freakykat: (headtouch)
[personal profile] freakykat
Title: Love’s Tender Refrain
Written for: [livejournal.com profile] plumduff
Series: Part Two of Ten
Time Frame: All over the place post 513
Words: 1420
Beta: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] illusionofdepth, who struggled to find a way to read this against the oddities of modern technology. You're the best!
Summary: Excerpts of Brian and Justin's life.
Rating: G to NC-17
Warnings: Um…nothing much. A little angst, a lot of fun, romance, silliness…
Disclaimer: I own none of this - they belong to Showtime, Cowlip and others. I only play with them a little. Once I'm done, I'll dust them off and give them back.
A/N: This is dedicated entirely to the lovely [livejournal.com profile] plumduff for her birthday and as tradition is seems to have become, it’s ridiculously late. This is a ten part series inspired by this meme I saw floating around. The gist of it was: put your iTunes on shuffle, and write a drabble based on each of the first ten songs that play. Don’t linger when the song is over, this is an exercise. Though this series ranges in length from drabblish to ficlet to not so ficlet.

Previous Parts:
1. I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound.




I’d encourage your smiles, I’d expect you won’t cry.
(The End - My Chemical Romance)

2.


It hadn’t been a call he’d expected or wanted to receive. It’s been a bad week. Art department had fucked up on a major project and Brian had to apologize. He fucking hated to do that. Ted and Cynthia had their hands full with two new clients and so the rest was up to him. They’d been working fourteen-hour days. There had been a small fire at the diner and Debbie was beside herself about it. Emmett was broken-hearted over another failed affair and Brian had spent way too long snapping him out of his depression.

And Justin hadn’t been able to make it back for the weekend. That had been the worst part.

So, when the phone rang at four o’clock in the morning, waking him up from the first decent sleep he’d had in forever, Brian hadn’t been in the best mood.

“Someone better be fucking dead” was what he growled into the receiver. His functioning brain cells began to wake up and realize that what he had just said, in his family, was more than just a possibility.

“Well, someone is.”

He sprang up in bed, hand gripped the phone hard enough that it cracked against the strength. “Jennifer?” His mind would not go there. No. No. No.

“Yeah. I’m sorry to wake you up, Brian. I just don’t know what to do.” Her sniffles came through clearly but the tone in her voice, though sad, was calm. Not hysterical. Not incoherent. His heart sped down, repositioning itself back in his chest. Okay. It wasn’t Justin. Brian let out a silent prayer. And it wasn’t Molly.

Thank fucking whatever deities existed.

“What happened?”

“Craig’s dead.”

He bit back the reflex response of “So?” that immediately sprang to mind and covered his face. Shit. Justin. “Does he know?”

“Not yet. I don’t know how to tell him.” He heard the pleading in her voice and sighed.

“I’ll take care of it, Jennifer.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

He refused to blush at that and hung up quickly. Deep breath before hitting the speed dial. The ringing sounded distant with all the thoughts of what he was supposed to say ringing in his ears. But when he heard the click, the sleep fogged voice greeting him, he hadn’t been able to stop the small smile.

“Another round? Not that I’m complaining. Phone sex with you is better than anything with someone else.”

“Justin.”

His tone must have belied the seriousness because Justin went quiet instantly and then softly asked, “What happened?”

“It’s your -- it’s Craig. He’s dead.”

“Oh.”

And that really was all Justin could say. They made plans for Justin to fly home on the next available flight. Then, Brian called Cynthia, who he would have to make full partner for all the shit he put her through, and she promised to get on all the arrangements. There was still work to be done. When it was light enough he called Debbie, passing on the news, knowing she would let everyone else know.

He almost canceled his early morning meeting but Justin wouldn’t allow it. He swore he would meet him after work. Something about having to go see his father’s mother and Craig‘s widow. Brian didn’t like it but said nothing. He called a car company and made sure they would be there to pick Justin up.

The afternoon dragged on and it took every bit of willpower that Brian possessed to keep his mind in the game at his meetings. As soon as the more urgent business was finished, he rushed home, practically breaking land speed records getting to the loft. He wanted to be at the house but knew that it would be easier and better for Justin to be closer to his mother and Molly.

When he walked into the loft, he tripped over Justin’s bag and despite everything, Brain smiled to himself.

His gaze found Justin sitting quietly on the couch, head turned to look out the window, shoulders slumped just a bit. He sensed Brian’s approach because he turned, smiling at him though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey.”

Brian sat next to him, leaning in, touching Justin’s lip softly with his own, tongue licking when the mouth beneath his opened. They stayed that way for a long time, just breathing each other, until Justin pulled away, taking a deep breath and then leaning his cheek on Brian’s. “I missed you, too.”

###

Funerals had never been a situation Brian handled well in any way. Most of the ones he attended, not counting his old man, had been of people that he had cared deeply for. He preferred the ones where he didn’t care about the dead person. Like at that moment. Like Craig’s funeral.

The only problem that Craig’s funeral held for Brian was how much it hurt those that he loved. Justin, Jennifer and Molly were in pain. Each showing it or in Justin’s case, not showing it, in their own ways. He watched Justin’s face tense when the sobbing of Craig’s widow and mother drowned out the sermon that was being given. He could feel his anger when Craig’s other children were comforted by his father’s family while he and his sister were ignored. And something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Brian glanced to his side, seeing his own chosen family lined up next to him, standing in support. He knew that Justin couldn’t see it now but he had all the comfort he needed right there.

When it was time to throw the roses on the coffin, Brian watched as Justin and Molly were relegated to the back. His jaw clenched tightly, breath slowly released between his teeth. It wasn’t enough they had to mourn an asshole that didn’t deserve them but they had to endure the same shitty treatment that Craig had given them from those that were supposed to be family. Molly chose not to wait, pushing past the others, she threw her rose into the grave, without a glance back and walked toward Brian and the rest.

He held a hand out to her automatically and she took it, wrapping small fingers around his and turning to wait for Justin and Jennifer who’d chosen to stay at the end. Brian glanced down at her and smiled, proudly. The kid had guts. When he looked back at Justin, he found him staring, the faintest trace of a smile on his own face.


###


“I don’t feel anything.”

Brian kept his eyes closed, tightening his hold on Justin the only response he gave. He had been waiting for this. If he admitted it, he had been hoping for it. Justin needed to let something out. Even if it was disinterest.

Justin’s hands squeezed his arm for a moment before loosening once more. “I don’t. I want to. You know, he was my father. He raised me for more than half my life…so far. He loved me once.”

Brian sighed. “Yes. He did all those things.”

Justin half-turned, and Brian opened his eyes to see light reflecting in Justin‘s, weary but alive. “But…when I think of him…what I feel right now…is just…nothing. Not even emptiness. That would be something.”

Brian kissed the tip of Justin’s nose. “You loved your father, Justin. Once. The boy you used to be…he’s mourning somewhere inside. But the man you are…doesn’t have to.”

Justin sighed. “I know that. I do. I just wish it was…different. That he hadn’t ended this way.” Turning his back once more, Justin pushed back deeper into Brian’s neck. “It would make me less of a horrible person.”

Brian leaned up slightly, shaking Justin. “Listen to me. Are you listening?”

There was a slight pause, an exaggerated sigh and a response that held just a hint of amusement. “I’m listening.”

“You love your father. The one that raised you and still exists in your memories. This man that died? That wasn’t your father. He was a stranger. So, don’t you fucking dare feel guilty about how you’re reacting or about how you feel.” Brian kissed the shell-shaped ear within his reach. “Cause that guy you buried today isn’t worth it.”

Justin brought his hand back, touching Brian softly on his cheek. “Sometimes, you amaze me.”

“Only sometimes?”

Justin’s laugh rattled out into the pitch dark around them and Brian almost smiled at the sound.

It would be fine now.



3. And I‘m so sad, like a good book I can‘t put this day back.


###


Sorry it was late. Probably a little eariler for tomorrow's. :)


###

Date: 2008-09-17 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missyousofaar.livejournal.com
Eeeeee. I :wub: it!

I want to do this meme-writing thing, but I need to finished the 1,0000000000000000000 Noah/Luke and/or Van/Jake fics before I start another one.

Date: 2008-09-18 02:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
EEEEEEEE!!!!

You do need to finish those. I think you should totally do the meme for Van/Jake AND for Luke/Noah. The third part of the Luke/Noah story I have is very much in this style. :)

ANDOMGNOAHCOMESHOMEOCTFIRST!!!!!

AKdj:AJDKJAS:LJDlA"skd!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] missyousofaar.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-09-18 02:59 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2008-09-17 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com
You're just sick, this is too too good...

I have to limit myself to 100 words 'cause in more than that I have too much room to suck. But you're just good, really great...

Love Jen's "sweetheart" and Brian refusing to blush.

Date: 2008-09-18 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I'm sick. You're pretty sick, yourself, missy!

Oh hush up! You know you're brilliant, you comment whore, you!

Awww...thanks. I liked that part, too.

Date: 2008-09-17 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sjmpets.livejournal.com
i feel bad, but brian's right. the man buried was not the man justin grew up with.

jennifer calling him instead of justin just goes to show how much a part of the family he truly is. molly showed him that too.

Date: 2008-09-18 03:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Well, I think Jennifer wasn't sure how to tell Justin so she handed it off to the man who could handle that. :) But she very much loves Brian so...lol.

Date: 2008-09-17 08:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plumduff.livejournal.com
You get right inside your characters with all the little nuances and in-character observations. I love how Jennifer relies on Brian and how he takes charge, and I love Cynthia in the background being superwoman as always.

And I love my present! And you are the best.

*Huggles*

Date: 2008-09-18 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Oh what a lovely thing to say. Thank you, J! I heart Cynthia VERY greatly! And Jennifer. That was one of things I liked most about QaF...the women were made of strong stuff!

I'm so glad! YAY!

Next part is up!


3. And I‘m so sad, like a good book I can‘t put this day back.

Date: 2008-09-17 09:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] akintay.livejournal.com
I love the way Brian handles this and helps Justin :)

More more more!

Date: 2008-09-17 09:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msv713.livejournal.com
That was wonderful and I loved what Brian told Justin about the man that was buried. That was spot on. Thanx.

Date: 2008-09-18 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you for the lovely comments!

Date: 2008-09-17 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kinwad.livejournal.com
That was a wonderful chapter.You totally nailed Brian in this one and it was nice to see him rising to the occasion (no pun intended, btw) to help Justin and his family.

"You loved your father, Justin. Once. The boy you used to be…he’s mourning somewhere inside. But the man you are…doesn’t have to.” "

Stunning line, sweetie!

Nicely done!

Date: 2008-09-18 03:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Brian could be amazingly supportive when given the chance and when in the mood. *lol*

Thank you so much!

Date: 2008-09-17 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sandid.livejournal.com
Nice way to begin my day....ok, there is the dead Craig part....but, so...

Anyway, Justin did have all the support he could ever need.

Nice job

Date: 2008-09-18 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you!

So, glad I could help begin your day in a nice way!

Date: 2008-09-17 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stacey-in-ma.livejournal.com
Ooh, I'm loving this. I can't wait for the next chapter!

How are you? We must catch up soon! :-)
Edited Date: 2008-09-17 02:08 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-09-18 03:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you! AND how have you been, missy?!!

We do! We do!

Date: 2008-09-17 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aschicca.livejournal.com
So beautiful, I loved Brian's explanation as to why Justin couldn't feel anything for Craig. Very true :)

Can't really wait for more!

Date: 2008-09-18 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Brian is always truthful...for the most part. *lol* Srsly though. I did like that part.

More!

3. And I‘m so sad, like a good book I can‘t put this day back.

Date: 2008-09-17 03:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] templeton-ma.livejournal.com
This may sound strange. But I know exactly how Justin feels. I love the dad who raised me when I was young. But I have to make myself feel nothing for the person who looks like my dad now, just so I can keep going. You captured that feeling really well in this chapter.

Date: 2008-09-18 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I understand that feeling as well. Maybe that's why it come across strongly. *sigh*

Thank you for reading!

Date: 2008-09-17 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] camjakefan.livejournal.com
This was good. Poor Justin it's bad to wanna feel something for someone and know you should but they wouldn't allow you to. there's nothing there. Beautiful job bringing those emotions across.

Date: 2008-09-18 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I felt horrible for him but at least he knows he is not a bad perosn for feeling that way. Thank you for reading and the lovely comments!

Date: 2008-09-17 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spike7451.livejournal.com
Love jennifer calling Brian and calling him sweetheart. Shows how much Jen thinks of Brian now,and knows he will be there for Justin in every way. Loved Molly too.

And I loved how Brian helped Justin come to terms with how he felt about his father, both in the past and the present.

Date: 2008-09-18 03:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Brian was pretty great. LOVE Jennifer and Molly. At least the ones in my head. LOL. Thanks!

Date: 2008-09-17 06:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lucsmom.livejournal.com
I love Brian in this. He said just the right things to Justin. He was so supportive of Justin, Jen, and Molly.

I loved that Jen called Brian "sweetheart". He really is one.

Kim

Date: 2008-09-18 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
He was pretty awesome, I agree. Brian being a bit of a grown up. I like it! LOL!

Date: 2008-09-17 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nolyana.livejournal.com
Me loves! :)

Date: 2008-09-18 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
\O/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Date: 2008-09-17 07:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ekates.livejournal.com
I love the way that Brian is putting some reason in Justin differentiating between his loving father during his childhood and the man who just had buried without any feelings. I like the act of Molly during the burial.

Kisses

Date: 2008-09-18 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Molly is pretty great in that moment. It's something I've seen happen myself and just felt it fit. I think Brian was pretty great here. :) Thank you for reading!

Date: 2008-09-17 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kari77.livejournal.com
Love that Jennifer called Brian for help. Love Brian being supportive just by his presence. And Molly sure has guts. It was terrible how they were treated by Craig's extended family, but sadly it was to be expected.

Justin half-turned, and Brian opened his eyes to see light reflecting in Justin‘s, weary but alive. “But…when I think of him…what I feel right now…is just…nothing. Not even emptiness. That would be something.”

Brian kissed the tip of Justin’s nose. “You loved your father, Justin. Once. The boy you used to be…he’s mourning somewhere inside. But the man you are…doesn’t have to.”

I love this conversation. It's reasonable, and yet, oddly emotional too. Not so much because of the mourning (or in that case 'not-mourning'), but because Brian knows what Justin is going through without having to be told. Honest and raw feelings.

Very different to the first part, but equally wonderfully written.
:)

Date: 2008-09-18 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
YAY! I'm so glad. That conversation just came together so naturally and it was one of the rare times where I actually didn't feel it was crap. *lol* I changed nothing in that conversation when I re-edited.

I adore Jennifer and Brian's relationship in my head.

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!

*hugs*

Date: 2008-09-18 04:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com
I love this fic, loved them together, just when he needs him, love Molly pushing in, Id of done that, & yes he's amazing, ALl the time, its my Bday soon, *only joking* what a wonderful gift, from the heart, you are soooooooooo good,,later babe,,Jx

Date: 2008-09-19 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
LOL! Maybe for your birthday, you'll get something. LOL. I'm so happy you like. Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-09-19 10:59 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2008-09-18 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mangarooboo.livejournal.com
aww! this totally made me go all mushy for a second :)

"He held a hand out to her automatically and she took it, wrapping small fingers around his and turning to wait for Justin and Jennifer who’d chosen to stay at the end."

totally adorable! i like it :) yay, can't wait for part 3 :D

Date: 2008-09-19 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you! I love Molly and Brian interactions. *lol*

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] mangarooboo.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-09-20 06:30 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-09-21 06:20 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2008-09-18 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sunshine63.livejournal.com
what a shit family had Craig! his close family wouldn't acknowledge Justin, Jennifer and Molly as members of the same family! lucky they have so much "family" around them.
very nice

Date: 2008-09-19 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I always figured Craig had to come out the way he did cause his own family must have been pretty shitty. Thanks for reading!

Date: 2008-09-19 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snowmore.livejournal.com
Parts of this chapter were so touching and mature. Brian is at his best when he can look after the people he loves. You made that so obvious. :)

Date: 2008-09-19 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I always like to think that Brian grew up some during the course of the show and after. :) Thanks for the lovely comments!

Date: 2008-09-25 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] galeandrandy.livejournal.com
Wow! Is it odd that I love a chapter about death so much? Cause in a way, Brian's understanding (concerning his reactions to his own father's death) really gave new life to what Justin was feeling.

Your voice for Brian's character is so perfect and exactly what I'd imagine he'd say in this situation.

Honestly, I really just admire your writing more than I can say. It's an honor to read it.

Thank you! Rory

Date: 2008-09-26 05:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
*blushing*

Oh, stop now. Thank you so much for reading. I do think that because of Brian's own experience, he could truly understand where Justin was it. That's what I liked about this series - they got each other. :)

Date: 2008-11-04 02:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kimberbaby.livejournal.com
When he walked into the loft, he tripped over Justin’s bag and despite everything, Brain smiled to himself.

Hee, Brian loves Justin's piles of stuff.

Nice support of Justin and his mom and sister.

*sniff*

Date: 2009-03-03 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pat-ace87.livejournal.com
Brian's right, Justin should grive for the man that he knew in his early youth, not the man he became afterwards...

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