NaNo Fic: Find Your Way Through Me (ATWT, Luke/Noah, AU) - Chapter Six

[freakykat]

banner made by kari77 - thank you so much, sweetie!


Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author: freakykat
Rating: R to NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Six
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own any of the boys I like to play with. All rights for the characters go to P&G, ATWT, JP, CG, etc.
Beta: The phenomenal and wonderful noelleleithe who took this monster on! I love you!
W/C: 3860
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death (NOT THE BOYS!), violence (It does have a happy ending, I swear!)
Author’s Note: Not quite as Epic as last time, this is a little over 50,000 words. My eternal gratitude to noelleleithe and reilael who listened to me bitch and moan and rhapsodize about this for MONTHS. Even if you're not in this fandom, feel free to read it. Enjoy! And feedback is yearned, loved and appreciated.
Story Notes: Found in Chapter One

All chapters found here.



Note: I don't normally post two chapters in the same day but Chapter Five posted earlier here.




Find your way through me

Chapter Six


Luke stamped his feet at the entrance of Metro, ridding his shoes of snow and slush. Casey did the same next to him and when they were both satisfied, they stood staring at the door for some time.

Maddie huddled behind them, gloved hands in her pockets. She stared from one to the other, shaking her head in disgust. “Really, guys.” Pushing the door open, they stepped inside and Luke watched Maddie grin as they took in the crowd. It had been Maddie’s idea for Henry to have a monthly fourteen and over night. Luke wasn’t sure how legal it was but then he was blocked by two large men who asked for ID’s. After, they wrapped some bracelets on their wrists, and Luke glanced down, reading the words: Under 18.

Not for long, though. Prom was just around the corner and then his birthday. The summer internship at WOAK and college. He didn’t think he’d been this exciting about anything in his whole life. Even if he was only going to Oakdale U, it felt like the beginning of everything.

He hurried behind Maddie and Casey, waving at a few friends from the debate club, stopping to say hello to his chemistry lab partner. There were people he had no desire to ever talk to dancing just a few feet from him. Kevin was staring at him, some of his jock friends giving him deathly glares.

He glanced behind him, finding Maddie and Casey at a nearby table. He smiled at Sharon, saying his goodbye and crossing the room. It was best to avoid any and all confrontations. They were there to celebrate that they had survived the crazy attacks that had been scaring the town for months and that Casey had managed to get his jail sentence reduced to community service. Years of it but still. Better then prison in Luke’s opinion.

Halfway to the table, he jerked to a stop, his eyes playing tricks on him. Luke blinked rapidly, staring across at the other side of the club. Someone moved and he got a clear look at the tall, dark haired guy leaning against the wall, smiling slowly at the person he was talking to.

Noah.

Luke thought that even in the crowded club, surrounding by laughter and talking, he could clearly hear his heart thudding against his chest. Noah was smiling again, eyes crinkling at the corners and Luke glared at the back of head he was talking to. He tore his gaze away, heading to the back table that his friends had somehow managed to wrangle.

When Casey had mentioned that Noah was in town, Luke had been torn between despair and utter happy joy. With Noah in Chicago, it had been easier to deal with the big hole he had left behind but Luke knew that having Noah close and not being able to be near him…that would be torture.

Luke used to laugh at the expression absence makes the heart grow fonder. He figured if you didn’t notice it while it was in front of you, it not being there wasn’t going to make a difference.

Except that he learned it was true when Noah left him behind and all those feelings that Luke had bundled tight inside came apart.

And time…time changed a lot of things. It had only been a few months but Luke saw clearly exactly what Noah had meant to him. He missed him completely, every day.

Luke plopped down in one of the empty chairs, keeping his attention on the table. He struggled to listen to everything Maddie was saying until Casey’s frustrated sigh made him look up.

Casey glared at him. “He’s right over there.”

Luke scowled back. “I’m aware.”

“Oh, good,” Casey leaned back, crossing his arms and staring pointedly at Noah, “Because I thought maybe you were too chicken to go and say hello.”

Luke shook his head. “He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“How do you even know that, Luke?” Maddie leaned into the conversation, voice going quieter. She kept glancing behind her at Noah and Luke mustered up the courage to do the same. He felt his stomach twist and he breathed deep.

“Was he always that beautiful?”

“Yes.” Maddie nodded with no hesitation when she answered.

“Well, no.”

Two heads swiveled to glare at Casey and he raised his hands up in mock defense.

“He was a scrawny geek of a kid but he grew out of that. That’s all I’m saying.”

Luke covered his face with his hands, groaning. “How did I miss that? When did he go from being Noah to being Noah, you know?”

Maddie laughed a little, patting Luke’s hand sympathetically, and shrugged. “I wasn’t here for the whole sprouting. When I arrived he’d already been sprung into hotness so…”

Casey grinned at her, looking over at Noah then back at Luke. “Sometime in the tenth grade.” When Luke gaped at him, Casey raised an eyebrow. “I may be straight but I have eyes, dude.” He pointed at Noah and Luke batted his hands down making him roll his eyes. “Okay, man. Stop. I’m just saying you didn’t notice because I think subconsciously you didn’t want to.”

“Freshman psych rears its ugly head.”

Casey gave Maddie a look before returning his attention to Luke. “No, really. For so long it was all about Kevin, you know. I think that’s why you became so focus -“

“Obsessed.” Luke interjected, trying not to remember that pathetic time in his own life.

Casey continued, “Focused. Kevin was never going to happen. Closet case or bi or whatever he turns out to be, you and him, just not something that even you really wanted, Luke. But Noah. That was different. That you could have and I think it freaked you out. Cause you knew. Subconsciously, of course.” Casey popped a chip into his mouth, munching around a grin.

Before Luke could even begin to ask what that meant, he felt someone at his back and turned, meeting clear blue.

“Noah.”

“Hi, Luke.”

Casey stood up, rounding the table and grabbing Noah in a crushing hug, grinning into his shoulder. “You showed up!”

Noah squeezed tight and laughed softly. “You sort of threatened my life, man.”

Maddie made a loud squeeing sort of noise and launched into Noah’s arms, rattling on about having just bought one of their ancient movies on DVD, making plans to see it at some point in his visit.

Luke glowered at Casey, leaning in while Maddie talked to Noah, hissing through clenched teeth. “You told him to come?”

Casey shrugged. “He is one of my best friends, too, you know. I missed him. Figured it would be easier for you two if you weren’t alone or whatever.”

“Casey, he doesn’t –“

Luke cut off at the feel of Noah’s hand on his shoulder. He leaned back to stare up at Noah. There was something in his eyes that Luke couldn’t quite read but Noah seemed nervous.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Noah pointed behind him at the door that led to the back office.

Luke nodded, standing up and following Noah, looking back at the table. He received two thumbs up and faces full of grins. He was glad someone was happy about this.

The crowd seemed to have doubled all of sudden making it harder to get through to the side where Noah was heading. He bumped into a few people, losing his way. Luke stared down one of Kevin’s friends, Marc, when he tried to block his path.

“You got a problem?”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “Right now, yeah, I do. You. Move.”

Marc closed in and then Noah was standing next to Luke, glowering. “I suggest you back off before I have you and your cronies thrown out.”

Luke had never seen Noah use his height to intimidate anyone. Noah was quiet. It wasn’t like him to create drama. He eased his hand into Noah’s, tugging until he was met with blue eyes. “Don’t bother with him. Come on.”

He led them the rest of the way, nodding at Henry when he went through the door marked “Private”. Once inside, he let go of Noah’s hand, feeling the emptiness immediately. He crossed his arms, eyes following Noah’s nervous shifting. Luke’s heart was beating too fast and he took a couple of deep breaths, attempting to steady it. He opened his mouth to ask Noah how he was or to apologize for everything or…

“I’m sorry, Luke.”

His mouth snapped shut, brow furrowed with confusion. “You’re - what? I don’t -”

Noah closed his eyes, holding one hand up. “I was wrong. I miss you. Please say we can be friends. I promise I won’t ever do anything like that again. I won’t just leave you foundering out there.”

Luke said nothing and Noah took a step closer.

“I know that - sometimes you want what you can’t have but there’s always hope. When you lose that - if what you want is everything to you - it can throw you off. That’s what happened, you know? But those are my issues. Not yours.”

Luke understood that better then most, especially now, so he only nodded, instinctively knowing that Noah needed to do this.

“I’m not going back to Northwestern. Not with Carly gone and the kids needing as much stability as they do. So, I just - I want to be able to see my best friend every day. I want to be here and not be afraid you hate me. I want you in my life if you’ll have me back.”

Luke choked down the emotion that strangled him. “If I’ll have - oh, Noah.” He moved quickly toward Noah, wrapping arms around his best friend, smiling into his shoulder. “I missed you, too.”

Noah melted into his embrace and Luke sighed softly. His world was shifting back into place.

“And you ever do that again, I will kick your ass, Mayer.”

Noah laughed into his ear, sending happiness down his spine to pool at its base. It solidified inside his heart - what he had known all along - that feeling he had denied.

Love.

He loved Noah.

He was in love with Noah.

And he had Noah back.

*

Noah leaned his head against the back of couch, taking another sip from his drink. He stretched his feet out and pushed one shoe off, wiggling his socked toes. He closed his eyes and imagined a different time when coming home had meant warmth. Luke waiting for him or the anticipation of waiting for Luke so they could cook dinner or talk over everything had been the best part of his life. On those particularly bad days, losing himself in Luke made all the crap make sense.

He wiped one hand over tired eyes, placing the finished drink on the table and rising to his feet. Noah spent his nights dreaming about Luke. The least he could do for himself is try not to spend every waking hour doing the same.

He licked his still swollen lips and tasted Luke.

Fuck.

Shaking his head, he started towards the kitchen, wondering vaguely if he had anything edible left.

The knock on the door made him stop.

Noah swallowed hard, trying to control his heart rate as he made his way to answer the door. If it was Luke, he would handle it, no matter how irresistible or beautiful Luke might be. He swung the door open and stood in surprise for a fraction of a second.

He was more than a little disappointed to find it wasn’t Luke.

Casey stood at his door with Daisy attached to one hip, diaper bag slung over his shoulder and a pizza in the opposing hand. Noah laughed at the sight and grabbed his goddaughter when Casey handed her over. He watched Casey drop the diaper bag in the hallway and walk to the kitchen, placing the pizza on the counter. He stayed there for some time, head dropped down like he was preparing for something.

Noah raised an eyebrow, bumping his shoulder against the front door to close it and shifting his weight to hold Daisy better. He looked over at her, grinning when she gave him a toothy smile, blue eyes wide and full of so much innocence. Something gripped his heart and he kissed the top of her head.

“Hello, Ladybug.”

She smacked her lips together, patting his face and laughing when he blew her a raspberry.

“NoNo!”

When he looked over, Casey was cracking up and Noah discreetly gave him the finger. “I know you taught her that on purpose.”

Casey smirked, finally moving to the kitchen to pull out plates and napkins. “My daughter is the most intelligent child ever created but even she can’t quite pronounce ‘Noah’ yet so take the ‘Nono’ as the compliment it is. She loves you enough to mangle your name.”

Noah smiled, bouncing his way to the couch and dropping back, holding Daisy with both hands. Her giggles filled the air and he felt his dark thoughts evaporate. His day had gotten a little bit better. He made sure his grip was firm before he lifted Daisy above his head. She wiggled in his hands, laughing and calling out to her father.

Casey grinned as he brought over two plates and two beers, setting them on the coffee table. “Check you out, babygirl!” He went back to fetch the bag he’d dropped in Noah’s hall. He headed back to the kitchen and Noah could hear noises as he, Noah assumed, got Daisy’s food ready.

He brought Daisy back down, settling her on his lap and listening to her baby chatter, nodding and asking questions. His thoughts turned to Luke. They had talked about having a family after they got married. Luke teased Noah about it all the time.

“You plan on giving me a baby, Mayer?”

“I plan on trying…a lot.”

“Where’d you go?”

Noah brought his gaze over to Casey and shrugged, “Just thinking.”

“Uh-huh. Have you been sleeping okay?”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Alright, Dad.” Noah turned Daisy to face her father, smiling when her face lit up at seeing him next to her. She reached her chubby arms out and Noah watched Casey’s eyes soften as he took her from Noah and placed her on his own lap.

Noah would never have guessed after everything that had happened between Jade and Casey that he would have been able to ever see Daisy. And as much as he loved his friend, he was completely blown away at how good of a father Casey was. He loved Daisy with his whole being.

They ate in relative silence, feeding Daisy in between bites and avoiding anything that either one of them really wanted to talk about. When Daisy began to doze off, Noah picked her up, taking her into his bedroom.

“Finish eating,” he said over his shoulder and disappeared into his room.

He had bought a playpen when Daisy had been born and Jade had needed everyone to pitch in while she adjusted to being a mother. She rarely brought Daisy over to spend the night with Noah these days but he had kept the playpen regardless.

You could never be too prepared.

He paced back and forth, mumbling quietly to Daisy until he felt her relax against his shoulder. Remembering his days with Ethan, he waited a few minutes to make sure sleep had definitely claimed her. He bent, keeping one hand on Daisy and spreading out the baby blanket he had kept. Placing her gently in the playpen, he brushed his fingers over her hair before straightening and walking back out to the living room.

He left the door open to make sure they could hear Daisy.

Casey was sitting with his head in his hands.

“So, you want to tell me what’s up with the surprise visit?”

His friend laughed without any humor, peeking out at Noah through his fingers. “Am I that obvious?”

Noah smiled, shrugging, “Not really. I just know you better then most.”

Nodding, Casey leaned back, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly. “We went to the zoo. Jade, Daisy and I spent the whole morning together. Like a family” Casey shook his head, opening his eyes and looking at Noah. “I fucked it all up, didn’t I?”

Noah didn’t respond. He was the last person to admonish anyone for walking away. He had done the same thing. Even if his reasons were valid, he had to live with that.

“Sometimes we think what we’re doing is for the best. And even if they don’t appear that way at the beginning, some day down the line, it probably will be.”

Casey raised an eyebrow, snorting softly. “Don’t compare yourself to me, Noah. I left Jade – pregnant and alone – because I didn’t believe her when she told me about it. I let Will – that doesn’t even matter. I slept with Ali and broke my wife’s heart.”

Noah nodded because everything Casey said was true. He had done all that. “You made a mistake, Casey.”

“No, I fucked up.”

“And I didn’t? I walked away from the love of my life.” Noah shook his head. It had been in Luke’s best interest because Noah had only managed to lose him. He had to fight every day not to go back. He had thought for so long that Luke had given up.

“He told me he’s going to marry me.”

Casey’s eyes widened and Noah watched the smile play across his face. “I knew he wasn’t done with you.”

“I can’t do it to him again.”

Casey sighed, running a hand through his spiky blond hair. “Noah. What happened wasn’t anyone’s fault except for Justin’s. Okay? He was the one that did those horrible things to you and to Liberty, to Luke. He was the cause of it all. Don’t let him win.”

Noah nodded at the words because he knew in his heart that Casey was right. He couldn’t live this life without Luke. But even knowing that didn’t make it easier to do something about it.

“I don’t know how to start.”

His friend stared at him for a long moment. “I just spent the day living in the world I could have had. Do you have any idea how hard that is? Noah, you don’t want to end up like me. Living for the scraps you can manage to get while someone isn’t looking.”

Noah patted Casey shoulder, taking a long sip from his beer, his mind whirling with thoughts and feelings he’d tried for so long to box in.



*

Vienna pulled on her coat, glancing at the clock and sighing at the time. She hated having to go into work this late but Henry had been working the night shift all week and he needed his sleep. Her eyes fell on her husband’s sleeping form and her mouth turned up in the smallest of smiles. Leaning down, she placed a kiss on his cheek, adjusted the baby monitor’s volume in cause Nikolas woke and stepped out of the room quietly.

She looked in on her son, brushing soft black curls away from his face and whispering her love in his ear. Another kiss for the other man in her life and she walked out, leaving the door slightly open. Henry had a tendency to run into it whenever he was woken up in the middle of the night to look in on Nikolas. That made her giggle, shaking her head as she locked the front door.

Vienna had never been happier that Henry insisted on buying a house so close to Old Towne. Ten minute walk and she’d be in the toasty warmth of her diner. Her feet echoed the empty air of the street. She shivered, glancing behind her a few times, feeling like she was being watched. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She sped up, keeping her eyes on the corner where she would turn into the main boulevard. It was only five minutes to the diner from there and even in this town, even at this time, there would be more people.

Her breath caught when she heard an echo of footsteps that didn’t belong to her. They were slower, heavier and she gripped the front of her jacket, gripped her purse. She dug in it, hand finding the Mace that she had dropped inside. Noah had insisted everyone carry it just in case.

The footsteps were getting closer and Vienna breathed quicker, panting with fear. She only had a few more steps and she would --

“Vienna.”

She let out a quick yelp, turning with the can in her hand but stopped herself from pressing the little trigger when recognition hit. Her hand came up to her chest, laughing nervously. “Oh my god. You scared me.”

His smile was quick and he held his hands up in apology. “I’m sorry. I just saw you walking and thought I’d see if I could take you to the diner.”

She glanced behind them, brow furrowing. “Oh. What are you doing out here this late?”

“Or early, depending on how you look at it.” He replied, smile wider and he moved closer. “Just had to get some things done. That’s all.”

Vienna swallowed, taking a step back. “Right. Well, um, I’m only a few minutes away so I don’t want to keep you.” She told herself she was being silly. This wasn’t some stranger. “Go to work. I’m sure people are expecting you.”

She started to walk and felt him at her side. Her heartbeat picked up, sensing something off.

“No one is expecting me, actually.” He was right next to her and Vienna fought the urge to take another step to the side. A chill ran through her when he took her arm firmly. “I didn’t know it would be you first. I’m sorry.” His face did show remorse, even pain, but his eyes - they were different. Cold and not what she was used to seeing she looked at him.

Vienna tried to pull away. “Let me go. This isn’t funny.”

He shook his head, pulling something from his jacket. The moonlight glinted on the sharp metal and Vienna froze.

Her eyes met his and he spoke softly. “I really am sorry, Vienna.”

“No. No, please. Why? I don’t understand. We’re -”

“It’s not personal.”

The first plunge was deep and aimed perfectly. Vienna choked on the rush of blood filling her mouth, too numb to even whimper. He lifted her easily, walking back the way they had come.

“I promise it won’t hurt.”

She closed her eyes and thought of Henry and Nikolas, of home and warmth.



-Chapter Seven-

Comments

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

“Noah. What happened wasn’t anyone’s fault except for Justin’s. Okay? He was the one that did those horrible things to you and to Liberty, to Luke.

I just got used to there being a "Justin" in here, and I get confused again by the presence of "Liberty" in the same paragraph! LOL!

Ohhh good stuff. The Luke and the yearning and the Casey and friendship and baby cuteness ( “Check you out, babygirl!” - SOOO can hear that!). And yikes, how frustratingly well you wrote Vienna and the faceless killer! :-O

Vienna... *gulp*... Man, I'm glad I was braced for that!