NaNo Fic: Find Your Way Through Me (ATWT, Luke/Noah, AU) - Chapter Ten

[freakykat]

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Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author: freakykat
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Ten
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own any of the boys I like to play with. All rights for the characters go to P&G, ATWT, JP, CG, etc.
Beta: The phenomenal and wonderful noelleleithe who took this monster on! I love you!
W/C: 5035
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death (NOT THE BOYS!), violence (It does have a happy ending, I swear!)
Author’s Note: Hey look! It's back!!! LOL. Sorry for the HUGE delay. See first chapter for additional notes!
Story Notes: Found in Chapter One

All chapters found here.





Chapter Ten


“This is my wife, Vienna Coleman, and our son, Nikolas. If you know anything of her whereabouts or what might have happened to her, please call the number at the bottom of the screen. She’s a wonderful woman, great wife and mother. Please. Help me find her.”

Luke closed his eyes, head falling on the table, muffling his voice. “Ben?”

The barista responded immediately, walking over to Luke. “What’s going on?”

Glancing up at his sister’s boyfriend, he motioned slightly to the television. “You think you could turn that down, please?”

Ben’s eyes softened at the request and he nodded as he walked back toward the counter. The television was silenced almost completely.

Luke tapped one foot on the floor, fingers alternately drumming a beat between the table and his coffee mug. It wasn’t that Luke hadn’t expected resistance from Jade. Being a cop was difficult on the best of days and in a small town like Oakdale, where your life touched everyone else’s, it had to be near impossible to stay fair when the horror of your job touched those you knew.

Jesus, did he understand that.

It didn’t stop him from hating the fact that he couldn’t help anymore. That everywhere he turned someone was telling him he no longer belonged in the niche he’d created in his life. His grandmother had once told him that the world was one large tapestry. Lives crossing and touching each other, forming a pattern that encompassed everything and that the actions a person took affected that pattern. Whole threads taken out suddenly and without explanation frayed those lives and that tapestry.

He wanted to prevent that from happening to the life this town was leading. It hadn’t been so long ago that they’d had their world torn apart. His part in that had been left a tangled web of threads that he’d never been able to fix. Not without Noah.

Luke knew he’d been too scared to resume his place. That he had listened to everyone else when they’d said it was for the best he stay out of the way. His parents had never recovered from what had happened - the decision tearing them further apart. His own relationship with Damian was cautious on good days. Luke tried not to hate the man for what he’d done but it was hard.

The ripples of all that had scattered through every life he knew. His sisters, his cousins, his grandmothers, his friends…. Noah.

That one hurt the most - that thread that still hung apart from the rest and the one that Luke needed, to be able to get his own in place.

His ability - that he thought for so long had been a curse - was his chance to set it all together again.

“If you yank anymore on that beautiful head of yours, sweetheart, you’re going to make yourself prematurely bald.”

Luke smiled up at the voice, rising to his feet and pulling Carly into a hug. She squeezed him tightly, kissing the side of his face softly, rubbing gently on his back. He’d missed her in his life - something he’d never thought would happen.

“Hey. Hey. What’s going on?” She pulled away, concern etched across her face. He was amazed how young she still managed to look. After Sage’s death and the final blow that had been to her relationship with Jack, it had taken Carly years to bounce back.

For a long time, Luke had been afraid what would happen with her. It had been a relief when she’d picked herself back up. He wasn’t sure how Noah would have handled losing Carly.

“I’m just having one of those days where I wish this town didn’t know every detail about my life. That way I could walk around without having to listen to the general public telling me how to run it.” Luke shook his head as he talked, motioning to the chair across from his and plopping down sullenly.

“Tell me about it, kid.”

Carly placed her bags at her feet, taking off the red leather gloves Noah had given her two Christmases before. Her wedding band glinted in the light. No one had been more surprised about Carly’s marriage than Luke. It wasn’t that the possibility hadn’t always been there but - she’d loved Jack for Luke’s entire life. It was that the idea that it would never actually happen - that all the wasted years would be just that, wasted, broke Luke’s heart. No learning and making it better. Just finished and done. That had been a shock for him. Or more the wake up call he had needed to get his own life back on track.

Carly’s husband, Neil, had been a business associate of his father’s a long time ago when the farm had been in trouble and they‘d needed to expand, change the way it ran.

Neil had leased a good portion of the land in an effort to save it. His company had grown steadily over the years though Neil’s relationship with Holden had been strained for some time soon after he’d first gotten to town.

Luke never knew all the details and he never asked but he knew Neil had probably saved his father and Carly from making some huge mistakes. Neil had fallen pretty hard for Carly but it had taken several years before Carly gave in and said yes to him. When she finally did, it had been an event that no one would forget. It was the last clear moment with Noah that he remembered.

Shaking his head to clear it from that train of thought, he hunched down in his seat, rubbing his eyes with his fingers, trying to ease the tension there. “Yeah, it’s a bitch.”

Carly laughed softly, hand reaching out to squeeze his. “That it is.” She sobered quickly, leaning closer, folding arms on the table. “You want to talk about it? Sometimes someone who isn’t involved can give a fresh perspective. Help you figure it out.”

Luke met her eyes and shook his head. “You’re not that person, Carly.” She looked hurt for a moment and he explained quickly. “It directly involves your son. There’s no way you aren’t going to be biased about this.”

“Noah? This is about you and Noah?” Her face broke into a smile before she tampered it down, saying slowly. “I wasn’t aware that you two were even talking yet. I figured he was still being stubborn.”

“Oh, no, he still is. Being completely stubborn, I mean. I haven’t figured out yet how to reach him.”

Her face fell, disappointment evident in her eyes. Luke wished he could change that for both their sakes. When she looked back up, he blinked at the frustrated expression that crossed her face. “You need to know that I’ve tried with him, Luke. Countless times since you woke up I’ve tried talking to him.” She reached for his hand when she said that, twining their hands together. “It was a miracle to get you back. I wanted him to rejoice. But that’s not how my kid thinks, is it?”

Luke shook his head. “No. It’s not.”

“I always wonder how much of that was me.”

“Carly, come on. No. You did good with him.” Luke tightened his hold on her fingers, shaking his head as he spoke. “You weren’t perfect but you were there.”

“Hardly. How many times did I leave? It wasn’t fair to any of my kids.” Carly sighed, rubbing one hand over forehead. “But this isn’t about me, right now. What’s going on?”

Luke glanced up at the television when Henry’s face appeared again. He gently moved Carly’s face in the direction of screen, watching her face register confusion. He motioned to Ben behind the counter, gesturing for him to turn the volume back up. Henry’s trembling voice filled the café making everyone pay attention.

Luke saw when Carly realized what was going on, hand covering her mouth when she did. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her cell phone and Luke listened to her end of the conversation as she spoke with Henry. Her eyes filled with tears and she glanced over at Luke. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Something cold settled in Luke’s stomach when Carly looked up at him. “What happened?”

“They found -”

No. No. No. God, no.

Carly breathed in, starting over, settling her hands on the table, fingers clamping on the edge. “They found some blood on the street leading up to the diner. It was Vienna’s.”

Luke closed his eyes. “Jesus. Not - oh, god.” He got abruptly, pulling some cash out and dropping it on the table.

“I can’t just sit here. I need to - fuck it. I’ll break in if I have to.”

Carly stood up, following him out the door, grabbing his arm before he got too far. “Wait a minute. Where the hell are you going? Breaking in? Luke. No. Just -”

Luke pulled him arm away, turning to glare at her. “You gonna tell me I can’t do this, too, Carly?”

“I don’t even know what you’re doing!”

“I’m breaking into Henry and Vienna’s house. I need something of hers so I can connect.” Luke ran a hand through his hair, pacing slightly as he thought. “Except I don’t even know how I’ll get in there. The cops will be surrounding the area now. And I’m pretty sure Jade left instructions not to let me in there.”

Carly stopped him, both hands on his shoulders, steadying his movement. When he was staring right at her, she pulled a key ring from her pocket. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll get it.”

*

He hadn’t realized how much he’d enjoy watching the destruction around him. Well, if he was honest, it was more the chaos he was creating that filled his being with glee.

He couldn’t let them see that though, could he?

His thoughts turned back to the body and he frowned. She was beautiful, so serene and sweet. Something ached inside and he recognized it as grief. He had loved her deeply. It had been unfortunate that he’d had to choose her. He closed the buttons on the blouse, easing the body off the table.

He didn’t enjoy the killing the way he’d read he should. It was easy enough but there was no satisfaction in it. Not like the first time. That had been more exciting. Maybe the longer he did it, the more cheap it became. He didn’t think he’d be able to continue for much more.

Until he’d caught sight of Noah’s face - the pain and frustration that emanated from him. It fed his soul to see it. He wanted Noah to hurt. To be in agony until he bled. Beg to be put out of his misery.

Then, he’d be satisfied.

Then, he could finish the job that had been started two years before.

*

The door slammed shut behind Luke and he closed his eyes, preparing for the cold front he was sure was coming. He swayed slightly and reached for the edge of the doorframe to keep from falling over. Warm hands wrapped around his waist, surprising him and he glanced behind. Stormy blues eyes looked back. Before he could say anything, he was being forcibly moved into the bedroom.

Noah pushed him gently onto their bed, easing Luke back onto the covers before bending to take off Luke’s shoes and socks. He could feel quick movement of fingers over his skin.

Noah was pissed.

He never talked when he was angry. Always just walked around in silence, letting that fill in for the words he wasn’t saying.

Luke hated it with a passion.

Passive-aggressive thy name is Noah.

“I hate when you do this shit.”

Nothing came forth from his boyfriend.

“I don’t get you, Noah. Why - do you insist on pretending nothing bothers you?”

Noah undid the buttons of Luke’s pants, seemingly ignoring the goading, except that he used a little too much force to yank them off. He folded them carefully, setting them on the armchair where Luke worked on his manuscripts and Noah took his naps. It was one of Luke’s favorite places in the whole apartment.

“I really fucking hate when you give me the silent treatment, like I’m some five year old.”

Noah glared over at him, raising one eyebrow and shrugged.

“I‘m not giving you the silent treatment.”

He pulled Luke’s sleep pants from the dresser before looking straight at him. “I just don’t have anything to say. Period.”

That was it.

Luke rose to his feet unsteadily and using that he lunged at Noah, shoving him hard until his back hit the wall. “What a crock of shit! You’re pissed off! Admit it, Noah.” He kept pushing and pushing. It was his worst trait and he knew that. He wanted to stop but the two beers he’d drunk had his head swimming in what felt like gallons of alcohol. It wasn’t listening to reason at the moment.

Noah gripped Luke’s hand finally, trapping them together and shook him slightly. “Okay, fine! Yes, I am pissed off.” He removed his hands, moving away from the wall, gesturing to Luke with one finger. “Six fucking years, Luke. Six years sober and you throw it all to hell. What’s going through your head?”

“I’m sorry we aren’t all perfect like you, Noah. We can’t live up to your standards and regulations. I screwed up. It happens. Sorry, if I disappointed you. Again.”

Noah covered his face with both hands, letting out a long string of curses, managing to shock Luke enough to stop talking. He watched Noah take a deep breath before removing his hands and facing Luke. “That’s not me, Luke. That version you have in your head. You’re the one that keeps the uniform on me even when it’s not. I love you no matter what.”

“So you’re not really angry that I drank tonight?”

“Oh, no, I am. I am so mad, actually, seething is the more appropriate word, that you would put your life at risk. That you forget the kidney you carry around isn’t something you should take for granted. That our life isn’t enough to stop you from doing something this stupid.”

Luke hunched in, wiping his hands across his face.

“But I can understand the mistake. I make plenty myself. Every day. I forget to tell you how much you mean to me. Or how I admire all the work you’ve done to better our life together. That I love you more than anything.” Noah sighed, hands on his hips, head bent down. “What I don’t understand is the reason behind it.” When he looked up, Noah’s eyes were moist and Luke felt his anger wash away. “Kevin. Really, Luke?”

Kevin?

Luke blinked a few times. “Kevin?” He thought back to earlier and how the first glass had gotten into his hand. His eyes widened when he remembered exactly what Noah had walked in on at Yo’s.

“Oh my god, you moron!”

Luke threw a pillow at the back of Noah’s head, who made a startled sound. When Noah turned to look at him, Luke threw another direct hit at his face.

“Luke! What the hell?!”

“I wasn’t drinking because of Kevin. It was your first week back at work after the accident. I’m scared out of my fucking mind every time my cell rings that it’ll be Margo telling me again that you’re in the hospital.” He sat on the edge of the bed, voice wavering a little when spoke. “I hate that you went back.”

“Luke.”

“I know. You made a commitment to protect this town. And I love you for how much you mean that. The fact that you risk your life everyday makes me proud to be your partner even when I hate every minute you are out there.” Luke felt Noah’s arm wrap around him and he stuttered in a breath, leaning back into solid muscle and heat.

“Why didn’t you say any of this to me?”

Luke snorted. “Because then you’d be out there feeling guilty and thinking about what was going on with me instead of concentrating on doing your job. Something would go wrong and I’d find myself in the hospital again pacing the floors until I knew you were alive.”

“I’m right here, baby. Nothing bad happened to me.”

Luke half turned, burying his face in Noah’s neck, finding that nook where he fit perfectly. “No. Except that six months ago you couldn’t see.”

“It was only temporary.”

Luke felt dizzy at the memory, heart thumping faster. “Yeah, well, that didn’t make it any easier when we didn’t know what to do.”

He didn’t want to think more about it and snuggled deeper into Noah’s chest. “I just - what if - “

Noah pulled Luke up to look at him, framing his face with his hands. “What if you walk out in the middle of the street and get hit by a bus? Or one of the kids down at the center loses it and hurts you? We can’t live like that, Luke. Every day we go out there we take chances.”

Luke closed his eyes, nodding. He knew that. He did. It wasn’t enough to stop him from worrying though. “I can’t help how I feel.”

Noah held him until his heart was no longer thundering in his chest. After several minutes of silence, Luke felt Noah’s chest rise before he asked quietly.

“So, Kevin getting engaged… that had nothing to do with this?”

Luke froze, pulling back to give Noah an incredulous look and was met with somber blue eyes that pierced right through his heart. “No. That didn’t - I was angry from this morning. The fight we had. You’ve been working late all week to catch up. And I haven’t slept well.” He chose not to mention the remnants of dreams that had stayed with him through the day. “When I got to work this morning I was informed Petey was found dead from an overdose.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, babe.” Noah tightened his hold on him, dropping a sweet kiss on his head. “That’s just - no one told me about that.”

Luke nodded, leaning in again to take what he could from the warmth of Noah’s body. “It was a bad morning. I went to Yo’s to meet up with Casey and Kevin was there.” He soothed a hand down Noah’s back when he tensed, willing him to relax. “He was his usual cheerful asshole, of course. Announced to everyone he was getting married.”

“Poor girl.”

“Yeah, really.”

Noah sighed loudly. Luke knew he hated that Kevin popped into their lives without warning. Luke thought when Kevin left for college out of state, it would be the last time he’d see his former best friend. Except now he was back. He kept running into Kevin everywhere he went.

Some part of Noah was still jealous, still insecure over how Luke felt about him. They’d had plenty of up and downs which made it understandable.

“I’m not going to lie. It did upset me.” When he felt the tension return in Noah’s muscles, he kissed one shoulder. “But not why you think.” He moved away to look up into Noah’s cautious eyes, one hand palming Noah’s cheek. “I hate the fact that Kevin can do that. He can marry someone he doesn’t love or can’t love without any problems.”

“And you can’t.”

“Exactly. I love you so much. I plan to spend the rest of our lives together. But I can’t marry you? It’s unfair. So, yeah, I was jealous because it sucks balls.”

Luke felt Noah chuckle and glanced up. Noah stared at him, and to Luke’s surprise, kissed him long and deep until Luke was clinging to him. He pulled away, bumping their foreheads together, trying to breathe.

Always trying to breathe.

“I’m sorry about worrying you so much. But you need to tell me when you’re scared. We can deal with it together if you say something.”

Luke nodded. “I promise.” He wove his hands in Noah’s dark hair, playing gently with the strands. “And I didn’t - I had two beers. Well, technically, one and a half since you pulled me away before I could finish. I know that I shouldn’t because - because of everything. Just know that I don’t want one. I’m not going back to that place where I hid with the booze. I just - it was habit, I guess.”

Noah seemed satisfied with that. He looked directly into Luke’s eyes. “Someday.”

He blinked up at Noah. “What?”

Noah dropped soft kisses on his lips, pulling him down onto the mattress, hovering just above to say. “Someday I’m going to marry you.”

Luke’s heart stuttered a little but he covered and made a contemplative face, watching as Noah grinned at him. “I’ll think about it.”

*

“This is not happening.”

Noah ran a hand over his face when the Channel 7 News van came into sight. Kevin paced across the steps of the station, microphone at the ready. He seemed to be ignoring the uniformed officers that were rushing in and out of the door. Noah knew that Kevin was waiting to pounce on him. To make his day even worse than it was turning out to be.

He made a decision and rolled on past the station, taking a turn on Beecher, guiding the car into the alley. He entered through the rear, parking in the shadows in case Kevin checked for his car. Running up the back staircase and into the buzzing squad room, he let out a sigh of relief. One less thing to worry about.

Henry sat in the conference room, back to the door, head buried in his hands. Katie at his side, soothing quietly, her own face wrought with so much grief that Noah felt the pang of it in his chest. He couldn’t let that out now. They needed to find Vienna. She was alive. He had to believe that. She was alive somewhere.

Harrison showed up at his side, handing him the forensics report, his own face taut with tension. “The local news heard about Mrs. Coleman’s disappearance.”

“I saw the vans, yeah.”

“What do you want us to say, sir?”

Noah glanced at him before skimming the papers in his hand. “No comment.”

“Sir, that’s not going to -”

“Harrison. Until we have actual facts we have nothing to say. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

He sat at his desk, reading and re-reading the words on the page, like somehow if he read it enough, it wouldn’t be telling him what it was.

“Noah.”

He didn’t take his gaze away from the paper, not even when Jade sat next to him, hand pressing gently on his arm. “Noah. You know what this means.” It wasn’t the same thing.

“He’s in a maximum security prison, Jade. There’s no way this is him.”

Jade nodded. “I know that. But it’s the same pattern.”

“Woman disappears. No trail. Dead body. I remember how it went.” He looked over at Jade, set firm to his mouth. “Except we did find a trail and there’s no dead body. So, the pattern isn’t anything the same.”

“Right.”

She glanced away, doing that pinching mouth expression that told Noah she had something to say she knew he wouldn’t like. He waited a few minutes but after it was painfully aware she wasn’t going to tell him without some probing he spoke.

“Just tell me what it is.”

“Luke.”

Noah’s head jerked up. “What happened with Luke?”

“He came by the -”

“Sir?”

Harrison pointed to the entrance where Kevin was standing, smirking his way.

“Damn it.”

Jade waved him off. “Go on. It’s not that important. I promise.”

He wanted to argue but keeping Kevin’s dirty little paws off this case took precedence.

“Don’t go anywhere.”

*

Andy Evans enjoyed her daily runs through the trails outside of Oakdale, specifically the ones behind the Snyder farm in Luther’s Corners. The fields were an endless green in the summer and a blanket of white at this time of year. Though the unexpected rain of a few nights before had melted the snow, leaving muddy brown much in its wake. Her shoes squished as she sped up, glancing at the far away house and barn in the distance.

She’d lived her whole life in Oakdale and had always wondered what it was like in that big house. Going to school with Faith Snyder hadn’t afforded her any real insight since they’d never really been those kinds of friends. But she imagined it had to be some sort of adventure. More than the one she’d had growing up in a dumpy apartment off Rose Avenue in the Heights.

Andy turned down the rocky path that led from the main road into the woods. It cut off at the small river that ran through the trees a couple of miles in. The small outing of a cliff was about the same distance just off to her left. It overlooked the river and in the summer she loved to sit at the edge, taking in the view. Oakdale really was the strangest little town with its farms and cliffs and rivers.

Deciding it was too cold to truly enjoy sitting outdoors for an extended period of time, she kept going straight. Once she reached the side of the river, she would turn around and head home. The sun was hanging low in the sky and as much as she loved being in nature, she didn’t want to get caught there at night.

Her breathing became unsteady, the pace just a little too fast for even her well-conditioned lungs. She slowed down until she was walking, taking air in through her nose. She stretched her legs out, twisting her neck to one side then the other, catching a flash of color from the corner of her eye.

She looked more closely this time, focusing on the quick red that fluttered with the wind. Her heart beat faster, common sense pushing her to keep going, finish her run and go home. But her gut - it clenched and pulled her toward the waving bit of color. As she approached, Andy let out a nervous laugh. It was a scarf. Probably a hiker or runner had dropped it earlier.

She started to turn when she noticed something coming up off the ground.

Andy screamed, falling in her haste to get away, scrambling to her feet, back down the path.

It was a woman’s slender hand reaching out from under the melting now.



-Chapter Eleven-