FIC: As We Go Along - Part Two & Epilogue
Jul. 16th, 2010 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freakykatTitle: As We Go Along
Author(s):![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Jake Silbermann
Summary: They were good at waiting. They were experts at wanting.
Prologue
Part One
Part Two
“Okay, Van, I love you, but if you don't sit down and stop wearing a groove in my floor, I'm going to kick you. Hard.”
Van glanced over at Alex, rueful smile in place. He was nervous. He paced when he was nervous. “Sorry, it's just...”
“Yeah, yeah. You're freaking out. I have been warned.” Alex's smile was warm and wide, making Van understand exactly what it was Tyler had first seen in him. Alex Brightman had literally fallen into Tyler's life – back when he and Van had shared one still – during a play rehearsal.
He'd been walking by the stage, trying to catch up with the director, when his foot had caught on a wire and he'd tripped headfirst into the orchestra pit.
Except that Tyler had somehow managed to grab the back of Alex's shirt and kept him from breaking his head open. Van grinned at the memory.
Something about Alex had spoken to Tyler and he'd taken the young actor under his wing.
They'd all become friends (Alex's crush on Tyler the subject of a lot of teasing) but Alex had left for Los Angeles to do a run of History Boys for a year. They'd lost contact until the day Van ran into Alex at one of his play openings. He'd invited Alex along to meet up with Tyler. Van realized even then, that he was purposely playing at matchmaking. (He had hated Tyler's then-boyfriend with a fiery passion.)
Alex moved toward Van, clutched his shoulders and directed him back to the sofa, next to his open script and scattered notes.
“Sit.”
Van obeyed, raising an eyebrow as he did.
“Now, stay.”
Alex winked at him, taking the seat next to Van's and pouring over his papers.
“You can help me run lines. That way you make yourself useful while we patiently wait for our men.”
Van sighed, grabbing the script and pretending to read the scene. “Please refrain from talking crazy around Jake.”
Alex snorted, rolling his shoulders and shaking out his hands. Van smiled a little, always fascinated by that ritual.
“You own that guy.”
Van rolled his eyes. “Tyler needs to stop spreading his theories around.”
Alex looked his way, eyes serious and earnest. “I only saw the two of you together once, Van. I didn't need any convincing.”
He didn't respond, just stared down at the papers in his hand. After the silence stretched out to almost uncomfortable, Van dropped his head. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only from like space.”
Alex laughed when Van hid his face in the nearest throw pillow, groaning loud.
He was so screwed.
*
Jake switched his phone from one hand to the other, searching the crowd for Tyler's familiar dark frame. He glanced over at Cass, rummaging through her carry on for god could only guess what. It had taken some serious begging to get her to agree to come with him. He would need her to pull this off.
And moral support if it blew up in his face.
Jake wasn't a huge planner. He made decisions and stuck by them. He had goals and found a way to meet them. But he let everything flow naturally. It was how he found himself in love with his best friend.
Loving Van just was.
Letting him know that would be harder.
“Stop fidgeting, Jake.”
He looked at Cass and started to protest when he heard someone call his name.
Turning he grinned as Tyler jogged up to them. He had missed him so much it was a little surprising. He stepped forward, dropped his bag and hugged Tyler hard. He felt his feet leave the ground and laughed out loud.
“Put me down you freak!”
Tyler chuckled, squeezed hard one more time before letting him go, smiling wide when he looked at Jake. His eyes flicked over and he moved forward to kiss Cass' cheek. “You must be the 'awesomest assistant ever made' as Van likes to call you.”
Cass grinned, bright eyes sparkling. “I knew I liked him.”
Tyler brought his gaze back to Jake, reaching for his shoulders and shaking him slightly. “It's been too long, asshole.”
Jake couldn't agree more and pulled Tyler back in to a hug. “I missed you, too, Ty.”
When they pulled back, Tyler studied his face, looking for something. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it and he nodded.
“Let's make the dangerous and long trek to the transportation, kids.”
They laughed as Tyler helped with bags, chattering about the flight and how insane the last week of preparations had been.
“So you're not here for the long haul are you, Cass?”
Jake noticed the conspiratorial look that passed between the two of them and shook his head. It wasn't necessary. “Really subtle, guys.”
Cass grinned at him, shrugging. “It's taken you four years to figure this much out, man. You probably shouldn't leave it to chance.”
“I like this girl very much.”
Jake met Tyler's gaze and smirked. “She's a keeper.”
“Thanks, boys.” They'd reached Tyler's car and she glanced over Jake's head to Tyler. “And to answer your questions, no, I won't be here for long. Just to help Jake set up the beginning of production. I'll be heading back to L.A. whenever that's done. I have recently been promoted it seems.”
Tyler stopped at that, looking up at her. “Do tell.”
“I'll be in charge of the day to day operations from now on.” She gave him a sly smile. “Jake's going to be busy.”
Jake stood back watching their conversation and trying to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach. He watched Tyler's face closely. As much as he wanted Van – and he really wanted Van – he couldn't help that pinch of guilt whenever he thought of Tyler. He'd watched them for so long be so them, he couldn't imagine ever living up to that idea.
He swallowed that down and got into the back seat as Cass made herself comfortable in the front. They were out of the garage and flowing through the freeway in minutes. The conversation was funny and entertaining, like it always had been with Tyler. Jake fell back into that easy friendship they'd had.
He realized they weren't headed into the city when they passed two exits without even pretending to try to take them. “Ty?”
“Hmm?” He paused in his retelling of the time Jake had dressed up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter on dare from Billy. Jake wasn't even going to go there.
“Not that I mind you humiliating me to my employee and friend over here but I think it may be distracting you. We missed our exit, man.”
“No we didn't.”
Jake met his gaze in the rear view mirror and raised his eyebrow. “I see. Wanna tell us where we're going?”
“Just a quick stop before home.”
*
The theater was small, older but sturdy. Jake ran his hands over the ornate woodwork of the seats. He glanced up at the stage, feeling that tug, the one that reminded how much he loved being up there. Becoming someone else had always been Jake's favorite part of his profession. Letting this other person take over and be. Giving life to work that on paper was flat.
He missed it so much it was hard to breathe.
Tyler sat on the edge of the stage, long legs swinging slowly, watching Jake's face.
“What do you think?”
It wasn't quite a black box. There were too many details in the room for that but it had that intimate sort of feel.
“I think it's great. This is where you and Van are premiering the play?” He watched Cass take out a notebook, jotting down thoughts about the space, how they could work the camera angles, where they could set up the equipment to keep out of the way of the cast and crew.
“Yeah.”
He did a full turn taking in the whole of the stage, seats, background and understanding why they had chosen this place. “It's amazing, Tyler.”
“Van found it.”
That didn't surprise him at all. Van had an eye for space, knew what could work. It was what made him such a great actor. It made him smile and he could imagine what this place looked like to Van when he first saw it.
“So, we bought it.”
It took a moment for that sentence to sink in. He looked over at Cass to see if she had heard it, too. Her surprised expression told him that yes, Tyler had just said that he and Van had bought a theater. There were a million questions he wanted to ask, but all that he could manage was “Holy shit.”
Tyler grinned and nodded. “Exactly.”
*
“I should have gone to pick them up.”
Alex rolled his eyes, making a face as he tied his boots, throwing Van an exasperated glance. “Would you stop. You had that meeting. Which was important.”
He had been staring out the window for the past half hour. Tyler had stepped in when one of their investors had called an emergency meeting. He was glad he had gone – her nervousness could have caused problems – but part of him would have called it off. He wanted to be there when Jake arrived.
The sound of the door opening made him turn, catching Alex's quick grin and then there was Jake.
He could breathe. It was fine. Not a big deal at all.
And then Jake was at his side, arms wrapping around Van, sighing against his neck and Van held on tight.
Alex gave Jake a fast hug, prying him away from Van for a moment, then kissed Cass' cheek with a quick “Nice to meet you,” dropped a few smacking ones on Tyler and waved as he left for his show.
Tyler stared after him for a long moment, rolling his eyes at the kissy face Van threw his way and cleared his throat. “You know, I think pizza would be good. What do you think?” He looked at Cass and she blinked for a second before realization seemed to dawn.
“Yes. Good idea.”
They didn't wait, heading for the door before Van and Jake could stop them. “We'll be back.” He gave Van the eyebrow of “get your shit together, babe” before closing the door behind him.
And they were alone.
Van stared at Jake, pushing aside his nervousness and went back in for another hug, mouth brushing the warm skin of Jake's neck. “Hi.”
Jake laughed softly, hands wrapping around Van and whispering back.
“Hi.”
*
“Why didn't you tell me you bought the theater, asshole?” Jake nudged Van with his foot lightly on the thigh. It was just like old times. They were lying down on opposite ends of the couch, stuffed with pizza and beer and too much warmth from everything.
Tyler had long gone to bed and Cass had settled in the guest bedroom. Jake and Van had talked and talked for hours, catching up on everything they had missed. He didn't want to think about what they'd let slip by.
“Tyler told you?”
“He took me there. It's amazing, Van.”
Van grinned and Jake's heart stuttered a little like it always did. He was ridiculous when it came to this guy. “I love it.”
There was no response, all Jake could do was look at the happy light in Van's eyes and nod.
“Did he mention anything else?”
He met Van's eyes and shook his head. “Was he supposed to?”
Van wrapped one hand around Jake's calf, tugging slightly, sending a shiver through him. It was unusual for them. They always touched, no hesitation, and Jake had learned how to ignore his responses. But his resistance was low and he fought the urge to crawl over to Van and press their bodies together. He wanted to give in to the nownownow of want.
And for the first time in forever, he realized he could.
Van's eyes widened when Jake shifted his weight and knelt on the couch, shuffling forward. His eyes fell to Jake's mouth then back up and that was all he really needed. He wanted to have and not even the fact that Ryder existed – something that should have stopped Jake in his tracks – made him want less.
“What did Tyler forget to tell me?”
Van opened his mouth to speak –
Alex entered the apartment, stepping into the room and freezing when he spotted them. His grin was fast and wide. “Oops. Um...I'll just – go. Carry on.”
“No, we're sorry. Taking over your living room.” Van stood up, pushing at Jake to get his feet on the ground. “Sorry.” He put as much distance between them as he could, chattering nervously about sleeping in the den. He pointed to the couch and gave Jake a weak smile. “This folds out so you should take it for tonight.”
He didn't wait for a response, disappearing down the hall.
Alex and Jake stared after him in the wake of all that movement. Their eyes met and Alex shook his head.
“I love him but sometimes...”
Jake sighed. “Tell me about it.”
This was going to take some time.
*
Jake was a pretty chill kind of guy.
He'd learned patience from his mother who with four boys running around her house was still the calmest person Jake had ever known. It paid to be that way with them. The Silbermann men were a handful on good days.
Moving to the West Coast and starting his own company from scratch had helped hone his skill at waiting. It was all a waiting game, the entertainment business. Waiting for the right funding. Waiting for the right script. Waiting for the right actors. He was really good at it.
It had come in handy the last two weeks.
Because waiting for Van...
That was something he excelled at.
He was so good at it, he hadn't even known he'd spent four years (seven if he was honest and didn't look directly at Tyler) doing just that.
Jake hadn't literally been pining for Van because that would have been pathetic.
Dating had been easy for him, he thought, because he had never been looking for more than a good time and some pleasant company. The closest to something had been Ignacio and even that had clear boundaries from even before they started.
It was always about Van.
Jake kind of wished he'd figured it out earlier.
Because waiting now, was killing him slowly.
Spending time with Tyler and Van made him remember why he loved them both so much. Why he'd never thought he'd have a chance with Van. He also learned why they no longer were together. He hadn't noticed all the differences before mostly because he'd been afraid of what he might do with that knowledge.
They weren't the same people they once were and the relief that brought Jake should have made him feel worse than it did.
He didn't push Van. It was never a good idea. Stubborn didn't cover it when it came to him.
A reinforced steel wall was more accurate.
His plan hadn't been that at all.
And he didn't want to wait him out either.
That would take too long and if he was changing his life for Van, he wanted it to start as fast as it could.
His plan consisted of one thing: Wear Van Hansis down.
It wasn't the easiest course of action to take, he was aware of that, but he was pretty sure it would yield results eventually. Jake had realized Van was scared or unsure of them his first night back so he set about changing that.
He'd rented a loft not far from Van's own apartment, setting shop there with Cass as they went about getting production together. He was excited to be working with Van and Tyler. Happy to be doing something for the dying genre of independent theater. It was still one of the few places he felt truly at home. On a stage or in an audience, watching characters come to life.
Starting a new production of a play was hard enough. Doing so while building a theater company to go along was near impossible. Van told Jake he knew the risks were big but he'd dreamed about this for a long time. They'd talked about it endlessly back when everything was different.
Jake understood how important his part in it would be. Tyler had been part of something similar years ago but this was still new. Filming the birth of a play from conception through opening and bringing it to people, showing everything it took to make that happen. Jake wasn't foolish enough to think that would change the state of theater but he would have done his part in trying.
Doing it with Van was just like a bonus.
He stared at Van moving around the room, picking up random resumes and head shots scattered all over the room, studying each one before setting them back down.
It wasn't going as well as he'd hoped.
Two weeks of flirting and touching and laughing and working had gotten him closer but nowhere near what he wanted. Casting had always been one of his favorite things to do and he'd been looking forward to watching Van and Tyler find the right actors for their characters.
He rolled his shoulders back, trying to ease the aching muscles. They'd filmed the cutting process and it had taken hours. He'd just sent Gary, their sound guy, home for the night.
“Maybe we can all sit down together tonight, Cass can bring the pizza and we can nail down the ones for call back.”
Tyler nodded, grinning at him. Tyler's apartment had become their headquarters.
“Oh, Ryder and I have plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”
Jake swallowed past the lump in his throat, managing not to say anything when Tyler looked his way.
“I didn't know he was back in town.”
Van nodded absently. “Got back yesterday.”
“Oh.”
Jake clenched his fists, breathed through his nose and counted to ten. He could wait this out.
He could.
He didn't want to.
“Why are you still with him, Van?”
Tyler froze at his side but Jake kept his eyes on Van's back, noted the way he tensed before turning to look at him.
“Excuse me?”
“You don't love him.”
He heard Tyler's “oh shit” and flicked his gaze over before meeting Van's glare.
“What would you know about how I feel, Jake?”
“I know what you look like when you're in love, man. This isn't it. You're using him as an excuse.” He knew he should quit pushing but once the words started they wouldn't stop and he'd held them back so long. “You're not happy.”
Van raised an eyebrow, looking between Jake and Tyler. “According to who? The two of you?”
Jake loved Tyler more than he ever had when he said, “Don't lie to him, Van.”
“You know what? I think I'm going to go home now before we say anything we can't take back.”
Jake stood up. “What if I don't want to take it back? What I want to say.”
Van shook his head, already at the door, opening it before he looked back. “Maybe I don't want you to say anything.” And with that he left Jake with all the words he needed to say stuck in his throat.
He felt Tyler's hand on his shoulder, leaned back into the comfort and sighed.
“He's just scared, Jake.”
“I know.”
“He's been in love with you long before he wanted to be.”
“I can relate.”
“And then you ran away.”
He had. At first for self-preservation, because no one wanted to see the person they loved with someone else, no matter how you felt about that other person. But then it had been his stubbornness, which he was almost as well known for as Van. He had been waiting for Van to make that move and when he hadn't he'd made himself believe it didn't matter.
“And then I ran away.” He looked over at Tyler. “You're a little scary to live up to, Ty.”
Tyler smiled softly, squeezed his shoulder, dropping a quick kiss to Jake's temple. “Right back at you, babe.”
Jake closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “I need a fucking drink.”
He heard Tyler's low chuckle. “Oh my god, I concur, my friend. Come on.” And Jake followed as Tyler steered him towards the kitchen.
He pulled out a bottle of Vodka that was two-thirds full, handing it to Jake.
“This is why you're my favorite.”
Tyler beamed and went looking for the shot glasses.
*
Van shuffled the food around his plate only half listening to Ryder talk about his new role and how excited he was. Jake's voice kept running through his mind. It wasn't anything he hadn't thought himself. More and more each day he spent with Jake because he knew that feeling he got with him, the hard to breathe, tingling in his hands, need to touch was what he should be feeling with his boyfriend.
They'd been sitting there for an hour and Van realized that he hadn't gotten to share what had been going on in his life yet. That he hadn't leaned forward to squeeze Ryder's hand or shared a smile with him.
And funnily enough, he really didn't want to.
He glanced up. “Ryder.”
Green eyes stared back at him.
“I think we need to talk.”
*
Jake felt pretty good.
The room had a hazy quality to it, almost like he was dreaming. It had been so long since he'd actually been high that he'd forgotten how nice it was. He glanced down at his lap when Tyler shifted his head, smiling when he opened his eyes to look at Jake.
“Feeling better?”
Jake made a “hmmm” sound and shrugged his answer. He wasn't really feeling better so much as not feeling much at all. That was okay. He liked everything blurry.
“I don't know what to do, man.”
Tyler struggled to stand up, slipping to the floor instead. He looked surprised to find himself where he was but then he giggled – actually giggled – which sent Jake into some sputtering of his own. Tyler reached for the bottle of vodka they'd plowed their way through.
“Tell him.”
Jake tried to focus on the back of Tyler's head, where his hair was sticking up and to the side, reaching out to card a hand through it as he let the words sink in. “Like, just tell him?” He patted Tyler's head when it seemed the hair wasn't going to try to eat him anymore.
“Well, yeah.” Tyler poured what was left in the bottle into two glasses, handed one to Jake, clicking them together. “He needs to know.”
Jake nodded. “Okay.”
They blinked at each other and Tyler grinned when Jake slid off the couch to perch next to him, leaning against each other. His shoulder shifted against Jake's and when he turned to look at Tyler, he was met with a serious face.
“You know I don't blame you for falling in love with him, right?”
This was a conversation Jake was glad to not be having sober. He couldn't handle it any other way but completely wasted. “Which makes you like the best ex-boyfriend in the world.”.
“I am awesome, this is very true.”
Jake nodded. “If I hadn't known Van first, totally would have fallen for you.” Tyler's hand reached up and patted his face.
“Ditto, baby.”
Jake caught Tyler's hand as he pulled back and looked at his friend. “I never would have – not when you were together –“ He felt the answering squeeze of on his palm
“I know that.” Tyler made a face, dropping their joined hands to the floor. “Except, well, okay I kind of hated you for five minutes there.”
Jake's eyes widened, his stomach churning at Tyler's confession. “You did?”
“Of course I did. I mean, Van is one of the great loves of my life here, man. And at that time, we were still on the same path. Then, you showed up and he talked about you. A lot. Which you know, is a little bothersome.” Tyler hiccuped at the end for some kind of emphasis.
It took Jake some minutes to sort all those words out in his alcohol-laden mind and then he glanced blearily at Tyler.
“You were jealous.”
It was a statement not a question.
Tyler rolled his head to stare back at Jake. “Duh.”
“But you guys were – you were Van and Tyler.”
Tyler snorted. “Doesn't mean I couldn't get pissy when some random dude kept coming up in conversation. But then, I met you and in like five minutes I liked you like crazy and we got to be pals and it passed.”
Jake felt the tightness in his chest loosen some. He had never wanted to make Tyler feel bad in any way. “Well, okay.”
He blinked down at his watch. It looked like it was time to pass out.
“Ty.”
“Yeah?”
“Did Van tell you about --”
“Yep.”
“Oh.”
He waited a few moments then turned to his friend. “I'm sorry.”
Tyler waved a hand in air. “Really, Jake. We worked it out. It's all good here.”
“Okay.” He shifted until his head fell on Tyler's shoulder. “Good.”
Then everything went dark.
*
There was too much light behind his eyelids and even before he opened them Jake cringed, moaning as he reached for his pillow. Which he didn't have because he was for some reason sleeping on the floor.
What the hell was that noise?
And why was he shaking?
And who the fuck was yelling his name?
Opening his eyes actually physically hurt and he rolled to his side, coming into contact with solid warmth. Jake tried focusing and could make out Tyler's face, lids slowly opening.
He heard a throat clear and looked up to find three pair of his eyes on him. Two amused and one extremely annoyed.
Tyler shook as he got up and Jake spilled out from where he'd been sprawled across him, keeping his body from revolting.
“Oh, god.”
He heard Cass' laugh as she bent to pick up the empty vodka bottle, shaking it in his face. “This is what happens when there is excess, my friend.”
“I think my head is going to fall off and die.”
He was also pretty sure that he was still more than a little drunk.
Tyler patted his shoulder, sleepy grin thrown his way before he stood up in one quick motion which made Jake whimper. He'd forgotten that son-of-a-bitch had the highest level of tolerance ever known to man. “I hate you so much right now, Hanes.”
He glared at him, ignoring the loving look he received in return. Tyler reached for Alex, bending to give him a kiss and laughing – rough and deep – when he was swatted away. “Oh, baby.”
“Don't you even think about it, asshole. First you don't come home which we are so having a talk about --”
“I left you a voice mail.”
“-- and maybe we need to teach you which button to press to send it. If I hadn't gotten the call from Van this morning, you'd be in deep shit. Secondly, I find you huddled with Jake in his apartment on the couch. There had better be photo evidence of whatever went on last night.” Alex tone was amused and he had started caressing Tyler's head with one hand, letting him use his shoulder as a rest. They were ridiculous and too much for Jake to take this early with a hangover.
Especially when he wanted to do the same thing with Van.
Jake looked up at Van, meeting his stare, which was a little less annoyed but not quite what Jake was used to. He suddenly remembered using Tyler's phone to make a call. “Oh, fuck. How much of an idiot did I sound like?”
He could see the beginnings of a smile. “Like a complete one.” Van raised an eyebrow. “Though I have to admit, you have quite the imagination, Silbermann.”
Cass was grinning from her position near the couch, hands on her hips. “Tell me I didn't miss some inappropriate groping cause I'm really gonna regret having gone out last night.”
Tyler leaned his head back, thoughtful. “That's a possibility.”
Alex made an indignant sound. “Oh, I will kill you both if that was the case. The deal is I get to watch.”
“And participate fully if I remember correctly.”
Jake looked up at Van, saw the glint in his eyes and the laughter just bubbled up. Alex's “Damn straight” set them all off and Jake was sure he was going to throw up if he didn't stop.
Cass giggled. “Man, you guys are the best damn entertainment in life.”
He felt hands on his head, fingers carding through his hair and looked up, smiling stupidly at Van's face.
“You know what?”
“What?”
He was hauled up and his hands came to rest on Van's waist. “I love you.”
Van's face softened for a moment, Jake holding his breath when he was sure Van was on the verge of saying something back but then he rolled his eyes, moving them toward the bathroom. “That's the vodka talking.”
Jake scowled.
Van pointed at Alex. “You take care of yours, I'll take care of mine.”
Jake smiled at that. He liked the sound of it.
“Then you all come back here cause we have work to do, boys.” Cass' voice followed them down the hall and into the bathroom.
Jake flinched.
It was going to be a long day.
Van pressed his hands on Jake's waist and suddenly, he really didn't care so much.
*
Endless pots of coffee, a change of clothes and apartments, countless arguments over head shots, resumes and characters, and Van was ready to collapse. He blinked a few times, trying to keep his sleep fogged brain from shutting down.
He marveled at how quickly Jake could sober up when he had to.
His eyes fell on the equipment set up in the corner. It was strange having his day to day life filmed even when he knew it would be great to see the finished product. To watch his dream come together. It was exciting and scary but worth it.
Even if it was exhausting.
Van let his head drop back on the couch cushions, a groan escaping from his throat. He heard someone chuckle and opened one eye to glare over at Tyler. He stuck his foot out, pushing it against Tyler’s thigh hard, receiving a sleepy grin in return. He felt that warmth in his chest that always came with Ty.
“Shut up.”
Tyler raised his hands to indicate his harmlessness which really. Van knew him better than anyone and innocent? Yeah. Not so much.
There was a loud thump and Van rolled his head to focus on Cass, head now on the table, muttering quietly into the wood. She held a pen in one hand and her phone in the other. He bit back a laugh when she started banging her head quietly against the flat table surface. His gaze flicked over to Jake and that warmth turned unbearably hot.
Jake’s face was smashed against his arms where he’d laid it down and had promptly fallen asleep. Van’s gaze traced the line of his cheek up toward the curve of his lips, face relaxed and open in sleep like he rarely was anymore.
He knew he was staring but it was addictive. That face. That expression.
Something he hadn’t seen since they started all this.
“You know I have a camera,” Tyler whispered to him, making Van jump slightly.
He turned to stare at him, eyebrow raised. Tyler motioned to Jake and grinned when Van flushed. “Just saying.”
Van sighed in relief when Cass stretched up from the chair and made her way over to them, plopping onto the couch between him and Tyler. She leaned her head on Tyler’s shoulder, closing her eyes.
“How long have we been at this?”
Tyler checked his watch. “Ten hours.”
Van groaned again. “Seriously? I can’t take much more.” The others nodded in agreement and pushed off their seats.
“Yeah, I think we got as much done as we could today.” Tyler grabbed his notes and the piles of scripts they’d been pouring over, stacking them on Van’s desk. “I’m leaving those here.”
Van nodded, yawning as he waved him away. Sleep. He just needed sleep.
Cass moved back over to the table, hand reaching for Jake’s shoulder but Van made a noise and she turned to him.
“He’s exhausted. Let him sleep.”
She looked a little wary. “He’ll be uncomfortable there.”
Van shook his head. “I’ll get him into bed.” He froze when the words actually sunk into his brain. Tyler and Cass were staring at him, both trying and desperately failing at not laughing. He glared at them.
“I meant I’ll put him to bed. Ergo, I won’t let him spend the night on the table.”
Tyler covered his laugh with a cough, shaking his head. “Ergo?”
Cass laughed when Van gave them both the finger then stifled a yawn. “If you say you can handle him, be my guest. A just woken up Jake is not a pretty sight.”
Tyler snorted and glanced at Van. “Good luck with that, babe.”
Van rolled his eyes and helped them gather their things, following them to the door. Cass hugged him and promised she’d be by first thing in the morning. Tyler asked her to wait so he could walk her to where she’d parked her car. She paused at the elevator as Tyler turned his steady gaze on Van. “Behave yourself, Hansis.” He kissed Van quickly before grinning at him. “But not too much.”
Van shoved him away. “Go home. Say hello to that patient boyfriend of yours.”
Tyler chuckled all the way down the hall and into the elevator.
Van stepped back inside, shutting the door quietly and turning to focus on Jake’s still sleeping form.
He could do this.
Moving slowly, he reached Jake's side, crouching down to see his face better and he had every intent of waking him up, getting him to bed. His eyes focused on the way Jake's eyelashes curled against his skin, lips slightly parted, and he wanted to touch.
He reached out, trailed gently over Jake's jaw and there was just a hint of stubble under his fingers. It was so familiar to him, the lines of Jake's face and yet they weren't. He couldn't recall how they got there because he hadn't been around.
There was a shifting and he glanced up, catching Jake's gaze, blue and steady.
“I was going to wake you up.”
Van breathed in deep when Jake gave him that smile – the slow, sweet one he reserved for only a few people – and started to move away. The yank to his wrist set him off balance and he spilled into Jake's lap, hands clutching shoulders. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Jake beat him to the punch.
“What are you so afraid of, Van?”
He could have lied, said nothing, but he felt Jake's skin under his palms, the barest hint of a shiver when he flexed his hands and that was more than he'd expected. Every second of missing Jake rushed through him. He wrapped his arms around Jake, face planting into his shoulder and holding so tightly, he was afraid he might break him.
Gentle hands reached around his waist and up, drawing circles across the expanse of his back and Jake's worried voice in his ear made his eyes scrunch shut.
“Are you okay?” Jake asked, one hand sliding up and over his shoulder, the other gripped the back of Van's head.
“I will be. I just –”
“What?”
“I know you can't promise forever. I know that. But I –” Van shuddered when Jake pressed them closer, hands cradling Van's head, tilting his face up so he could look at him.
“Listen to me. This is for as long as you want me. It's always been your call, Van.”
Van nodded, hands grasped the back of Jake's shirt and he tugged. “I screwed it up before.”
Jake smoothed his fingers through Van's hair, shaking his head. “You didn't. I'm here.”
Van pressed their foreheads together, breathed deep. “Stay.”
He wanted to say more but Jake's lips on his short circuited every thought he had. It started out slow and sweet, like they wanted to savor every moment they hadn't been able to have until now. But that didn't last and suddenly, it was hard and fast and desperate. Mouths opened wide against each other and Jake made this needy sound at the back of his throat that shot right through Van.
He tried to find purchase, clutching over arms and shoulders and neck, Jake's teeth scraping his throat. They moved together, up and across the floor. Van's spine curved into the door, arched against the wood. Jake pulled away, studying him for a moment before pushing up his shirt, tugging it off and placing his hands over Van's stomach.
They fumbled through the door, kissing hard and deep, tongues dueling, everything lost in a flurry of hands and touch and lips. Their clothes scattered across the room as they pulled, falling on the bed, mouths fused, hands never leaving skin. There was too much want for it to be sweet and gentle.
Too long for them to wait for permission and Jake kissed his way down, fingers around Van's cock, breath fanning the head and then it's the wet, warmth of Jake's mouth on him. The velvet touch of tongue flat against his throbbing shaft and Van's choked on a moan, pushing up into Jake's mouth, the need burning through him. He was too close, wanted more time.
He yanked Jake's head, pulling him off with a groan until he could see his face, the dark cerulean of his eyes.
“Van.”
Jake's voice was rough, wrecked and it sent a shiver running through him. His arm thrown over Jake's neck – Van's fingers wrapped around Jake's cock and Jake's around Van – and it’s too fast, too much. Strokes that are too fast for it to last, moans echoing between their mouths.
Van comes first, falling apart under Jake's hot groans, breath against his skin, rubbing against Van's stomach. He gripped Jake harder, flicking his wrist, two strokes and Jake's come splattered between their bodies.
Jake's head fell onto Van's chest, quick swipe of tongue over Van's nipples, smiling at the soft gasped response. He rubbed his face across the soft fuzz on his cheek and sighed.
“That wasn't how I planned this.”
Van couldn't move but he tilted his head to the side, letting Jake lick the sweat from his chest up to his neck. He sucked in a breath as he spoke. “There was a plan?”
“Of course there was. Something with dating in it.”
Van chuckled, hands splayed across Jake's damp back, rubbing at the skin gently. “We can still do that.” He looked down, raising an eyebrow. “In between all the marathon sex you owe me for being stupid.”
Jake laughed, biting at the soft skin under Van's chin, muttering an amused, “Oh so now I'm the stupid one.” His lips trailed up jawline and cheek until they hovered over Van's. “I think you might win with the stupidity on this, Hansis.”
Van grinned into the kiss, mumbling as their mouths found each other.
“It's a tie.”
*
Van rolled to his side, fumbling for the ringing phone and cursing at the time. They should have been at Tyler's an hour ago.
“Hey.”
“Where are you? And is Jake with you?”
“Um...home. And yeah.”
Tyler paused for a moment and then Van rolled his eyes when he yelled to Alex in the next room. “Babe! They finally got their heads out of their asses.”
Van made out the loud whooping noise Alex made and then the distinctive catcalling from Cass. He felt Jake's arms snake around his waist and tried not to sound as breathless as he felt.
“We'll see you guys in a couple of hours, okay?”
He ignored the loud laugh Tyler gave and the equally voluminous “Who had today in the pool?”
“I think it was Ignacio–”
Van closed his eyes, hung up the phone and sighed, turning to face Jake. “Our friends are kinda of annoying assholes.”
Jake opened his eyes, smiled. “Just be glad they're on our side.”
Van laughed, pulled him in and kissed his agreement.
Epilogue
He was so nervous, his stomach fluttering with it. Opening nights had always been that way for him. Even when he was watching from backstage in the crew, he had wanted to throw up every time.
This was even more important to him.
Jake glanced around the room, noting all the critics, watching their faces for reactions and getting increasingly more on edge when he couldn't read them. He knew it was almost impossible to do so, poker faces so much a part of the game but he still tried.
It had become obvious that he wasn't paying attention and halfway through the play, Alex nudged him, leaning in.
“I know you've seen every rehearsal for months but seriously pay attention or I'll tell your boyfriend.”
Jake stuck his tongue out, wrinkling his nose at Alex. “Snitch.”
“You know it.” He pointed at the stage and Jake turned to look in time to see his favorite part. The scene where the two friends fall in love.
He was predictable and corny but that was just fine with him.
Jake lost himself in the play, finding so many different parts to it though he knew it backwards and forwards by that point. Having spent so much time with the actors, the crew, the writer – he smiled.
When the closing scenes begun, he heard the sniffle from Alex's seat and turned to glance at him.
“Not a word, Silbermann.”
He bit back the grin and turned back to the stage.
The lights went down and the room burst with applause and Jake could breathe again.
He didn't wait for curtain call, rushing backstage and waving at Sandy, stage manager extraordinaire as he did. The madness was like a wave over him. Actors and crew still running around, throwing costumes across the room, talking a million miles a minute, laughing with relief and happiness. He stopped to hug everyone that he could, heading for the quiet corner where he knew Van would be.
He found him and Tyler in an embrace, grinned when Tyler saw him over Van's shoulder, making a leery face which made Jake laugh. Seconds later, Alex was next to him, one hand on his hip. “What have I told you guys?”
Van turned with a grin. “Photographic evidence.”
He rushed to Jake, arms coming around his neck and leaned up for a kiss.
It tasted like joy and happiness and love.
End.
#
Author(s):
freakykat Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Jake Silbermann
Summary: They were good at waiting. They were experts at wanting.
Prologue
Part One
Part Two
“Okay, Van, I love you, but if you don't sit down and stop wearing a groove in my floor, I'm going to kick you. Hard.”
Van glanced over at Alex, rueful smile in place. He was nervous. He paced when he was nervous. “Sorry, it's just...”
“Yeah, yeah. You're freaking out. I have been warned.” Alex's smile was warm and wide, making Van understand exactly what it was Tyler had first seen in him. Alex Brightman had literally fallen into Tyler's life – back when he and Van had shared one still – during a play rehearsal.
He'd been walking by the stage, trying to catch up with the director, when his foot had caught on a wire and he'd tripped headfirst into the orchestra pit.
Except that Tyler had somehow managed to grab the back of Alex's shirt and kept him from breaking his head open. Van grinned at the memory.
Something about Alex had spoken to Tyler and he'd taken the young actor under his wing.
They'd all become friends (Alex's crush on Tyler the subject of a lot of teasing) but Alex had left for Los Angeles to do a run of History Boys for a year. They'd lost contact until the day Van ran into Alex at one of his play openings. He'd invited Alex along to meet up with Tyler. Van realized even then, that he was purposely playing at matchmaking. (He had hated Tyler's then-boyfriend with a fiery passion.)
Alex moved toward Van, clutched his shoulders and directed him back to the sofa, next to his open script and scattered notes.
“Sit.”
Van obeyed, raising an eyebrow as he did.
“Now, stay.”
Alex winked at him, taking the seat next to Van's and pouring over his papers.
“You can help me run lines. That way you make yourself useful while we patiently wait for our men.”
Van sighed, grabbing the script and pretending to read the scene. “Please refrain from talking crazy around Jake.”
Alex snorted, rolling his shoulders and shaking out his hands. Van smiled a little, always fascinated by that ritual.
“You own that guy.”
Van rolled his eyes. “Tyler needs to stop spreading his theories around.”
Alex looked his way, eyes serious and earnest. “I only saw the two of you together once, Van. I didn't need any convincing.”
He didn't respond, just stared down at the papers in his hand. After the silence stretched out to almost uncomfortable, Van dropped his head. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only from like space.”
Alex laughed when Van hid his face in the nearest throw pillow, groaning loud.
He was so screwed.
*
Jake switched his phone from one hand to the other, searching the crowd for Tyler's familiar dark frame. He glanced over at Cass, rummaging through her carry on for god could only guess what. It had taken some serious begging to get her to agree to come with him. He would need her to pull this off.
And moral support if it blew up in his face.
Jake wasn't a huge planner. He made decisions and stuck by them. He had goals and found a way to meet them. But he let everything flow naturally. It was how he found himself in love with his best friend.
Loving Van just was.
Letting him know that would be harder.
“Stop fidgeting, Jake.”
He looked at Cass and started to protest when he heard someone call his name.
Turning he grinned as Tyler jogged up to them. He had missed him so much it was a little surprising. He stepped forward, dropped his bag and hugged Tyler hard. He felt his feet leave the ground and laughed out loud.
“Put me down you freak!”
Tyler chuckled, squeezed hard one more time before letting him go, smiling wide when he looked at Jake. His eyes flicked over and he moved forward to kiss Cass' cheek. “You must be the 'awesomest assistant ever made' as Van likes to call you.”
Cass grinned, bright eyes sparkling. “I knew I liked him.”
Tyler brought his gaze back to Jake, reaching for his shoulders and shaking him slightly. “It's been too long, asshole.”
Jake couldn't agree more and pulled Tyler back in to a hug. “I missed you, too, Ty.”
When they pulled back, Tyler studied his face, looking for something. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it and he nodded.
“Let's make the dangerous and long trek to the transportation, kids.”
They laughed as Tyler helped with bags, chattering about the flight and how insane the last week of preparations had been.
“So you're not here for the long haul are you, Cass?”
Jake noticed the conspiratorial look that passed between the two of them and shook his head. It wasn't necessary. “Really subtle, guys.”
Cass grinned at him, shrugging. “It's taken you four years to figure this much out, man. You probably shouldn't leave it to chance.”
“I like this girl very much.”
Jake met Tyler's gaze and smirked. “She's a keeper.”
“Thanks, boys.” They'd reached Tyler's car and she glanced over Jake's head to Tyler. “And to answer your questions, no, I won't be here for long. Just to help Jake set up the beginning of production. I'll be heading back to L.A. whenever that's done. I have recently been promoted it seems.”
Tyler stopped at that, looking up at her. “Do tell.”
“I'll be in charge of the day to day operations from now on.” She gave him a sly smile. “Jake's going to be busy.”
Jake stood back watching their conversation and trying to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach. He watched Tyler's face closely. As much as he wanted Van – and he really wanted Van – he couldn't help that pinch of guilt whenever he thought of Tyler. He'd watched them for so long be so them, he couldn't imagine ever living up to that idea.
He swallowed that down and got into the back seat as Cass made herself comfortable in the front. They were out of the garage and flowing through the freeway in minutes. The conversation was funny and entertaining, like it always had been with Tyler. Jake fell back into that easy friendship they'd had.
He realized they weren't headed into the city when they passed two exits without even pretending to try to take them. “Ty?”
“Hmm?” He paused in his retelling of the time Jake had dressed up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter on dare from Billy. Jake wasn't even going to go there.
“Not that I mind you humiliating me to my employee and friend over here but I think it may be distracting you. We missed our exit, man.”
“No we didn't.”
Jake met his gaze in the rear view mirror and raised his eyebrow. “I see. Wanna tell us where we're going?”
“Just a quick stop before home.”
*
The theater was small, older but sturdy. Jake ran his hands over the ornate woodwork of the seats. He glanced up at the stage, feeling that tug, the one that reminded how much he loved being up there. Becoming someone else had always been Jake's favorite part of his profession. Letting this other person take over and be. Giving life to work that on paper was flat.
He missed it so much it was hard to breathe.
Tyler sat on the edge of the stage, long legs swinging slowly, watching Jake's face.
“What do you think?”
It wasn't quite a black box. There were too many details in the room for that but it had that intimate sort of feel.
“I think it's great. This is where you and Van are premiering the play?” He watched Cass take out a notebook, jotting down thoughts about the space, how they could work the camera angles, where they could set up the equipment to keep out of the way of the cast and crew.
“Yeah.”
He did a full turn taking in the whole of the stage, seats, background and understanding why they had chosen this place. “It's amazing, Tyler.”
“Van found it.”
That didn't surprise him at all. Van had an eye for space, knew what could work. It was what made him such a great actor. It made him smile and he could imagine what this place looked like to Van when he first saw it.
“So, we bought it.”
It took a moment for that sentence to sink in. He looked over at Cass to see if she had heard it, too. Her surprised expression told him that yes, Tyler had just said that he and Van had bought a theater. There were a million questions he wanted to ask, but all that he could manage was “Holy shit.”
Tyler grinned and nodded. “Exactly.”
*
“I should have gone to pick them up.”
Alex rolled his eyes, making a face as he tied his boots, throwing Van an exasperated glance. “Would you stop. You had that meeting. Which was important.”
He had been staring out the window for the past half hour. Tyler had stepped in when one of their investors had called an emergency meeting. He was glad he had gone – her nervousness could have caused problems – but part of him would have called it off. He wanted to be there when Jake arrived.
The sound of the door opening made him turn, catching Alex's quick grin and then there was Jake.
He could breathe. It was fine. Not a big deal at all.
And then Jake was at his side, arms wrapping around Van, sighing against his neck and Van held on tight.
Alex gave Jake a fast hug, prying him away from Van for a moment, then kissed Cass' cheek with a quick “Nice to meet you,” dropped a few smacking ones on Tyler and waved as he left for his show.
Tyler stared after him for a long moment, rolling his eyes at the kissy face Van threw his way and cleared his throat. “You know, I think pizza would be good. What do you think?” He looked at Cass and she blinked for a second before realization seemed to dawn.
“Yes. Good idea.”
They didn't wait, heading for the door before Van and Jake could stop them. “We'll be back.” He gave Van the eyebrow of “get your shit together, babe” before closing the door behind him.
And they were alone.
Van stared at Jake, pushing aside his nervousness and went back in for another hug, mouth brushing the warm skin of Jake's neck. “Hi.”
Jake laughed softly, hands wrapping around Van and whispering back.
“Hi.”
*
“Why didn't you tell me you bought the theater, asshole?” Jake nudged Van with his foot lightly on the thigh. It was just like old times. They were lying down on opposite ends of the couch, stuffed with pizza and beer and too much warmth from everything.
Tyler had long gone to bed and Cass had settled in the guest bedroom. Jake and Van had talked and talked for hours, catching up on everything they had missed. He didn't want to think about what they'd let slip by.
“Tyler told you?”
“He took me there. It's amazing, Van.”
Van grinned and Jake's heart stuttered a little like it always did. He was ridiculous when it came to this guy. “I love it.”
There was no response, all Jake could do was look at the happy light in Van's eyes and nod.
“Did he mention anything else?”
He met Van's eyes and shook his head. “Was he supposed to?”
Van wrapped one hand around Jake's calf, tugging slightly, sending a shiver through him. It was unusual for them. They always touched, no hesitation, and Jake had learned how to ignore his responses. But his resistance was low and he fought the urge to crawl over to Van and press their bodies together. He wanted to give in to the nownownow of want.
And for the first time in forever, he realized he could.
Van's eyes widened when Jake shifted his weight and knelt on the couch, shuffling forward. His eyes fell to Jake's mouth then back up and that was all he really needed. He wanted to have and not even the fact that Ryder existed – something that should have stopped Jake in his tracks – made him want less.
“What did Tyler forget to tell me?”
Van opened his mouth to speak –
Alex entered the apartment, stepping into the room and freezing when he spotted them. His grin was fast and wide. “Oops. Um...I'll just – go. Carry on.”
“No, we're sorry. Taking over your living room.” Van stood up, pushing at Jake to get his feet on the ground. “Sorry.” He put as much distance between them as he could, chattering nervously about sleeping in the den. He pointed to the couch and gave Jake a weak smile. “This folds out so you should take it for tonight.”
He didn't wait for a response, disappearing down the hall.
Alex and Jake stared after him in the wake of all that movement. Their eyes met and Alex shook his head.
“I love him but sometimes...”
Jake sighed. “Tell me about it.”
This was going to take some time.
*
Jake was a pretty chill kind of guy.
He'd learned patience from his mother who with four boys running around her house was still the calmest person Jake had ever known. It paid to be that way with them. The Silbermann men were a handful on good days.
Moving to the West Coast and starting his own company from scratch had helped hone his skill at waiting. It was all a waiting game, the entertainment business. Waiting for the right funding. Waiting for the right script. Waiting for the right actors. He was really good at it.
It had come in handy the last two weeks.
Because waiting for Van...
That was something he excelled at.
He was so good at it, he hadn't even known he'd spent four years (seven if he was honest and didn't look directly at Tyler) doing just that.
Jake hadn't literally been pining for Van because that would have been pathetic.
Dating had been easy for him, he thought, because he had never been looking for more than a good time and some pleasant company. The closest to something had been Ignacio and even that had clear boundaries from even before they started.
It was always about Van.
Jake kind of wished he'd figured it out earlier.
Because waiting now, was killing him slowly.
Spending time with Tyler and Van made him remember why he loved them both so much. Why he'd never thought he'd have a chance with Van. He also learned why they no longer were together. He hadn't noticed all the differences before mostly because he'd been afraid of what he might do with that knowledge.
They weren't the same people they once were and the relief that brought Jake should have made him feel worse than it did.
He didn't push Van. It was never a good idea. Stubborn didn't cover it when it came to him.
A reinforced steel wall was more accurate.
His plan hadn't been that at all.
And he didn't want to wait him out either.
That would take too long and if he was changing his life for Van, he wanted it to start as fast as it could.
His plan consisted of one thing: Wear Van Hansis down.
It wasn't the easiest course of action to take, he was aware of that, but he was pretty sure it would yield results eventually. Jake had realized Van was scared or unsure of them his first night back so he set about changing that.
He'd rented a loft not far from Van's own apartment, setting shop there with Cass as they went about getting production together. He was excited to be working with Van and Tyler. Happy to be doing something for the dying genre of independent theater. It was still one of the few places he felt truly at home. On a stage or in an audience, watching characters come to life.
Starting a new production of a play was hard enough. Doing so while building a theater company to go along was near impossible. Van told Jake he knew the risks were big but he'd dreamed about this for a long time. They'd talked about it endlessly back when everything was different.
Jake understood how important his part in it would be. Tyler had been part of something similar years ago but this was still new. Filming the birth of a play from conception through opening and bringing it to people, showing everything it took to make that happen. Jake wasn't foolish enough to think that would change the state of theater but he would have done his part in trying.
Doing it with Van was just like a bonus.
He stared at Van moving around the room, picking up random resumes and head shots scattered all over the room, studying each one before setting them back down.
It wasn't going as well as he'd hoped.
Two weeks of flirting and touching and laughing and working had gotten him closer but nowhere near what he wanted. Casting had always been one of his favorite things to do and he'd been looking forward to watching Van and Tyler find the right actors for their characters.
He rolled his shoulders back, trying to ease the aching muscles. They'd filmed the cutting process and it had taken hours. He'd just sent Gary, their sound guy, home for the night.
“Maybe we can all sit down together tonight, Cass can bring the pizza and we can nail down the ones for call back.”
Tyler nodded, grinning at him. Tyler's apartment had become their headquarters.
“Oh, Ryder and I have plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”
Jake swallowed past the lump in his throat, managing not to say anything when Tyler looked his way.
“I didn't know he was back in town.”
Van nodded absently. “Got back yesterday.”
“Oh.”
Jake clenched his fists, breathed through his nose and counted to ten. He could wait this out.
He could.
He didn't want to.
“Why are you still with him, Van?”
Tyler froze at his side but Jake kept his eyes on Van's back, noted the way he tensed before turning to look at him.
“Excuse me?”
“You don't love him.”
He heard Tyler's “oh shit” and flicked his gaze over before meeting Van's glare.
“What would you know about how I feel, Jake?”
“I know what you look like when you're in love, man. This isn't it. You're using him as an excuse.” He knew he should quit pushing but once the words started they wouldn't stop and he'd held them back so long. “You're not happy.”
Van raised an eyebrow, looking between Jake and Tyler. “According to who? The two of you?”
Jake loved Tyler more than he ever had when he said, “Don't lie to him, Van.”
“You know what? I think I'm going to go home now before we say anything we can't take back.”
Jake stood up. “What if I don't want to take it back? What I want to say.”
Van shook his head, already at the door, opening it before he looked back. “Maybe I don't want you to say anything.” And with that he left Jake with all the words he needed to say stuck in his throat.
He felt Tyler's hand on his shoulder, leaned back into the comfort and sighed.
“He's just scared, Jake.”
“I know.”
“He's been in love with you long before he wanted to be.”
“I can relate.”
“And then you ran away.”
He had. At first for self-preservation, because no one wanted to see the person they loved with someone else, no matter how you felt about that other person. But then it had been his stubbornness, which he was almost as well known for as Van. He had been waiting for Van to make that move and when he hadn't he'd made himself believe it didn't matter.
“And then I ran away.” He looked over at Tyler. “You're a little scary to live up to, Ty.”
Tyler smiled softly, squeezed his shoulder, dropping a quick kiss to Jake's temple. “Right back at you, babe.”
Jake closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “I need a fucking drink.”
He heard Tyler's low chuckle. “Oh my god, I concur, my friend. Come on.” And Jake followed as Tyler steered him towards the kitchen.
He pulled out a bottle of Vodka that was two-thirds full, handing it to Jake.
“This is why you're my favorite.”
Tyler beamed and went looking for the shot glasses.
*
Van shuffled the food around his plate only half listening to Ryder talk about his new role and how excited he was. Jake's voice kept running through his mind. It wasn't anything he hadn't thought himself. More and more each day he spent with Jake because he knew that feeling he got with him, the hard to breathe, tingling in his hands, need to touch was what he should be feeling with his boyfriend.
They'd been sitting there for an hour and Van realized that he hadn't gotten to share what had been going on in his life yet. That he hadn't leaned forward to squeeze Ryder's hand or shared a smile with him.
And funnily enough, he really didn't want to.
He glanced up. “Ryder.”
Green eyes stared back at him.
“I think we need to talk.”
*
Jake felt pretty good.
The room had a hazy quality to it, almost like he was dreaming. It had been so long since he'd actually been high that he'd forgotten how nice it was. He glanced down at his lap when Tyler shifted his head, smiling when he opened his eyes to look at Jake.
“Feeling better?”
Jake made a “hmmm” sound and shrugged his answer. He wasn't really feeling better so much as not feeling much at all. That was okay. He liked everything blurry.
“I don't know what to do, man.”
Tyler struggled to stand up, slipping to the floor instead. He looked surprised to find himself where he was but then he giggled – actually giggled – which sent Jake into some sputtering of his own. Tyler reached for the bottle of vodka they'd plowed their way through.
“Tell him.”
Jake tried to focus on the back of Tyler's head, where his hair was sticking up and to the side, reaching out to card a hand through it as he let the words sink in. “Like, just tell him?” He patted Tyler's head when it seemed the hair wasn't going to try to eat him anymore.
“Well, yeah.” Tyler poured what was left in the bottle into two glasses, handed one to Jake, clicking them together. “He needs to know.”
Jake nodded. “Okay.”
They blinked at each other and Tyler grinned when Jake slid off the couch to perch next to him, leaning against each other. His shoulder shifted against Jake's and when he turned to look at Tyler, he was met with a serious face.
“You know I don't blame you for falling in love with him, right?”
This was a conversation Jake was glad to not be having sober. He couldn't handle it any other way but completely wasted. “Which makes you like the best ex-boyfriend in the world.”.
“I am awesome, this is very true.”
Jake nodded. “If I hadn't known Van first, totally would have fallen for you.” Tyler's hand reached up and patted his face.
“Ditto, baby.”
Jake caught Tyler's hand as he pulled back and looked at his friend. “I never would have – not when you were together –“ He felt the answering squeeze of on his palm
“I know that.” Tyler made a face, dropping their joined hands to the floor. “Except, well, okay I kind of hated you for five minutes there.”
Jake's eyes widened, his stomach churning at Tyler's confession. “You did?”
“Of course I did. I mean, Van is one of the great loves of my life here, man. And at that time, we were still on the same path. Then, you showed up and he talked about you. A lot. Which you know, is a little bothersome.” Tyler hiccuped at the end for some kind of emphasis.
It took Jake some minutes to sort all those words out in his alcohol-laden mind and then he glanced blearily at Tyler.
“You were jealous.”
It was a statement not a question.
Tyler rolled his head to stare back at Jake. “Duh.”
“But you guys were – you were Van and Tyler.”
Tyler snorted. “Doesn't mean I couldn't get pissy when some random dude kept coming up in conversation. But then, I met you and in like five minutes I liked you like crazy and we got to be pals and it passed.”
Jake felt the tightness in his chest loosen some. He had never wanted to make Tyler feel bad in any way. “Well, okay.”
He blinked down at his watch. It looked like it was time to pass out.
“Ty.”
“Yeah?”
“Did Van tell you about --”
“Yep.”
“Oh.”
He waited a few moments then turned to his friend. “I'm sorry.”
Tyler waved a hand in air. “Really, Jake. We worked it out. It's all good here.”
“Okay.” He shifted until his head fell on Tyler's shoulder. “Good.”
Then everything went dark.
*
There was too much light behind his eyelids and even before he opened them Jake cringed, moaning as he reached for his pillow. Which he didn't have because he was for some reason sleeping on the floor.
What the hell was that noise?
And why was he shaking?
And who the fuck was yelling his name?
Opening his eyes actually physically hurt and he rolled to his side, coming into contact with solid warmth. Jake tried focusing and could make out Tyler's face, lids slowly opening.
He heard a throat clear and looked up to find three pair of his eyes on him. Two amused and one extremely annoyed.
Tyler shook as he got up and Jake spilled out from where he'd been sprawled across him, keeping his body from revolting.
“Oh, god.”
He heard Cass' laugh as she bent to pick up the empty vodka bottle, shaking it in his face. “This is what happens when there is excess, my friend.”
“I think my head is going to fall off and die.”
He was also pretty sure that he was still more than a little drunk.
Tyler patted his shoulder, sleepy grin thrown his way before he stood up in one quick motion which made Jake whimper. He'd forgotten that son-of-a-bitch had the highest level of tolerance ever known to man. “I hate you so much right now, Hanes.”
He glared at him, ignoring the loving look he received in return. Tyler reached for Alex, bending to give him a kiss and laughing – rough and deep – when he was swatted away. “Oh, baby.”
“Don't you even think about it, asshole. First you don't come home which we are so having a talk about --”
“I left you a voice mail.”
“-- and maybe we need to teach you which button to press to send it. If I hadn't gotten the call from Van this morning, you'd be in deep shit. Secondly, I find you huddled with Jake in his apartment on the couch. There had better be photo evidence of whatever went on last night.” Alex tone was amused and he had started caressing Tyler's head with one hand, letting him use his shoulder as a rest. They were ridiculous and too much for Jake to take this early with a hangover.
Especially when he wanted to do the same thing with Van.
Jake looked up at Van, meeting his stare, which was a little less annoyed but not quite what Jake was used to. He suddenly remembered using Tyler's phone to make a call. “Oh, fuck. How much of an idiot did I sound like?”
He could see the beginnings of a smile. “Like a complete one.” Van raised an eyebrow. “Though I have to admit, you have quite the imagination, Silbermann.”
Cass was grinning from her position near the couch, hands on her hips. “Tell me I didn't miss some inappropriate groping cause I'm really gonna regret having gone out last night.”
Tyler leaned his head back, thoughtful. “That's a possibility.”
Alex made an indignant sound. “Oh, I will kill you both if that was the case. The deal is I get to watch.”
“And participate fully if I remember correctly.”
Jake looked up at Van, saw the glint in his eyes and the laughter just bubbled up. Alex's “Damn straight” set them all off and Jake was sure he was going to throw up if he didn't stop.
Cass giggled. “Man, you guys are the best damn entertainment in life.”
He felt hands on his head, fingers carding through his hair and looked up, smiling stupidly at Van's face.
“You know what?”
“What?”
He was hauled up and his hands came to rest on Van's waist. “I love you.”
Van's face softened for a moment, Jake holding his breath when he was sure Van was on the verge of saying something back but then he rolled his eyes, moving them toward the bathroom. “That's the vodka talking.”
Jake scowled.
Van pointed at Alex. “You take care of yours, I'll take care of mine.”
Jake smiled at that. He liked the sound of it.
“Then you all come back here cause we have work to do, boys.” Cass' voice followed them down the hall and into the bathroom.
Jake flinched.
It was going to be a long day.
Van pressed his hands on Jake's waist and suddenly, he really didn't care so much.
*
Endless pots of coffee, a change of clothes and apartments, countless arguments over head shots, resumes and characters, and Van was ready to collapse. He blinked a few times, trying to keep his sleep fogged brain from shutting down.
He marveled at how quickly Jake could sober up when he had to.
His eyes fell on the equipment set up in the corner. It was strange having his day to day life filmed even when he knew it would be great to see the finished product. To watch his dream come together. It was exciting and scary but worth it.
Even if it was exhausting.
Van let his head drop back on the couch cushions, a groan escaping from his throat. He heard someone chuckle and opened one eye to glare over at Tyler. He stuck his foot out, pushing it against Tyler’s thigh hard, receiving a sleepy grin in return. He felt that warmth in his chest that always came with Ty.
“Shut up.”
Tyler raised his hands to indicate his harmlessness which really. Van knew him better than anyone and innocent? Yeah. Not so much.
There was a loud thump and Van rolled his head to focus on Cass, head now on the table, muttering quietly into the wood. She held a pen in one hand and her phone in the other. He bit back a laugh when she started banging her head quietly against the flat table surface. His gaze flicked over to Jake and that warmth turned unbearably hot.
Jake’s face was smashed against his arms where he’d laid it down and had promptly fallen asleep. Van’s gaze traced the line of his cheek up toward the curve of his lips, face relaxed and open in sleep like he rarely was anymore.
He knew he was staring but it was addictive. That face. That expression.
Something he hadn’t seen since they started all this.
“You know I have a camera,” Tyler whispered to him, making Van jump slightly.
He turned to stare at him, eyebrow raised. Tyler motioned to Jake and grinned when Van flushed. “Just saying.”
Van sighed in relief when Cass stretched up from the chair and made her way over to them, plopping onto the couch between him and Tyler. She leaned her head on Tyler’s shoulder, closing her eyes.
“How long have we been at this?”
Tyler checked his watch. “Ten hours.”
Van groaned again. “Seriously? I can’t take much more.” The others nodded in agreement and pushed off their seats.
“Yeah, I think we got as much done as we could today.” Tyler grabbed his notes and the piles of scripts they’d been pouring over, stacking them on Van’s desk. “I’m leaving those here.”
Van nodded, yawning as he waved him away. Sleep. He just needed sleep.
Cass moved back over to the table, hand reaching for Jake’s shoulder but Van made a noise and she turned to him.
“He’s exhausted. Let him sleep.”
She looked a little wary. “He’ll be uncomfortable there.”
Van shook his head. “I’ll get him into bed.” He froze when the words actually sunk into his brain. Tyler and Cass were staring at him, both trying and desperately failing at not laughing. He glared at them.
“I meant I’ll put him to bed. Ergo, I won’t let him spend the night on the table.”
Tyler covered his laugh with a cough, shaking his head. “Ergo?”
Cass laughed when Van gave them both the finger then stifled a yawn. “If you say you can handle him, be my guest. A just woken up Jake is not a pretty sight.”
Tyler snorted and glanced at Van. “Good luck with that, babe.”
Van rolled his eyes and helped them gather their things, following them to the door. Cass hugged him and promised she’d be by first thing in the morning. Tyler asked her to wait so he could walk her to where she’d parked her car. She paused at the elevator as Tyler turned his steady gaze on Van. “Behave yourself, Hansis.” He kissed Van quickly before grinning at him. “But not too much.”
Van shoved him away. “Go home. Say hello to that patient boyfriend of yours.”
Tyler chuckled all the way down the hall and into the elevator.
Van stepped back inside, shutting the door quietly and turning to focus on Jake’s still sleeping form.
He could do this.
Moving slowly, he reached Jake's side, crouching down to see his face better and he had every intent of waking him up, getting him to bed. His eyes focused on the way Jake's eyelashes curled against his skin, lips slightly parted, and he wanted to touch.
He reached out, trailed gently over Jake's jaw and there was just a hint of stubble under his fingers. It was so familiar to him, the lines of Jake's face and yet they weren't. He couldn't recall how they got there because he hadn't been around.
There was a shifting and he glanced up, catching Jake's gaze, blue and steady.
“I was going to wake you up.”
Van breathed in deep when Jake gave him that smile – the slow, sweet one he reserved for only a few people – and started to move away. The yank to his wrist set him off balance and he spilled into Jake's lap, hands clutching shoulders. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Jake beat him to the punch.
“What are you so afraid of, Van?”
He could have lied, said nothing, but he felt Jake's skin under his palms, the barest hint of a shiver when he flexed his hands and that was more than he'd expected. Every second of missing Jake rushed through him. He wrapped his arms around Jake, face planting into his shoulder and holding so tightly, he was afraid he might break him.
Gentle hands reached around his waist and up, drawing circles across the expanse of his back and Jake's worried voice in his ear made his eyes scrunch shut.
“Are you okay?” Jake asked, one hand sliding up and over his shoulder, the other gripped the back of Van's head.
“I will be. I just –”
“What?”
“I know you can't promise forever. I know that. But I –” Van shuddered when Jake pressed them closer, hands cradling Van's head, tilting his face up so he could look at him.
“Listen to me. This is for as long as you want me. It's always been your call, Van.”
Van nodded, hands grasped the back of Jake's shirt and he tugged. “I screwed it up before.”
Jake smoothed his fingers through Van's hair, shaking his head. “You didn't. I'm here.”
Van pressed their foreheads together, breathed deep. “Stay.”
He wanted to say more but Jake's lips on his short circuited every thought he had. It started out slow and sweet, like they wanted to savor every moment they hadn't been able to have until now. But that didn't last and suddenly, it was hard and fast and desperate. Mouths opened wide against each other and Jake made this needy sound at the back of his throat that shot right through Van.
He tried to find purchase, clutching over arms and shoulders and neck, Jake's teeth scraping his throat. They moved together, up and across the floor. Van's spine curved into the door, arched against the wood. Jake pulled away, studying him for a moment before pushing up his shirt, tugging it off and placing his hands over Van's stomach.
They fumbled through the door, kissing hard and deep, tongues dueling, everything lost in a flurry of hands and touch and lips. Their clothes scattered across the room as they pulled, falling on the bed, mouths fused, hands never leaving skin. There was too much want for it to be sweet and gentle.
Too long for them to wait for permission and Jake kissed his way down, fingers around Van's cock, breath fanning the head and then it's the wet, warmth of Jake's mouth on him. The velvet touch of tongue flat against his throbbing shaft and Van's choked on a moan, pushing up into Jake's mouth, the need burning through him. He was too close, wanted more time.
He yanked Jake's head, pulling him off with a groan until he could see his face, the dark cerulean of his eyes.
“Van.”
Jake's voice was rough, wrecked and it sent a shiver running through him. His arm thrown over Jake's neck – Van's fingers wrapped around Jake's cock and Jake's around Van – and it’s too fast, too much. Strokes that are too fast for it to last, moans echoing between their mouths.
Van comes first, falling apart under Jake's hot groans, breath against his skin, rubbing against Van's stomach. He gripped Jake harder, flicking his wrist, two strokes and Jake's come splattered between their bodies.
Jake's head fell onto Van's chest, quick swipe of tongue over Van's nipples, smiling at the soft gasped response. He rubbed his face across the soft fuzz on his cheek and sighed.
“That wasn't how I planned this.”
Van couldn't move but he tilted his head to the side, letting Jake lick the sweat from his chest up to his neck. He sucked in a breath as he spoke. “There was a plan?”
“Of course there was. Something with dating in it.”
Van chuckled, hands splayed across Jake's damp back, rubbing at the skin gently. “We can still do that.” He looked down, raising an eyebrow. “In between all the marathon sex you owe me for being stupid.”
Jake laughed, biting at the soft skin under Van's chin, muttering an amused, “Oh so now I'm the stupid one.” His lips trailed up jawline and cheek until they hovered over Van's. “I think you might win with the stupidity on this, Hansis.”
Van grinned into the kiss, mumbling as their mouths found each other.
“It's a tie.”
*
Van rolled to his side, fumbling for the ringing phone and cursing at the time. They should have been at Tyler's an hour ago.
“Hey.”
“Where are you? And is Jake with you?”
“Um...home. And yeah.”
Tyler paused for a moment and then Van rolled his eyes when he yelled to Alex in the next room. “Babe! They finally got their heads out of their asses.”
Van made out the loud whooping noise Alex made and then the distinctive catcalling from Cass. He felt Jake's arms snake around his waist and tried not to sound as breathless as he felt.
“We'll see you guys in a couple of hours, okay?”
He ignored the loud laugh Tyler gave and the equally voluminous “Who had today in the pool?”
“I think it was Ignacio–”
Van closed his eyes, hung up the phone and sighed, turning to face Jake. “Our friends are kinda of annoying assholes.”
Jake opened his eyes, smiled. “Just be glad they're on our side.”
Van laughed, pulled him in and kissed his agreement.
Epilogue
He was so nervous, his stomach fluttering with it. Opening nights had always been that way for him. Even when he was watching from backstage in the crew, he had wanted to throw up every time.
This was even more important to him.
Jake glanced around the room, noting all the critics, watching their faces for reactions and getting increasingly more on edge when he couldn't read them. He knew it was almost impossible to do so, poker faces so much a part of the game but he still tried.
It had become obvious that he wasn't paying attention and halfway through the play, Alex nudged him, leaning in.
“I know you've seen every rehearsal for months but seriously pay attention or I'll tell your boyfriend.”
Jake stuck his tongue out, wrinkling his nose at Alex. “Snitch.”
“You know it.” He pointed at the stage and Jake turned to look in time to see his favorite part. The scene where the two friends fall in love.
He was predictable and corny but that was just fine with him.
Jake lost himself in the play, finding so many different parts to it though he knew it backwards and forwards by that point. Having spent so much time with the actors, the crew, the writer – he smiled.
When the closing scenes begun, he heard the sniffle from Alex's seat and turned to glance at him.
“Not a word, Silbermann.”
He bit back the grin and turned back to the stage.
The lights went down and the room burst with applause and Jake could breathe again.
He didn't wait for curtain call, rushing backstage and waving at Sandy, stage manager extraordinaire as he did. The madness was like a wave over him. Actors and crew still running around, throwing costumes across the room, talking a million miles a minute, laughing with relief and happiness. He stopped to hug everyone that he could, heading for the quiet corner where he knew Van would be.
He found him and Tyler in an embrace, grinned when Tyler saw him over Van's shoulder, making a leery face which made Jake laugh. Seconds later, Alex was next to him, one hand on his hip. “What have I told you guys?”
Van turned with a grin. “Photographic evidence.”
He rushed to Jake, arms coming around his neck and leaned up for a kiss.
It tasted like joy and happiness and love.
End.
#
