From If To When (Luke/Noah, ATWT, Noah POV) Part One

[freakykat]

Title: From If To When
Series: Part One of Three
Author: freakykat
Rating: G - R
Summary: First set of 10 drabbles - Noah's POV. His life was never easy...
Spoilers: Starts at with the end of the current storyline and goes on. Future fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly. They belong to P&G, ATWT, Goutman, JP and their respective actors.
A/N: Note: This is in response to a meme I saw floating around. The gist of it was: put your iTunes on shuffle, and write a drabble based on each of the first ten songs that play. Don’t linger when the song is over, this is an exercise. I wrote my ten drabbles in a cohesive vien. My first fic for this fandom so feedback would be lovely. :)





From If To When


1.

(From Yesterday - 30 Seconds to Mars)


When Luke leaves him finally, it isn’t mean or cold. Noah wishes it was.

He isn’t surprised by it, either. The signs had all been there. Messages he’d ignored in an attempt not to think about his life without Luke.

What he does think is that the distrust and pain in those hazel eyes would haunt him forever.

Even when it hurts too much that Luke believed the lies Ameera told, when he can’t see straight from the tears he refuses to shed, he doesn’t blame Luke.

There was nothing he could say to change it.

He manages to keep his hands at his sides when Luke kisses his forehead, whispers “Good-bye,” and leaves him at the table.

Noah watches Luke walk away one last time.


2.

(The Wizard and I - John Barrowman)


Noah had grown up believing in magic and fantasy. It was in the movies he watched, the comics he read, and even in the scribbles of ideas he’d write down.

As he‘d gotten older, he’d decided that magic wasn‘t real.

That feelings like he saw onscreen weren’t possible in the world he lived in.

The prison he found was his life had no room for desires and wishes.

When he’d finally escaped and found his own version of Oz, he’d felt hope.

And when a pair of hazel eyes met his for the first time, something fluttered inside that he didn’t know what to do with.

It felt like he’d found what he had been waiting for.


3.

(Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park)


When Noah runs into Luke at the hospital three months later, it’s like the world tilts on its axis.

“Noah.”

Luke’s smile is still bright and beautiful.

Noah’s stomach does that flip-flop it always did whenever Luke was near.

“Luke.”

He thinks his voice sounds normal, but he can’t be sure.

“How are you?”

Noah opens his mouth to speak, but the hand that slides over Luke’s shoulder stops him.

It’s like a punch to his chest, and he chokes back the wheeze that starts to vibrate through him.

He recognizes the face and forces a smile.

“Hi, Roth.”

He can feel Luke’s eyes on him, but he answers the question and makes small talk. When he can, he excuses himself, finds the nearest bathroom, and throws up his lunch.


4.

(Girl, you’ll be a woman soon - Neil Diamond)


It was the lies she’d told that had hurt Noah, and yet when she had called him from the hospital, he’d come to see her.

It was the kind of person he was.

“Have you spoken to your father, Noah?”

He stood across the room, face paler than she remembered, eyes worn with exhaustion. At her question, his jaw tensed and he shook his head.

“He told me something you should know.”

She understood now the connection she’d felt and hated even more what she had done.

“I’m sorry.”

The words would never be enough.


5.

(Come Together - Joe Cocker)


When Casey found Noah in Old Town, bags on the bench at his feet, he knew it had all ended.

Badly.

Noah had glanced at him when he’d taken the seat next to him, and Casey shivered at the hollow look in his eyes.

They weren’t friends. Not really.

But he understood how it felt when your whole world crumbled.

“You need a place to stay?”

Noah blinked at him.

Casey patted the other boy’s shoulder. “Come on.”

He stood up and studied Noah’s face, registering when he came to his decision.

Noah stood up.

“Thanks, Casey.”

“No problem, man.”


6.


(When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating)


Sometimes before he woke up, Noah would forget where he was.

In that place between sleep and awake, he could still feel Luke’s hands against his skin. Luke’s breath on his face.

He would hear the deep chuckle and it would stir up feelings Noah was trying to bury.

He would remember the silences between them. When their hands and mouths and tongues were the only form of communication. Limbs tangled, fingers clutching at clothes… hair… skin. Whatever was in reach.

How Luke tasted… the feel of him inside Noah’s mouth…

When he would open his eyes, he’d remember his world was different now.


7.

(Now or Never - Josh Groban)


Noah stared at the far wall.

Chris took the seat next to him. “I’m sorry, Noah.”

Noah swallowed against his fear and shook his head. “It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.”

The silence was thick, and all Noah wanted was to find Luke. To tell him everything. He wanted to curl up in his lap and let him… take it away. He wanted one night where he didn’t hurt.

He sniffed and smiled sadly. “Is it pathetic to die of a broken heart?”

When Noah told Casey he was sick, he let his friend’s tears be his own.

8.

(Daylight Robbery - Imogen Heap)


It surprised him how much he still felt whenever he saw Luke. It didn’t matter if it was on campus, in Old Town, at Java… Oakdale was a small town.

It got Noah every time.

Most days, Luke was with friends, but on the rare occasion he was alone, Noah would hide in the shadows and watch him.

Sometimes, Luke would look around him, like he felt Noah’s presence.

That would soothe the ache that lived inside Noah.

Because no matter what he did, he still felt Luke everywhere he went.

Casey would try to convince him to talk to Luke… to tell him.

Noah never responded.


9.

(Closer - Josh Radin)


The second person Noah told he was sick had been his mother.

He’d visited her grave one day not long after Chris’ diagnosis.

Lying in the grass, he’d spoken quietly to the headstone with her name on it.

He’d told her how he dreamed of being a director. That he had held out the slimmest hope his father would love him. How great the Hughes had been to him.

He talked about Luke until he lost his voice.

When he was done, he’d kissed the cold marble, whispered “See you, Mom,” and walked to his truck in the dawning twilight.


10.

(This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance)


When Luke showed up at Noah’s door, despair written on his face, it took everything in Noah not to break.

“Is it true?”

He could have lied.

It would have been better for them both.

But he was already disappearing.

And Luke knew that.

It was in his eyes.

So, Noah nodded, and confirmed the truth.

“Yes, it is.”

Luke’s face had crumbled, and then Noah staggered back when Luke’s arms circled his neck. He bit against the bubble of emotion that wanted to escape.

He couldn’t hurt him anymore.


Part Two: From There to Here



I am currently working on Indebted. :)

###

Comments

[akintay.livejournal.com]

Omg, you made me read a Luke/Noah fic. You also broke my heart, but I'm getting used to your fics doing that ;) Since there is more to come I really hope things will get a little happier eventually...

And yay, Indebted! :)

[freakykat.livejournal.com]

Anna! *huggles*

Thank you so much for reading! It means alot to me. So glad you enjoyed it! :)

AND YAY! Indebted!

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Hehe, what Anna said.

These made me a bit emotionally weird, so that means they're really good :)

Really, I'm incredibly impressed, especially knowing how you went about it. We'll see if I ever get adventurous enough to try this method.

[freakykat.livejournal.com]

*pets you*

Poor tortured beta. I sorry. Thank you for the compliments as well. :)

[missyousofaar.livejournal.com]

I still ♥ this.

[freakykat.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I actually started the second part to this but keep getting distracted by a million other ideas LOL....

[missyousofaar.livejournal.com]

You're welcooooome!

Oooooooh, reallllly? ::thwaps the other ideas:: I want to see the second part! =P

[freakykat.livejournal.com]

It's coming along. There is WAY too much going on in the old brain these days. LOL. I may work on that next since I finshed my TW fic already. :)

[missyousofaar.livejournal.com]

Yayyyyy!

Aww. :hugs::

::snorts:: And you're so *not* old. So neither is your brain.

Yay!

[missyousofaar.livejournal.com]

I need to stop commenting on this and in general tonight but zomg. ::rereads again::

[crownroyal-51.livejournal.com]

This is so beautifully written but so sad at the same time. I'm afraid to find out just how sick Noah is (and what he has). I hope it's not too awful!

[kelly-ken.livejournal.com]

So angsty! But so good!
And the drabbles fit the songs!

[tsarcasm.livejournal.com]

First of all JACK HARKNESS DOES WICKED???????????????

[tsarcasm.livejournal.com]

Secondly:

Stupid boy.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid boy.

[pets him] Stupid boy.

ETA: 'Indebted'? Smart Kat.