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[personal profile] freakykat
Title: Shadow of the Day
Author: [ profile] freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Genre: Fic, 3180 words, sometime in the
Summary: Ianto waits for Jack's reaction.
Spoilers: Up to current.
Disclaimer: I do not own them. Just playing around. They belong to BBC, RTD and their respective actors
Author Notes: I wrote this in it's entirety in only a few hours for the "In the Dark" challenge for [ profile] boys4all. All thanks to my lovely beta [ profile] wouldbedorothy. Welsh: “Rwyf I reit yma, Cariad.” Translation: "I am right here, love."

Shadow of the Day

Shadow of the Day

Darkness. Suffocating. Endless.

Every speck of light extinguished in one flash of sound. It had come fast. No moment to panic. Color faded to nothing. Sharp taste of metal in the air.

Then gone.

It was like floating. Nothing beneath where his feet should have been. Nothing above his head that no longer existed. Just a vast emptiness over and around and inside. There was no cold. There were no thoughts. No sadness. No fear. No love.

There was only dark.

It was an eternity.

Then a flash of color that receded back to nothing as quickly as it had appeared. It reverberated through him. It shocked and faded once more. The darkness was now lighter… grayscale instead of black.

Another flash.

In front of him was a stain… white and...

The colors plunged through him, and this time they brought pain. He sensed his body again...his hands numb and cold.

The stain had expanded… like white paint spilled over a black canvas...dripping...spreading.

And, in another instant, he felt the sharp pang of air in lungs that had ceased to function… the pounding of a heart which had stopped.

His gasp sounded loud in his ears, and he convulsed against cold and brightness and too much noise.

Eyes opened to blurry faces, one much too close, and he attempted to turn his face away from it… from the laser light shining on him.

“Ianto. Be still. I need to check your vitals.”

Owen. Voice trembling slightly under commanding tone.

Strong grip on one of his hands… the ones he could feel once more… and he turned his head, ignoring the exasperated sound from somewhere above him.

He knew the warmth… could feel it melting the cold in his bones…


“Right here.”

Vision clearing, Ianto could make out the sterile white walls of Owen’s lab…Tosh and Gwen’s relieved, puffy faces. It made him smile slightly when they turned to each other for a hug. He found the blue of Jack’s eyes and breathed in.

“I told you not to be a hero.” Jack’s hand smoothed back his hair, sending awakening nerve endings into overdrive.

Jack’s touch always managed to do that.

“Noted, sir. Next time there’s an alien attacking, I shall huddle in a corner. Make you proud.”

Owen smirked. Ianto didn’t have to see it. He just knew it was so.

“Well, there’s no apparent damage.”

“Aside from the fact that I was dead and all,” Ianto mumbled, squeezing Jack’s hand. “How long?”

“Technically, only a few minutes.”


Owen met his eyes. “You weren’t conscious from the moment that gun, or whatever the hell it was, went off. But you stopped breathing shortly after we got here.”

Jack had said very little, and Ianto glanced at him. He could feel his strength returning. It was odd, because he assumed dead people took a lot longer to recover than this, but as this was his first time, he couldn‘t be sure. Perhaps he was setting a precedent.

He made to sit up and two pairs of hands pushed him back down.

“Don’t,” Jack growled.

Ianto became annoyed. “Jack.

“That’s an order, Jones.”

“I second it. I still need to run a few tests. Make sure there’s no permanent damage. When I’m satisfied, you can go home.“ Owen raised an eyebrow. “Not a minute before.”

“I second that.

The girls chimed in their agreement, and Ianto laid back against the cold of the metal bed and sighed. They were ganging up against him. “I believe dying should get me more respect than this.”


It took two hours of Owen prodding and checking and double-checking… and the girls hovering with blankets and tea and hugs… and Jack’s dark, worried, overprotective presence, before Ianto’s patience snapped.

He had died.


It wasn’t a rare occurrence in Torchwood. Really.

“Oh, that’s enough. Owen, you’re done.” He would hear no argument. He wanted to be home. He wanted a bath. He wanted to sleep.

He wanted to hold Jack and be held in return.

“I am going home.”

“But-” Gwen began, halting when Ianto held up a hand.

“No. I am fine. I understand that you are all concerned.” He threw a glance at Jack, who was watching him through narrowed eyes. “I died. I am no longer dead. Problem solved. Now, I would like to go home.”

Owen began to protest, but Ianto’s glare quelled him, and he agreed to let him go… but demanded he be in early the next morning. Jack disappeared as soon as Ianto agreed.

Ianto sighed.

Jack was quite angry, it seemed.

Owen handed him some pain killers. He assured Ianto that he would feel the burden of having been blasted with a ray gun soon enough. Ray gun. Ianto shook his head. Really. If he was to die, he would have preferred not being taken out by an object from Star Trek. Gwen and Tosh huddled around him, making sure his coat was on properly and asking more than once if they could take him home.

“I’m taking him home.” Jack’s tone, dripping with restrained anger, was clear and no one dared argue.

Ianto least of all.

He stood, wavering slightly… and Jack’s hands encircled his waist, steadying him as they walked out of the Hub, saying their goodbyes to the others. Jack led Ianto to where they had parked earlier and helped him into the passenger side. He adjusted Ianto’s strap, leaning in slightly to rub his nose against Ianto’s cheek.

It was his way of making sure Ianto was really there.

Ianto watched him as he went round to the other side and got in the driver’s seat. He took a moment before turning the ignition key and revving the engine to life, and then he screeched out of the parking spot with a little more force than necessary. Ianto almost made a joke about not being sure he could survive death twice in one day, but the stony silence from Jack… the tight-lipped face and white-knuckled hands on the steering wheel… made him reconsider.

He leaned his head back and kept his mouth shut.


They reached Ianto’s flat in less than twenty minutes, which was a miracle in itself. Jack had not said a word the entire ride, and Ianto had followed the example.

He knew Jack well.

This was how he dealt with it.

Jack assisted Ianto out of the car and into the house. Once inside, he turned to Ianto, emotionless face waiting for something. It took Ianto a moment to understand.

“A bath, first. Then, perhaps some food… and tea. That…” Ianto let the sentence trail off. Jack only nodded, heading up the stairs and into the bathroom. Ianto could hear the sound of the water running as he made his own way up and into his - their, really - bedroom. He began to take off his clothes and immediately noticed the black and blue marks forming on his chest… where the ray had hit him.

It really would have been amusing if he hadn’t actually died. The alien had seemed harmless enough. Eyeglass-wearing, squid-faced aliens weren’t the norm, but he’d only been stealing kelp from the wharf to finish his experiment. Or at least that was what Ianto remembered from the confrontation. Jack had managed to convince him to hand over the weapon, when suddenly there had been a loud blare from one of the boats floating nearby. It had gone awry all of a sudden then, and the alien had panicked and…

Ianto sighed at the bruises.

Jack couldn’t see those. He would not take it well.

Leaving his shirt on, he took off his pants, discarding them into the laundry. He walked into the bathroom to find Jack folding a towel over the basin and turning off the water.

“Is it ready?”

Jack nodded.

Ianto bit back another sigh.

It was going to be a long night.

“Would you be able to make me some tea while I wash up?” Ianto asked. He reached up to touch Jack’s back, pulling away when he felt the other man stiffen. “Please?”

Without a word, Jack left the bathroom, closing the door behind him soundly.

Oh, yes. Definitely a long night.


He hadn’t anticipated Jack returning to the bathroom before he was done. Sending him to the kitchen had been Ianto’s excuse to be alone and tend to the bruises and slight wounds across his chest. The water had been so wonderfully hot when he lowered himself into it. It seemed Jack had also added a bit of the bath oil he’d bought Ianto for his birthday. He rarely, if ever, used it, but the fragrance of sandalwood had a soothing effect on him.

His knees were bent up and poking out above the water as he submerged his upper half under. It stung a bit, but once he was there long enough, the slight discomfort left, and Ianto found his eyes drifting shut. He had wanted to forget the day… forget the empty feeling he still remembered… forget that when it was over…

It was over.

There was nothing.

The shaking built from inside, and Ianto choked back a whimper that threatened to spill out.

He was fine.

They were fine.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on pushing away feelings that were now wanting to push him over the edge into panic.

The door opened suddenly, and Ianto automatically brought one hand up to cover as much of the purple-black marks as he could. The action only caused Jack’s eyes to fall to that area more quickly. Ianto saw the slight pinch on his forehead, the darkening in his eyes, and wanted to tell him again he was fine.

He must have noticed the look in Ianto’s eyes, because he said nothing and entered the small room, taking up all the available space. Ianto loved that most about him. How he filled up everything.

Jack set the tray down on the wooden table next to the wash basin and quietly handed Ianto what smelled like his favorite tea. He smiled slightly when he noticed Jack had brought it in his favorite mug.

Always with Jack… it was the little things.

“I heated up last night’s stew. When you’re done, come down and eat.”

It was a command.

Ianto raised one eyebrow at him. He understood what was happening. That it was how Jack dealt with what Ianto had experienced so many times before. With the person you love dying. But there was such a thing as just too much. Jack halted in his steps out the door. He glanced back, meeting his eyes. “Please.”

Ianto nodded. “I’ll be down soon.”


Five minutes and a concerned call from Owen later, Ianto made his way down the stairs and into the living area, glancing around for Jack. There was noise from within the kitchen. He entered cautiously, remembering the quick conversation he’d just had.

“I just wanted to make sure you both got home.”

“We’re fine, Owen. I’ll be there in the morning.”

“Yes, you will be.” There was a slight pause. “Just... make sure you‘re okay. If you have some strange reactions or pain, get to the Hub and call me right away.”

“Owen, it‘ll be…”

“Because if you don’t, and something happens to you, he will hunt me down and kill me. Remember what happened that time you got hurt during the fight with those Wraiths? He was like an armed guard. Wouldn’t leave your side for days. Remember?”

“I recall that, yes, Owen. I was the one being stalked.”

“Well, he was scary then. Yelling and moody. All-around Jack. This time…when you died… I’ve never seen him that way. It was like he was a statue. He didn’t move until you did. I think… it really affected him, Ianto. Just… take care.”

Owen had an astute, observant nature that Ianto hadn’t been aware of until he and Jack had started...until he and Jack were together. Of all the team, it was Owen who knew.

He’d noticed.

Ianto supposed someone would have to have figured it out in six months.

Jack stood at the sink, rinsing out their breakfast dishes. There hadn’t been enough time to do them in the morning, and Ianto hated to leave them for that long. He leaned against the doorframe, watching Jack closely.

“Your dinner is in the warmer.”

“Did you eat?”

Jack shook his head. “Not hungry.” He turned to look at him. “Eat.”

Ianto knew it was useless to argue. Jack was in lockdown. Emotionally, probably even mentally. He wasn’t ready to talk. It would be impossible to know when he would be.
He reached for his plate inside the warmer, setting it at the kitchen table. As he passed Jack, he smoothed one hand down Jack’s back softly. Pausing at the top of his pants, he tugged at the hem gently. He leaned his chin on Jack’s shoulder, waiting until he felt the other man’s head against his.

“It passed, Jack. I’m fine.”

He heard the shudder rather than felt it, and Ianto glanced sideways, aching at the look he saw on Jack’s face. He spoke softly into Jack’s ear.

“Rwyf I reit yma, Cariad.”

“I know.”

Ianto relented and let go of Jack, turning to the table and taking a seat. It was the best he’d get for now.

It was hours later, while Ianto pretended to sleep, that Jack finally spoke. It was a welcome relief. Ianto seemed resistant against closing his eyes… perhaps a little too acquainted with the dark now.

Jack’s arm tightened around Ianto as the words tumbled out. “I stopped breathing.” His mouth hovered near Ianto’s ear and he sighed the words as he said them. “It was…”


“Let’s go with that. Yeah.”

Ianto kissed the arm nearest to his face. He could understand that. He did, as a matter of fact. It happened enough to him. “Well, then I guess it’s good I don’t die often, isn’t it?”

Jack bit into Ianto’s shoulder gently. “Smartass.” He seemed to think for a moment before he continued. “Is it like that for you…?”

“Every single time.”

Jack nuzzled his cheek, dropping soft kisses across Ianto’s jaw line. “Then, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t do it on purpose, Jack. It happens. Isn’t that what you Americans always say? Shit happens.”

“I’m not exactly an American, Yan.”

Ianto snorted. “If it talks like a Yank, and it walks like a Yank…”

Jack sighed. “You are being an ass, Ianto Jones.” He grazed his hand over the purple bruises on Ianto’s chest, lingering over one nipple until he heard Ianto’s quiet moan, then moving to the other. “I think I’m still mad at you.”

Ianto swallowed a groan and nodded. “I thought as much.” He skimmed his own hands over Jack’s thighs, raking blunt nails against the sensitive skin. “I didn’t do it on purpose either, Jack.”

“You’ve never done that before.”

“That’s because it’s you who usually jumps in the way. It was reflex. You were there, it shot at you… I reacted.” Ianto brought one hand back, touching the side of Jack’s face. “You would have… you do the same for me.”

“I can afford it,” Jack said quietly.

“I can’t,” Ianto sighed, feeling the heavy pool of desire spike through him when Jack’s hand found his hard cock under the covers. “I can’t watch it happen again and again.” He pushed into the hand that wrapped itself around him, gritting his teeth from the pleasure. He lost himself in the sensations, in Jack’s hands and lips and warmth, in the skin that melded against his, the breath in his ear. Ianto pushed back, grinding into the hardness behind him… “Jack...” He clawed at Jack’s shoulders, pleading. “Fuck me.”

“Promise you won’t do it again,” Jack said, his hand jerking a faster beat on Ianto’s cock, slowing at intervals, stretching out the moment until Ianto’s body was on fire. “Say you won’t.” Jack’s other hand teased the rim of Ianto’s hole, pushing in a fraction. “Ianto.”

“I-can’t promise th-that, Jack.” Ianto panted, pushing back and then forward, the heat rising inside him, spiraling out in all directions.

Jack stopped all movement. “Promise you’ll try.”

Ianto bucked against Jack’s stillness, biting his lip in frustration… He was so close. “You do the same.”

Jack began to move again slowly. “I’ll be more careful.”

Ianto nodded. “So will I.”

That was all Jack had been waiting for. He let Ianto go, pulling away from him. Ianto registered the cold air and growled out Jack’s name. Needing, wanting, and Jack returned as fast as he had gone. Ianto felt the cool slick of a lubed finger penetrate and he spasmed up, hissing at the pained pleasure. “Jack. Jack. Jack.” It was a mantra he said often… a whisper of a prayer.

“Yan.” Jack pushed in a second finger, then a third as his other hand returned to Ianto’s aching, dripping cock. He rolled his fingers inside, biting on Ianto’s neck… feeling Ianto’s fingers as they found his hair and pulled roughly.


It was all the encouragement he needed. He pulled his fingers out, replacing them with the thick head of his cock and pushing in fast and hard. Ianto groaned, something akin to a sob coming from his lips. It was what Jack loved about being here with Ianto - how he gave himself completely to him. He pulled out slowly and pushed in hard, quick. He built on that pace, harder, slower, harder...

Ianto’s cock pulsed in Jack’s hand, and he groaned against Ianto’s neck when he felt the spurt of heat fall on his fingers, dripping in between… And then Ianto brought them to his mouth, licking and sucking, and it was all Jack could do not to shatter when Ianto turned his head and reached for Jack’s mouth allowing Jack to taste him.

Jack smoothed his hand down, stopping at the crest of Ianto’s hips, gripping, and suddenly he was lost. His cock pounding into Ianto harder and deeper, angle changing, and Ianto muttered a curse, his head falling away from Jack’s when Jack hit that spot. Ianto crumbled against him pleading, his name, words of love, of forever and he spasmed, another orgasm hitting him.

Ianto clenched involuntarily as he came and sheathed Jack inside him, pushing Jack over the edge and into oblivion.

Jack lost sense of time, as he always did when they were together and after what seemed like an eternity, he found Ianto’s arms wrapping themselves around him. Opening his eyes to see the blue of Ianto’s shining at him. He leaned in, kissing the soft lips, gently coaxing the mouth to open, to allow him to taste. The one that was only Ianto. That was love and home and a life to him.

They pulled away, Ianto laying his head on Jack’s chest and allowing the sleep that had eluded him to finally take him. It would be morning soon. “Jack.”

When there was no response, Ianto looked up. Jack’s eyes were closed, and the steady rhythm of his breathing made him smile. It was rare that Jack slept. Ianto pulled him closer and fell into sleep.

Soon their eyes would open and adjust to the breaking light, the day falling over them again, pushing away the shadows and fears, letting them have another moment, another chance.

Another day.

Date: 2008-02-13 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OK ... wow ... this is me searching for words to describe how awesome this is. Took my breath away with the first word and gave it back to me just shortly before the end.
THIS story brings out in every word what an amazing writer you are. The powerful images, like the one in the beginning when Ianto died and is brought back to life again. The effortless with which you seem to "get" characters so easily that one can practically see them acting like you have them, and hear them talking the lines you give them. Like Ianto trying to cope with humor first and then being close to panic. The girls fussing all over him, Owen being the bright observer and the good friend he seems to become in s2, and above all: Jack, with all his suppressed emotions while being scared shitless, which shows in his behavior that could be called almost rude.
Ok, sorry I'm rambling ... lol

“Noted, sir. Next time there’s an alien attacking, I shall huddle in a corner. Make you proud.”


“I believe dying should get me more respect than this.”

How much more perfect can your Ianto-lines get? :-D

“You would have… you do the same for me.”

“I can afford it,” Jack said quietly.

That part almost killed me ...

Love it to pieces!!!
Thanks, Kat! :-)

Date: 2008-02-14 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh wow, thank you so Kari. I really try my best to find the right voice for the characters, so I'm so happy that I managed to do that here.

Ianto's lines were some of my favorite I EVER wrote. :)

I loved doing this fic and I'm glad you loved it as well!

Date: 2008-02-13 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Jesus, that was hot! And so emotional and it was just... right, like it was written by the actual Torchwood writers. Just fantastic.
I just watched the new ep tonight too, so I'm in my whole Woodie mind frame, and this was just amazing babe seriously!
I loved it.
Great writing.
Later, Emma x

Date: 2008-02-14 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. I am currently downloading the new eppy's. *sigh* I can't wait to watch.

Date: 2008-02-14 01:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That was so emotional and so hot! I'd love to see something like this on the show-you should send them this fic, lol, they'll have to hire you for sure!

Thanks a lot for sharing this!


Date: 2008-02-14 01:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I should send this for sure! Course I'd have to clean it up a bit for them...I mean as open minded as BBC is...there's still only so much LOL.

Thank you for reading this!

Date: 2008-02-14 01:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Gosh that was one of the best TW Fanfics I've ever read! Thank you so much for writing and sharing! I LOVE it... *prints it* :)

Date: 2008-02-14 03:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Oh, wow. Thank you so much! *feels loved*

Date: 2008-02-14 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[this comment is copied in its entirety from over at the comm, because I found the fic there, first. Also, I think I hate you for writing this in just a few hours. LOL]

*blinks* Uh... *blinks again* Prepare to be gushed.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love this fic!

Oh, you wonderful person, you; you are now the author of one of my very favourite Jack/Ianto fics. This is just so damned good.

The idea behind it, of Jack being the one who has to experience his lover's death and resurrection, is genius, and it's a brilliant way of addressing the challenge. The writing is fluid and effortless, and the characterization flawless. And...

“Noted, sir. Next time there’s an alien attacking, I shall huddle in a corner. Make you proud.”

...Ianto snark! Oh, so good. *hugs snarky Ianto to her chest and never lets him go*

Ianto's perspective gives a lovely insight into Jack's reaction to all this, and it's even more effective since this 'outsider' POV is so intimately connected with him. It lets us see Jack in all his insecurities and vulnerabilities, without having him collapsing in improbable sobs. Jack is very real, here. As is Ianto, of course, but I love the way you've written Jack. He's trying so hard to stay calm and in control, but you can see all those raging emotions just barely under the surface.

The depiction of their relationship and its dynamics is exactly the way I see it, and the way I want to see it, and I love this fic so much it might be a tiny bit bad for me. LOL

*hugs you* Damn, you're good at writing this pairing. I can't wait to read more of them from you.

Date: 2008-02-15 05:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you for bringin it over here!

Don't hate me!

Date: 2008-02-15 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is the first J/I story I've read and I loved it! It was touching and hot at the same time. Great stuff!

Date: 2008-02-15 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, thank you!!! I feel special. :)

Date: 2008-10-12 12:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Perfection does exist. Thanks for small favors. Great story. Thanks.


Date: 2008-10-13 03:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, gosh! Thank you. This is by far my favorite Ianto/Jack fic I've written. I just love it so much. :)
From: [identity profile]
Up to your usual awesome I see.

“Aside from the fact that I was dead and all,” Ianto mumbled, squeezing Jack’s hand. “How long?”

“Technically, only a few minutes.”

I love how they don't technically know be cause Ianto isn't there with his stop watch.

“I recall that, yes, Owen. I was the one being stalked.”

Date: 2011-08-26 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It took two hours of Owen prodding and checking and double-checking… and the girls hovering with blankets and tea and hugs… and Jack’s dark, worried, overprotective presence, before Ianto’s patience snapped.

He had died.


It wasn’t a rare occurrence in Torchwood. Really.


Date: 2011-10-25 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] bk_forever
Angsty, hot, passionate and very believable. Loved it.


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