freakykat: (headtouch)
[personal profile] freakykat
Title: Love’s Tender Refrain
Written for: [livejournal.com profile] plumduff
Series: Part One of Ten
Time Frame: All over the place post 513
Words: 1420
Beta: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] akintay, who read forever ago and encourged me to keep going!
Summary: Excerpts of Brian and Justin's life.
Rating: G to NC-17
Warnings: Um…nothing much. A little angst, a lot of fun, romance, silliness…
Disclaimer: I own none of this - they belong to Showtime, Cowlip and others. I only play with them a little. Once I'm done, I'll dust them off and give them back.
A/N: This is dedicated entirely to the lovely [livejournal.com profile] plumduff for her birthday and as tradition is seems to have become, it’s ridiculously late. This is a ten part series inspired by this meme I saw floating around. The gist of it was: put your iTunes on shuffle, and write a drabble based on each of the first ten songs that play. Don’t linger when the song is over, this is an exercise. Though this series ranges in length from drabblish to ficlet to not so ficlet.







I’m hearing what you say but I just can’t make a sound.
(Apologize - One Republic)



1.



New York invaded his soul like only one other ever had and when Justin walked down her dirty, gray streets all he could see where lines, curves…violent colors in neon and spray paint. A swirl of darkness and light that came together perfectly. She was sadness and joy together. A realm where dreams and nightmares actually materialized.

Like many before him, he was taken deeply and would have fallen completely in her grasp if there hadn’t been one thing holding him back.

Or rather one person…

“I think I’m cheating on you with New York.”

“…….”

“Brian, I said -”

“ I fucking heard you, Justin.” There was a shuffling of paper and Justin waited, tapping a beat with the brush in his hand on his knee.

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“Why the fuck would it?”

“Because I might never want to come home.”

There was a sigh and then, “I’m already operating under that assumption, Sunshine. So, if that’s making you feel guilty then just fucking stop.”

He hung up on Brian.


###


When he walked through the subways, the crumbling walls spoke to him, telling their stories of decades past. People milled around him, hyper aware of their surroundings but never seeing what was in front of them. His artistic eye took it in, the shapes and dimensions…would translate it in his mind so that when he was home, his hand could easily recreate it.

Sometimes it was in those moments that he thought New York might win out after all.

“That lasted a little longer than I expected.”

“What did?” Justin brushed one hand over his face.

“The silence…it’s been a week.”

“I know.” There was a pause. “You know, this new fangled invention works both ways.”

“I’ve heard that. You know what else? Proper phone etiquette seems to be going out of style. “

“I’m sorry I hung up.”

Silence.

“You just tend to not hear me sometimes.”

A sigh, deep and serious and Justin doesn’t roll his eyes. Restraint.

“I’m listening now.”

“I might not want to come home.”

“You are home, Justin. I told you I get that.”

Justin breathed in. “Do you?” Little bubble of everything he held inside expanded making it difficult to take in air.

“It’s New York. I’m not going to lie and say I ‘m thrilled about it but…I understand.”

Justin held his head in one hand. “You’re still not hearing me. I’m hanging up now.”

And he did.


###


Nights in the city consisted of an alternating cacophony of lights and sounds to a deadly silence where nothing moved…no one lived. The whispers of ghosts…of lives wasted away…dreams torn asunder permeated the air. Justin hated that part because it reminded him that everything he wanted couldn’t always be had.

And he wanted. A lot.

This city…this place borne of death and power, sometimes of beauty and love…it reminded him that he was leaving what mattered somewhere else.

“…..”

“Brian?”

“I fucking hate that you’re there.”

Justin held a breath, something tugging at his lips and heart.

“I see.”

“I want you here. But it’s not where you need to be.”

“Right.”

“So, you have to be there. Even if I want you here.”

“Brian.”

“Mmm?”

“Call me when you’re sober.”

This time Justin waited until there was a dial tone in his ear before hanging up his phone.


###


It could be said that New York offered Justin everything he wanted. Except for the dingy one-bedroom that he could barely afford with a roommate. Or the throngs of people knocking on his door to feature him as anything. He was less than nothing there. He waited tables at a near by diner and his tips were barely enough to cover expenses. He was starting to resent not being eighteen anymore.

But everything it didn’t give him was weighed by all those things it taught him. He was becoming his own man and he was happy for that. Those dawns where he stood at the grime-covered window of his four story walk-up looking out to where he knew one day he’d be, those were the moments it was worth it.

And in the end he knew it would afford him the only thing that really mattered.

“So…”

“So…”

“This is total bullshit, Justin. You love it there. I understand that.”

“Good.”

“Okay. So what’s with you, then? Why -”

“Because you’re not listening. I may not want to come home.”

“Alright! I heard the first hundred fucking times you said it.”

“No! You haven’t! Cause then you’d stop your self-scarifying shit and know that if I don’t come home, I fully fucking expect home to come to me!”

No response.

“So you know…just wanted you to figure that out on your own but you’re too damn stubborn, apparently.”

After an eternity of silence, Brian mumbled under his breath and Justin quirked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I said I can’t fucking read minds, Sunshine.”

Justin blinked…because really. This was Brian. And then that little bubble of something that always resided inside him burst open, letting out just a little bit of happiness. He laughed loud and hard.

“Shut up, you little shit.”

“I love you, too, Brian.”




2. I'd encourage your smiles, I'd expect you won't cry.



###

Date: 2008-09-15 07:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bjfangirl87.livejournal.com
aww, this was good.

i feel kind of sad for the boys though. being apart and everything

but i like it.

Date: 2008-09-16 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Well, technically they are still TOGETHER just in separate cities is all. I'm glad you like it! Thank you for the comments!

Date: 2008-09-15 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com
really really really really really really really really really really really really really GOOD :)

if i get more eloquent when i'm awake i'll comment again lol.

Date: 2008-09-16 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
*yay*

You liked!

Woot!

Date: 2008-09-15 07:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sjmpets.livejournal.com
i was afraid for a moment that justin wouldn't say anything at all. i'm glad it ended like it did.

Date: 2008-09-16 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Not say anything? Not my Justin! *lol* Boy speaks his mind.

Thank you for reading!

Date: 2008-09-15 09:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plumduff.livejournal.com
KAT! OMG, I didn't expect anything like this. A ten-parter? I'm knocked out. I love it already; you do dialogue so well, and despite the fact that the boys are apart, I see great things happening over the next ten days.

Thank you, so very, very much!

*Snuggles*

Date: 2008-09-16 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
It's your birthday! And you're like totally awesome!

You're welcome!

I'm happy you like it. :)

*hee*

Date: 2008-09-15 10:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boing138.livejournal.com
The first time Justin said he might not want to come home I couldn't understand why he hung up. Then when he said it the 2nd time it dawned on me that he wanted Brian to say something other than 'I understand'

The part when Brian called Justin telling him he wanted Jutin home was heart-breaking:-'( I like Brian drunk cause then he'd say a lot of things he couldn't say sober, things that always make me cry.

And I'm glad Justin was laughing again in the end:)

I really liked this! :)) Looking forward to the next one tomorrow.

Date: 2008-09-16 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I loved that Justin tried to be subtle. But this is Brian...being subtle isn't always the way to go. Yeah. Brian would only admit those kinds of feelings, even at this point, while totally plastered. Mostly cause sober he would never want to put Justin in that position. *lol*

I like the end. Laughter is always a good sign. :)

Thank you so much for reading! :)

Date: 2008-09-15 10:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] akintay.livejournal.com
I really love this!

Date: 2008-09-16 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I know! *lol* It was your "That rocks" that made me keep going. *lol*

Thank you!

Date: 2008-09-15 10:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] templeton-ma.livejournal.com
their relationship is so unconventional :-) I felt like Brian myself. I couldn't get what Justin was saying at first too and I was like "huh??". I really love it when Justin says "I love you too" after Brian said something that MEANT "I love you".

Looking forward to part 2. And I hope your next chapter of It's Only Time will be ready soon too! =)

Date: 2008-09-16 12:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
their relationship is so unconventional :-)

It's one of the reasons I love it. It defies alot of things and it's complicated and shouldn't work but it just does and it's perfect. :)

Thank you! Working on more stuff so hopefully not too far off. :)

Date: 2008-09-15 11:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] camelhaircoat.livejournal.com
Love it. What else can I say? Oh yeah, more please. Because, like Justin, I want. A lot.

*Hugs*
Amy





Date: 2008-09-16 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thanks, Amy. *hugs*

I'm so glad you liked it. More tomorrow. :)

Date: 2008-09-15 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aschicca.livejournal.com
Oohhhh *is intrigued and already wanting more*

I loved these sort of one sided conversation with Justin waiting for Brian to... stop being as clueless as he is! Lol

Is it tomorrow yet?

Date: 2008-09-16 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thanks! I love Justin. He has some seriousn patientance.

More tomorrow!

Date: 2008-09-15 01:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kinwad.livejournal.com
This was wonderful, hon!
"So you know…just wanted you to figure that out on your own but you’re too damn stubborn, apparently.”

Poor Brian...he's his own worst enemy sometimes.

Can't wait to read the rest!

Date: 2008-09-16 12:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, sweetie!

I think this one is my favorite of all. Something about it just almost charmed ME. *lol*

More tomorrow!

Love's Tender Refrain

Date: 2008-09-15 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ripley9932.livejournal.com
That was amazing. This was minimalist but rich in meaning and feeling. You are amazing. Loved it. Can't wait for the next installment.

Re: Love's Tender Refrain

Date: 2008-09-16 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you! I'm so glad you liked it so much!

And *blushes* at all the lovely compliments. :)

More tomorrow.

AND -- YOU ROCK ON WITH YOUR RIPLEY ICON! \O/!!!!!!!

Date: 2008-09-15 05:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lucsmom.livejournal.com
I loved this and that song!

I hate when they're apart, but Justin knew what he wanted. Brian had to actually hear the words to really understand what Justin wanted. I was clueless at first, but then I got it.

I loved the drunken phone call with Brian speaking from his heart.

Kim

Date: 2008-09-16 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
I so love that song!

Thank you so much for reading, Kim.

Technically, they are together, just in different places. But you know...that could change. :)

Date: 2008-09-15 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rosy5000.livejournal.com
I was getting kinda worried about what Justin was meaing, but I'm glad he's still after Brian 100%. :D

Date: 2008-09-16 12:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Oh, Justin isn't about to give up after everything they went through! Brian is stuck with him. *lol*

Thanks for reading!

Date: 2008-09-15 08:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sunshine63.livejournal.com
very nice beginning, my dear!!! too bad the boys are separated!
and yes, sometimes Justin expects too much from Brian's comprehension... he hasn't learned how to read minds yet :)))
well done.

Date: 2008-09-16 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you!

They are still together, though. Just not physically together. *lol*

I know...this is Brian for cripes sake.

Date: 2008-09-15 10:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kari77.livejournal.com
Oh, Kat, I adore this already!
Love the strong and confident Justin who is not at all willing to give up anything in his life without a fight. His current life might not be perfect, but he feels so certain that he's exactly where he wants to be. It pours from every word. =)

I also love Brian, who is ready and supportive, but doesn't hide that he's hurt, in his own patented way.

Aw, these two, seriously. lol
You got them both post-S5 perfect here.

Justin breathed in. “Do you?” Little bubble of everything he held inside expanded making it difficult to take in air.
It's those little, gorgeous details that make your stories so special and unmistakably yours.

He was becoming his own man and he was happy for that. Those dawns where he stood at the grime-covered window of his four story walk-up looking out to where he knew one day he’d be, those were the moments it was worth it.
You go, Justin!
Love that image. It's so apt and vivid.

“No! You haven’t! Cause then you’d stop your self-scarifying shit and know that if I don’t come home, I fully fucking expect home to come to me!”

Yes, you tell him!
And Brian's reaction was so priceless and somewhat cute, no wonder Justin had to laugh.

Wonderful start! Can't wait for lots more of these beautiful installments.

Date: 2008-09-16 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Yay! I really do love this series so far. I like writing things that are like a quick glance into people's lives. I love and adore a strong!Justin. It's the way it should be.

It's those little, gorgeous details that make your stories so special and unmistakably yours.

Oh, thank you! *blushes*

Justin going off on Brian is my favorite part. *lol* I think Brian's reaction is very IC.

Date: 2008-09-16 01:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boonesfarmgirl.livejournal.com
So like Brian to assume he is being left behind instead of being asked to come with.

chelle

Date: 2008-09-16 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Well, it's kinda the way he felt all his life. It takes alot to make that change.

Thank you!

Date: 2008-09-16 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snowmore.livejournal.com
I love it when friends get prezzies that I can enjoy, too. And I really enjoyed this chapter, Kat. It was so Brian and Justin. I look forward to the next chapter and the next and the next!!

Date: 2008-09-16 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Plum is the best and I wanted to do something great for her. :)

Date: 2008-09-16 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spike7451.livejournal.com
I could have cried for Brian when he just naturally assumed he would be left behind.....

“I’m already operating under that assumption, Sunshine. So, if that’s making you feel guilty then just fucking stop.”


.....so sad, he is still so insecure about Justin's love for him.

Justin, next time, less of the subtlety o.k.?

As he said....“I said I can’t fucking read minds, Sunshine.”

Absolutely loved this, and we get nine more chapters. Does happy dance.
Edited Date: 2008-09-16 02:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-09-17 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Brian always assumes these things...not that he doesn't have reason to think like he does. Disappointment being his friend for the longest time.

I love Justin here, though. He didn't push Brian right off the bat. Just kinda nudged him to see if he would GET it. He didn't LOL.

Thank you! More is up now!

Date: 2008-09-16 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nolyana.livejournal.com
“No! You haven’t! Cause then you’d stop your self-scarifying shit and know that if I don’t come home, I fully fucking expect home to come to me!”

Wow! I love. More?

Date: 2008-09-17 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Yay! Thank you. Yep, it's up now. :)

Part 2

Date: 2008-09-17 04:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rosy5000.livejournal.com
I love how deeply Brian left not only Justin but Jennifer and Molly into his life and his love. He really knows how to take care of them. Certainly knew exactly what to say to Justin about Craig. :)

Re: Part 2

Date: 2008-09-19 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
He does love his family deeply even if he never really says so.

Thank you!

Date: 2008-09-18 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com
Ok even though I know it may kill me :) I had to start reading it, after all it's YOU!! & you know how much I love your fics, well in the end I do,,great start, off to read the next 2,,hugs Jx

Date: 2008-09-19 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Hee-hee! I think this one is actually fairly nice LOL. Thanks for reading!

Date: 2008-09-25 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] galeandrandy.livejournal.com
You wrote this chapter beautifully. The imagery in the way in which Justin walked New York's streets and underground followed through this chapter to a 't'. You're writing is so captivating.

On to the next, Rory

Date: 2008-09-26 05:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakykat.livejournal.com
Thank you so very much, Rory. This is actually one of my three favorite parts. :)

Date: 2008-11-04 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kimberbaby.livejournal.com
I fully fucking expect home to come to me!”

No response.

“So you know…just wanted you to figure that out on your own but you’re too damn stubborn, apparently.”


*cheers*

Brian is stubborn and sometimes clueless.

Thanks for sending me the link. :X

Date: 2009-03-03 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pat-ace87.livejournal.com
This was so sweet ^_^!!!!!!! But to be honest, I must agree with Brian, it would have taken me a while to figure out wtf Justin was trying to say... ~_~ ...

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