freakykat | FIC: Indebted (QaF, B/J, AU) Chapter Five: Running From Fate

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Title: Indebted
Chapter: Five - Running From Fate
Sequel/Series: series
Author:

freakykat
Time Frame: Takes place during 3rd season starting after 3.04 - AU timelime
Summary: Justin and Brian find their lives intwine no matter what they do.
Rating: Hard R, sometimes NC-17
Warnings: Justin/Ethan implied
Notes: Thanks to

wouldbedorothy for beta-reading like always. A different way Brian/Justin could have gotten back together. Just a reminder that some of the storylines from Season 3 will be here however, they may be gotten to and resolved differently. Things become more complicated.
Disclaimer: I own none of this - they belong to Showtime, Cowlip and others. I only play with them a little. Once I'm done, I'll dust them off and give them back.

|Chapter 1|Chapter 2|Chapter 3|Chapter 4|

Indebted

Chapter Five: Running from fate…

It was fucking freezing. That was the only thought Brian allowed to run through his mind as his feet crunched on the newly fallen snow that had turned into a thin layer of ice. How the hell had it managed to snow so early? Goddamn Pitts. Another reason to want to get the hell out. Brian clenched his jaw and shook his head. That wasn’t going to happen any time soon, if he was honest. And he was always honest.

His mind flashed to the warmth of sunshine, and he made a derisive sound. Almost always.

Debbie’s house appeared in his line of vision, and he hoped the walk from the car had made a sufficient difference. He knew he couldn’t take any questions. Especially from Debbie. She was fucking relentless. The more he told her to mind her business, the more she took it as an invitation. He shoved away the emotion that bloomed inside at that thought, because he couldn’t take her brand of love… not tonight.

He just needed to get in and get out of that house. With the least amount of talking or complications. He prayed that the person he was looking for was actually there, otherwise he had no idea where to look next. He adjusted the collar on his brand new Armani coat and rang the bell. He could hear voices… more than a few different ones… and he sighed.

Just what he fucking needed. A goddamn audience.

His chest hurt slightly, and he leaned against the door frame, closing his eyes. He was tired tonight. More so than usual, but he knew that was to be expected. And that it would only get worse. Pushing away, he brushed one hand through his hair, ignoring the trembling of his legs.

There hadn’t been any response, so he pushed the button again, willing them to shut the hell up and let him inside. He was prepared to face anything in there if he could get out of the cold and sit for a minute.

The door opened and he was greeted with a pair of crystal blue eyes, wide with surprise, and seconds later, the light of a smile he only got to see in his dreams. “Brian.”

Shit.

Sunshine.

There was a long pause where they only stared at each other, and Brian swallowed back the groan that goddamn smile elicited from him… that made him want to grab golden hair in his hands…

The fates…. universe… God… whatever the fuck was in control really hated him.

He told his heart to slow the fuck down when Justin took his arm and brought him inside. He wasn’t affected by that tone in Justin’s voice. The one he’d used before the reality of who Brian was and what he could never be had replaced it with an acid, cold one.

But he had heard it, and when he looked into blue eyes, he saw it… there. That emotion Brian refused to acknowledge, and he fought against dragging his blond up the stairs… Shit… he had to get the hell out of here.

He found his voice when he noticed that they were being inspected by several pairs of eyes. He turned to the room, slowly removing his gloves and smirking at them all. “What the fuck is going on here?” This was what he needed, to find a way to gain back his equilibrium back.

“We’re just celebrating that Teddy is a free man!” Debbie threw her arms around Ted, squeezing tightly.

Brian breathed a silent sigh of relief. He hadn’t been sure if his little talk with Stockwell had actually done anything. He was certain the asshole would want to keep his family-friendly image intact for the campaign, and using Ted as a scapegoat for his crusade… well, that was exactly what he needed. Apparently, Brian’s well-timed argument had won him over. He would have to rack his brains now trying to find some new distraction for the would-be mayor.

He briefly met Emmett’s eyes from across the room and returned his imperceptible nod with one of his own. Ignoring the little wink he sent him, he looked away. In that instant, he felt sharp blue eyes on him and turned to meet them. There it was again. That fucking smile….

He really needed to go. He averted Justin’s gaze and was met with an equally unwanted one from Debbie. She was smiling gently at him, looking at him in “that way” that made him feel like he was fourteen years old again and had aced his Biology exam. Next thing he knew, she would be offering him some…

“Brian, honey, you look a little pale. Are you hungry? Do you want some lasagna?” She stood next to him, smoothing back the hair that had fallen across his forehead, and for just one moment, he leaned into her warm, comforting hand - that fourteen year old that lived inside him craving his mother’s touch.

Pulling back, he shook his head. “It’s after seven, Deb.” He saw her roll her eyes, but without another word, she walked away from him. It was then that he heard the little voice calling him.

“Daddy!”

He walked past Ben, who had quietly been watching him this whole time, pausing when the other man’s hand squeezed his shoulder kindly. It dropped almost as quickly, and he was grateful. He couldn’t take all this silent adoration. Finding his son on the floor, he bent his knees and met the blue eyes that twinkled at him. He grinned for the first time in… he couldn’t remember… and pulled Gus to him. “Hi, Sonnyboy.”

He held on as his son’s small arms wrapped around his neck, and he swallowed against the lump that formed in his throat when he felt the small peck of a kiss on his cheek. He felt that steady blue gaze on him again and he pulled back, looking only at Gus. “What are you doing here, kiddo?” He glanced up at Lindsey, avoiding the sweet look she was giving him. To her right, he found determined brown eyes glaring at him intently. He held them for one long second and turned to glance behind him.

Justin was staring at him, like Brian knew he would be… that intelligent look clouded with uncertainty… and Brian knew he couldn’t stay much longer. Soon there would be questions he couldn’t answer. Daphne blew him a kiss as he walked by but made no other move toward him, and he winked at her. He could always count on her not to go girly on him.

He walked to Michael, hugging him quickly as he dropped a kiss on his cheek. Vic’s hand grabbed his as he walked by him, knowing eyes probing his, and for once Brian couldn’t hide. There was a quiet moment that passed between them, and he was glad when his hand was set free.

It was clear he was avoiding Ted or Emmett at all costs, and he could care less. He didn’t want to be thanked, and he knew without a doubt that, if he allowed it, they would. He hadn’t done anything.

“I need to take a piss,” he said rapidly. Knowing he would have to pass Justin on his way up and preparing for that small contact, he steeled against it. He managed to make it to the stairs, two steps from where Justin was -- close enough to feel heat, to smell his scent -- before he was accosted by Debbie. She grabbed tightly onto his arm and almost dragged him toward the sofa. “I made you a plate. Sit.”

“Debbie, I told you don’t -”

“I know what you fucking said. But you look ready to fall down. You never eat, Brian. So, sit the fuck down and eat this.” She shoved a plate in his hands and proceeded to force him down…

Justin watched Brian as he made his way through the room. He had been so happy to see him… thrilled even. His goal had been to find him as soon as he left Deb’s. To tell him how proud he was of him. He knew he’d get shit for that. That Brian hated people knowing what a good heart he really had… that he loved his family and friends…

He wanted to hug him… touch his face… tell him all the things he knew he couldn’t and that Brian would never want to hear.

And when he had opened the door and found him there, he’d wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him. Fuck everything else.

But he’d seen it… a flash of something he’d only seen once before in Brian’s eyes.

Fear.

It had been quick, and Justin had almost thought he’d made it up until Brian had entered and, as he had greeted everyone, Justin knew he had seen it right.

Brian was scared.

Of what?

Justin had no idea. The stranger Brian seemed to act… the bigger the knot in his stomach seemed to grow. It was when he had clutched to Gus… letting go only when he realized Justin was watching… that he knew something was really wrong.

And fuck if he wasn’t going to find out what it was.

But he needed to get him alone -- so he had been relieved when Brian had mentioned the bathroom. He could corner him there, in that small space, and find out… one way or the other… what was going on.

He’d been two feet from him when Debbie had intercepted, and Justin had wanted to truly smack her on the head. Didn’t she know that he needed to talk to Brian? Be with him…

The look that crossed Brian’s face made Justin’s insides clench, and he did the only thing he knew he could. What he knew Brian might have done for him.

He saved him.

“Hey. Now that everyone is here, I wanted to tell you all… I got my first showing!”
The room erupted suddenly with claps, congratulations, and reprimands, wanting to know why he hadn’t said anything sooner.

“I just found out today,” he said after Debbie let him go, smiling at them all. “I didn’t want to take away from celebrating Ted’s good news.” His eyes meant Brian’s and he smiled at him in reassurance. He was off the hook for the moment.

“Honey, that so great!” Emmett threw his arms around him and Justin cringed, begging for salvation from Michael, who grinned at him and told Emmett to “let the kid fucking breathe.”

Emmett obeyed, kissing Justin cheek soundly as he did. “When is it?”

“In a couple of weeks…at PIFA…it’s a student show…not that big of a deal.” Justin brushed it away, aware that now he would have a slew of people there for two lousy painting. Michael walked to him, brown eyes smiling at him.

He held out his hand to Justin. “Congratulations.”

Justin stared at it, not sure why this was making him so uneasy. Michael had been downright nice to him the last few times they’d met, and he was now willingly doing this. He took his hand in his and nodded. “Thanks, Michael.”

There was a flicker in Michael’s eyes… something he seemed to want to say… but it was gone, and, after a moment, so was he. Justin watched him head to Ben, wrapping his arms around the taller man and kissing his cheek. They seemed to exchange some quiet words, and Justin wondered if they were about him.

He smiled when he felt warm arms wrap around him and a chin lean on his shoulder. He made out Lindsey’s profile. “And you told me you were feeling uninspired. See! I told you.”

That had been true. For weeks, he hadn’t felt like painting… everything seeming contrite, forced… amateur… nothing like he knew he could produce. Until that night at Brian’s… taking the pictures for the poster. He had run home and found that the only way to calm himself was by putting brush to canvas. He’d worked into the early morning light… the previously blaring white of canvas filled with tortured, muted colors…

He still wasn’t sure what the hell it was saying to him… his latest work… but he didn’t care to find out. He smiled at Lindsey as she pulled away, kissing his cheek. “Thanks, Linz.”

Lindsey grinned, glancing around the room. “Where did Mel go? She should come congratulate you.”

“I saw her head upstairs. Probably the bathroom?” Vic piped up and stood from his chair, patting Justin on the cheek as he headed to the kitchen. “Good job, kiddo.”

Daphne gave him a huge smile from her seat on the floor where she was entertaining Gus. “You’re just a genius, aren’t you?”

He rolled his eyes at her…and it was then he realized that he didn’t feel him in the room. He always could.

Brian.

He looked around, craning his neck to see if he was hiding behind… who the fuck would he be hiding behind?

He had wanted to give Brian time to recover from Debbie’s assault, but his announcement had caused such a ruckus, he’d lost track of where Brian had gone.

Maybe he had left.

He brushed one hand over his face. “Shit.”

Vic bumped into him on his way back into the living room, and Justin heard his soft whisper as he moved past him. “You know where he goes when it gets to be too much.”

It took a moment before he understood what that had meant and his eyes fell to the back door. He did know. It was where they had always gone when he lived with Debbie and Brian had needed to get away. Forgetting his coat, Justin quietly snuck to the door, opening it slightly, keeping his eyes on the crowd in the living room as he tried to slide out, sight unseen.

It was in that halfway position that he heard the hushed voices in argument.

“I can’t keep doing this, Brian.”

“Mel, don’t fucking-… It’s your job.”

“My job is to make sure you’re taken care of. Not lying!”

“It’s not lying.”

“Brian! You can’t keep this a secret forever.”

“I won’t.” There was a deep inhale and Justin knew Brian was taking a long drag of his cigarette. Something he did for comfort….

“They can’t handle it and you know it.”

Justin heard the soft sigh of resignation from Mel and that knot in his gut seemed to coil tighter. What the fuck were they talking about? What couldn’t who handle?

“When I have no other choice… when I have to, Mel… I promise I’ll tell them.”

There was a long silence.

“You could tell him…”

Justin jumped at the sharp “No!” that Brian nearly bellowed. After a pause, he said in a quieter but equally firm tone. “Nobody needs to know.”

“He deserves to. He still loves you. Why, I have no fucking idea, but he does.”

That was it. Justin pulled the door open and shut it sharply enough to get both their attentions. Two pair of guilty eyes looked at him. He moved closer, eyes trained on Brian’s face. “What’s going on?”

“What the fuck does it look like, Sunshine?” Brian sneered, waving the hand with his cigarette in the air.

“Uh-huh. Since when do the two of you take smoke breaks together? Hell, I‘ve never known either one of you to willingly speak to the other. ” He glanced at Mel, brow furrowing. “Isn’t that-“ he pointed at the cigarette, “-bad for the baby?”

He was fucking pissed.

Something was going on. Something Brian was hiding… and Mel knew.

She narrowed her eyes at Justin. “I’m not smoking the fucking thing.” She sent Brian a sharp glance, their eyes communicating things that Justin couldn’t understand. He bit his tongue, afraid that if he let out what he wanted to say, it would only make matters worse.

After a long moment of what Justin knew was a silent battle, Mel rolled her eyes and stomped past him and into the house, slamming the door.

Justin turned to look at his ex-lover. At the man he loved… had loved for so long… and he saw again what others couldn’t. Wary, tired eyes that wouldn’t look at him directly. Brian never avoided his eyes. It was what had made Justin love him so much. His fucking blunt honesty, the way his eyes would stare into Justin’s and everything he would say meant more…

Even the things that shattered Justin’s heart.

I don’t believe in love.

Justin closed the distance between them, eyes still on Brian’s face as he reached for the cigarette and tossed it to the ground.

“Debbie won’t appreciate that, Sunshine.”

I believe in fucking.

Justin reached one hand to Brian’s face, pausing at the tremble that seemed to run through him, and turned it to look at his face. To look directly into those haunted eyes that hurt him to the core. He saw that moment of fear in them again, and that sick feeling in the pit of Justin’s stomach sharpened.

He wanted to know.

“Tell me what the fuck is going on, Brian.”

Justin brought both hands to Brian’s face, forcing his head still. He met pained eyes and swallowed his own fear away, softly asking… begging. “Please, Brian. Tell me.”

The air changed between them in that moment, and Justin knew -- fucking felt it run through him -- when Brian was going to kiss him. Sharp and real and not some fucking dream…

And the next second, warm lips crashed on his… parting, conquering, licking and sucking… hands delving into his hair, tugging gently… He could taste Brian… smell him and touch him… and he forgot it all, because this wasn’t a dream….

This was him. This was Brian.

This was them.

And, goddamn… it was so good and real and the way it should be… and, for that moment, he surrendered to him… to them… to fucking fate…

To what he had run away from...

|Chapter 6|

Current Mood: chipper
Current Location: away...far away...
Current Music: "here with me" : dido

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

kinwad.livejournal.com

You know...*tapping fingers uneasily as to where this fic is going*...I've been reading and loving this from the beginning, sooooo, please don't make me cry at the end! I trust you!

From:

like a skyscraper

FIC: Indebted (QaF, B/J, AU) Chapter Five: Running From Fate

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