freakykat | Fic: Indebted (QaF, Brian/Justin) Chapter Eight: The Decisions We Make

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Title: Indebted
Chapter: Eight - The Decisions We Make
Sequel/Series: series
Author:

freakykat
Time Frame: Takes place during 3rd season starting after 3.04 - AU timelime
Summary: Justin and Brian find their lives intwine no matter what they do.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Justin/Ethan implied
Notes: No beta for the moment. All mistakes mine. A different way Brian/Justin could have gotten back together. Some canon stories with a non-canon twist.
Disclaimer: I own none of this - they belong to Showtime, Cowlip and others. I only play with them a little. Once I'm done, I'll dust them off and give them back.

|Chapter 1|Chapter 2|Chapter 3|Chapter 4|Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7|

Indebted

Chapter Eight: The Decisions We Make…

“Are you sure you took the right exit?”

“For the tenth time, yes, Justin. I took the right one. Okay?”

Justin tapped a beat with the music blasting from the radio, nervous energy radiating from his every pour. It was as if the minute he’d made his decision, every part of his body had become anxious. He imagined his very cells where celebrating the freedom they could almost taste.

“Justin, I swear I am going to break your fucking fingers if you don’t stop doing that.” Daphne growled, eyes focused firmly on the road. “Pay attention to the streets, please. You’re supposed to be giving me directions.”

“I am.” He glanced down at the map on his lap. “It should be on the right in about two blocks, “ he smirked and looked at Daphne, “if we got off at the right exit.”

Daphne bit back on what Justin knew would have been some fancy expletives. She glanced at him, smirking just a little. “You really are happy about this, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?” Justin asked, slapping his hands against his thighs. He wasn’t looking forward to hurting Ethan. It was just tiring to live a life he didn’t want or feel comfortable in. He knew Ethan had to feel that way, too. They’d been having more fights lately. Starting with Brian’s presence in Justin’s life all the way to Ethan’s need to hide who he was.

“Are you going to tell him about, you know, what happened?” Daphne squinted her eyes at the street sign, turning the car into the deserted avenue. “I mean, cause if you are, I so want ring side seats for that conversation.”

Justin laughed a little, glancing at Daphne. “You really didn’t like him, did you?”

Daphne made a face. “What gave you that idea?” She grinned as she took a quick right turn into the hotel parking lot. “You just…you weren’t Justin with him.” When he looked at her for an explanation, she simply shrugged. “I don’t know what I mean by that. You just - I don’t know. Whatever. We’re here.”

Justin made a note to ask later, when they were celebrating over popcorn and Rocky Road, what she meant by that.

The hotel was standard, Holiday Inn style, much to Justin’s surprise. For some reason, he had pictured some overly fancy, pretentious Grand Hotel type. The way Ethan had rhapsodized about the place, about the excitement of it, he’d expected more. Maybe in the eyes of a struggling artist, it was everything Ethan had said. It made him feel just the tiniest bit of shame. He’d never be one of those. Not really. It had been one of the greatest differences between him and Ethan.

Justin always got the sense Ethan didn’t consider him a true artist because of his background. He’d argued that being an artist had nothing to do with how much financial struggle you had. It was one overcoming obstacles. Justin rubbed at his wrist and glanced up at the building.

He was definitely trying to get past those stumbling blocks in his path.

Daphne looped her arm around his and looked in the direction of the entrance. “The sooner you do this, the sooner we can get back on the road.”

Justin smirked her way. “Thanks so much for the support, Daphe. Really.”

“What?” She huffed out a breath and patted his shoulder soothingly in mock sympathy. “It’ll be okay, Justin. We’ll go break rat boy’s heart and then drown ourselves in Rocky Road and popcorn. That better?”

Justin laughed. “You’re fucking unbelievable.”

“I know.” Daphne grinned at him and led the way. They walked through the beige and peach lobby, not stopping at the desk. Justin knew Ethan’s room number. It had been the same one the last few times he’d been up here. They rode in the elevator in silence, Daphne aware that Justin needed to collect his thoughts and Justin needing the time to control his nerves. This was what he wanted. He was sure of that.

He was also sure it wouldn’t be easy.

Stopping on the fourth floor, they made there way to Room 408, stopping at the door as it came up quickly. Justin glanced at Daphne, taking a deep breath. “Here goes something.”

She smiled at him. “It’ll be okay. I’ll go downstairs to let you talk.”

Justin raised one eyebrow as he knocked. “Very diplomatic of you, Daphne.” She had started to walk away as the door opened but glanced back towards Justin and stopped at the sight.

It wasn’t Ethan at the door.

Justin’s brow furrowed and he cleared his throat. He must have the wrong room. Maybe Ethan had been given a different one. He smiled brightly at the man that had answered. “I’m sorry. I think I got the wrong room.”

Daphne rolled her eyes. She knew they should have checked beforehand. She started back to Justin, her eyes taking in the other guy. He was adorable. Probably their age but for some reason, he seemed younger. He smiled widely at them both. “It’s okay. I’ve done the same. Who were you looking for? Maybe I know them?”

Justin shook his head. “Oh, no. I mean, his name is Ethan Gold but -”

“Oh! No, then you have the right room!” The young man grinned at him. “This is Ethan’s room - well, our room. Um…you are…?”

Daphne mouth fell open and she glanced at Justin, who was blinking rapidly. Okay…whoa. This was…Ethan…well, the little shit. “Justin” she called to him softly.

“Oh! Justin! Ethan’s roommate, right? He talks about you a lot.” He held his hand out. “I’m Jake.”

Justin shook his head slightly, automatically holding his hand out in return. “And your Ethan’s…?”

“Well, I guess - I’m not sure. We see each other whenever he’s in town but, you know, it’s nothing official.” Jake babbled, seemingly confused by Justin’s bewildered expression and Daphne’s half-amused, half-pissed off one. “Um…do you want to come in?”

Daphne glanced at Justin. “What do you want to do?”

Justin opened his mouth but nothing came out. He wasn’t sure he was processing any of this correctly. He looked up at Jake, his young face and kind eyes…fucking Ethan was using him. He had lied to them both. Justin wasn’t as shocked as he should have been about it. Those dreams of fidelity and romance having dimmed long ago but what the hell was he supposed to do about the lies Ethan was telling Jake. “Where is Ethan now?”

Jake pointed down the hall. “He went to visit a friend. He’s supposed to be back soon.” He glanced between Justin and Daphne. “What ‘s going on? You seem…mad.”

Justin shook his head. “Not mad…just disappointed.” He looked at Daphne. “Stay here with Jake. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Daphne understood the unspoken request. She would keep Jake busy until Justin had finished with Ethan. “Sure.”

Not waiting for Jake’s response, Justin closed the door and went in the direction Ethan had supposedly headed. The more he walked, the angrier he became. Not at Ethan…at himself. For believing the bullshit for even one minute. For really thinking that what Ethan offered him had been worth more than everything he and Brian had shared. For not fucking telling Brian what he wanted. For letting him call all the shots when he was more than capable of putting his foot down. For fucking everything up so spectacularly he didn’t know how he was going to fix it.

Then, he realized he was angry at Ethan. For the bullshit. For belittling what he and Brian had. For making him believe that it was less. For using him…because he had…and for not understanding who Justin was.

Justin gritted his teeth as he turned a corner. He knew it was irrational but he was fucking angry at Brian, too. For not fighting. For letting him walk away. For not telling him what a huge fucking mistake he had been making.

Okay. So he was mad.

Actually he was pretty pissed off.

He halted abruptly when he noticed Ethan standing in a doorway. He opened his mouth to call out to him when another person joined him. They spoke quietly, and Justin blinked when Ethan’s hand made it’s way into the other man’s pants. There was a smattering of gasps and laughs before they disappeared into the room.

Son of a bitch.

He contemplated knocking on the door and confronting the asshole right there but that would be too easy. No. He knew what he needed to do. He turned, striding back to where he had started, his temper rising with each step. He wasn’t aware he could get angrier than he already was but apparently -- yeah, he could.

He knocked once, trying the handle and finding the door open, he walked back into Ethan’s room. He nodded at Daphne. “We’re leaving.”

“Uh…okay.” She looked pointedly at Jake. “So, that’s it?”

Jake stood silently between them, his eyes no longer bright. There was something in them that Justin recognized. Shattered illusions.

Sighing, Justin spoke quietly, scanning the room as he did. “Did you bring anything with you, Jake?”

“No. I had to go back home to get -- my things.” He looked down at the floor as he said it. He knew. You always knew these things, Justin thought.

Justin nodded. “Okay…well.” How the hell was he supposed to do this? He thought of Brian, who hated lies and bullshit and he could hear his voice telling him to tell it like it was. “Ethan is actually my boyfriend, Jake. Well -- soon to be ex. He’s lying to you like he lied to me.” He motioned to the door. “You shouldn’t be here when he gets back from fucking his ‘friend’. We’ll take you home.”

Justin took a deep breath.

Shit.

Brian would have been fucking proud.

“I don’t think I understand what you mean exactly, Vance.” Brian used his free hand to rub the dryness from his eyes. The beginning of a headache was starting to form at the base of his skull and those stirrings that warned him that whatever food he’d been able to choke down was coming back for an encore had begun in the pit of his stomach.

He was in no mood for this shit.

“It’s pretty simple, Brian. Stockwell decided and I quote “the campaign needs to go in a different direction.”” He could hear Vance grit his teeth as he continued, “he asked for Murphy to be put in charge.”

The smallest of laughs escaped, turning into a groan halfway out of his mouth and Brian choked back the acid taste forming in his throat. He needed to get off the fucking phone so he could throw up in peace. “Fine. Tell Cynthia to forward everything over to Murphy.”

There was a long pause. “Okay, that’s it. What the fuck is going on, Brian? I expected you - what the hell is it you always say - queen out? Instead, you’re just washing your hands of the client that can get you out of Pittsburgh.” Vance sighed when there was no response. “Whatever it is, I hope -- just take care, Kinney.”

Brian quirked an eyebrow. Gardner Vance wasn’t known for any kind of behavior that could be considered kind. “I’ll be fine. It’s his loss and you know that.” He hung up the phone quickly, resting his head on his folded arms as he did.

This was the fucking worst part.

Brian should have cared that he’d lost Stockwell. It had been his chance to make it out. Even if it was killing him as much as the cancer was to work with the homophobic son of a bitch. Business was business. But the truth was…some part of him…the one that would listen to Debbie’s voice in his head…was relieved.

It had started to take it’s toll on him.

The lies he’d been telling himself.

He scrambled to his feet, barely making it in time to upchuck what little was actually in his stomach. Fumbling for the handle, he flushed the remnants and slide to the floor, leaning his head against the cool tile wall. This wasn’t any way to live. Brian brushed one hand across his mouth.

There was a flicker of a thought and his eyes moved up to the bottles of pills arranged on his sink. It could be easy enough, he knew that. One, two…four…ten…it wouldn’t take too much effort.

Maybe if he was someone else. The idea of dying wasn’t appealing to him…not anymore. Not in any form. Not when he knew Michael would most likely find his body. He couldn’t do that to him. And Debbie would probably follow him to hell just to bitch him out for killing himself. Emmett would raid his closet. Ted would rant about having to deal with his finances. Mel and Linds would have to tell his son.

Then there was the face that came to mind…blue eyes deep with sorrow and grief… and it shook him to the core.

This fucking thing wasn’t going to beat him. Not without a fight.

Dragging his tired body from the floor, he shuffled his way into his bedroom and with a groan, dropped onto the bed. Sleep was elusive at times but after treatments Brian found he couldn’t do anything but lie in bed. Sometimes it would be enough and his body would slowly shut down. Other times, there was no escape. Brian would stare at the ceiling, feeling every inch of ache in his bones. Sore, exhausted and without hope of relief.

It was turning out to be one of those times.

The quiet sound of the phone was shrill in the stillness of his room. Feeling for the headset on the bed, he finally found it and glanced at the small green screen.

Lindsey.

Brian looked at his bedside clock. A little after midnight. He clicked on the Talk button. “Hey, is Gus okay?”

“What? Oh, well -- yes. That’s why -- I’m sorry, Brian. You’re probably busy but I need your help.”

Lindsey’s voice held more than a touch of fear and tension. Brian sat up in bed, biting back a moan. “What’s going on?”

“Can you watch Gus for a little while? I just -- I need to leave him somewhere he won’t be scared.”

Brian cleared his throat. “You’re scaring the shit out of me, Lindsey. What the fuck happened?”

“It’s Mel. We had to rush her to the hospital. They don’t know -- we could lose the baby.”

“I’m on my way.”

Ignoring the pain it caused, Brian got up and slowly dressed. He knew this was going to happen. He closed his eyes. “Fuck.”

If something happened to Michael’s kid…it would be his fault.

|Chapter Nine|

######

OMFG. Yes, your eyes are not decieving you. It IS a new update. Who would have thunk it, huh? Um...sorry it took so long. Won't happen again! Um...enjoy...if you remember it. Heh.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Location: room....
Current Music: train passing by....

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

sheira66.livejournal.com

Listen here missy...our boy had better get better!!! *grins*..

Anyhoo, sure was glad to see this update...give Ethan and extra kick for me.

hugs
sheira

From:

like a skyscraper

Fic: Indebted (QaF, Brian/Justin) Chapter Eight: The Decisions We Make

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