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NaNo Fic: Find Your Way Through Me (ATWT, Luke/Noah, AU) - Chapter Five
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kari77 - thank you so much, sweetie!Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author:
freakykatRating: R to NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Five
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own any of the boys I like to play with. All rights for the characters go to P&G, ATWT, JP, CG, etc.
Beta: The phenomenal and wonderful
noelleleithe who took this monster on! I love you!W/C: 3650
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death (NOT THE BOYS!), violence (It does have a happy ending, I swear!)
Author’s Note: Not quite as Epic as last time, this is a little over 50,000 words. My eternal gratitude to
noelleleithe and reilael who listened to me bitch and moan and rhapsodize about this for MONTHS. Even if you're not in this fandom, feel free to read it. Enjoy! And feedback is yearned, loved and appreciated. Story Notes: Found in Chapter One
All chapters found here.
Find your way through me
Chapter Five
Jade Taylor leaned on her desk, literally up to her elbows in paperwork, and cursed under her breath when the file she had spent the better part of two hours staring at didn’t magically give the answers she was looking for. Running one hand through her curly hair, she pushed up, sliding down her chair in a slump.
There was something about Tommy Johnson’s death that was bothering her. Not that a thirteen year old dying alone and scared in a dirty alley wasn’t enough to cause her sleepless nights – but she had felt a sense of déjà vu when she’d found him, tipped by an anonymous call to the precinct. She tapped cleanly filed nails on the manila folder, eyes glued to the picture of Tommy attached to his autopsy report. It had been taken a few years before when he was still blond with deep set dimples and light brown eyes, all innocence and sweetness.
The actual case photos were completely different. Tommy’s bloated face obscuring any of his youth. No marks on the body except for the fractured skull that had killed him.
She let out a loud sigh, leaning her head on her hands, eyes closed. Noah had spent the morning running over all the details with Harrison, trying to find some clue they might have missed. Ricky had never seen the john that Tommy was supposed to have been meeting up with. There weren’t any witnesses, which being that part of town, wasn’t surprising. They had nothing.
Oakdale was what Noah called a “big city” small town. They had major global companies and a first rate university. Tourism was one of the biggest contributors to the town economy. But in essence they were a small town. Almost everyone knew everyone else. Kids played outside freely. Emma still left her doors unlocked and Jade knew that many others did, too. Crimes like the murder of a thirteen year old – no matter if he was a hustler or if it had happened in a part of town most people avoided - would be for all intents and purposes – a shit storm.
“Anything new in the Johnson case, Taylor?”
Jade brought her head up, shaking it when Margo sat down on her desk. “Nothing. Noah and Harrison spent most of the morning on it.”
Margo looked around the squad room, searching, frown marring her face. “Noah’s here?”
Jade shook her head, draining the last of her coffee, now cold and stale. “Not anymore. I made him go home. He’s barely slept since Tommy died and he spent most of yesterday at the hospital with Luke. Henry mentioned he’d shown up at the diner at five in the morning, didn’t eat and nursed a couple of gallons of caffeine.”
Margo crossed her arms, head hanging low. “He’s been pretty wired the last few days.”
Jade snorted at that bit of understatement, rising from her chair and heading for the coffee machine. Her eyes were scratchy, dry and she covered up a yawn with her hand, ignoring the probing look Margo sent her way. Mixing sugar and non-dairy creamer in her cup, she poured the hot liquid, knowing what was coming. Sometimes, Margo forgot to treat Jade like everyone else, those familial ties strong especially in this job.
“How are you holding up?” Margo’s tone was cautious, veering to the side of causal, trying to steer clear of anything that might be seen as meddling.
Jade waited for some long moments, concentrating extra hard on stirring her coffee and testing the temperature. She turned, cup in hand, and fixed Margo with an even stare. “I’m doing okay.”
Margo raised an eyebrow, not saying anything, giving it all away with her expression. She was worried and now that things had broken down in Jade’s relationship with her son, she didn’t know if she could ask.
“Really, Margo. I’m fine. I promise.”
She received a nod in return and Jade ran with that. Rare occasion when she could get any Hughes to back down without a fight.
“Chief.”
Margo turned, waved her hand in acknowledgement, her head snapped back to Jade. “Go home, Taylor.”
Jade narrowed her eyes. “Margo.”
Margo put both hands up in surrender, heading towards the interrogation room. Jade caught a glimpse of Craig Montgomery sitting in one of the chairs, hands cuffed. She sighed, bringing one hand to scrub her face, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She could only imagine how thrilled Noah would be if he knew Craig was in trouble…again.
Her gaze fell on the file scattered on her desk, the pile that had grown since Sunday morning when she’d been called down to the Heights. She hadn’t been home in ten hours. She glanced at her watch, calculating how much time she might have to grab some dinner before picking up -
“Hey.”
She didn’t turn right away, closing her eyes at the voice, steeling against what it still did to her. When she thought she would neither throw a punch nor fall to tears, she looked behind her.
Casey threw her one of his huge, bright smiles though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Her gaze fell on the little bundle of blonde and pink in his arms.
“Mama!”
The bundle squirmed, limbs flailing in tandem and Jade smiled for the first time that day.
“Hi, babygirl.”
She stepped closer, reaching for her daughter, brushing hands and arms with Casey, looking into his eyes for one second before tearing her gaze away, asking as she shifted her balance to accommodate the extra weight on her hip. “What are you doing here? It’s not your day is it?” She glanced at the calendar because it might very well have been Casey’s turn to pick up Daisy. The insanity of the last few days might have made her skip time.
“No. It’s not. But I was hoping maybe I could get her an extra day.” Casey’s hopeful smile made her knees tremble slightly. Whatever had gone wrong between them, he loved their daughter and she had been angry enough to keep her from him for too long.
She could feel Casey watching her closely and she produced the best smile she could for him. His face changed and she wondered if it was still the heartbroken one that Noah told her she wore. Not that he had much room to talk when it came to killing people with his sad eyes and bittersweet smiles.
“Why?”
Frustration flashed across his face but it was gone just as quickly and he glanced down at his shoes. “Mom called and let me know about Luke. I thought - I figured you could use some sleep and I want to be able to spend as much time with Daisy as you let me.”
Jade tiled her head, brow furrowed. She made a mental note to tell Margo to butt out for once. “I can take care of myself.”
Casey met her gaze. “I know that. Believe me, I know.” He swallowed loudly, taking a deep breath, “How is Luke?”
“Better.”
“Noah?”
“Not so better.”
Casey smiled softly and nodded. “I understand.” His eyes spoke so much and she wasn’t ready to listen.
“I didn’t have any real plans tonight so if you want to take her home that should be fine.” She leaned her face down slightly, looking directly into blue-grey eyes that mirrored the ones she couldn’t quite meet. “What do you say, Ms. Daisy? You want to go home with Dada?”
Daisy grinned up at her, clapping her hands and Jade snuggled her closer. “I think that’s a yes.” She nodded at Casey, handing their daughter to him. “It’s my day off tomorrow so I’ll come by around eight to pick her up. Does that work?”
He was adjusting Daisy’s coat, zipping it up and Jade let herself watch him. She missed him so much that there were days she barely made it out of bed, paralyzed with that gnawing absence he’d left. When he looked over, she shifted her gaze to Daisy, making a face which garnered a laugh from her ten-month-old miracle.
“That sounds good.” He hesitated, shifting on his feet, balancing Daisy in his arms before meeting her eyes unexpectedly. “I was wondering, maybe we could take her somewhere together, like the zoo or something.” Casey shrugged when Jade blinked at him, glancing at the wall behind her. “Noah mentioned that she loved it when he took her there a while back.”
Back when he hadn’t been there.
The anger was quick and unexpected, forcing Jade to clench her fist to keep from saying anything that she couldn’t take back. She had said everything she was willing to. She reminded herself that she wasn’t that nineteen-year-old who had shown up with the chip on her shoulder and the need for payback for the loneliness in her heart.
Her anger had subsided over the years and Daisy filled up almost every part of her lonely heart.
Almost every part.
She thought of Luke’s advice after Casey had left her. Finding out she was pregnant and alone had driven her straight to Yo’s and a glass of vodka that she had stared at for what seemed hours. Luke had found her and when he told her that all she needed was to hold on a little longer, that she would make it through the pain, she’d broken down in tears like she rarely ever had in her life. He held her, let her know that she was lovable and that if Casey Hughes couldn’t understand that then to hell with him.
It was time to forgive him. Really and truly forgive him. Not for him and not even for herself. For Daisy. For the little girl that embodied all the good that neither of them believed they had in them.
She nodded her head. “Okay. That sounds like - fun. She’ll love it.”
Casey looked surprised for only a second then his face broke into a grin and Jade forced her heart not to react. She could be his friend someday.
“Great. So, eight tomorrow?”
Jade nodded, picked up her jacket and briefcase, stuffing a few files inside to work with at home. At least she might be able to catch up now that she would be alone. She ignored the scowl on Casey’s face. He’d always thought she worked too hard. These days he never said a word.
Smart man.
Walking toward Daisy, she kissed her soft hair, whispering words of love and comfort in her ear. Chubby arms wrapped around her and she found herself pulled into Casey’s chest, their faces too close. Breathing in to take some of him with her, she extracted gently out of the embrace, kissing Daisy on the cheeks soundly. “I love you, baby.”
Another grin and Jade laughed out loud, dropping one more kiss on soft blonde hair before heading out the door. She stopped to look back and waved before disappearing through it.
Casey stared at the spot where Jade had been, heart hammering in his chest and he looked at the spitting image of the person he loved so much. “Well, baby girl, I think maybe we got lucky there, huh?”
He glanced at his watch, grimacing at the time and brushed his cheek over his daughter’s head. “What do you say we give Uncle Noah a visit? I think he could use a friend.”
“I can’t believe you’re really leaving us, man.”
Noah rolled his eyes, folding a shirt into his worn duffel bag carefully, pushing down and picking another from the huge pile on the bed. It, along with the military tags and his own scarred psyche, were the only things that remained of what the Colonel had given to his son. It wasn’t something he wanted to think much about so he kept shoving shirt after shirt into it.
“I think you’ll survive.” Noah replied, sending his friend a bemused glance. He was going to miss the shit out of Casey. There weren’t many people Noah counted on anymore. He didn’t let him mind wander farther than that, gripping the strings of his duffel tight and pulling, tying them in a double knot. He gave the still fairly huge pile a defeated glance.
“Yeah, well. We’ll agree to disagree on that. You excited to be big man on campus or whatever.”
Noah laughed at that, rubbing his neck with one hand, surveying the disaster that was his bed. “I’m thinking not.”
“You won that big award.”
“For a high school five minute short. Not really that impressive there.”
Casey scoffed.
“Would you just accept the fact that you’re fucking brilliant already? This humble crap gets on my nerves.”
Noah sent him a quick grin, narrowing his eyes as he watched Casey, then turning back to try to figure out what he could leave behind.
“Where the hell did I get so many clothes?”
Casey raised an eyebrow, fiddling with the suitcase Carly had bought Noah when he’d gotten into Northwestern. Noah watched him pull out some clothes, turning to pile them back into his dresser. He’d been doing that for the past hour and even though it was making his job harder, Noah couldn’t help but love him a little for it.
Casey was adamantly against Noah going anywhere.
“Didn’t Luke take you shopping for your birthday?”
Noah paused for only a millisecond before turning back to the bed, continuing his packing, shrugging in response.
Casey sighed from behind him and Noah waited for it.
“Don’t you think you should talk to him before you leave?”
“Not really.”
“Noah, come on.”
He threw his favorite pair of sweats on the bed, turning to face Casey. “What the hell am I supposed to say to him?” Noah shook his head when Casey opened his mouth. “No, Casey. After everything Kevin put him through -”
“It was one fucking kiss, Noah. And might I add, it was Kevin who kissed him.”
“At my birthday party.” Noah spit out, not quite meeting Casey’s eyes. For all his faults, his friend had an uncanny ability to read people sometimes. “And if I remember correctly, Luke wasn’t exactly stopping him.”
Noah turned his back on Casey, shoving away the image from his mind. He almost laughed at the irony of the whole thing. The night Noah had decided to tell Luke how he felt was the night Kevin - stupid, drunk, jealous Kevin - had kissed Luke.
And Noah had walked in on it.
‘Cause the world pretty much hated him that much.
It really shouldn’t have been that surprising. Kevin had a tendency for selfish actions like that and he’d been angry for so long that Luke had cut him out of his life. He needed Luke to want him. Noah knew all these things. Luke did, too.
But he’d still kissed back.
And that part of Noah that had begun to hope died away.
He hadn’t waited to see what happened, turning on his heel and back into the stuffy room full of cheer. Noah had wanted to go home and hide under the covers until the picture in his mind disappeared. He hadn’t, though. He kept smiling, responding to all the birthday greetings, cutting the cake, opening presents.
Before the night was over Kevin had made a scene, slinging insults and defamation at Luke, breaking his heart into a million pieces again if reports of his depressed state were to be believed.
Noah didn’t know that firsthand. He refused to take Luke’s calls or see him at all.
“It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
“It kinda seems like it does.”
Noah took a deep interest in making sure his clothes were perfectly square inside the suitcase. “If Luke wants to let Kevin pull his strings for the rest of his life, there’s nothing I can do about it. But I refuse to watch while it does.”
“That’s not what’s happening. Luke’s not dumb. What’s going on with now has nothing to do with Kevin. It’s you, Noah. Man, it’s killing him not talking to you. He doesn’t even really understand why.”
Noah let out a small laugh. “That’s the problem, Casey.”
“Tell him.”
Noah shook his head, glancing at the picture on his bedside table. The four of them at twelve, arms over shoulders, lined up in the Snyders' backyard, goofy grins on their faces.
“It won’t make a difference.”
He didn’t acknowledge Casey’s soft spoken words or what they did to his heart.
“You’d be surprised, Noah.”
“When did you know you were in love with Luke?”
Noah glanced up from studying the cards in his hand, lifting an eyebrow at Natalie’s question. They were having their weekly Java meeting. “I’m pretty sure you know the answer to that already.”
Blond hair swiveled in the negative, blue eyes wide and innocent, mouth turned down in concentration. “I know that you loved him forever or whatever. But when did you know?”
Noah watched her closely, smile playing on his lips. “When we were about thirteen, I got really sick. Ruptured appendix. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. By the time I went home, I was miserable. Nothing made me feel better. Which made me cranky. But I was too polite at the time to say anything.”
Natalie snorted, flicking hair out of her face, rolling her eyes. “Yeah because lord knows you’re so rude now.”
Noah glared at her. “Is it in the teenage handbook that sarcasm needs to be used constantly?”
“It’s the official language.”
She grinned at him and Noah threw his crumbled napkin at her face. “Smart ass.”
“Uh-huh. Don’t try to change the subject. Thirteen. Ruptured appendix. Miserable repressed Baby Noah. Go on.”
He sighed, shuffling the cards, discarding a couple. “Two, please. I was in my room being miserable and your brother showed up. Bringing movies I loved and junk food I wasn’t supposed to be eating. Big eyes and big smile and…he made it better. Just looking at him made it better. That’s when I knew.”
Natalie gave him another wide-eyed glance and smiled sadly. “Do you miss him?”
“Every day.”
He looked at her, nodding at the pile of coins on the table. “Call.” Noah placed his cards on the table. “Three of a kind.”
Natalie grinned, laying hers down with a flourish. “Read it and weep, baby. Full house.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Ha.”
He threw his cards at her, watching as she shuffled them, asking the question that had popped in his head. “Hey, Nat.”
“Yeah?”
“Is there a reason you were asking about Luke and me?”
She hid her face behind the blanket of blond hair. “Not really. Just curious.” She started to deal again. “What do you say - double or nothing?
Noah shook his head. “I’m not taking that bet.”
“Probably for the best.”
He turned at the voice, standing when Luke moved closer to the table. The look on his face told Noah he had probably been there a while. He gave Natalie a narrowed gaze and she raised an eyebrow in response.
“I didn’t know you were picking Nat up today.”
Luke tilted his head, staring at him. After a long moment, he turned to his little sister, kissed her forehead as he handed her the car keys. “Could you give me a minute?”
Natalie nodded, picking up her coat and bag, stepping forward to hug Noah goodbye before walking quickly out the door. Noah watched her go, bringing confused eyes back to Luke. They never met…anywhere. It was unspoken but it was the way it was.
“Are you feeling better?”
Luke only nodded, eyes fixed on Noah.
He was ready to ask Luke what was going on when his mouth crashed against Noah’s.
Noah flailed at the contact, hands at his sides and then on their own, they reached up to cup Luke’s face. The rush of electricity and that other feeling - the one that felt like he was going to explode at any moment - burst through him causing his knees to wobble slightly. To hell for once what his mind said. He heard the muttering around them but he chose to ignore it. Noah pulled his mouth back to breathe before diving back in.
Luke staggered back at the force, hands sliding under Noah’s arms and over his shoulders, holding tightly. He opened his mouth, sliding his tongue over Noah‘s, extracting that sound - the one that Noah only made for him. One hand slid up to Noah’s neck, angling it slightly, his mouth still attacking. It had been too long and Luke drank Noah in, breathed him. Time seemed to fall away, like those months had never been and Luke sucked in Noah’s lower lip, biting slightly. Noah’s hand tightened on his back, bringing him in closer, flush against his chest. The heat settled, simmered and Luke turned into the sweetness, into the love pouring out of Noah.
When he pulled away, they both stuttered in a breath and he leaned his head against Noah’s. “I missed you.”
Noah shook his head. “Luke.”
This was as far as he’d let him get today.
“I can’t do this to you again.”
Luke closed his eyes, breathing deep. “You never did anything.” He shook Noah slightly, moving back to look into dark blue. “Stop pushing. Stop trying to save me. Stop being afraid.”
Noah let out a soundless laugh. “I don’t know how to do that.”
Luke stepped back, hands falling down to his sides. “Then I guess I’ll do it for both of us.” Leaning in to drop one last kiss, he walked out of the door, leaving Noah with all the words he knew he should say and all the ones he couldn’t.
-Chapter Six-
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Thanks so very much! And keep making art cause that is awesome!
Do you mind if I repost the icon?!!
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Thank you!!
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YAY! I'm so happy it isn't confusing you!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
HEE.
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I'm so happy that Luke overheard Noah and Natalie. He's not going to take no for an answer! Good boy! Yay!
Looking forward to more! :)
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Thank you so much for reading! And yes, Luke won't give up so easily.
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Wonderful line! ♥
And what a chapter! Casey and Jade and Daisy! Was nice to read about thm and their history. Dasiy is such a cutie!
And the boys! Yay for public kissing!
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Daisy IS such a cutie. And I always felt that the show let an epic romance go by pairing Casey with Ali (BLECH) instead of Jade. Kinda fixing that.
LOL. Boys like to kiss, yes.
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She could feel Casey watching her closely and she produced the best smile she could for him. His face changed and she wondered if it was still the heartbroken one that Noah told her she wore. Not that he had much room to talk when it came to killing people with his sad eyes and bittersweet smiles.
Favorite paragraph LOL
And yaaaaay more character appearances! I'm beyond happy that Noah and Natalie has a relationship here. And the boys going all kissy face in public is hot :-B
♥
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Thanks so much for reading.
There will be ALOT more character appearances as we go along. :)
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Oh geez. Noah walking in on things. Fail! lol
Not that he had much room to talk when it came to killing people with his sad eyes and bittersweet smiles.
Aaaahhh, no shit, lol. Win.
I want to see the Baby Daisy icon! Where'sit??