.”
Adam clenches his fists at his side. They don't speak for the long minutes it takes Mia to return, a beautiful blonde in her wake. Her eyes flit to Adam, light up for a moment and then fall on Lil.
“Let's go inside.”
His first instinct is to demand that she tell him now. Scene or no scene, he's lost enough time on her word. But that won't get him anywhere. So her follows her. Because he needs answers. Because she knows the truths he doesn't. Because she was once his friend.
“I don't expect you to forgive me.”
Adam leans back against the dark oak desk, fingers clamped around the edge, white knuckled with anger. “Good to know.”
Lil takes a seat across from him, crosses her legs at the ankle, an old habit she'd had from way back when. It's a tell. He knows she's nervous. Something she only does when she doesn't want anyone to see it. Her hands fold on her lap and looks up, meets his eyes.
“This isn't an excuse that I'm going to give you. It's the reason and it wasn't right. It might not justify it but it's why I did it.”
Adam waits, crossing his arms to glare down at her.
“The vision – I did see Kris hurt, Adam. In pain and afraid. Alone and nearly dead. That was all true.”
That wasn't what Alisan had said.
“But you weren't there. That was the lie. You weren't finding his broken body.”
Adam closes his eyes, pushing away the images that had plagued him for years. “Why? Why did you do that to us?”
“He had my husband, Adam. Cowell had Teddy locked up. I couldn't – I had to do whatever I could to save him.”
“You could have told me the truth.” Adam grits his teeth, the words more a hiss than anything else.
Lil nods. “I know that. I'm sorry, Adam.” She swallows down tears and he wavers slightly, his anger fading as disappointment takes its place. “If I could change it, I would.”
Adam shakes his head, laugh mirthless. “You can't though, can you?” He pins her down with his anger, stops her in her tracks. “Do you have any idea what you did? Years, Lil, I spent years away from my family, my life, Kris because I thought I was saving him. Because you told me I had to, or I'd lose him.”
His fingers are trembling as he wipes his hand over his eyes, refusing to let her see the evidence of his pain. “It took me so long to let myself believe he could be mine and you snatched it away. You gave me these images of Kris, bleeding and gone.” Adam focuses on Lil, hands gesturing outward in an attempt to find some sense in all she'd done. “If it was you, would you forgive?”
Her silence is all the answer that's needed and he doesn't want to deal with her anymore. He wants to forget about her betrayal and focus on getting the life he gave up back. But he needs to know what happened. “Where's Teddy now?”
“Kris found out. He worked out a deal to have Teddy brought home.”
Adam closes his eyes. “And you never told him what you did?” He raises a hand, snorting in disbelief. “Of course you didn't. He would have exiled you.” His anger is this steady throbbing in his veins. “When you got your husband back, did it occur to you that I should know the truth? Did you think about finding me and telling me that I could have my life again?”
Lil takes a step towards him, makes Adam straighten to keep his distance. She stops when he glares at her. “Adam, I tried. Brad and I spent months looking for you. Then --” Her face does a complicated dance, one that he's seen on other faces recently and it makes his stomach twist painfully.
“What?”
She shakes her head. “It's not my place to tell you.”
He wants to hurt her as badly as she managed to hurt him. The nightmares that plagued him for years, crippled him at the beginning, keeping him away from Kris, were all her fault.
“Of course it's not.” He eyes her, furious and hurt. The urge to cause her pain is a pulsing need. “You knew I loved him and you still did it.” Adam shakes his head. “I can't forgive that.” He can't and probably never will. “But I'm not going to punish your family for your mistakes.” He made his decision on this before he'd even spoken to her. “You can stay.”
Adam doesn't wait for her response before walking out of the room. He has training to get to and meetings scheduled.
“He loves you.”
He pauses, hand on the door as she continues to speak.
“You love him.”
He twists the knob, opens the door to walk through as her words follow him out.
“You don't have to believe me but you were right back then. He belongs to you and you to him. You just need to claim him.”
It's not anything he doesn't already know.
Brad stares at him from the doorway, hands clutching his suitcase, eyes wide and disbelieving. Adam aims a wide smile at him.
“You going to stand there with your mouth hanging open – not that I mind that look on you, Bradley – or are you going to come inside and hug me?”
It takes a second and he hears the clatter of bags falling to the floor. Brad wraps his arms around Adam, gripping tight, shoves his face in the crook of Adam's neck.
“If you ever leave again, I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't care what Kristopher says.”
Adam's laugh is a little watery.
He's overwhelmed by everything that's thrown at him. Adam wonders if it had always been this way but he's can't remember ever feeling like this. Maybe because he'd been preparing for it for so long that the pressure had just been a part of his life. He knows the difference now but it makes stepping back less frightening than he would have expected. This is the life he is choosing.
Brad reassures him that he can fit back in it. Though he thinks it'll be harder to than it was before.
“A lot of things have changed, baby.”
There's so much to re-learn and he dives in head first. It surprises Kris, that he's stuck around; he can tell by the way he looks at Adam every time he walks into a room. It hurts Adam to know that Kris doubts him – not that anyone can blame him – and he works harder just to try to prove to him that he means it. It's taken years for Adam to realize the mistake he made in walking away. He won't be giving up this time around.
So they go over their current negotiations, treaties, allies, enemies. They've grown exponentially since he'd last been part of it and it gives him a deep sense of pride when Kris points out that most of what they took over were part of Adam's original plans. But he won't take credit because he knows that Kris executed it all.
Adam watches Kris closely. The way their people go directly to him whenever they have a concern. How Kris responds immediately, though now he turns to Adam if it's a problem he believes is important enough for Adam to deal with. They work well together, fit in ways Adam hadn't wanted to see. When he isn't elbow deep in paper work or meetings, lunches to get reacquainted with the other clan leaders, he's re-training with Anoop and Katy.
If that's what the torture they put him through can be called. Hours and hours of running through old programs, learning the new ones that they're using with their young. Anoop was always tough, pushing the skills into your head until they were all you could think about. He's not any different now. It's Katy that makes Adam nervous. Growing up together, she'd been sweet and funny. One of the best warriors Adam had ever seen but outside the battlefield, there was warmth to her that drew you in. He'd been jealous of how close she and Kris were. (Not that he'd admitted that to himself at the time.)
From the first moment that his re-training starts he can tell that it's different with Katy. She's polite and takes her time with him, helping with the flaws that are inevitable when you stop exercising muscles that you need for the kind of fighting they do. But the cold, distant woman he interacts with is so far away from the laughing, sweet girl who used to help him drive Anoop crazy, that it borders on the ridiculous.
He doesn't try to ask her why (he has a good idea what she'd say) but he misses his friend a lot.
Randy spends hours with him exercising his transformation skills. He hasn't forgotten them. It wasn't like he didn't use them over the years. There were times that he'd needed to let the wolf run free. It's a part of him and where he once hated it, now it's defines so much of his past and future. He says as much to Randy and blinks at the brilliant smile he gets in return.
“Who says you can't teach an old dog anything new.”
Adam rolls his eyes and concentrates, feels that twisting in his gut before he changes form, takes off across the grass and into the woods. Nothing in his vast experience compares to the sensation of the wind through his fur, his paws digging into the soft earth, the pungent smells of the world, the sounds that assault him. He wonders if he still looks the same. Thick black fur intermixed with silver and white if he remembers correctly. He runs and runs until he's panting then turns back to the path that leads to the house.
He sniffs the air, heart accelerating when he catches a whiff of Kris and takes off in that direction, skidding to a halt when he sees Kris. He stands with his back to Adam, talking intently with one of the gate guards, Johns. Kris stops suddenly, glances back and there's a mix of joy and fear when he sees Adam. He can feel it coming off Kris in waves. Adam moves fast, legs working to reach Kris and when he does, he nuzzles his face against Kris' leg. There's some hesitation but then Kris digs his fingers in the fur at the base of Adam's head, scratches gently. The touch courses through fur, skin and bones, and he shudders at how good it feels, wonders what it'll be like when they become one.
He pulls away, licking Kris' hand before heading back towards the training room where Randy is waiting.
It won't be long before he's ready.
He’s loved Allison from the first time her parents had brought her to them. She'd been seven years old and one look had made Adam want to cuddle her, protect her from the forces that had stolen her human life. She would never be the same. It was a blessing that she'd been so young. She wouldn't remember her attack or what it felt like to change the first time. The good thing was that Allison took to transforming and her wolf nature like a fish to water. Almost a second nature and unless you knew that she'd once been human, it was hard to tell that she wasn't born a wolf.
He'd left when she'd been on the cusp of child and woman.
The first time she runs at him, arms open, laughing at the way he's eyes widen when he'd recognizes her face, hair a flame of red trailing behind her, his heart stops. She is beautiful. The awkwardness of her pre-teen years, not knowing her own place in the world was gone. They spend an entire night eating chocolate ice cream and cookies, talking in detail over his adventures away from home. She seemed to have known he'd be back.
Adam finds that faith refreshing. At least someone believed in him. (Not that he blames anyone who didn't.)
After that, he’s hard pressed to keep her away and she becomes his shadow, only leaving him alone when he's in meetings with Kris. Her eyes sparkle every time he mentions those. He tells her what it's like to sit with Kris for hours: how he holds back from touching Kris or the way it makes his day when he gets Kris to smile. He rolls his eyes at the romantic ideas she has in her head about what they talk about.
“You guys are totally meant-to-be, you know what I'm saying, hermano.”
Adam can't argue with that.
He's pretty sure that she's right.
But it's not what she thinks.
They talk about policies, treaties, strategies. Kris fills him in on the changes in the clan, the problems they've been facing, rivalries, arrangements, and every once in a while, like now, an unexpected bit of information.
He blinks at Kris.
“Neil and Katy?”
Kris nods, smiles slightly. “I know, right?”
“My brother and Katy? Are you serious?”
“Completely.”
“Katy and Neil are married?”
“Two years.”
Adam can't wrap his mind around it, though he understands now why Katy acts as she does. She's bonded to his brother, apparently they're mates, and if he recalls what he's learned about what that means, her feelings are synched to Neil's. He hates Adam. She feels that and he guesses it has to be confusing. He makes a mental note to see if he can stop their training sessions. He might be able to convince Anoop that he's ready, maybe reduce the schedule to only the two of them.
When he looks up, Kris is staring at him. “She won't be happy if you quit on her.”
Adam raises an eyebrow then shrugs. “I find it a little freaky that you can still do that.”
“Well, your face doesn't hide much, Adam.”
Not from Kris at least. He's never been able to keep his thoughts to himself around him. “Yeah, well. It's uncomfortable for her and I'm back in shape. It'll be okay.”
Kris shakes his head, hiding his smile. “Good luck with that plan.”
They sit in silence for a few minutes while Kris looks through a pile of folders. He wants to show Adam some plans for a new center in town. There's a music program that Allison had been talking about. That reminds him of a question he's been meaning to ask Kris. (He asked Allison but her face had fallen and she'd shut him down immediately saying, “Ask Kris.”)
“Kris, I've been wondering something.”
Soft brown eyes meet his, wary and a little tired but he can sense an alertness, walls coming up around Kris. “What?”
Adam glances down at his hands, playing nervously with his nails before finding the words. “You don't play or sing anymore.”
Kris' face closes off. “That's not really a question.”
“No, it's not. I know you don't. What I want to know is why?”
He watches Kris carefully. Tries to find an answer in his gaze but Kris won't look at him. His gaze flutters all around the room. He shuffles papers, fixes and organizes the desk he uses and Adam thinks he's going to ignore him.
“I don't do that anymore.”
Adam opens his mouth but Kris continues.
“There's no time, really. And that was – a different life, Adam.”
“That's bullshit.” Adam reaches out, grabs Kris hand, strokes fingers over the warm skin of his wrist. “It's a part of you. There was no way you could give it up just like that. Something happened.” Brad has said as much without saying anything.
Kris scowls, raises to his feet, pulling his hand out of Adam's. “Dad wants to meet with you before the council gathering tomorrow. It's a good idea. He can bring you up to speed on the issues and how we're handling their decision to stand down on the fight with Cowell.”
“Don't change the subject.”
Kris bends his head, sighs loudly before he meets Adam's stare, holds it. “Let it go, Adam, okay?”
He starts to protest but the King enters, though Adam sees him pause for a moment on the threshold before he moves into the room. “Am I interrupting something?”
Kris shakes his head, musters a smile for his father. “No, we were finishing up. Adam is ready for you, Dad.” He turns to him and nods. “I have some things to take care of in town, but I'll see you in the morning.” He's out the door before Adam can stop him and he growls in frustration. He feels a hand on his shoulder, reassuring.
“Give him time, Adam. It's been – he's gone through a lot. It'll take some doing but he'll realize you're here for good.”
He doesn't want to scare Kris away but he's going to have to make him see that things are different.
“I hope so, Papa Allen.”
|Part Four|
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-08-12 12:32 pm (UTC)