Okay, so here's my two cents. First, I didn't have the whole being a little bit in love with them for years thing but I did have a best friend that I was almost literally joined at the hip with from kindergarden to the time I got married (24 yrs). That a friggin long time.
Every life's milestone we meet together and concurred and we dealt with the loves and losses and helped each other through them. But like your friend she always, ALWAYS, made the wrong choice when it came to a boyfriend. After we got out of high school and we both started working I finally saw the pattern that each and every relationship of her took and eventually went up in flames. Even pointed it out to her on numerous occasions and she even admitted I was correct but still . . . the same old, same old.
Eventually around the time I had my first child (30 yrs) we just fell out of contact. For seven years I didn't hear anything from her even though she lived in the same small community. I did see her a few years ago at my father-in-law's funeral and surprise, surprise it was like time had stood still for her. She was still unhappy and in-between relationships. We promised to keep in touch but unsurprisingly she didn't.
I guess what I'm trying in a way too long post to say is that the friendships that we've had when we were younger and grew up with can go one of two ways (and there's really nothing that YOU can do to change this). 1) You both grow and the relationship evolves or 2) You grow and the other doesn't and the relationship eventually just dies.
You can't do anything, Kat, to change her/him. That's totally up to them. If they keep making the same mistakes they will continue to get the same results and unfortunately at your ages I think your friend's patten is pretty much set. You, by your own admission, have moved on and grown. You can try and be there but eventually like summer follows spring it will all play out again and again.
My advise, be there to talk but I think it might be time to cut your emotional losses and move on completely from this friendship. You deserve to be treated so much better by your friends.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-03-19 04:43 pm (UTC)Every life's milestone we meet together and concurred and we dealt with the loves and losses and helped each other through them. But like your friend she always, ALWAYS, made the wrong choice when it came to a boyfriend. After we got out of high school and we both started working I finally saw the pattern that each and every relationship of her took and eventually went up in flames. Even pointed it out to her on numerous occasions and she even admitted I was correct but still . . . the same old, same old.
Eventually around the time I had my first child (30 yrs) we just fell out of contact. For seven years I didn't hear anything from her even though she lived in the same small community. I did see her a few years ago at my father-in-law's funeral and surprise, surprise it was like time had stood still for her. She was still unhappy and in-between relationships. We promised to keep in touch but unsurprisingly she didn't.
I guess what I'm trying in a way too long post to say is that the friendships that we've had when we were younger and grew up with can go one of two ways (and there's really nothing that YOU can do to change this). 1) You both grow and the relationship evolves or 2) You grow and the other doesn't and the relationship eventually just dies.
You can't do anything, Kat, to change her/him. That's totally up to them. If they keep making the same mistakes they will continue to get the same results and unfortunately at your ages I think your friend's patten is pretty much set. You, by your own admission, have moved on and grown. You can try and be there but eventually like summer follows spring it will all play out again and again.
My advise, be there to talk but I think it might be time to cut your emotional losses and move on completely from this friendship. You deserve to be treated so much better by your friends.
Just my long winded two cents. :)
Anna Marie