FIC: As We Go Along - Prologue
Jul. 16th, 2010 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freakykatTitle: As We Go Along
Author(s):![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Jake Silbermann
Summary: They were good at waiting. They were experts at wanting.
Prologue
It was hot and loud, everyone crowded around one end of the bar, alternating between stories of naked actors flashing the entire studio (Jake would bet that was Austin) and breaking down into teary hugs (which made him take deep gulps of his beer to keep from joining in). Someone bumped into his side, making Jake turn around, and he grinned at Jon as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“Jake!”
Jake snorted out a laugh, holding onto Jon’s waist to keep him steady. He had decided he wouldn’t get too drunk too fast so it was beers but he almost wished he could be his friends right now. So numb that it was easier not to think.
“Lindy!”
There was a thwap to the back of his head and Jon tried to give him a stern look. “I hate it when you call me that.”
Jake raised his beer bottle and nodded. “This is why I do.”
That brought a honking laugh from Jon and he proceeded to ask Jake questions about his move to LA, offering advice about where to live and slipping Jake a paper with numbers of friends that Jon had in Hollywood.
“Use those wisely.”
Jake pocketed the paper, never one to turn away a friend when it could be necessary and grinned. “Use, I will, Yoda.”
Jon rolled his eyes, hugging Jake with one arm before wobbling on down to Michael. Jake snorted a laugh as he watched them hold each other up. He raised his bottle at Billy and Marnie who were arguing the merits of the audition circuit in New York with the Kelleys. They all smiled and saluted back. His eyes roamed the rest of the room, looking for a flash of familiar blonde hair.
He found Van sitting alone at the empty side of the bar nursing a vodka on the rocks. Jake took note of the line of glasses at Van’s elbow. Reaching his friend, Jake ran one hand over Van’s head, and leaned in to chuckle in his ear. He didn’t even notice that sharp pang in his stomach or the tingling in his fingers whenever he touched Van anymore. It was just the way it was.
“So, are you trying to pickle yourself, dude?”
Jake watched one side of Van’s mouth work itself up but it was gone as quickly as it came. Van shrugged, taking another deep gulp of his drink. “Isn’t this what single people do at bars?”
The words were only slightly slurred and when Van looked up at him, his brown eyes weren’t as unfocused as Jake had expected.
“That’s what they tell me.”
Van patted the barstool on his right, looking up at Jake. “Come and play with me, Jacob. Let’s drink and be merry!”
Jake raised an eyebrow, smirking at Van.
“Well, okay, let’s drink, at least.”
Jake shook his head. “I planned not to drink myself into a stupor tonight.”
Van gawked at him, blinking bleary eyes, and then snorted. “The fuck you aren’t. You’re not leaving me alone in this, buddy.”
Van yanked Jake down into the seat and stared at him with that look that no one who had a heart, brains or a soul could resist. Jake sighed, downing his beer and signaling to the bartender, pointing at the half-empty glass in Van’s hands. “I’ll take three of what he is having.”
Fuck the no drinking too fast rule. It was bullshit, anyway.
Van chuckled into his glass, patting Jake’s arm. “That’s my bitch.”
The bartender – Rodney, his name tag said – gave Jake an interested look, smiling softly as he handed him the drink. Jake felt his face burn and elbowed Van hard, talking to the Rodney as he did. “Don’t pay attention to the drunk.”
Van grinned into his newly refreshed drink and eyed Jake over the rim, eyes twinkling more then Jake had seen in weeks.
Jake shook his head at Rodney, smiling politely, before turning to look at Van.
“You’re a riot, Hansis.”
He kept flicking his eyes to Van’s face, frowning at the shadows under his eyes, at the way Van withdrew inward. It wasn’t like him. At least not when he was with Jake.
“You’re not really single, Van.”
Van snorted.
“It’s a break. One you thought would be good if I remember.”
Jake tapped his fingers against his glass, rubbing the condensation away as he looked back at his best friend. When he’d first heard that he’d gotten the job playing on a soap – a groundbreaking storyline to boot – he’d thought the best part of the whole thing would be the challenge that would come with it.
He could never have guessed that the best part was going to be Van. Getting to know him, becoming friends – best of friends – and finding in Van something he hadn’t realized he was looking for.
Van was his soul mate.
And in love with someone else.
Which sucked so hard Jake could never express how much.
Van was watching him and Jake pulled out of his thoughts, grinning over. Saluting with his drink, he downed it then finished his beer in one long swallow. “So, what’s the plan?”
Golden brown pinned him to his seat and Jake felt the heat in his chest rise to his face and he swallowed at the rush of lust that pushed through when Van shrugged, gaze dropping from Jake’s stare to his mouth and back.
“Anything is possible.”
Jake watched as Van drank, took in the way Van’s throat moved, riveted by the ripple of skin as he swallowed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was prepared to resist tearing up, wanted to drink and be in the warmth of his friend, needed to know that they would be okay.
This was something entirely different.
*
Everything that came after was a blur whenever Jake tried to remember. They kept drinking, with Van occasionally flirting at the bartender, who seemed amused at the whole situation. It was Jake who was aroused. He’d never seen Van work this way. For as long as he’d known him, Van had always been in love, had always been committed.
Jake had seen glimpses of this side, usually when they had a few too many, and he’d gone with the flow. It was never overt because…well, because they just were. They were close to begin with but the loosening of inhibitions allowed the touching to last longer, their looks to linger, their conversations to mean more.
Jake had admitted – during a rousing game of Truth or Dare – that he fell in love with what was on the inside and not the packaging it came in. The whole room had seemed to pause and he remembered Van’s eyes narrowed on him.
“So…you’ve…”
Jake raised an eyebrow, shrugged and nodded. “Dated a lot? Sure.”
Something had shifted between them there because what he hadn’t said had been enough.
The flirting had started, the small touches, the heated glances and even the too close for comfort moments that Jake had come to live for.
Yet it had never gone beyond that. They’d never crossed that invisible line in the sand.
Because Jake had liked and respected Van’s other half too much to let go. And no matter what, Van loved him completely.
So he’d pretended.
Except everything had changed.
Van kept his attention on Jake. His hands touching everywhere, he’d leaned in to whisper in Jake’s ear, letting his lips linger so close to Jake’s skin, making him shiver involuntarily. Van’s laugh had driven straight through to Jake’s cock and he’d been half-hard all night.
When he looked back on the night, he knew what was going to happen. Had to have known from the beginning. He remembered staggering out of the bar, hugging everyone for hours, letting them give him advice and trying not to cry. He promised to call and when it was over, Van’s hand slid into his, pulling them both into a nearby cab.
He vaguely recalled giving directions and then it was just Van’s mouth fused to his, pushing tongue in and Jake opened for him. Delved hands into silky blond hair and it was nothing like kissing Van had ever been. Nothing tentative or sweet. He was raw nerves and fucking wanting. He pushed forward, Van meeting him in the middle and hands tangled together.
How they got from the cab to Jake’s apartment, he didn’t know. The moment they were inside, Van pushed Jake up against the door, lips trailing from mouth to neck to chest, leaving the burn of stubble behind. When Van reached Jake’s stomach, licking a round with tongue over his navel, it was all Jake could do not to spill to the floor. He gripped the door behind him with fingernails, digging into the wood until it hurt. Van’s fingers fumbled with Jake’s zipper. It opened, jeans falling to Jake’s knees and before he could react, Van’s lips wrapped around him and Jake forgot anything but the ohmygodyes wonder of Van’s mouth.
Everything rushed forward and when Van’s tongue flattened against his shaft, nip of teeth on the flesh, Jake pulled him off, the whine Van gave sending another spike of desire right through him. Stepping the rest of the way out of his jeans and guiding Van toward the bed, Jake grabbed the back of Van’s neck. He could taste himself and he plundered the heat of Van‘s mouth, hands traveling to start unbuttoning pants as they moved.
They were naked by the time they reached the bed and Jake had no idea exactly how. Hadn’t really given a damn.
He’d fallen on Van, sucking neck and skin, nipping at his chest, rolling a nipple between his teeth and biting when Van groaned out a “Fuck yeeessss.” His hand moved down to grip Van’s hard cock, fingers curling around the blunt head. He wanted to taste and after another pause, to lick on the inside of Van’s thigh, to inhale the smell he’d imagined for too long, his mouth covered cock and cum, licking at the dripping slit and opening his throat to let Van push in. He hummed at the heaviness between his lips and Van shuddered, moving faster. Jake’s hand gripped the base of Van’s dick, squeezing as he met it with his lips. He followed Van’s rhythm, letting him lead.
His own cock was heavy and leaking. Jake reached for it but barely got his hand around it before Van moved. His mouth made a popping noise when Van pulled him up and he started to protest until he’d met Van’s stare.
There had been so much there that Jake swallowed his tongue.
Van had rolled Jake underneath him, licking a stripe up Jake’s neck and meeting his mouth. Their cocks pressed against each other and their combined groans filled the air. Jake pushed up, hands grabbing Van’s ass and squeezing. Something completely possessive passed over him when Van moaned out Jake’s name.
Van pulled away slightly to look at him and Jake leaned up, kissing him hard and dirty until Van was pressed down on him. “Fuck me,” he muttered and Van shivered against him.
He didn’t wait to be asked twice and Jake had to stop the laugh from bubbling up when he looked around the room frantically. He pointed to the bedside table and Van moved only as much as he had to, opening the drawer. He gave Jake a look when he pulled out the lube and condom.
Jake grinned, dizzy from wanting and pulling Van back. “I told you…”
“Yeah. You date. A lot.”
There was something in Van’s tone that would have given Jake pause but there was a finger entering him slow, easy and all thought flew right out. He arched up, looking at Van through slitted blue, and pushed down.
“More.”
Van hesitated before added another finger and Jake choked when he curled them, almost finding that spot. He angled and moved under Van, frustrated with the almost there. He leaned up, catching Van by surprise and kissed him once before grinding out, “It’s not my first time, Hansis. I don’t need you to – oh god – I want you, Van. Now. Inside.”
Another finger joined the two and Van pushed in hard, finding that spot and Jake’s head bent back, groan escaping in a long stretch. Van’s mouth fused to his neck, sending ripples of pleasure right through Jake. The combination made him fall back against the bed, dragging Van down with him, the change in angle making it sharper, more.
His eyes opened to find Van panting above him, his gaze on Jake’s face and he removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock. Jake hadn’t remembered him slipping the condom on or adding the extra lube to make it easier. All he recalled was the thick bluntness pushing in, the burning stretching sensation and then Van had rolled his hips and there was nothing but that. Him and Van. He’d wrapped legs around Van‘s hips, feet meeting at his back, one hand reaching to twine with Van’s.
Van pulled out almost completely, slamming in hard and Jake groaned loudly, little grunts of need every time Van hit the nerve sending sparks of electricity all through him. He leaned over Jake, one arm bracing his weight, lifting Jake’s hips slightly, he plunged in hard and fast and deep. Jake couldn’t breathe, the waves drowning him with too much sensation, too much pleasure, too much…
Van’s hand barely touched Jake’s aching, dripping cock before Jake was coming, burst of white behind his eyes and he screamed out. Van rode through Jake’s orgasm, uncontrolled movements spurring him on and he fucked Jake deep until his own hit him hard.
They stayed tangled until it was painful and Van pulled out gently. Jake didn’t make a sound only grimacing slightly. He could feel the heaviness of sleep taking over and there was so much he wanted to say. But when Van wrapped around from behind, pulling the covers up, Jake moved into the heat.
They could talk later.
They could do that again.
Then they could talk.
Van had kissed his cheek as he fell into the deep of sleep.
His clearest memory was of waking up and feeling the emptiness next to him. Jake had frowned, opening his eyes by increments and confirming he was alone. His hand smoothed over the sheets. They were still warm. He could hear Van’s muffled voice coming from the bathroom. He smiled in relief and sat up, rolling his aching muscles before pulling on a pair of boxers that were on the floor. He wasn’t sure whose they were but that wasn’t important.
He started to knock on the door when he caught Van’s end of the conversation and closed his eyes at the sad tone.
“I’m sorry, too.”
There was a long pause and then Van had replied, “Of course, I’ll come. We need to talk. Yes. I love you, too, Ty.”
Jake hadn’t been surprised and that part of him that loved his friends was cautiously happy for them. They’d been separated for stupid reasons. He hadn’t looked at the other part too closely. He headed into the kitchen, grabbing one of the shirts in the almost full boxes on floor of the room. He stretched his long arms out and started the coffee.
By the time Van had come out of the bedroom, dressed and looking so good even that way, Jake had handed him a cup and smiled brightly. “Caffeine?”
Van had hesitated but took the cup gratefully, motioning to the door. “I have to go. Ty flew in last night.”
Jake had almost laughed because the irony really didn’t fail to amuse him. He waved Van away, following him to the door. “Of course. Go. Go. This is good, right? You two can talk.” He knew mentioning anything about the night before was not what a good friend would do.
A good friend would want to help save an almost decade long relationship. “Go,” he said again when Van hesitated. They hugged at the door and Van promised to call. He mentioned lunch the next day so they could celebrate Jake’s big move, just the two of them.
Jake had nodded, kissed Van’s head and pushed him out the door.
He had stood there, leaning against the same wood he had the night before and just stared out at his almost empty apartment.
He had known he was done.
Nothing left for him there now.
When he received the call from Van canceling lunch, it hadn’t been a surprise. He hadn’t expected anything else.
-Part One-
#
Author(s):
freakykat Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Jake Silbermann
Summary: They were good at waiting. They were experts at wanting.
Prologue
It was hot and loud, everyone crowded around one end of the bar, alternating between stories of naked actors flashing the entire studio (Jake would bet that was Austin) and breaking down into teary hugs (which made him take deep gulps of his beer to keep from joining in). Someone bumped into his side, making Jake turn around, and he grinned at Jon as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“Jake!”
Jake snorted out a laugh, holding onto Jon’s waist to keep him steady. He had decided he wouldn’t get too drunk too fast so it was beers but he almost wished he could be his friends right now. So numb that it was easier not to think.
“Lindy!”
There was a thwap to the back of his head and Jon tried to give him a stern look. “I hate it when you call me that.”
Jake raised his beer bottle and nodded. “This is why I do.”
That brought a honking laugh from Jon and he proceeded to ask Jake questions about his move to LA, offering advice about where to live and slipping Jake a paper with numbers of friends that Jon had in Hollywood.
“Use those wisely.”
Jake pocketed the paper, never one to turn away a friend when it could be necessary and grinned. “Use, I will, Yoda.”
Jon rolled his eyes, hugging Jake with one arm before wobbling on down to Michael. Jake snorted a laugh as he watched them hold each other up. He raised his bottle at Billy and Marnie who were arguing the merits of the audition circuit in New York with the Kelleys. They all smiled and saluted back. His eyes roamed the rest of the room, looking for a flash of familiar blonde hair.
He found Van sitting alone at the empty side of the bar nursing a vodka on the rocks. Jake took note of the line of glasses at Van’s elbow. Reaching his friend, Jake ran one hand over Van’s head, and leaned in to chuckle in his ear. He didn’t even notice that sharp pang in his stomach or the tingling in his fingers whenever he touched Van anymore. It was just the way it was.
“So, are you trying to pickle yourself, dude?”
Jake watched one side of Van’s mouth work itself up but it was gone as quickly as it came. Van shrugged, taking another deep gulp of his drink. “Isn’t this what single people do at bars?”
The words were only slightly slurred and when Van looked up at him, his brown eyes weren’t as unfocused as Jake had expected.
“That’s what they tell me.”
Van patted the barstool on his right, looking up at Jake. “Come and play with me, Jacob. Let’s drink and be merry!”
Jake raised an eyebrow, smirking at Van.
“Well, okay, let’s drink, at least.”
Jake shook his head. “I planned not to drink myself into a stupor tonight.”
Van gawked at him, blinking bleary eyes, and then snorted. “The fuck you aren’t. You’re not leaving me alone in this, buddy.”
Van yanked Jake down into the seat and stared at him with that look that no one who had a heart, brains or a soul could resist. Jake sighed, downing his beer and signaling to the bartender, pointing at the half-empty glass in Van’s hands. “I’ll take three of what he is having.”
Fuck the no drinking too fast rule. It was bullshit, anyway.
Van chuckled into his glass, patting Jake’s arm. “That’s my bitch.”
The bartender – Rodney, his name tag said – gave Jake an interested look, smiling softly as he handed him the drink. Jake felt his face burn and elbowed Van hard, talking to the Rodney as he did. “Don’t pay attention to the drunk.”
Van grinned into his newly refreshed drink and eyed Jake over the rim, eyes twinkling more then Jake had seen in weeks.
Jake shook his head at Rodney, smiling politely, before turning to look at Van.
“You’re a riot, Hansis.”
He kept flicking his eyes to Van’s face, frowning at the shadows under his eyes, at the way Van withdrew inward. It wasn’t like him. At least not when he was with Jake.
“You’re not really single, Van.”
Van snorted.
“It’s a break. One you thought would be good if I remember.”
Jake tapped his fingers against his glass, rubbing the condensation away as he looked back at his best friend. When he’d first heard that he’d gotten the job playing on a soap – a groundbreaking storyline to boot – he’d thought the best part of the whole thing would be the challenge that would come with it.
He could never have guessed that the best part was going to be Van. Getting to know him, becoming friends – best of friends – and finding in Van something he hadn’t realized he was looking for.
Van was his soul mate.
And in love with someone else.
Which sucked so hard Jake could never express how much.
Van was watching him and Jake pulled out of his thoughts, grinning over. Saluting with his drink, he downed it then finished his beer in one long swallow. “So, what’s the plan?”
Golden brown pinned him to his seat and Jake felt the heat in his chest rise to his face and he swallowed at the rush of lust that pushed through when Van shrugged, gaze dropping from Jake’s stare to his mouth and back.
“Anything is possible.”
Jake watched as Van drank, took in the way Van’s throat moved, riveted by the ripple of skin as he swallowed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was prepared to resist tearing up, wanted to drink and be in the warmth of his friend, needed to know that they would be okay.
This was something entirely different.
*
Everything that came after was a blur whenever Jake tried to remember. They kept drinking, with Van occasionally flirting at the bartender, who seemed amused at the whole situation. It was Jake who was aroused. He’d never seen Van work this way. For as long as he’d known him, Van had always been in love, had always been committed.
Jake had seen glimpses of this side, usually when they had a few too many, and he’d gone with the flow. It was never overt because…well, because they just were. They were close to begin with but the loosening of inhibitions allowed the touching to last longer, their looks to linger, their conversations to mean more.
Jake had admitted – during a rousing game of Truth or Dare – that he fell in love with what was on the inside and not the packaging it came in. The whole room had seemed to pause and he remembered Van’s eyes narrowed on him.
“So…you’ve…”
Jake raised an eyebrow, shrugged and nodded. “Dated a lot? Sure.”
Something had shifted between them there because what he hadn’t said had been enough.
The flirting had started, the small touches, the heated glances and even the too close for comfort moments that Jake had come to live for.
Yet it had never gone beyond that. They’d never crossed that invisible line in the sand.
Because Jake had liked and respected Van’s other half too much to let go. And no matter what, Van loved him completely.
So he’d pretended.
Except everything had changed.
Van kept his attention on Jake. His hands touching everywhere, he’d leaned in to whisper in Jake’s ear, letting his lips linger so close to Jake’s skin, making him shiver involuntarily. Van’s laugh had driven straight through to Jake’s cock and he’d been half-hard all night.
When he looked back on the night, he knew what was going to happen. Had to have known from the beginning. He remembered staggering out of the bar, hugging everyone for hours, letting them give him advice and trying not to cry. He promised to call and when it was over, Van’s hand slid into his, pulling them both into a nearby cab.
He vaguely recalled giving directions and then it was just Van’s mouth fused to his, pushing tongue in and Jake opened for him. Delved hands into silky blond hair and it was nothing like kissing Van had ever been. Nothing tentative or sweet. He was raw nerves and fucking wanting. He pushed forward, Van meeting him in the middle and hands tangled together.
How they got from the cab to Jake’s apartment, he didn’t know. The moment they were inside, Van pushed Jake up against the door, lips trailing from mouth to neck to chest, leaving the burn of stubble behind. When Van reached Jake’s stomach, licking a round with tongue over his navel, it was all Jake could do not to spill to the floor. He gripped the door behind him with fingernails, digging into the wood until it hurt. Van’s fingers fumbled with Jake’s zipper. It opened, jeans falling to Jake’s knees and before he could react, Van’s lips wrapped around him and Jake forgot anything but the ohmygodyes wonder of Van’s mouth.
Everything rushed forward and when Van’s tongue flattened against his shaft, nip of teeth on the flesh, Jake pulled him off, the whine Van gave sending another spike of desire right through him. Stepping the rest of the way out of his jeans and guiding Van toward the bed, Jake grabbed the back of Van’s neck. He could taste himself and he plundered the heat of Van‘s mouth, hands traveling to start unbuttoning pants as they moved.
They were naked by the time they reached the bed and Jake had no idea exactly how. Hadn’t really given a damn.
He’d fallen on Van, sucking neck and skin, nipping at his chest, rolling a nipple between his teeth and biting when Van groaned out a “Fuck yeeessss.” His hand moved down to grip Van’s hard cock, fingers curling around the blunt head. He wanted to taste and after another pause, to lick on the inside of Van’s thigh, to inhale the smell he’d imagined for too long, his mouth covered cock and cum, licking at the dripping slit and opening his throat to let Van push in. He hummed at the heaviness between his lips and Van shuddered, moving faster. Jake’s hand gripped the base of Van’s dick, squeezing as he met it with his lips. He followed Van’s rhythm, letting him lead.
His own cock was heavy and leaking. Jake reached for it but barely got his hand around it before Van moved. His mouth made a popping noise when Van pulled him up and he started to protest until he’d met Van’s stare.
There had been so much there that Jake swallowed his tongue.
Van had rolled Jake underneath him, licking a stripe up Jake’s neck and meeting his mouth. Their cocks pressed against each other and their combined groans filled the air. Jake pushed up, hands grabbing Van’s ass and squeezing. Something completely possessive passed over him when Van moaned out Jake’s name.
Van pulled away slightly to look at him and Jake leaned up, kissing him hard and dirty until Van was pressed down on him. “Fuck me,” he muttered and Van shivered against him.
He didn’t wait to be asked twice and Jake had to stop the laugh from bubbling up when he looked around the room frantically. He pointed to the bedside table and Van moved only as much as he had to, opening the drawer. He gave Jake a look when he pulled out the lube and condom.
Jake grinned, dizzy from wanting and pulling Van back. “I told you…”
“Yeah. You date. A lot.”
There was something in Van’s tone that would have given Jake pause but there was a finger entering him slow, easy and all thought flew right out. He arched up, looking at Van through slitted blue, and pushed down.
“More.”
Van hesitated before added another finger and Jake choked when he curled them, almost finding that spot. He angled and moved under Van, frustrated with the almost there. He leaned up, catching Van by surprise and kissed him once before grinding out, “It’s not my first time, Hansis. I don’t need you to – oh god – I want you, Van. Now. Inside.”
Another finger joined the two and Van pushed in hard, finding that spot and Jake’s head bent back, groan escaping in a long stretch. Van’s mouth fused to his neck, sending ripples of pleasure right through Jake. The combination made him fall back against the bed, dragging Van down with him, the change in angle making it sharper, more.
His eyes opened to find Van panting above him, his gaze on Jake’s face and he removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock. Jake hadn’t remembered him slipping the condom on or adding the extra lube to make it easier. All he recalled was the thick bluntness pushing in, the burning stretching sensation and then Van had rolled his hips and there was nothing but that. Him and Van. He’d wrapped legs around Van‘s hips, feet meeting at his back, one hand reaching to twine with Van’s.
Van pulled out almost completely, slamming in hard and Jake groaned loudly, little grunts of need every time Van hit the nerve sending sparks of electricity all through him. He leaned over Jake, one arm bracing his weight, lifting Jake’s hips slightly, he plunged in hard and fast and deep. Jake couldn’t breathe, the waves drowning him with too much sensation, too much pleasure, too much…
Van’s hand barely touched Jake’s aching, dripping cock before Jake was coming, burst of white behind his eyes and he screamed out. Van rode through Jake’s orgasm, uncontrolled movements spurring him on and he fucked Jake deep until his own hit him hard.
They stayed tangled until it was painful and Van pulled out gently. Jake didn’t make a sound only grimacing slightly. He could feel the heaviness of sleep taking over and there was so much he wanted to say. But when Van wrapped around from behind, pulling the covers up, Jake moved into the heat.
They could talk later.
They could do that again.
Then they could talk.
Van had kissed his cheek as he fell into the deep of sleep.
His clearest memory was of waking up and feeling the emptiness next to him. Jake had frowned, opening his eyes by increments and confirming he was alone. His hand smoothed over the sheets. They were still warm. He could hear Van’s muffled voice coming from the bathroom. He smiled in relief and sat up, rolling his aching muscles before pulling on a pair of boxers that were on the floor. He wasn’t sure whose they were but that wasn’t important.
He started to knock on the door when he caught Van’s end of the conversation and closed his eyes at the sad tone.
“I’m sorry, too.”
There was a long pause and then Van had replied, “Of course, I’ll come. We need to talk. Yes. I love you, too, Ty.”
Jake hadn’t been surprised and that part of him that loved his friends was cautiously happy for them. They’d been separated for stupid reasons. He hadn’t looked at the other part too closely. He headed into the kitchen, grabbing one of the shirts in the almost full boxes on floor of the room. He stretched his long arms out and started the coffee.
By the time Van had come out of the bedroom, dressed and looking so good even that way, Jake had handed him a cup and smiled brightly. “Caffeine?”
Van had hesitated but took the cup gratefully, motioning to the door. “I have to go. Ty flew in last night.”
Jake had almost laughed because the irony really didn’t fail to amuse him. He waved Van away, following him to the door. “Of course. Go. Go. This is good, right? You two can talk.” He knew mentioning anything about the night before was not what a good friend would do.
A good friend would want to help save an almost decade long relationship. “Go,” he said again when Van hesitated. They hugged at the door and Van promised to call. He mentioned lunch the next day so they could celebrate Jake’s big move, just the two of them.
Jake had nodded, kissed Van’s head and pushed him out the door.
He had stood there, leaning against the same wood he had the night before and just stared out at his almost empty apartment.
He had known he was done.
Nothing left for him there now.
When he received the call from Van canceling lunch, it hadn’t been a surprise. He hadn’t expected anything else.
-Part One-
#
