Fic: tearing my seams - Part Three
Aug. 23rd, 2011 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freakykatTitle: tearing my seams
Author(s):![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Jake Silbermann/Van Hansis
Summary: It's getting dark, darling. Too dark to see.
part three
Hank Davis closes another file, sighing as he drops it on the pile on his desk, trying not to think how these days the solved pile is always so much smaller than the open cases. He reads the name written in his thick block letters across the manila folder.
JAKE SILBERMANN.
It's admittedly one of his most frustrating cases as of late, but being a thirty-year veteran of the L.A.P.D., it's most certainly not the strangest he's ever come across. He eyes the bottom drawer of his desk, thinks of the files of missing person cases and hopes that this one doesn't end up there.
He's been working in this department for over twenty years and he knows in his gut that the Silbermann case is one of the special ones. The kind other cops won't even look at. Because if there's anything they can't explain logically, if there's even a hint of anything out of the ordinary about the circumstances, it will fall into Hank's lap.
And he prefers it that way.
There are some people he couldn't trust.
“Hey, Hank!”
He tenses slightly as he glances up, watches Hernandez making his way over to Hank's desk.
Speak of the devil...
“Hernandez. What can I do for you?”
Carlos Hernandez sits on the edge of Hank's desk, as always ignoring any sense of personal bubble, and shrugs, gives Hank his most charming grin.
It doesn't work on him.
Hank simply raises an eyebrow and waits.
Hernandez rolls his eyes, lets out what's supposed to be a bemused sigh but Hank can read people and he knows that he's annoyed, nervous. “It's a slow day. I thought I'd offer some help with any new cases you might have.”
Hank resists the snort that he wants to give. That will be the day that Carlos Hernandez did anything to help anyone else but himself. He couldn’t care less, really. But he's always stayed just this side of being too aggressive in case someone starts to suspect he's not on the straight and narrow.
It's not like Hank doesn't already suspect Hernandez is on the take.
The problem is that he can't prove it and no matter what they spew in press releases you don't get rewarded for bringing down dirty cops.
“I'm good, Hernandez, thanks.”
He can see him working out some way to push Hank without pissing him off.
“Really? Didn't you have a missing persons case a couple of days ago?”
Hank glares at his desk then back at Hernandez. “Yeah. But seeing as this is the Missing Persons department it's not unusual.”
“Right. Of course. So nothing strange.”
Hank doesn't look over to the file he'd just discarded, keeps his gaze straight on Hernandez, shrugging casually. “No more than usual, you know.” He doesn't move when the other man pats his shoulder as if they're buddies sharing a moment.
“Well, if that changes, I mean, if you end up needing help...”
Hank nods once, watches him walk away and picks up his ringing phone. He can sense Hernandez staring at him from across the room so he goes on with what he'd been doing, preparing to go home for the day. He pauses as he moves the files around his desk, touching the edge of the Silbermann one. He shifts a stack of paper on top of it and picks them all up, opening his file cabinet to put them away. He can still sense Hernandez watching and pretends to fumble, drops the Silbermann file under the desk near his briefcase, muttering loudly as he gathers the rest of the mess and dumping it inside his desk, shutting the cabinet.
When he looks up, Hernandez is in a deep conversation with another cop so Hank shoves the discarded case file into his briefcase before grabbing it, shutting off the light and heading out the door. He doesn't look anywhere but the exit, doesn't make a move to look at the file again, curious now why Hernandez was so interested in it.
He hadn't said anything but he's been doing this long enough to know that was the information the other cop was looking to get.
The night sky is a deep purple, moon almost at the full phase, and he shivers even though the temperature is warm.
As soon as he gets home, he'll go over the file again, maybe call Silbermann's friend Billy, find out if there's something more going on.
Because if Hernandez is interested that means that his boss is... and that's never a good thing.
The sun hits his face directly and Van turns to get away. He's never been a morning person, the process of waking always taking him a long time. His mind works in increments, focusing on one sense at a time until he's fully alert.
This morning is no different as he shies from the light, scrunching his eyes closed to keep the annoyance out. His nose hits skin, solid and warm, confusing Van for all of one second before his brain recognizes the scent. Jake. Van rubs his cheek against Jake's back, eyes not yet open, and reaches out to touch. His fingers trail over and up Jake's arm to his shoulder. He can feel his breathing now, steady under his hand. He squeezes tight, the memories of the day before starting to thread through his mind.
Jake makes a noise, somewhere between a sigh and groan, turning to face Van. It makes him open his eyes, blurry vision focusing until he can make out the shadows of Jake's lashes against his cheeks. His hand falls on Jake's hip, twitches there when Jake moves closer, probably seeking Van's warmth.
Van isn't going to complain. The closer he can keep Jake the better. If it's up to him, he's never letting him out of his sight. Ever. He lets his hand run over Jake's hip, around and then under the t-shirt Jake borrowed. He places his hand Jake's back, feeling the heat of his skin and stays right there even when he sees Jake's eyes fluttering open.
His heart beats hard against his chest, something he can't name unfurling in his gut, and it's all Van can do to stop form leaning in and kissing Jake. He knows this isn't the time. That they need to concentrate on figuring out what to do now.
But he still wants.
“Hey.”
Jake is looking at him, eyes wide and open when Van meets his gaze. His lips twitch when Jake blinks to try to make sense of waking up in a bed with Van. Not that it's actually something new for them. But it's been a long time since they've gotten the chance.
“Hi,” he says quietly, starting to roll away but Van makes a protesting noise, tightens the hand splayed across Jake's back, shaking his head. Van can see the argument forming in his eyes and decides to cut it off.
“I spent twelve hours thinking that you were...just – stay.”
Jake closes his eyes briefly before nodding and scoots closer, his hand finding purchase on Van's waist, flexes nervously. They're touching almost everywhere now and it's too much and not enough. Van tips his face up, skims lips over Jake's jaw, feels the stubble scrap across his own skin. Jake shudders, hides his face in Van's hair and takes a deep breath.
Van's fingers freeze where they were tracing circles in the dip of Jake's back and he tries not to laugh when he asks, “Did you just smell me again?” He bites his lip to keep from smiling at the embarrassed chuckle Jake gives.
“You have no idea what your scent does to me now, okay? So, just, shut up.”
Van snorts, continues his perusal of Jake's back, inching back up to trace the muscle over his shoulders. “I could get used to that little kink.”
Jake pulls back, looks at him seriously. “You won't have to. Soon as I can find a place –“
Frustration bubbles in his gut followed by the heat of anger and Van glares at Jake. “You're not going anywhere.”
“Van...”
“No. Don't 'Van' me. I'm not letting you out of my sight.”
Jake rolls his eyes. “Uh-huh. So you're planning to be my shadow for the rest of your life?”
Van shrugs. It's not like the idea doesn't have appeal.
“That's the dumbest thing – Van, this, whatever happens to me isn't going to be pretty. I'm going – I don't even know what I'm going to do when I turn. And I will. Turn. There's nothing –”
“Yeah. I don't care.”
“I could hurt you!” Jake pulls away, the cold seeping into the spaces he's leaving empty and Van scowls.
“Not going to happen. You wouldn't.”
Jake pinches his nose, head leaning back against the headboard and Van knows that look. He's counting to ten before he starts talking so he doesn't say something he can't take back. He uses that opportunity to finish what he's been trying to say.
“I love you.”
Jake nods. “I know but...”
Van shakes his head. “No you don't. I'm in love with you.”
Jake jerks his head up so fast, Van swears he hears a creak, and stares at him with a gaping mouth.
And okay, yeah. Probably not the best time but Van's known this for a while, too chicken shit to admit it to anyone, but now things are different. If Jake had died... if that thing had killed him...
“I know. This is not the right moment but I don't know what else I can say so that you hear me.” Van moves over and up, leans in so that he's looking straight into Jake's eyes. “I'm not going anywhere. Okay? This is you and me.”
He waits to see if that bit of truth sinks in.
It's always been them.
“This is you and me.”
Jake can't – he can't handle this. Not now. Because he'd asked before. And Van had said...he'd...
“You said no.”
He sees Van's gaze soften, eyes going sad and his head butts against Jake's shoulder, the contract shocking him. He clenches the sheets in his hands to stop from touching, goes against every instinct that tells him to claim.
“I lied.”
Jake hadn't expected that, makes a wounded noise in his throat that makes Van look up at him. He flinches when Van brushes his hand against Jake's cheek. “You told me and I just – I freaked.”
He'd broken Jake's heart.
“You told me –“
“I know what I told you.” Van makes a face, motions to Jake with his hand before letting it fall down on the bed. “You were – I thought you were confused. I mean, honestly Jake, what was I supposed to think? My straight best friend, who I've been crazy about for years, tells me he's in love with me –“
“Believe him.”
“You were straight.” Van flails a little, narrows his eyes at him when Jake lets out a derisive snort.
“I never said that. Everyone, including you, said that. I never did!”
“You dated girls! All you dated were girls!”
“Maybe because no other guy could compare to you, dumbass!”
The knock on the door cuts off Van's response, stopping the fight and when Jake turns to look, Billy is leaning in through the partially open door, eyes wide.
“Um. Sorry. But. Jake? There are some – people here to see you.”
Jake nods as he pushes the covers away. He hates fighting with Van. It's why he'd avoided him for so long. He looks back and sees Van getting out of the bed, his movement jerky and angry. He can't deal with that right now.
Without another word, he brushes past Billy, touching his friend's shoulder as he passes, walking into the living room to find Drake and Gabe standing near the entrance.
His face breaks out into a relieved smile.
Drake grins back. “You're looking much better, Jake.”
Gabe studies him quietly, nods his agreement after a moment. “The healing is well underway, yeah. That's good. We're going to need you at full strength for the change.” He tenses and Jake feels Van stand behind him, turns to meet his eyes before looking back at his new friends.
“Gabe, this is Van.” Billy stands in the doorway, eyes narrowed as he looks at Gabe then Drake. “And that's Billy. Guys, this is Gabe and his partner Drake.”
“Mate.” They both say and Jake understands what that means but isn't sure how to respond.
Gabe's gaze falls on Van, his smirk turning the edges of his mouth up. He looks at Jake, eyes darkening then waves toward the bedroom. “Sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but you need to grab whatever you need. You're coming with us.”
Drake glares at Gabe, opens his mouth but shuts it when he meets Gabe's eyes. They have a silent conversation and when Drake looks back he nods at him. “We're going to take you with us.”
He hides his surprise as best he can but doesn't move in any direction. A big part of Jake tells him he should run, that he needs to keep this whole danger away from Van. Especially now that he knows...
But an even bigger part of him can't fathom not being with Van and it makes him a little sick to even contemplate it.
He starts to try to explain this to Gabe but Van's standing in between them, arms crossed, pinning Gabe with a look Jake has been on the receiving end of a few times. Van is settling in for a fight he has no intention of losing.
“I don't think so.”
Gabe raises an eyebrow. There's a spark in his eyes that flashes before he shutters it closed. He meets Van's glare with his own. “Really?”
Van nods curtly, moving his steady hard gaze from Gabe to Drake and back. “Yeah, really. You're not taking Jake anywhere. He stays with me.” Billy's standing on Jake's other side, his stance defensive, one hand on Jake's shoulder like he's afraid that someone will snatch him.
Drake moves closer to Gabe but he remains relaxed. At least, that's what it looks like from the outside. Jake knows him well enough to see the tension in his hands. He'll protect Gabe if he has to. It's what they do.
Gabe takes a step forward, keeps his eyes steadily on Van. “And who's going to stop me? You? What exactly do you think you can do?”
“Whatever I damn well have to,” Van grits out, taking a step closer to Gabe and staring him down.
There's more going on than Jake gets but he can't have Gabe scaring Van. He's taking Van by the shoulder, pulling him back and turning him around before he can re-think the idea. “Hey, hey. Listen to me. It's gonna be alright. They won't hurt me.”
“You're not leaving me. No. It's not happening.” He glances back at Gabe, scowls before meeting Jake's eyes. He misses the look of satisfaction on Gabe's face but Jake sees it. Billy chimes in right then.
“I'm so with Van on this. There's no fucking way we're letting you out of our sight after we almost lost you, man. Fuck that noise.”
Jake gives him a half smile and when he looks down at Van, it breaks into a bigger one. He reaches out to push the stray hair off Van's forehead, cups his cheek softly. “It'll work out.”
Van's brow furrows and he leans into Jake’s touch. “I'm not leaving you. Period.”
Jake's gaze flicks up to Gabe when he clears his throat. He seems to be nodding at whatever Drake is saying in his ear. “Good to hear that you're willing to fight for Jake. He's going to need that.”
Billy and Van exchange a glance then study Jake before turning to Gabe. Van holds his hand up. “Wait, wait. Was that some fucking test?”
Drake grins, shrugs. “Just wanted to make sure Jake could count on you when he needs it.”
Jake wraps his arms around Van's waist, pulls him closer when he starts to retort angrily. “Of course he can – what the hell --”
Gabe actually smiles, cuts Van off before he can get going. “Man, you're going to be a fun one. I can tell already.” He holds Jake's gaze, his smile turning genuine. “You've picked yourself a hell of a mate, Jakey.”
It's all white noise after that.
Van hates Gabe.
From the first moment he opened his stupid loud bossy mouth, Van has wanted to punch him in it. And he's generally not a violent man but the guy brings it out in him.
It wasn't bad enough that after he shows up at Van's apartment and demands that Jake leave with him (and that was going to happen when hell froze over), he scares the shit out of Jake, making him almost pass out. Logically Van realizes that part of that was probably because Jake is a stubborn asshole who doesn't know when he needs to take it easy. But he can't yell at Jake, not after what's he's been through and definitely not after he was scared enough to pass out.
He doesn't have the same issue when it comes to the two people standing in front of him. He glances down at Jake's form, splayed on his couch, and then flicks his gaze over to Billy's face, worried.
He whirls around, points one finger at Gabe, letting out a low snarl. “Get the fuck out. Now.”
He sees the other man step forward, hands splayed out in front of him. “We're only here to help him.”
Van snorts but before he can reply, Jake's hand is pulling at his and he turns his attention where it's needed. He sits on the edge of the couch, one hand cupping Jake's face. “Hey. Are you okay?”
Jake nods. “Yeah, stop yelling. It's not Gabe's fault that happened.” He looks sheepish as he sits up, his smile a little awkward. “I probably should have slept more.”
“You think?” Van retorts and then brings a hard glare down on Gabe when he laughs softly.
“Oh, you two are going to be interesting.”
His gaze softens when the other man – Van thinks his name is Drake but right now he really could care less – stands next to him. Their eyes are serious, faces tight as they watch them carefully.
“Drake isn't lying, Van. We're here to help him. He’s ours now, too.”
Van's stomach twists, chest constricting at that because Jake isn't anyone but his if he's anybody's.
Drake seems to catch his train of thought and shakes his head, grins quickly. “He means clan. We claim him as one of ours because he's going to need us to back him up eventually.”
Jake sighs as he stands, unsteady on his legs but he holds on to Van's shoulder, leans in a little into Van's side. “Guys, I don't --”
“It's not a choice, Jake. We've got one week to prepare for your first change.”
Van tries to breathe, feels the way Jake's arm tenses around his waist. Billy makes an unintelligible sound that Van understands completely.
“You said there was something I could take...that would make it stop...” Jake says, voice breaking in between words. He's scared and Van hates that more than anything.
Drake sighs, huge green eyes sadder than they were a minute ago and Van's chest tightens even more.
“The suppressors don't stop it from happening. They help you control it.”
“You still change, Jake.”
Jake's laugh is humorless, makes Van grab his hand tightly and he glances over to meet his eyes. He needs Jake to know he's in this with him but he won't meet Van's eyes, keeps them locked on the floor.
Billy clears his throat, breathes deep and nods at Drake. “Maybe you can explain this to us all.”
So they sit together as Drake lays it out for them. Jake will change, that can't be stopped. But they'll be there to get him through it, make sure he doesn't hurt anyone. It'll take three days for it to pass and once that happens they have enough time for the suppressors to take effect.
“It usually takes about three weeks.”
“Then what happens?” Billy asks, looking over at Jake. “It'll just keep him like he is, right?”
Gabe sets down the beer he'd gotten from the fridge and shakes his head. “Not exactly. It helps to restrain the animal inside but we'll have to teach Jake how to control it.”
“Once he can then it'll be easier to keep it that way and eventually it becomes second nature.”
Van doesn't look at them, eyes steady on Jake, when he asks, “Does that mean that you can become – you can turn into your wolf state when you want to?”
There's a long pause and he flicks his gaze to Gabe who is staring at him intently.
“Most of us can, yes. We usually don't chose to. It's not exactly a pleasant experience to change. Avoiding that is pretty much our goal but not everyone thinks that way.”
“That's what happened to me, right?” Jake finally says, sounding steadier than he had when the conversation had started. “You said she was a hunter. That she did it often.”
Gabe scowls, gives Jake a curt nod. “Not every day or anything but she killed enough.”
Silence falls after that and Van wants to make Jake go with him into his bedroom, get into the bed and under the covers, tangled together until it goes away. He knows better though and brings his full attention to Drake.
“How can we help?” He doesn't even look over at Billy because it's a given that he'll be there to support Jake, too.
Jake shakes his head. “You won't. Drake and Gabe can handle it, Van. I'm not putting you in any more danger.”
“It's cute that you think you have a say, man.” Billy says, laughing at the glare he receives from Jake.
Van doesn't even dignify that with a response. He keeps his eyes on Drake.
He sees Drake and Gabe exchange a smile before Gabe scoots up in his chair, looking back and forth between Van and Billy. “You have to understand that there's a good chance you could get hurt... maybe even worse, so you need to be sure about this.”
Billy nods. “I'm in.”
“Billy...”
“I said I was in.” He gives Jake a dirty look that makes the other man shut his mouth quickly.
Van leans forward and meets Gabe's curious stare. “Duly noted. Now, what do we have to do?”
He tunes out Jake's protest as Gabe starts to tell them everything that'll happen and what they'll need to be prepared for.
Miguel was never a superstitious person. His mami made him wear a medallion with “La Virgincita” around his neck as he was growing up for protection. It still sits there but more out of habit than any real belief he may have about its powers. He became a cop to gain that. Maybe he's not the best one. His choices in recent years have made him accept that fact.
His nose may not be clean but he provides for his own and in the end that's all he cares about.
But right now, standing in the foyer, shuddering at the stillness surrounding him, it's pretty clear his mother might have been onto something.
The doors are huge, made of dark oak, expensive and thick, dangerous looking and he adjusts his holster as he steps through them into the well-light room. He wasn't expecting that from the look of the room outside, which was dark, only shadows creeping around the corners.
The house gives him the fucking creeps but he needs to get this over with.
“Good evening, Detective Hernandez.”
He refrains from jumping out of his skin because experience as a cop helps you deal with the unexpected but it's a close call. Shivers crawl over his arms and he holds them in. He can throw up once he gets back to his car.
He ignores the voice that adds the if to that thought.
Standing near the door is his best option should anything go wrong. Miguel can barely make out the top of his host's head over the back of the chair. It's a good tactic, keep control by being scary as shit. This guy has it down like an art.
“Yeah, good evening. Is there a specific reason you wanted me to come here?” He keeps his tone neutral, hopes it hides the fear underneath but he's pretty sure the other man can sense it.
The chair spins and he's thrown by how young this man looks even though he really shouldn't, not at his age. The gray eyes are like steel, cold and hard, making him shiver despite his best efforts.
“Of course I have a reason, Miguel. I would not waste your time. I understand how precious it is in your line of work. I wanted to find out what information you have garnered since we last spoke.”
He nods, clears his throat. “I went through that idiot Davis' files this morning but didn't find anything worthwhile. There's a case he took a few days ago that seemed to just disappear though. I remember hearing the desk sergeant talk about it. But there are no records for it. Anywhere.”
Those eyes widen and he sees the gleam of teeth. “Maybe we need to pay your colleague a visit. Do you think that would help us?”
Miguel's never liked Hank. Mostly because the old geezer hated him on sight, could see right through his charms. But he's a good cop, better than Miguel can ever be, and he has a family, kids that he knows are close to him. He's respected at the precinct, has enough commendations that he's known. He'd be missed if he disappeared.
“We can't kill him.” It comes out fast and he receives a bigger grin than the one before, makes him swallow down some bile.
“I would never think of doing that, Detective Hernandez. That's against the law, of course.” He picks up the cup of deep amber liquid sitting just to his side on the desk and raises it up in a salute. “But I think we could get Detective Davis to agree to give us the information.”
Miguel nods, chokes on the words he wants to say and attempts to clear his throat, makes a gurgling sound that he hates. “That could be arranged.”
“Wonderful.”
He starts for the door, not wanting to acknowledge anything else and stops when his name is called out. He clutches the doorknob in his hand, half-turns to look back. “Yes?”
“Did you catch a name by any chance? Of that case that you said disappeared.”
It's a long shot but he figures it would buy him time. “Not the whole name but I think it's something like Silverman.”
The flash of teeth this time is brighter, larger and Miguel hopes that he can get out of there before they sink into his flesh. He's pretty sure that's going to be the case. His hand reaches for the gold medallion laying on his chest, holding on to it as he hears the low, happy sound of a chuckle behind him.
“Excellent.”
He leaves at a fast jog out of the door and into his car.
Whatever he's caught up in isn't going to end well.
That much he's sure of.
His first transformation is less than a week away and Jake wants to run as far as he can. It doesn't help that Gabe refuses to sugarcoat anything. He knows it's best to know what they'll be up against. But sometimes he feels like he's being tested.
Jake doesn't want to be ungrateful but he's already scared of what he's capable of doing. He doesn't need a constant reminder.
“Van, do you have any kind of self-defense training?”
Van scowls, flicks his gaze toward Jake before he looks back at Gabe, nodding. “Yeah. I took some classes in college.”
“Drake, make sure he gets a refresher. Billy, how about you?”
Billy nods slowly. “Kickboxing. Every week.”
“Good. Then, you're going to stick with me during the change. We'll make sure Jake doesn't get loose.” He points in Drake's and Van's direction. “You two will be back-up. If he happens to get out of his chains I don't want you trying to take him down or anything.” He writes something on the blackboard he'd dragged into Van's apartment from who the hell knew where. “You're going to be insurance.”
“What do you mean insurance?”
Gabe digs inside the canvas duffel he'd brought. Jake swears the damn thing is bottomless. There's a gun in one hand and before he can say anything, Van stands up from where he'd been sitting on the couch. “No. No fucking way in hell. I am not going to shoot anyone.”
Drake raises a hand. “That's not what it's for.” He gestures at the small case that Gabe is opening and he recognizes the tranquilizer shots. He's not sure how he knows what they are. “Those will just slow him down enough to stop him from hurting anyone.”
Billy runs a hand through his hair. “Jesus.”
“Listen up, kids.” Gabe says, staring hard at them.
Jake can see Van’s hackles go up and he walks over to sit next to him, placing his hand on Van's knee. He feels the tension seep out of it when he rubs his thumb gently over it.
“I know this hard. Believe me, I get that. But I'm not doing this for fun, okay?” Gabe waves a hand around the air that encompasses himself and Jake. “What we are is not pretty. It's not easy. It sure as hell isn't something we chose but we have to deal with it.”
Jake closes his eyes and breathes slowly.
When he opens them again, Gabe is standing in front of him. “This isn't ever going to go away. But I promise that after you've completed your change, it gets better. You'll learn to control it. That's what we're here for.” He reaches a hand out, touching Jake's shoulder. “I'm not going to let you hurt anyone.”
He believes him.
Gabe turns his stare to Van. “He won't either.”
Jake glances at Van and sees him nodding, eyes locked on Jake's face. “I'll do whatever I have to.”
Jake's heart jumps to his throat, beating like it's going to explode and he wants to tell Van that he can't say that. He can't put himself in danger. It's not something Jake can handle.
“And it's really not going to matter what you say about it, Silbermann. I love you. So I have every right to do protect you.” Van shifts closer, leaning into Jake and his warmth soaks into Jake's skin. “What do you need us to do?”
Jake looks up at Gabe and the grin he receives is more than surprising.
“First, we're going to need to find a solid place to lock Jake up in.”
They stare into the empty, fenced-in storage unit that Van remembers belongs to him. He's never used it before. He'd barely had anything when he'd first moved into his place and never gotten around to buying anything more than what he needed anyway.
The unit is like one big cage. He watches Drake and Gabe test the walls, shaking them with a great deal of force. They shake violently, and for one second Van thinks they might give. Gabe studies them intently then nods. “I think this will be good.”
Van lets out a long breath. “You're sure? I mean, this building isn't new.”
Drake nods. “Exactly. The materials they used to build it are strong. Real metal, not the different million alloys they use now. It's meant to last a long time.”
“It'll be strong enough to hold me?” Jake asks, standing right behind him. Van shivers at the heat he can feel from him and stops from shifting back just to get closer to it.
“It should. We'll make sure to have a lock that can withstand it.” He looks back at Drake. “Maybe you can set up a spell? Something for extra protection.”
“Already working on it.”
Gabe flashes him a smile, winking quickly before schooling his face back to his normal scowl. Van stopped buying his act a few days ago when he'd found him sitting at his kitchen table, wary and vulnerable. He was scared for Jake. Van had sat with him, poured his own fears out and Gabe assured him that they would do everything to make sure that Jake came out of this in one piece.
That they all would.
It didn't make his fears go away but he felt, for the first time, that he wasn't alone in keeping Jake safe.
Jake is so tired.
A week of preparation on top of his training – because Drake insists he's going to need to learn to defend himself eventually, so why not start right away – and avoiding Van was enough to completely exhaust him.
It was hard to not be alone with Van.
The apartment is only so big and he can't go outside at all in case someone recognizes him or whatever. Gabe had explained (or more like yelled the first time Jake tried to get the paper) and Jake wasn't about to go through that again. He’s going a little stir crazy but it's for the best.
The dining room has been turned into the training room. He can make out the grunts from Billy and Drake's lesson. There's a click of metal against metal. They're using the swords again. Jake resists a laugh when he thinks of what happened to Van's bookcase the last time they used those.
The living room is Gabe's room. He has plans and strategies laid out all over the coffee table, pinned to walls. He's constantly yelling into his phone. He makes sure Jake gets a report every night of where they are. It's reassuring and Jake can't be happier that he met him and Drake. They've been lifesavers.
Van sticks to the kitchen and the study he hadn't even wanted when he rented the place. He locks himself in there for a few hours every day. When he comes out, he's usually sweaty, flushed and out of breath. Jake has to look away from him before he forgets his promise to not touch Van.
Not until he knows it's safe.
He's grateful that the bedroom is his haven. He practices the techniques Drake teaches him to rein in his animal. Jake hasn't mastered it yet. He's not sure how he'll be able to after his change but Gabe tells him that he will.
Three days and then he'll be able to get back to normal.
Van hands him a glass of juice, makes him jump slightly then whispers his apology. He drops the pills into his other hand then leaves the room like he had come in. Jake watches him go, swallows the suppressors and counts to twenty like he's supposed to when he feels the stirrings. He wants to touch Van, kiss until they can't breathe, throw him against a door, the floor, their bed – and it is theirs – and fuck him until all he can taste is Van.
Three days.
Billy walks into the kitchen, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and stops dead in his tracks.
There are guns lying on the table, chains wrapping around the chair that Gabe is sitting in and everyone is eating their breakfast, talking about their upcoming night.
He shakes his head and walks to the bathroom. He needs a shower.
Drake and Gabe take him aside that morning, leading him towards the bedroom and locking the door when they're all inside.
“It's time.”
Jake panics, eyes widening, his breathing going erratic until Gabe places a hand on his shoulder. “No, man. I didn't mean that. We want to talk to you about what's going to happen, okay?”
He tries to calm down, nodding for Gabe to continue. He needs to hear this. Wants to know what will happen when he's not in control of his own body anymore. Be prepared for what will come.
Drake sits next to him, squeezes his arm quickly but doesn't say anything.
Gabe takes his position in a chair he pulls up to the edge of the bed, cracks his neck and then says, “It's going to hurt like hell, Jake.”
He blanches, stares at Gabe, words stumbling on his tongue. “I – what – can't – what?” He couldn't have heard him right. It's like his mind can't process it.
“Listen to me. Turning – your change – isn't like how they show it in movies. It doesn't happen in a couple of minutes. The process takes hours, Jake. And it hurts. Starting with a fever and shakes, hallucinations at times, then once the animal takes over, there's restructuring. Bones are going to break, your skin is going to feel like it's falling off and burn. The pain is going to be immense.”
Jake covers his face with one hand. “Oh god.”
Drake pats his shoulder soothingly. “We're going to take precautions beforehand. Gabe will administer some pain killers so it won't hurt as much in the beginning. How much that will work we don't really know but we'll be here to monitor.”
“I want – can--” He cuts his own words off. The wish is selfish and he won’t ask it.
“Van already insisted on being there so don't worry about it.”
Jake shakes his head even though it's exactly what he wants.
“It'll be fine, Jake. Once you've completely turned and don't need him anymore he'll go upstairs with Billy. We'll take care of the rest.”
He can't look either of them in the eye, afraid of what he might see there. “How long will it last?”
“Typically the first time the change occurs for the two days surrounding the moon, you'll be unable to control the beast. We're going to make sure he stays inside.”
“So, I have to be locked up for three days?”
“You're not going to be able to move, Jake. Not for the first few transformations. That's why we'll be there to make you more comfortable.” Drake touches his head lightly. “Once you've gotten past this, we'll have time for the suppressors to kick in and the basics of containing the animal.”
Gabe picks up where Drake ends. “With time you'll learn how to control it and be able to use it when necessary but for right now, we need to concentrate on getting you through this.”
He can't think about the future. All he can do is get through this without hurting anyone he cares about.
Jake wipes his hands over his jean-clad legs.
“Okay. I'm ready.”
They've been preparing for this for days and Van believed that he knew what to expect. Drake had gone into details, excruciating as they had been to hear, and Van was grateful.
Because what's happening to Jake is one of the worst things Van has ever seen. He swallows back the tears that are clogging his throat, returns his attention to passing the cool towel over Jake's sweating, shivering body. His hand is shaking as he brushes the cloth over Jake's chest, ignoring the moan of pain that he can hear.
“V-Van.” Jake speaks through chattering teeth, curls further into the fetal position he's been in for hours, his head lying on Van's leg. Gabe had tried to get him to leave but it seems like having Van there helps Jake. He doesn't want to think what it means when he overhears Drake whisper “mates” as he glances over at the two of them huddled together on the floor behind the locked storage door.
They'll deal with that when they get past this.
He caresses Jake's face gently, runs fingers over his damp hair and leans down to press his nose against Jake's cheek. “What do you need, baby?” He grabs the flailing hand that reaches for him, folding their fingers together. “Tell me.”
Jake opens his eyes, grimaces as he tries to speak, like it hurts him even to try which Van knows it does. “It-it's—time. You-you need to-to go.”
“Like hell.”
A shadow falls over them and Van glances up to see Gabe staring down. “Van.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
The door swings open, Gabe inside before Van can blink, bending to look him in the eye. “I get this is difficult. Man, trust me that I do. But this isn't about you, it's about him.” Gabe places a hand on Van's shoulder. “He doesn't want you to see this happen.”
He can feel Jake nodding against his thigh, the quiet muttered “Please” that falls as a sigh.
Van hates the idea that Jake had to do this alone but he doesn't want to cause him any more distress. “Okay.” He bends down, dropping a soft kiss against Jake's mouth, inhaling the soft groan that escapes. “I'm going to do what you want.”
He pushes Jake off his legs, waits until Gabe takes his place then stares until Drake clears his throat and Van turns away. Drake gives him a hug then nods to the door. “Billy is waiting.”
Van doesn't look back as he walks out the door but his heart clenches at the sounds that he leaves behind.
It hurts so much.
So much that he can't think.
He hides his face in his arms, rolls away from the unfamiliar body trying to comfort him. Hands that he doesn't know touch his arm, his shoulder and it makes him recoil. He feels nauseous, bile rising up and he sputters, exhales and throws up, shuddering against the wall.
He needs Van.
The only thing that helps is having him near. He doesn't make the pain go away but it's less. Jake can focus on his face, his scent, his heat and somehow it makes it easier to take the shifting of his bones. He can feel another one starting to fuse, claws against his skin when it burns, stretches.
It's coming faster, the loss of control of his limbs, his thoughts, consciousness and he can feel the animal inside him taking over. There's nothing he can do to stop it.
Another bone cracks and he groans loud, grabs at the cold floor and wants to die.
He's slipping further into his mind and he fights it, tries to stay where he is. But it's hard to keep it together, to stay in control. Like he's holding on to a rope that won't stay in his grip. He wants to scream but he can't.
Gabe's quiet “I'm sorry” falls in between them and then he's alone. Anger rushes through him and it's agony, like being on fire and he – he can't breathe anymore, clutches and rolls, moans turning into growls. He lets go, feels the last strands of his sanity give way and then it's dark, numb and nothing beyond.
Billy loads up the cooler with a couple of bottles of water, the sandwiches he'd made and a few of Jake's favorite snacks and then zips it up quickly. He hauls it over his shoulder, walking soundlessly to the front door. He glances into the living room, nodding with satisfaction at Gabe and Drake sprawled over the inflatable mattress he'd prepped for them as soon as sun had hit the horizon.
He steps into the hallway, locking the door with the spare key Van had given him when he'd moved in. He does a mental checklist of what else he'll need to do in the next few hours. Gabe had insisted they sleep in shifts and Billy had won the argument that seeing as Gabe and Drake had been the ones dealing with – it firsthand that they were first.
The elevator in the building is one of the really old ones that Billy hates riding. It's one of those fears you have but don't mention. He pulls the small key Drake handed him, on his way to falling down from exhaustion, and fits it into the control panel, pressing down on the button for the basement. It whirs to a start making him jump a bit.
He really needs to get over that shit.
Once he delivers the food and checks that Jake is doing okay, he needs to go to the store. There's a list of things they're going to need to have replenished and –
The car stops with a creak, doors sliding open. Billy forces one foot in front of the other, keeps his eyes on the floor, takes the turn down the dimly lit hall that leads to the back recesses of the basement. He breathes in a shaky breath, tries not to think about what he may find. He doesn't understand how the whole “change” thing works. If his friend is going to look any different...
He's been trying not to think about it for the last few days. It's not denial exactly. Billy is aware that it's true. He'd caught part of last night's activities, watched Jake start to transform before Gabe had yelled at him to get the hell out.
But Billy is good at compartmentalizing when he has to. It makes crazy shit like this easier to deal with.
He'll deal with wanting to punch a wall or wanting to hide under the bed later.
When he enters the room, his step falter and he smiles despite the fact that this insanity is actually happening. If this doesn't prove to both his idiot friends that they are supposed to be together forever and a day, he has no idea what will.
Jake and Van are inside the cage, for safety's purposes. His gaze falls on the two of them, sitting on the floor, Jake leaning back against Van's chest, eyes closed but Billy can see he's alert by the tense line of his neck. His eyes flit away from the healing scars across his chest and arms, settling on Van's face. He's concentrating on the story he's quietly reading but his free hand moves constantly somewhere on Jake. Like Van needs to make sure Jake is still with him.
Billy gets that totally.
Once this is over, he's having a serious talk with Jake.
Werewolf curse or not, he's so not going to let those two fuck this up anymore.
Drake limps into the apartment. He glances up at Billy and Van, shakes his head when they rush forward. His right arm is bleeding. Van's eyes widen but he waves him away. “He broke the chains but it's okay. He didn't bite me. Just a few scratches.”
They'd gotten lucky if he was honest. Jake had been inches from sinking his teeth into his arm.
Gabe had thrown him out, told him to fix his arm and get some rest. He would have argued but he knew that look, the one Gabe only gave when he was afraid, and decided to give him a few minutes. He hopes that when he returns downstairs in ten minutes Gabe will have calmed down enough that they won't argue about his staying through the night.
Van hands him the first aid kit, his mouth set in a firm, straight line and Drake touches his hand, waits until their eyes meet. “It's not Jake, remember?”
“I know but – will he? When he finds out that he hurt you in any way...”
Drake shakes his head. “Van, it's okay. He'll understand.” He gives his new friend a quick smile then turns back to fixing up his arm.
They're almost through this.
Van leans his forehead on the bathroom sink, breathes deep through his nose before standing. His reflection in the mirror is tired, bruises under his eyes from the lack of sleep and he's worried his bottom lip raw but...
It's almost done.
Tonight. That's all they need to get through.
He runs a hand through his hair, straightens his shoulders and shakes the exhaustion out of his head.
Tonight and they were done.
– –
Jake wakes up inside the cage for the third morning in row. The difference today is that his legs and arms aren't bound to the chains anymore. He raises his head to look around the room, finding the storage door wide open. Rolling to his feet takes effort due to the dizziness that plagues him whenever he moves. There's a deep bone ache in his arms and legs. His chest and ribs feel strange, slightly misplaced and he breathes harshly.
Drake mentioned a change in his biochemistry and bone structure after his first transformation and that eventually Jake would get used to it but the first few weeks would be hard on his system. He can believe that with the way his legs wobble, like he's relearning to walk on them.
His stomach hurts, making noises he isn't expecting.
“What are you doing?”
Van enters the room, tray in his hands and glares at him from just on the edge of the cage.
He wants to touch him so badly it's a physical ache that manages to push all the others one to the back burner.
“Standing up.”
“Don't start with me, Jake. Sit.”
Jake gives him the side-eye, smirking as he says. “I may be related to the canine species now but I'm not a dog.”
Van makes a face, shaking his head while he sets the tray down. Standing with hands on his hips, he returns his gaze to Jake, something twitching on the corners of his lips. “If it smells like a dog...”
Jake making a stabbing motion to his chest, relief and laughter lifting his doubts that this would change them. “Low blow, Hansis. Kick a man while he deals with turning into a horrible supernatural creature.”
If they can joke about this then maybe they have a chance.
Van rolls his eyes, motions for Jake to come closer and when he does, helps him take a seat next to the tray that he realizes is piled high with every kind of breakfast food: muffins, bagels, pancakes, eggs, bacon, OJ, etc. He looks up at Van and the grin he receives makes his heart stutter a little, hurts just a tad.
“Apparently you're going to need all this to re-energize. Gabe said that you should eat before we head upstairs for you to rest. So, pig out.”
He would argue that it's too much food but his stomach disagrees and he bends over the tray, shovels some into his mouth and tries not to act like the animal he might be now. He slows his chewing, glances up at Van. This has to be kind of gross.
Van smirks down. “Don't worry about it. Not any different than how you usually eat.”
The laugh that bubbles up is unexpected and he almost chokes as he rolls his eyes and returns to his meal.
The week passes in relative sanity and Van can't say he minds the quiet calm that seems to have fallen over their weird little group. Gabe flies out of town the day after Jake is “back to normal” if that's what you can call it. Drake stays behind to start on their studies. He makes sure Jake takes his suppressors every day and they meditate, working together to control Jake's baser instincts.
Van hovers close by for the first half of the week until Billy takes him aside and says they need to get out of the house. Their lives are on hold and that's not fair to anyone. Jake's past the worst and his strength is returning every day. He knows that it's true but he can't seem to be too far away from him.
“He needs me.”
Billy rolls his eyes. “Yeah, he does, man. But that's not why you're here. Don't get me wrong. I know you’re butt crazy in love with the dude, okay? If I hadn't before this whole jealous of Drake thing would have clued me in.”
Van scowls at Billy's way too clear assessment of what's been bothering him. He wipes a hand over his face. “That obvious?”
“Yeah, your face is kinda like a huge billboard that advertises every single thing you feel, Van. Like worst poker face in the world.”
He'd argue but Jake walks into the room, grins directly at him and his face breaks out with a grin of his own. Billy laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, okay. You and I are getting out of here.”
Going back to rehearsals is difficult especially the first few days because his mind is back with Jake. He worries if he's eating, how the training is going, if Jake notices Van's absence. He pushes away his jealousy that Drake gets to be there with him.
It's ridiculous and petty and he's going to have to get over it.
“Is it me or is Van acting a little strange?” Drake walks toward him with eyebrows raised.
Billy snorts. “Yeah, it's you. Literally.”
It takes a whole minute for Drake's confusion to clear and then he rolls his eyes, laughs into his hands. “Those two need to get a room already.”
“This is what I've been saying for years, man.” Billy shakes his head. “But they don't ever listen.”
Drake's face is thoughtful and he glances slyly at Van. “I think we can help with that.” He turns to Billy, eyebrows raising up into his hairline. “You up for it?”
“Dude, seriously, if it gets them to stop acting like twelve-year old girls I am all for it.”
Drake grins. “Right on.”
Nothing ever works out like it should, Billy should know that by now. Their plan should be simple enough. Leave Van and Jake alone. Force them to own up to their complicated emotions and then hope they break down finally. The problem with that is they're all living in the same place, piled on top of each other. Even with Gabe back in L.A. now, it's super crowded.
Billy comes up with an idea that might just work if Drake wasn't so cautious.
“Come on, man. My apartment is like twenty minutes away. We can be here in a flash if the need occurs.”
“It's not a safe option.”
“He's looking for Jake.”
Drake gives him a 'don't be stupid' look. “If you think he doesn't know you're Jake's friend, that you were the one who went in search of him, you're out of your mind. Billy, there's no way you aren't in danger.”
He hadn't thought about. “Okay. Why don't you come with me? Be my guard or whatever, man. Seriously, it's just going to be a quick in and out situation. I just need to get clothes, check my mail and then we'll check into a motel to give these idiots some alone time.”
Drake tries to resist but Billy gives him his most disarming smile and he caves.
“Fine. Ten minutes, Billy. That's it.”
“Ten minutes.”
|Part Four|
Author(s):
freakykatRating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Jake Silbermann/Van Hansis
Summary: It's getting dark, darling. Too dark to see.
part three
Hank Davis closes another file, sighing as he drops it on the pile on his desk, trying not to think how these days the solved pile is always so much smaller than the open cases. He reads the name written in his thick block letters across the manila folder.
JAKE SILBERMANN.
It's admittedly one of his most frustrating cases as of late, but being a thirty-year veteran of the L.A.P.D., it's most certainly not the strangest he's ever come across. He eyes the bottom drawer of his desk, thinks of the files of missing person cases and hopes that this one doesn't end up there.
He's been working in this department for over twenty years and he knows in his gut that the Silbermann case is one of the special ones. The kind other cops won't even look at. Because if there's anything they can't explain logically, if there's even a hint of anything out of the ordinary about the circumstances, it will fall into Hank's lap.
And he prefers it that way.
There are some people he couldn't trust.
“Hey, Hank!”
He tenses slightly as he glances up, watches Hernandez making his way over to Hank's desk.
Speak of the devil...
“Hernandez. What can I do for you?”
Carlos Hernandez sits on the edge of Hank's desk, as always ignoring any sense of personal bubble, and shrugs, gives Hank his most charming grin.
It doesn't work on him.
Hank simply raises an eyebrow and waits.
Hernandez rolls his eyes, lets out what's supposed to be a bemused sigh but Hank can read people and he knows that he's annoyed, nervous. “It's a slow day. I thought I'd offer some help with any new cases you might have.”
Hank resists the snort that he wants to give. That will be the day that Carlos Hernandez did anything to help anyone else but himself. He couldn’t care less, really. But he's always stayed just this side of being too aggressive in case someone starts to suspect he's not on the straight and narrow.
It's not like Hank doesn't already suspect Hernandez is on the take.
The problem is that he can't prove it and no matter what they spew in press releases you don't get rewarded for bringing down dirty cops.
“I'm good, Hernandez, thanks.”
He can see him working out some way to push Hank without pissing him off.
“Really? Didn't you have a missing persons case a couple of days ago?”
Hank glares at his desk then back at Hernandez. “Yeah. But seeing as this is the Missing Persons department it's not unusual.”
“Right. Of course. So nothing strange.”
Hank doesn't look over to the file he'd just discarded, keeps his gaze straight on Hernandez, shrugging casually. “No more than usual, you know.” He doesn't move when the other man pats his shoulder as if they're buddies sharing a moment.
“Well, if that changes, I mean, if you end up needing help...”
Hank nods once, watches him walk away and picks up his ringing phone. He can sense Hernandez staring at him from across the room so he goes on with what he'd been doing, preparing to go home for the day. He pauses as he moves the files around his desk, touching the edge of the Silbermann one. He shifts a stack of paper on top of it and picks them all up, opening his file cabinet to put them away. He can still sense Hernandez watching and pretends to fumble, drops the Silbermann file under the desk near his briefcase, muttering loudly as he gathers the rest of the mess and dumping it inside his desk, shutting the cabinet.
When he looks up, Hernandez is in a deep conversation with another cop so Hank shoves the discarded case file into his briefcase before grabbing it, shutting off the light and heading out the door. He doesn't look anywhere but the exit, doesn't make a move to look at the file again, curious now why Hernandez was so interested in it.
He hadn't said anything but he's been doing this long enough to know that was the information the other cop was looking to get.
The night sky is a deep purple, moon almost at the full phase, and he shivers even though the temperature is warm.
As soon as he gets home, he'll go over the file again, maybe call Silbermann's friend Billy, find out if there's something more going on.
Because if Hernandez is interested that means that his boss is... and that's never a good thing.
The sun hits his face directly and Van turns to get away. He's never been a morning person, the process of waking always taking him a long time. His mind works in increments, focusing on one sense at a time until he's fully alert.
This morning is no different as he shies from the light, scrunching his eyes closed to keep the annoyance out. His nose hits skin, solid and warm, confusing Van for all of one second before his brain recognizes the scent. Jake. Van rubs his cheek against Jake's back, eyes not yet open, and reaches out to touch. His fingers trail over and up Jake's arm to his shoulder. He can feel his breathing now, steady under his hand. He squeezes tight, the memories of the day before starting to thread through his mind.
Jake makes a noise, somewhere between a sigh and groan, turning to face Van. It makes him open his eyes, blurry vision focusing until he can make out the shadows of Jake's lashes against his cheeks. His hand falls on Jake's hip, twitches there when Jake moves closer, probably seeking Van's warmth.
Van isn't going to complain. The closer he can keep Jake the better. If it's up to him, he's never letting him out of his sight. Ever. He lets his hand run over Jake's hip, around and then under the t-shirt Jake borrowed. He places his hand Jake's back, feeling the heat of his skin and stays right there even when he sees Jake's eyes fluttering open.
His heart beats hard against his chest, something he can't name unfurling in his gut, and it's all Van can do to stop form leaning in and kissing Jake. He knows this isn't the time. That they need to concentrate on figuring out what to do now.
But he still wants.
“Hey.”
Jake is looking at him, eyes wide and open when Van meets his gaze. His lips twitch when Jake blinks to try to make sense of waking up in a bed with Van. Not that it's actually something new for them. But it's been a long time since they've gotten the chance.
“Hi,” he says quietly, starting to roll away but Van makes a protesting noise, tightens the hand splayed across Jake's back, shaking his head. Van can see the argument forming in his eyes and decides to cut it off.
“I spent twelve hours thinking that you were...just – stay.”
Jake closes his eyes briefly before nodding and scoots closer, his hand finding purchase on Van's waist, flexes nervously. They're touching almost everywhere now and it's too much and not enough. Van tips his face up, skims lips over Jake's jaw, feels the stubble scrap across his own skin. Jake shudders, hides his face in Van's hair and takes a deep breath.
Van's fingers freeze where they were tracing circles in the dip of Jake's back and he tries not to laugh when he asks, “Did you just smell me again?” He bites his lip to keep from smiling at the embarrassed chuckle Jake gives.
“You have no idea what your scent does to me now, okay? So, just, shut up.”
Van snorts, continues his perusal of Jake's back, inching back up to trace the muscle over his shoulders. “I could get used to that little kink.”
Jake pulls back, looks at him seriously. “You won't have to. Soon as I can find a place –“
Frustration bubbles in his gut followed by the heat of anger and Van glares at Jake. “You're not going anywhere.”
“Van...”
“No. Don't 'Van' me. I'm not letting you out of my sight.”
Jake rolls his eyes. “Uh-huh. So you're planning to be my shadow for the rest of your life?”
Van shrugs. It's not like the idea doesn't have appeal.
“That's the dumbest thing – Van, this, whatever happens to me isn't going to be pretty. I'm going – I don't even know what I'm going to do when I turn. And I will. Turn. There's nothing –”
“Yeah. I don't care.”
“I could hurt you!” Jake pulls away, the cold seeping into the spaces he's leaving empty and Van scowls.
“Not going to happen. You wouldn't.”
Jake pinches his nose, head leaning back against the headboard and Van knows that look. He's counting to ten before he starts talking so he doesn't say something he can't take back. He uses that opportunity to finish what he's been trying to say.
“I love you.”
Jake nods. “I know but...”
Van shakes his head. “No you don't. I'm in love with you.”
Jake jerks his head up so fast, Van swears he hears a creak, and stares at him with a gaping mouth.
And okay, yeah. Probably not the best time but Van's known this for a while, too chicken shit to admit it to anyone, but now things are different. If Jake had died... if that thing had killed him...
“I know. This is not the right moment but I don't know what else I can say so that you hear me.” Van moves over and up, leans in so that he's looking straight into Jake's eyes. “I'm not going anywhere. Okay? This is you and me.”
He waits to see if that bit of truth sinks in.
It's always been them.
“This is you and me.”
Jake can't – he can't handle this. Not now. Because he'd asked before. And Van had said...he'd...
“You said no.”
He sees Van's gaze soften, eyes going sad and his head butts against Jake's shoulder, the contract shocking him. He clenches the sheets in his hands to stop from touching, goes against every instinct that tells him to claim.
“I lied.”
Jake hadn't expected that, makes a wounded noise in his throat that makes Van look up at him. He flinches when Van brushes his hand against Jake's cheek. “You told me and I just – I freaked.”
He'd broken Jake's heart.
“You told me –“
“I know what I told you.” Van makes a face, motions to Jake with his hand before letting it fall down on the bed. “You were – I thought you were confused. I mean, honestly Jake, what was I supposed to think? My straight best friend, who I've been crazy about for years, tells me he's in love with me –“
“Believe him.”
“You were straight.” Van flails a little, narrows his eyes at him when Jake lets out a derisive snort.
“I never said that. Everyone, including you, said that. I never did!”
“You dated girls! All you dated were girls!”
“Maybe because no other guy could compare to you, dumbass!”
The knock on the door cuts off Van's response, stopping the fight and when Jake turns to look, Billy is leaning in through the partially open door, eyes wide.
“Um. Sorry. But. Jake? There are some – people here to see you.”
Jake nods as he pushes the covers away. He hates fighting with Van. It's why he'd avoided him for so long. He looks back and sees Van getting out of the bed, his movement jerky and angry. He can't deal with that right now.
Without another word, he brushes past Billy, touching his friend's shoulder as he passes, walking into the living room to find Drake and Gabe standing near the entrance.
His face breaks out into a relieved smile.
Drake grins back. “You're looking much better, Jake.”
Gabe studies him quietly, nods his agreement after a moment. “The healing is well underway, yeah. That's good. We're going to need you at full strength for the change.” He tenses and Jake feels Van stand behind him, turns to meet his eyes before looking back at his new friends.
“Gabe, this is Van.” Billy stands in the doorway, eyes narrowed as he looks at Gabe then Drake. “And that's Billy. Guys, this is Gabe and his partner Drake.”
“Mate.” They both say and Jake understands what that means but isn't sure how to respond.
Gabe's gaze falls on Van, his smirk turning the edges of his mouth up. He looks at Jake, eyes darkening then waves toward the bedroom. “Sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but you need to grab whatever you need. You're coming with us.”
Drake glares at Gabe, opens his mouth but shuts it when he meets Gabe's eyes. They have a silent conversation and when Drake looks back he nods at him. “We're going to take you with us.”
He hides his surprise as best he can but doesn't move in any direction. A big part of Jake tells him he should run, that he needs to keep this whole danger away from Van. Especially now that he knows...
But an even bigger part of him can't fathom not being with Van and it makes him a little sick to even contemplate it.
He starts to try to explain this to Gabe but Van's standing in between them, arms crossed, pinning Gabe with a look Jake has been on the receiving end of a few times. Van is settling in for a fight he has no intention of losing.
“I don't think so.”
Gabe raises an eyebrow. There's a spark in his eyes that flashes before he shutters it closed. He meets Van's glare with his own. “Really?”
Van nods curtly, moving his steady hard gaze from Gabe to Drake and back. “Yeah, really. You're not taking Jake anywhere. He stays with me.” Billy's standing on Jake's other side, his stance defensive, one hand on Jake's shoulder like he's afraid that someone will snatch him.
Drake moves closer to Gabe but he remains relaxed. At least, that's what it looks like from the outside. Jake knows him well enough to see the tension in his hands. He'll protect Gabe if he has to. It's what they do.
Gabe takes a step forward, keeps his eyes steadily on Van. “And who's going to stop me? You? What exactly do you think you can do?”
“Whatever I damn well have to,” Van grits out, taking a step closer to Gabe and staring him down.
There's more going on than Jake gets but he can't have Gabe scaring Van. He's taking Van by the shoulder, pulling him back and turning him around before he can re-think the idea. “Hey, hey. Listen to me. It's gonna be alright. They won't hurt me.”
“You're not leaving me. No. It's not happening.” He glances back at Gabe, scowls before meeting Jake's eyes. He misses the look of satisfaction on Gabe's face but Jake sees it. Billy chimes in right then.
“I'm so with Van on this. There's no fucking way we're letting you out of our sight after we almost lost you, man. Fuck that noise.”
Jake gives him a half smile and when he looks down at Van, it breaks into a bigger one. He reaches out to push the stray hair off Van's forehead, cups his cheek softly. “It'll work out.”
Van's brow furrows and he leans into Jake’s touch. “I'm not leaving you. Period.”
Jake's gaze flicks up to Gabe when he clears his throat. He seems to be nodding at whatever Drake is saying in his ear. “Good to hear that you're willing to fight for Jake. He's going to need that.”
Billy and Van exchange a glance then study Jake before turning to Gabe. Van holds his hand up. “Wait, wait. Was that some fucking test?”
Drake grins, shrugs. “Just wanted to make sure Jake could count on you when he needs it.”
Jake wraps his arms around Van's waist, pulls him closer when he starts to retort angrily. “Of course he can – what the hell --”
Gabe actually smiles, cuts Van off before he can get going. “Man, you're going to be a fun one. I can tell already.” He holds Jake's gaze, his smile turning genuine. “You've picked yourself a hell of a mate, Jakey.”
It's all white noise after that.
Van hates Gabe.
From the first moment he opened his stupid loud bossy mouth, Van has wanted to punch him in it. And he's generally not a violent man but the guy brings it out in him.
It wasn't bad enough that after he shows up at Van's apartment and demands that Jake leave with him (and that was going to happen when hell froze over), he scares the shit out of Jake, making him almost pass out. Logically Van realizes that part of that was probably because Jake is a stubborn asshole who doesn't know when he needs to take it easy. But he can't yell at Jake, not after what's he's been through and definitely not after he was scared enough to pass out.
He doesn't have the same issue when it comes to the two people standing in front of him. He glances down at Jake's form, splayed on his couch, and then flicks his gaze over to Billy's face, worried.
He whirls around, points one finger at Gabe, letting out a low snarl. “Get the fuck out. Now.”
He sees the other man step forward, hands splayed out in front of him. “We're only here to help him.”
Van snorts but before he can reply, Jake's hand is pulling at his and he turns his attention where it's needed. He sits on the edge of the couch, one hand cupping Jake's face. “Hey. Are you okay?”
Jake nods. “Yeah, stop yelling. It's not Gabe's fault that happened.” He looks sheepish as he sits up, his smile a little awkward. “I probably should have slept more.”
“You think?” Van retorts and then brings a hard glare down on Gabe when he laughs softly.
“Oh, you two are going to be interesting.”
His gaze softens when the other man – Van thinks his name is Drake but right now he really could care less – stands next to him. Their eyes are serious, faces tight as they watch them carefully.
“Drake isn't lying, Van. We're here to help him. He’s ours now, too.”
Van's stomach twists, chest constricting at that because Jake isn't anyone but his if he's anybody's.
Drake seems to catch his train of thought and shakes his head, grins quickly. “He means clan. We claim him as one of ours because he's going to need us to back him up eventually.”
Jake sighs as he stands, unsteady on his legs but he holds on to Van's shoulder, leans in a little into Van's side. “Guys, I don't --”
“It's not a choice, Jake. We've got one week to prepare for your first change.”
Van tries to breathe, feels the way Jake's arm tenses around his waist. Billy makes an unintelligible sound that Van understands completely.
“You said there was something I could take...that would make it stop...” Jake says, voice breaking in between words. He's scared and Van hates that more than anything.
Drake sighs, huge green eyes sadder than they were a minute ago and Van's chest tightens even more.
“The suppressors don't stop it from happening. They help you control it.”
“You still change, Jake.”
Jake's laugh is humorless, makes Van grab his hand tightly and he glances over to meet his eyes. He needs Jake to know he's in this with him but he won't meet Van's eyes, keeps them locked on the floor.
Billy clears his throat, breathes deep and nods at Drake. “Maybe you can explain this to us all.”
So they sit together as Drake lays it out for them. Jake will change, that can't be stopped. But they'll be there to get him through it, make sure he doesn't hurt anyone. It'll take three days for it to pass and once that happens they have enough time for the suppressors to take effect.
“It usually takes about three weeks.”
“Then what happens?” Billy asks, looking over at Jake. “It'll just keep him like he is, right?”
Gabe sets down the beer he'd gotten from the fridge and shakes his head. “Not exactly. It helps to restrain the animal inside but we'll have to teach Jake how to control it.”
“Once he can then it'll be easier to keep it that way and eventually it becomes second nature.”
Van doesn't look at them, eyes steady on Jake, when he asks, “Does that mean that you can become – you can turn into your wolf state when you want to?”
There's a long pause and he flicks his gaze to Gabe who is staring at him intently.
“Most of us can, yes. We usually don't chose to. It's not exactly a pleasant experience to change. Avoiding that is pretty much our goal but not everyone thinks that way.”
“That's what happened to me, right?” Jake finally says, sounding steadier than he had when the conversation had started. “You said she was a hunter. That she did it often.”
Gabe scowls, gives Jake a curt nod. “Not every day or anything but she killed enough.”
Silence falls after that and Van wants to make Jake go with him into his bedroom, get into the bed and under the covers, tangled together until it goes away. He knows better though and brings his full attention to Drake.
“How can we help?” He doesn't even look over at Billy because it's a given that he'll be there to support Jake, too.
Jake shakes his head. “You won't. Drake and Gabe can handle it, Van. I'm not putting you in any more danger.”
“It's cute that you think you have a say, man.” Billy says, laughing at the glare he receives from Jake.
Van doesn't even dignify that with a response. He keeps his eyes on Drake.
He sees Drake and Gabe exchange a smile before Gabe scoots up in his chair, looking back and forth between Van and Billy. “You have to understand that there's a good chance you could get hurt... maybe even worse, so you need to be sure about this.”
Billy nods. “I'm in.”
“Billy...”
“I said I was in.” He gives Jake a dirty look that makes the other man shut his mouth quickly.
Van leans forward and meets Gabe's curious stare. “Duly noted. Now, what do we have to do?”
He tunes out Jake's protest as Gabe starts to tell them everything that'll happen and what they'll need to be prepared for.
Miguel was never a superstitious person. His mami made him wear a medallion with “La Virgincita” around his neck as he was growing up for protection. It still sits there but more out of habit than any real belief he may have about its powers. He became a cop to gain that. Maybe he's not the best one. His choices in recent years have made him accept that fact.
His nose may not be clean but he provides for his own and in the end that's all he cares about.
But right now, standing in the foyer, shuddering at the stillness surrounding him, it's pretty clear his mother might have been onto something.
The doors are huge, made of dark oak, expensive and thick, dangerous looking and he adjusts his holster as he steps through them into the well-light room. He wasn't expecting that from the look of the room outside, which was dark, only shadows creeping around the corners.
The house gives him the fucking creeps but he needs to get this over with.
“Good evening, Detective Hernandez.”
He refrains from jumping out of his skin because experience as a cop helps you deal with the unexpected but it's a close call. Shivers crawl over his arms and he holds them in. He can throw up once he gets back to his car.
He ignores the voice that adds the if to that thought.
Standing near the door is his best option should anything go wrong. Miguel can barely make out the top of his host's head over the back of the chair. It's a good tactic, keep control by being scary as shit. This guy has it down like an art.
“Yeah, good evening. Is there a specific reason you wanted me to come here?” He keeps his tone neutral, hopes it hides the fear underneath but he's pretty sure the other man can sense it.
The chair spins and he's thrown by how young this man looks even though he really shouldn't, not at his age. The gray eyes are like steel, cold and hard, making him shiver despite his best efforts.
“Of course I have a reason, Miguel. I would not waste your time. I understand how precious it is in your line of work. I wanted to find out what information you have garnered since we last spoke.”
He nods, clears his throat. “I went through that idiot Davis' files this morning but didn't find anything worthwhile. There's a case he took a few days ago that seemed to just disappear though. I remember hearing the desk sergeant talk about it. But there are no records for it. Anywhere.”
Those eyes widen and he sees the gleam of teeth. “Maybe we need to pay your colleague a visit. Do you think that would help us?”
Miguel's never liked Hank. Mostly because the old geezer hated him on sight, could see right through his charms. But he's a good cop, better than Miguel can ever be, and he has a family, kids that he knows are close to him. He's respected at the precinct, has enough commendations that he's known. He'd be missed if he disappeared.
“We can't kill him.” It comes out fast and he receives a bigger grin than the one before, makes him swallow down some bile.
“I would never think of doing that, Detective Hernandez. That's against the law, of course.” He picks up the cup of deep amber liquid sitting just to his side on the desk and raises it up in a salute. “But I think we could get Detective Davis to agree to give us the information.”
Miguel nods, chokes on the words he wants to say and attempts to clear his throat, makes a gurgling sound that he hates. “That could be arranged.”
“Wonderful.”
He starts for the door, not wanting to acknowledge anything else and stops when his name is called out. He clutches the doorknob in his hand, half-turns to look back. “Yes?”
“Did you catch a name by any chance? Of that case that you said disappeared.”
It's a long shot but he figures it would buy him time. “Not the whole name but I think it's something like Silverman.”
The flash of teeth this time is brighter, larger and Miguel hopes that he can get out of there before they sink into his flesh. He's pretty sure that's going to be the case. His hand reaches for the gold medallion laying on his chest, holding on to it as he hears the low, happy sound of a chuckle behind him.
“Excellent.”
He leaves at a fast jog out of the door and into his car.
Whatever he's caught up in isn't going to end well.
That much he's sure of.
His first transformation is less than a week away and Jake wants to run as far as he can. It doesn't help that Gabe refuses to sugarcoat anything. He knows it's best to know what they'll be up against. But sometimes he feels like he's being tested.
Jake doesn't want to be ungrateful but he's already scared of what he's capable of doing. He doesn't need a constant reminder.
“Van, do you have any kind of self-defense training?”
Van scowls, flicks his gaze toward Jake before he looks back at Gabe, nodding. “Yeah. I took some classes in college.”
“Drake, make sure he gets a refresher. Billy, how about you?”
Billy nods slowly. “Kickboxing. Every week.”
“Good. Then, you're going to stick with me during the change. We'll make sure Jake doesn't get loose.” He points in Drake's and Van's direction. “You two will be back-up. If he happens to get out of his chains I don't want you trying to take him down or anything.” He writes something on the blackboard he'd dragged into Van's apartment from who the hell knew where. “You're going to be insurance.”
“What do you mean insurance?”
Gabe digs inside the canvas duffel he'd brought. Jake swears the damn thing is bottomless. There's a gun in one hand and before he can say anything, Van stands up from where he'd been sitting on the couch. “No. No fucking way in hell. I am not going to shoot anyone.”
Drake raises a hand. “That's not what it's for.” He gestures at the small case that Gabe is opening and he recognizes the tranquilizer shots. He's not sure how he knows what they are. “Those will just slow him down enough to stop him from hurting anyone.”
Billy runs a hand through his hair. “Jesus.”
“Listen up, kids.” Gabe says, staring hard at them.
Jake can see Van’s hackles go up and he walks over to sit next to him, placing his hand on Van's knee. He feels the tension seep out of it when he rubs his thumb gently over it.
“I know this hard. Believe me, I get that. But I'm not doing this for fun, okay?” Gabe waves a hand around the air that encompasses himself and Jake. “What we are is not pretty. It's not easy. It sure as hell isn't something we chose but we have to deal with it.”
Jake closes his eyes and breathes slowly.
When he opens them again, Gabe is standing in front of him. “This isn't ever going to go away. But I promise that after you've completed your change, it gets better. You'll learn to control it. That's what we're here for.” He reaches a hand out, touching Jake's shoulder. “I'm not going to let you hurt anyone.”
He believes him.
Gabe turns his stare to Van. “He won't either.”
Jake glances at Van and sees him nodding, eyes locked on Jake's face. “I'll do whatever I have to.”
Jake's heart jumps to his throat, beating like it's going to explode and he wants to tell Van that he can't say that. He can't put himself in danger. It's not something Jake can handle.
“And it's really not going to matter what you say about it, Silbermann. I love you. So I have every right to do protect you.” Van shifts closer, leaning into Jake and his warmth soaks into Jake's skin. “What do you need us to do?”
Jake looks up at Gabe and the grin he receives is more than surprising.
“First, we're going to need to find a solid place to lock Jake up in.”
They stare into the empty, fenced-in storage unit that Van remembers belongs to him. He's never used it before. He'd barely had anything when he'd first moved into his place and never gotten around to buying anything more than what he needed anyway.
The unit is like one big cage. He watches Drake and Gabe test the walls, shaking them with a great deal of force. They shake violently, and for one second Van thinks they might give. Gabe studies them intently then nods. “I think this will be good.”
Van lets out a long breath. “You're sure? I mean, this building isn't new.”
Drake nods. “Exactly. The materials they used to build it are strong. Real metal, not the different million alloys they use now. It's meant to last a long time.”
“It'll be strong enough to hold me?” Jake asks, standing right behind him. Van shivers at the heat he can feel from him and stops from shifting back just to get closer to it.
“It should. We'll make sure to have a lock that can withstand it.” He looks back at Drake. “Maybe you can set up a spell? Something for extra protection.”
“Already working on it.”
Gabe flashes him a smile, winking quickly before schooling his face back to his normal scowl. Van stopped buying his act a few days ago when he'd found him sitting at his kitchen table, wary and vulnerable. He was scared for Jake. Van had sat with him, poured his own fears out and Gabe assured him that they would do everything to make sure that Jake came out of this in one piece.
That they all would.
It didn't make his fears go away but he felt, for the first time, that he wasn't alone in keeping Jake safe.
Jake is so tired.
A week of preparation on top of his training – because Drake insists he's going to need to learn to defend himself eventually, so why not start right away – and avoiding Van was enough to completely exhaust him.
It was hard to not be alone with Van.
The apartment is only so big and he can't go outside at all in case someone recognizes him or whatever. Gabe had explained (or more like yelled the first time Jake tried to get the paper) and Jake wasn't about to go through that again. He’s going a little stir crazy but it's for the best.
The dining room has been turned into the training room. He can make out the grunts from Billy and Drake's lesson. There's a click of metal against metal. They're using the swords again. Jake resists a laugh when he thinks of what happened to Van's bookcase the last time they used those.
The living room is Gabe's room. He has plans and strategies laid out all over the coffee table, pinned to walls. He's constantly yelling into his phone. He makes sure Jake gets a report every night of where they are. It's reassuring and Jake can't be happier that he met him and Drake. They've been lifesavers.
Van sticks to the kitchen and the study he hadn't even wanted when he rented the place. He locks himself in there for a few hours every day. When he comes out, he's usually sweaty, flushed and out of breath. Jake has to look away from him before he forgets his promise to not touch Van.
Not until he knows it's safe.
He's grateful that the bedroom is his haven. He practices the techniques Drake teaches him to rein in his animal. Jake hasn't mastered it yet. He's not sure how he'll be able to after his change but Gabe tells him that he will.
Three days and then he'll be able to get back to normal.
Van hands him a glass of juice, makes him jump slightly then whispers his apology. He drops the pills into his other hand then leaves the room like he had come in. Jake watches him go, swallows the suppressors and counts to twenty like he's supposed to when he feels the stirrings. He wants to touch Van, kiss until they can't breathe, throw him against a door, the floor, their bed – and it is theirs – and fuck him until all he can taste is Van.
Three days.
Billy walks into the kitchen, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and stops dead in his tracks.
There are guns lying on the table, chains wrapping around the chair that Gabe is sitting in and everyone is eating their breakfast, talking about their upcoming night.
He shakes his head and walks to the bathroom. He needs a shower.
Drake and Gabe take him aside that morning, leading him towards the bedroom and locking the door when they're all inside.
“It's time.”
Jake panics, eyes widening, his breathing going erratic until Gabe places a hand on his shoulder. “No, man. I didn't mean that. We want to talk to you about what's going to happen, okay?”
He tries to calm down, nodding for Gabe to continue. He needs to hear this. Wants to know what will happen when he's not in control of his own body anymore. Be prepared for what will come.
Drake sits next to him, squeezes his arm quickly but doesn't say anything.
Gabe takes his position in a chair he pulls up to the edge of the bed, cracks his neck and then says, “It's going to hurt like hell, Jake.”
He blanches, stares at Gabe, words stumbling on his tongue. “I – what – can't – what?” He couldn't have heard him right. It's like his mind can't process it.
“Listen to me. Turning – your change – isn't like how they show it in movies. It doesn't happen in a couple of minutes. The process takes hours, Jake. And it hurts. Starting with a fever and shakes, hallucinations at times, then once the animal takes over, there's restructuring. Bones are going to break, your skin is going to feel like it's falling off and burn. The pain is going to be immense.”
Jake covers his face with one hand. “Oh god.”
Drake pats his shoulder soothingly. “We're going to take precautions beforehand. Gabe will administer some pain killers so it won't hurt as much in the beginning. How much that will work we don't really know but we'll be here to monitor.”
“I want – can--” He cuts his own words off. The wish is selfish and he won’t ask it.
“Van already insisted on being there so don't worry about it.”
Jake shakes his head even though it's exactly what he wants.
“It'll be fine, Jake. Once you've completely turned and don't need him anymore he'll go upstairs with Billy. We'll take care of the rest.”
He can't look either of them in the eye, afraid of what he might see there. “How long will it last?”
“Typically the first time the change occurs for the two days surrounding the moon, you'll be unable to control the beast. We're going to make sure he stays inside.”
“So, I have to be locked up for three days?”
“You're not going to be able to move, Jake. Not for the first few transformations. That's why we'll be there to make you more comfortable.” Drake touches his head lightly. “Once you've gotten past this, we'll have time for the suppressors to kick in and the basics of containing the animal.”
Gabe picks up where Drake ends. “With time you'll learn how to control it and be able to use it when necessary but for right now, we need to concentrate on getting you through this.”
He can't think about the future. All he can do is get through this without hurting anyone he cares about.
Jake wipes his hands over his jean-clad legs.
“Okay. I'm ready.”
They've been preparing for this for days and Van believed that he knew what to expect. Drake had gone into details, excruciating as they had been to hear, and Van was grateful.
Because what's happening to Jake is one of the worst things Van has ever seen. He swallows back the tears that are clogging his throat, returns his attention to passing the cool towel over Jake's sweating, shivering body. His hand is shaking as he brushes the cloth over Jake's chest, ignoring the moan of pain that he can hear.
“V-Van.” Jake speaks through chattering teeth, curls further into the fetal position he's been in for hours, his head lying on Van's leg. Gabe had tried to get him to leave but it seems like having Van there helps Jake. He doesn't want to think what it means when he overhears Drake whisper “mates” as he glances over at the two of them huddled together on the floor behind the locked storage door.
They'll deal with that when they get past this.
He caresses Jake's face gently, runs fingers over his damp hair and leans down to press his nose against Jake's cheek. “What do you need, baby?” He grabs the flailing hand that reaches for him, folding their fingers together. “Tell me.”
Jake opens his eyes, grimaces as he tries to speak, like it hurts him even to try which Van knows it does. “It-it's—time. You-you need to-to go.”
“Like hell.”
A shadow falls over them and Van glances up to see Gabe staring down. “Van.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
The door swings open, Gabe inside before Van can blink, bending to look him in the eye. “I get this is difficult. Man, trust me that I do. But this isn't about you, it's about him.” Gabe places a hand on Van's shoulder. “He doesn't want you to see this happen.”
He can feel Jake nodding against his thigh, the quiet muttered “Please” that falls as a sigh.
Van hates the idea that Jake had to do this alone but he doesn't want to cause him any more distress. “Okay.” He bends down, dropping a soft kiss against Jake's mouth, inhaling the soft groan that escapes. “I'm going to do what you want.”
He pushes Jake off his legs, waits until Gabe takes his place then stares until Drake clears his throat and Van turns away. Drake gives him a hug then nods to the door. “Billy is waiting.”
Van doesn't look back as he walks out the door but his heart clenches at the sounds that he leaves behind.
It hurts so much.
So much that he can't think.
He hides his face in his arms, rolls away from the unfamiliar body trying to comfort him. Hands that he doesn't know touch his arm, his shoulder and it makes him recoil. He feels nauseous, bile rising up and he sputters, exhales and throws up, shuddering against the wall.
He needs Van.
The only thing that helps is having him near. He doesn't make the pain go away but it's less. Jake can focus on his face, his scent, his heat and somehow it makes it easier to take the shifting of his bones. He can feel another one starting to fuse, claws against his skin when it burns, stretches.
It's coming faster, the loss of control of his limbs, his thoughts, consciousness and he can feel the animal inside him taking over. There's nothing he can do to stop it.
Another bone cracks and he groans loud, grabs at the cold floor and wants to die.
He's slipping further into his mind and he fights it, tries to stay where he is. But it's hard to keep it together, to stay in control. Like he's holding on to a rope that won't stay in his grip. He wants to scream but he can't.
Gabe's quiet “I'm sorry” falls in between them and then he's alone. Anger rushes through him and it's agony, like being on fire and he – he can't breathe anymore, clutches and rolls, moans turning into growls. He lets go, feels the last strands of his sanity give way and then it's dark, numb and nothing beyond.
Billy loads up the cooler with a couple of bottles of water, the sandwiches he'd made and a few of Jake's favorite snacks and then zips it up quickly. He hauls it over his shoulder, walking soundlessly to the front door. He glances into the living room, nodding with satisfaction at Gabe and Drake sprawled over the inflatable mattress he'd prepped for them as soon as sun had hit the horizon.
He steps into the hallway, locking the door with the spare key Van had given him when he'd moved in. He does a mental checklist of what else he'll need to do in the next few hours. Gabe had insisted they sleep in shifts and Billy had won the argument that seeing as Gabe and Drake had been the ones dealing with – it firsthand that they were first.
The elevator in the building is one of the really old ones that Billy hates riding. It's one of those fears you have but don't mention. He pulls the small key Drake handed him, on his way to falling down from exhaustion, and fits it into the control panel, pressing down on the button for the basement. It whirs to a start making him jump a bit.
He really needs to get over that shit.
Once he delivers the food and checks that Jake is doing okay, he needs to go to the store. There's a list of things they're going to need to have replenished and –
The car stops with a creak, doors sliding open. Billy forces one foot in front of the other, keeps his eyes on the floor, takes the turn down the dimly lit hall that leads to the back recesses of the basement. He breathes in a shaky breath, tries not to think about what he may find. He doesn't understand how the whole “change” thing works. If his friend is going to look any different...
He's been trying not to think about it for the last few days. It's not denial exactly. Billy is aware that it's true. He'd caught part of last night's activities, watched Jake start to transform before Gabe had yelled at him to get the hell out.
But Billy is good at compartmentalizing when he has to. It makes crazy shit like this easier to deal with.
He'll deal with wanting to punch a wall or wanting to hide under the bed later.
When he enters the room, his step falter and he smiles despite the fact that this insanity is actually happening. If this doesn't prove to both his idiot friends that they are supposed to be together forever and a day, he has no idea what will.
Jake and Van are inside the cage, for safety's purposes. His gaze falls on the two of them, sitting on the floor, Jake leaning back against Van's chest, eyes closed but Billy can see he's alert by the tense line of his neck. His eyes flit away from the healing scars across his chest and arms, settling on Van's face. He's concentrating on the story he's quietly reading but his free hand moves constantly somewhere on Jake. Like Van needs to make sure Jake is still with him.
Billy gets that totally.
Once this is over, he's having a serious talk with Jake.
Werewolf curse or not, he's so not going to let those two fuck this up anymore.
Drake limps into the apartment. He glances up at Billy and Van, shakes his head when they rush forward. His right arm is bleeding. Van's eyes widen but he waves him away. “He broke the chains but it's okay. He didn't bite me. Just a few scratches.”
They'd gotten lucky if he was honest. Jake had been inches from sinking his teeth into his arm.
Gabe had thrown him out, told him to fix his arm and get some rest. He would have argued but he knew that look, the one Gabe only gave when he was afraid, and decided to give him a few minutes. He hopes that when he returns downstairs in ten minutes Gabe will have calmed down enough that they won't argue about his staying through the night.
Van hands him the first aid kit, his mouth set in a firm, straight line and Drake touches his hand, waits until their eyes meet. “It's not Jake, remember?”
“I know but – will he? When he finds out that he hurt you in any way...”
Drake shakes his head. “Van, it's okay. He'll understand.” He gives his new friend a quick smile then turns back to fixing up his arm.
They're almost through this.
Van leans his forehead on the bathroom sink, breathes deep through his nose before standing. His reflection in the mirror is tired, bruises under his eyes from the lack of sleep and he's worried his bottom lip raw but...
It's almost done.
Tonight. That's all they need to get through.
He runs a hand through his hair, straightens his shoulders and shakes the exhaustion out of his head.
Tonight and they were done.
– –
Jake wakes up inside the cage for the third morning in row. The difference today is that his legs and arms aren't bound to the chains anymore. He raises his head to look around the room, finding the storage door wide open. Rolling to his feet takes effort due to the dizziness that plagues him whenever he moves. There's a deep bone ache in his arms and legs. His chest and ribs feel strange, slightly misplaced and he breathes harshly.
Drake mentioned a change in his biochemistry and bone structure after his first transformation and that eventually Jake would get used to it but the first few weeks would be hard on his system. He can believe that with the way his legs wobble, like he's relearning to walk on them.
His stomach hurts, making noises he isn't expecting.
“What are you doing?”
Van enters the room, tray in his hands and glares at him from just on the edge of the cage.
He wants to touch him so badly it's a physical ache that manages to push all the others one to the back burner.
“Standing up.”
“Don't start with me, Jake. Sit.”
Jake gives him the side-eye, smirking as he says. “I may be related to the canine species now but I'm not a dog.”
Van makes a face, shaking his head while he sets the tray down. Standing with hands on his hips, he returns his gaze to Jake, something twitching on the corners of his lips. “If it smells like a dog...”
Jake making a stabbing motion to his chest, relief and laughter lifting his doubts that this would change them. “Low blow, Hansis. Kick a man while he deals with turning into a horrible supernatural creature.”
If they can joke about this then maybe they have a chance.
Van rolls his eyes, motions for Jake to come closer and when he does, helps him take a seat next to the tray that he realizes is piled high with every kind of breakfast food: muffins, bagels, pancakes, eggs, bacon, OJ, etc. He looks up at Van and the grin he receives makes his heart stutter a little, hurts just a tad.
“Apparently you're going to need all this to re-energize. Gabe said that you should eat before we head upstairs for you to rest. So, pig out.”
He would argue that it's too much food but his stomach disagrees and he bends over the tray, shovels some into his mouth and tries not to act like the animal he might be now. He slows his chewing, glances up at Van. This has to be kind of gross.
Van smirks down. “Don't worry about it. Not any different than how you usually eat.”
The laugh that bubbles up is unexpected and he almost chokes as he rolls his eyes and returns to his meal.
The week passes in relative sanity and Van can't say he minds the quiet calm that seems to have fallen over their weird little group. Gabe flies out of town the day after Jake is “back to normal” if that's what you can call it. Drake stays behind to start on their studies. He makes sure Jake takes his suppressors every day and they meditate, working together to control Jake's baser instincts.
Van hovers close by for the first half of the week until Billy takes him aside and says they need to get out of the house. Their lives are on hold and that's not fair to anyone. Jake's past the worst and his strength is returning every day. He knows that it's true but he can't seem to be too far away from him.
“He needs me.”
Billy rolls his eyes. “Yeah, he does, man. But that's not why you're here. Don't get me wrong. I know you’re butt crazy in love with the dude, okay? If I hadn't before this whole jealous of Drake thing would have clued me in.”
Van scowls at Billy's way too clear assessment of what's been bothering him. He wipes a hand over his face. “That obvious?”
“Yeah, your face is kinda like a huge billboard that advertises every single thing you feel, Van. Like worst poker face in the world.”
He'd argue but Jake walks into the room, grins directly at him and his face breaks out with a grin of his own. Billy laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, okay. You and I are getting out of here.”
Going back to rehearsals is difficult especially the first few days because his mind is back with Jake. He worries if he's eating, how the training is going, if Jake notices Van's absence. He pushes away his jealousy that Drake gets to be there with him.
It's ridiculous and petty and he's going to have to get over it.
“Is it me or is Van acting a little strange?” Drake walks toward him with eyebrows raised.
Billy snorts. “Yeah, it's you. Literally.”
It takes a whole minute for Drake's confusion to clear and then he rolls his eyes, laughs into his hands. “Those two need to get a room already.”
“This is what I've been saying for years, man.” Billy shakes his head. “But they don't ever listen.”
Drake's face is thoughtful and he glances slyly at Van. “I think we can help with that.” He turns to Billy, eyebrows raising up into his hairline. “You up for it?”
“Dude, seriously, if it gets them to stop acting like twelve-year old girls I am all for it.”
Drake grins. “Right on.”
Nothing ever works out like it should, Billy should know that by now. Their plan should be simple enough. Leave Van and Jake alone. Force them to own up to their complicated emotions and then hope they break down finally. The problem with that is they're all living in the same place, piled on top of each other. Even with Gabe back in L.A. now, it's super crowded.
Billy comes up with an idea that might just work if Drake wasn't so cautious.
“Come on, man. My apartment is like twenty minutes away. We can be here in a flash if the need occurs.”
“It's not a safe option.”
“He's looking for Jake.”
Drake gives him a 'don't be stupid' look. “If you think he doesn't know you're Jake's friend, that you were the one who went in search of him, you're out of your mind. Billy, there's no way you aren't in danger.”
He hadn't thought about. “Okay. Why don't you come with me? Be my guard or whatever, man. Seriously, it's just going to be a quick in and out situation. I just need to get clothes, check my mail and then we'll check into a motel to give these idiots some alone time.”
Drake tries to resist but Billy gives him his most disarming smile and he caves.
“Fine. Ten minutes, Billy. That's it.”
“Ten minutes.”
|Part Four|
