NaNo Fic: Find Your Way Through Me (ATWT, Luke/Noah, AU) - Chapter Four

[freakykat]

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Title: Find Your Way Through Me
Author: freakykat
Rating: R to NC-17
Chapter: Chapter Four
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Summary: Where there is darkness, find your way through me.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own any of the boys I like to play with. All rights for the characters go to P&G, ATWT, JP, CG, etc.
Beta: The phenomenal and wonderful noelleleithe who took this monster on! I love you!
W/C: 2594
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, some character death (NOT THE BOYS!), violence (It does have a happy ending, I swear!)
Author’s Note: Not quite as Epic as last time, this is a little over 50,000 words. My eternal gratitude to noelleleithe and reilael who listened to me bitch and moan and rhapsodize about this for MONTHS. Even if you're not in this fandom, feel free to read it. Enjoy! And feedback is yearned, loved and appreciated.
Story Notes: Found in Chapter One

All chapters found here.





Find your way through me


Chapter Four


He moved through rows and rows of tapes lining the walls of the video library, making his
way to one of the editing bays - he was pretty sure that’s where Maddie had said Noah would be - and stopped at one of the doors when he heard the whirring of a machine. Luke paused, taking a deep breath, hand resting on the door handle. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say.

He was still angry with Noah for not having told him the truth sooner. He gripped the handle and closed his eyes. It was a struggle still, even knowing that Noah understood how he felt. That one of his best friends was there with him. He had come to terms with it alone. And now -

Luke wanted to tell Noah. He wanted him to be there. He needed Noah to help ease his broken heart. He was going to burst with all the feelings that threatened to drown him. Knowing that someone might have understood made it even harder. He was pissed off. He was ready to scream until he had no voice.

He had almost taken another drink.

After the months of pain he’d caused himself, his family, his friends, he’d poured a glass of vodka and come so close to falling into it headfirst. Screw the one kidney. Screw the sacrifice his mother had made. Screw that he wanted more than that. He just needed one second where he couldn’t feel so much. One second of peace where he didn’t think about Kevin. One second where his heart wasn’t aching so much he couldn’t breathe.

His hand on the glass was the way Noah had found him. He’d frozen, taking one long look at the scene, before he walked in three huge strides to Luke’s side, pried the glass out of his hand and threw it against the wall.

In the next minute, Noah Mayer had done something Luke had never known him to do since they’d met.

He got angry.

He screamed.

He called Luke every name he could think of.

By the time Luke had recovered enough to yell back, the tears in Noah’s eyes had almost stopped him. Almost. He’d told Noah he was a coward for keeping that secret from him. Noah called him selfish. Luke called him a closet case. Noah had made a derisive snort at that and told him that he wasn’t sure he could be his friend anymore if this was what he was going to do. If he was going to use Noah to have another drink. Like he did Kevin. Luke had been too shocked to register the rest of Noah’s speech. He realized two seconds too late that Noah was walking out of the door.

It had been two weeks and Noah hadn’t said a word to him. He spent lunch hour in the editing bay at school. Maddie had told him he was working on some sort of surprise for Carly’s birthday.

He opened his eyes, pushing the door silently; peeking around to make sure it was Noah.

He found him sitting at the desk, jotting down notes, pausing to study the screen, rewinding at intervals. There was light filtering through the window, slanting shadows across the wall and Noah’s skin. Luke stared, taking in the broad shoulders and long neck.

He’d never noticed that about Noah.

“Take a picture.”

Luke blinked up into Noah’s blue eyes, swallowing at the caution and pain in them. “Sorry. I was debating if I should bother you or not.”

Noah looked back at the screen, hitting the pause button before swiveling his chair around. “You’re not.” Luke tilted his head, not sure what that meant, and realizing that, Noah spoke again. “Bothering me. You’re not bothering me.”

Luke followed him as he walked to the shelf on the other side of the room, grabbing a nearby tape and stacking it back in place. When Noah turned, there was very little space between them and Luke jumped at the slight jolt he received. “Sorry.” He moved back, allowing Noah room enough to step back to the table. He watched as he saved his work, shut down the editing machine, straighten the work area. When Noah was finished, he didn’t turn around, only letting his head drop, speaking so quietly Luke wasn’t sure he was talking.

“All those things I said - I shouldn’t have.”

“You meant them, though.”

Noah nodded, still keeping his back to Luke. “I did. But I shouldn’t have said them.”

Luke crossed his arms, standing straighter, chin raising. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Noah looked at him finally. He didn’t’ pretend not to know what Luke was saying. “Why didn’t you?”

“How long have you known?”

Noah closed his eyes, shrugging. “Does it matter?”

It really didn’t. Luke shook his head, relaxing his stance slightly but keeping his gaze on Noah. “It shouldn’t.”

“But it does.” Noah pinned Luke with his gaze. “I’m still coming to terms with it, Luke. I’m not ashamed or scared. I’m just -”

“Noah.” When he got a slightly annoyed glare sent at him, Luke raised his hands. “I meant that as a compliment. You always think of everyone else, Noah. You rarely let us know what’s going on inside. “ Luke ran a hand over his hair, leaning his head back. “When I think about it, I’m not surprised that no one knows.”

“Carly knows.”

Luke brought his head up. “Oh, I never - really?”

Noah nodded. “Jack does, too. I just - It’s a small town, Luke.”

Luke snorted his understanding then stared at his feet, mumbling.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Noah sighed, head bobbing up and down slowly. “Yeah. I get that.”

Luke choked on his words, strangled as they came out. “I’m in love with Kevin.”

“I know.”

“You - what?” Luke took a step forward, dumbfounded. “How - I never -”

Noah shrugged. “I can relate.” He wasn’t looking at him anymore, returning to the piles of tapes.

Something sharp pierced Luke’s chest, a little ugly, a little fearful. He wanted to ask who it was, if anything had happened, what Noah had done - but all that came out was a quiet “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Luke breathed out, trying to control his emotions. It had been so long that he’d kept them inside that having someone here - someone he could talk to - made the dam fall quicker then he expected. Noah must have heard his small whimper because before he realized it, he was enveloped in a hug.

“I’m sorry I almost drank. I never want to do that to any of you. Ever.”

“Then, don’t.”

Luke laid his head on Noah’s shoulder, sniffing. “I promise I won’t.”

Noah’s hand reached up, fingers twining into Luke’s hair, and he pulled him closer. It felt comforting, familiar, like everything always did with Noah.


*


Luke leaned his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the hospital sounds in every corner.

He detested hospitals.

There was a soft shift of blankets and he turned his head to watch his Dad turn on the cot that had been brought in for him.

Luke smiled at the sight, even though he felt ridiculous to have his Dad staying the night with him. Sometimes, he thought they forgot that he was an adult. Twenty-seven years apparently didn’t count for much with his parents. The door opened and he watched his Mom enter the room, holding two cups in her hands. She paused at his Dad’s side, checking to make sure he was comfortable before moving toward Luke.

Noticing he was awake, she frowned, setting the cups down. “It’s late, honey. I think maybe you should be asleep.”

“Mom, please. I’m fine. You don’t need to stay. Go home.”

She jerked her head toward his father. “Your dad is staying.”

“That’s only because he managed to fall asleep before I woke up and made him leave.” Luke took her hand, squeezing it between one of his own. “I’m fine. This isn’t like before.”

“It could have been.” She rubbed her eyes, giving him an exasperated glare. “You know you can’t use your ability, Luke. Not anymore. You promised.”

Luke shook his head. “I never promised. Ever.” Not wanting to argue, he waved a hand at her. “Mom, please. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” When she didn’t argue, he took it as a win. Pointing to the door, he raised one eyebrow and she sighed, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“Fine. But I’ll be back in the morning.”

“I don’t expect anything else.”

“And I’m bringing your Grandmother.”

Luke groaned, bringing hands to his face. “Oh, god.”

“Yeah, that’s right, kiddo. She’s got some things to say, I think.”

He watched through his fingers as she gave his Dad a long look, full of a lot of words neither one of them would say. That was always them. She caught him looking and smiled at him, throwing a kiss across the room. “Good night, sweetie.”

“Good night, Mom.”

After she was gone, Luke got up, shivering as his feet hit the cold tiled floor, moving to the window quickly. He glanced at his Dad as he passed by, stopping to fix his blanket, and stood, staring out into the night.

He could sense Noah’s distress even here.

Luke understood all his fears. It wasn’t that he didn’t have them. They were just different.

He watched the winking stars, the rare car enter the parking lot, a few nurses take a walk around, getting fresh air or a smoke break. He took comfort in those small details. They were going about their lives and he wanted to do the same. He wanted that with Noah.

Luke leaned his head against the cool pane of glass, keeping his eyes focused on the horizon.

He just needed to make Noah understand that.


*


Noah took another long sip of the lukewarm coffee, keeping his eyes focused on his surroundings. Al’s had turned into a 24/7 establishment some time in his late teens when Vienna and Henry had won it in some random poker game. He snorted into his cup, remembering the look on Carly’s face when Henry had burst in to tell her that.

He never wondered why or how Carly and Henry had become best friends. They were so alike in so many ways that Noah thought they might have been separated at birth. It did surprise him that the friendship had survived so much, including Vienna and Katie’s dislike of Carly. Noah had admired that in Henry. He took his friendships seriously.

He glanced up as Henry came out from the back, waving at him when he caught sight of Noah in the corner booth. He rounded the counter, coffee pot in one hand, topping Noah off without even asking. “What brings my favorite detective to my fine establishment at this early hour?”

Noah shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Figured this was my best bet for a friendly face.”

Henry set the pot down on the table, taking a seat across from Noah, folding his hands together. “Uh-huh. Yeah. Listen, kid, I’ve known you before you knew yourself, okay? What’s going on?”

“Henry, it’s nothing.”

“Hey, I am your unofficial godfather, remember? Also, your mother’s best friend and one of your best friend’s brother. I’ve got a lot of ties here, so, come on.”

Noah sighed, looking down before speaking. “Luke.”

Henry stood straighter, brow furrowing. “Is he okay? What happened?”

It was nice to know people cared so much about them. Another good point for small town living he supposed. He waved at Henry, shaking his head. “He’s fine now. He just had - he blacked out at the station earlier. We had to take him to the hospital. Just brought up a lot of not so fun memories. So, rather then going home and not sleeping, I came here. “

Noah held his breath waiting to see if that was enough to satisfy Henry. They stared at each other for a long beat of time. Henry finally nodded, patting Noah’s hands across the table. “Okay. I’ll let you off the hook with that.”

Noah rolled his eyes, crooked smile almost gracing his face. “Did you honestly use your unofficial godfather stance just now?”

Henry grinned. “I take that non-honor seriously, kid.”

“Henry, you do realize I’m almost thirty, right?”

“Your point would be?”

Noah let out a small laugh and Henry beamed. Taking a glance around the empty diner, he realized it was a little too early for Henry to be there. “Since when do you work the morning shift?”

Henry made a face. “Since our newest waiter quit to break into stardom in New York or some such thing.” Looking at Noah, he smiled at him. “Not all our staff is as dedicated as you were.”

Noah shook his head. “Not dedicated. No life. I had no life. And you and Vienna… you know, you’re like family so -” Noah shrugged and Henry patted his cheek which suddenly felt warm. There seriously had to be one person in this town that didn’t make him feel like an awkward teenager on a daily basis. One.

“Of course we are, sweetheart. And you're ours.”

Noah grinned at the voice, looking over at Vienna as she made her entrance into the diner. She stopped at the table, plopping on Henry’s lap and kissing him soundly on the mouth. “Hello, my love.”

Henry grinned at her. “You’re in a good mood this morning.” He studied her face, eyes narrowing playfully. “Who are you and what did you do to my wife?”

Vienna swatted at Henry, crinkling her nose at him. “Very funny, Henry.”

Noah smiled at them even through the ache in his chest. He missed that most of all. Just being with someone who got you. Understood without you needing to explain or say anything. “You guys are sickening.”

Vienna turned to look at him, then suddenly leaned across the table, pinching his cheeks, before planting a kiss on his forehead. “We love you, too, my beautiful boy.” She grinned at him and Noah couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yeah.”

Vienna tapped his nose, nodding. “Yeah.” She moved back, settling on Henry’s lap despite his protest, slapping his thigh to quiet him down. “Now when are you coming over for dinner and movie night? Nikolas is always asking for you.”

“Nikolas is two. He says ‘ball‘ and ‘ice cream‘ last time I checked.”

“I taught him ‘deal me in’ now.” Henry quipped, sobering when Vienna glared at him. “I’m kidding, snickerdoodle.”

She ignored Henry and turned to Noah. “You know he loves you.” Vienna winked at him and Noah shook his head. To this day he was shocked that Henry and Vienna had actually managed to settle down enough to have kids. Maybe the world wasn’t doomed to misery after all.

“But seriously, Detective Mayer. You are to show up, Tuesday night, seven o’clock for movie night. Understood?”

Noah raised one hand. “One condition. None of your weird Scandinavian food, Vienna.”

“I thought you loved my food!”

Noah snorted. “I’m told I’m too polite sometimes so if that gave you the impression I like uncooked sea worms, I’m so setting the record straight.”

Henry laughed at the look on his wife’s face and Noah felt that crush in his chest ease some.

Luke was right. Sometimes all you needed was family.


-Part Five-