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FIC: take this cover up (ATWT, Luke/Noah, post show AU) - 1/3
Title: take this cover up (1/3)
Author(s):![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
freakykat
Rating: R
Characters: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer, Noah Mayer/OMC, Luke Snyder/OMC
Word Count: 1950
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, unfortunately. No money made. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Noah is getting married. Luke is hiding some truths.
Author’s Notes: I have no idea. It's this song's fault. I apologize profusely. There is...angst. Thanks tonoelleleithe for the beta. Mad ninja skills, that one. Song and lyrics from "Congratulations" by Blue October feat. Imogen Heap
take this cover up
1. my chance of being open is broken...
The invitation comes in a plain off-white envelope with Noah's scrawled writing addressing “The Snyder Clan” as a whole entity. Luke smiles when he sees it, ignores the contracting in his chest when Faith opens it with a flourish and reads it aloud.
He joins the laughter at the small note attached to the wedding announcement that assures them that if even one of them wasn't in attendance, there would an unflattering portrayal of them in his next movie and don't think I won't do that, Luciano which makes Luke roll his eyes because, okay, he'd missed one freaking family event in the last five years.
“He is going to have to let that go.”
Faith snorts. “You have met Noah, right?”
She gives him that knowing look he hates, the one that makes him turn away every time before she gets a chance to confirm that whatever she's thinking is true.
--
It's not that he isn't expecting it. He totally is. Has been from the moment Noah called him, voice quiet over the phone to tell him. (And that says a lot about who they still are, he thinks.)
“It's not particularly shocking news, Casey.”
His friend nods at him, sips from his beer and waits him out.
“They've been together for a long time.” Luke says, quietly.
“Three years.”
“Exactly.”
Luke peels the label off the glass bottle of sparkling cider, the slippery surface cool under his fingers. If they're shaking a little, he ignores it.
He's good at doing that.
He feels Casey's stare on him and glances up, sees the quick flash of annoyance in his eyes.
“What?”
Casey shakes his head and sighs.
“Nothing, man.”
--
“So, we got the invitation yesterday.”
He hears Noah pause in the middle of whatever he's doing (probably cooking something ridiculous because he took that stupid class and being Noah actually managed to show that he can pretty much do anything he puts his mind to, even learn to cook gourmet food if he wants to).
“The post it was a nice touch.”
Noah chuckles a little. “Just insurance to make sure you show up.”
Luke swallows past the lump he doesn’t think about. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
--
He is happy for Noah.
Luke won’t lie and say there isn’t a deep aching inside his chest when he thinks about it for more than a few minutes. Of course he’s going to feel it.
This is Noah.
His best friend. His family.
At one time he’d been Luke’s happy ending. And now he was someone else's.
It’s understandable that he wants to punch something hard.
--
“You should tell him.”
He glances up from the file in his hand, raises his eyebrows in a silent question. It’s not like he doesn’t know what she means.
Everyone seems to think he needs to tell Noah something.
“It’s not right that you haven’t, darling. He should know.”
Luke shakes his head, gives her a smile that he’s sure probably hurts her more than it does him. “What for? We were a long time ago, Grandmother. He’s moved on. I’ve moved on. There’s nothing to tell.”
She stares at him for a long time then nods once.
“If that’s how you want it.”
He knows she doesn’t mean it but he also knows she won’t push him.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
--
“He asked me to be his best man.” Casey looks away as he talks and Luke smiles softly.
“Of course he did.”
Casey shrugs. “I told him I’d think about it.”
Luke frowns. “Why would you need to think about it?”
There’s a sigh and Luke keeps looking at Casey’s profile until his friend glances over and meets his eyes. “Because I always pictured it differently and it’s going to take me a little time to adjust that. Okay?”
Luke nods. “Okay.”
He gets that completely.
--
Somewhere in the back of his mind, hidden in a mental box that he never dared to look into, Luke thinks he always believed it would work out.
Even when it had been his decision to make sure it wouldn’t.
--
“You know that I just want you to be happy.”
Noah’s voice is low and soft, makes Luke miss things he thought he’d gotten past. Quiet nights and warm beds, tangled limbs and pressed skin.
“I am happy.”
The silence that follows makes him panic but he pushes it down. “Noah. I really am.”
“It’s just -- it’s been a long time since -- and I know he hurt you but --”
Luke covers his snort with a cough.
“Noah. Paolo wasn’t. I promise you that I am very much past it.”
He waits to see if Noah will let him get away with that .
“Okay.”
Luke breathes.
“So tell me about this idea for a book you mentioned…”
--
Luke had met Paolo (“But, please, call me Paul.”) on a trip to Italy. In retrospect, he knows he was running away. It had been a painful year of guilt and grief. He’d emerged stronger in some ways. Weaker in others. The fact that Noah was waiting for him…
His shrink is pretty convinced that was what had made him jump into the disaster that was Paolo.
Paolo was nothing like Noah. Or Reid. He was colorful and loud. Luke had liked that the most. How very different he’d been from anyone he’d ever been with. He took Luke everywhere. Seedy clubs where they hid in dark corners and fucked until Luke could ignore the thoughts that kept creeping in. Expensive restaurants and exclusive parties that he pretended to fit into. Late nights of dancing, early mornings wandering the streets…
Paolo made Luke forget what he left behind.
Because.
Noah was waiting and Luke couldn’t…reach for him. Didn’t really know how.
So, he chose someone else.
Again.
Because he knew.
It was the only way Noah would let him go, would move on, find his happiness with someone that wasn’t him.
Marrying Paolo had been stupid, this he fully admits and paid for dearly. The annulment (his grandmother was a brilliant magician) had cost too much to think about. His family’s disappointment had cut deep. Casey’s distance had been hard.
But nothing had compared to Noah.
Noah didn’t speak to him for a year.
He refused to take Luke’s calls, ignored his emails and letters, even slammed the door in Luke’s face when Luke had broken down and gone to California.
It took months for Luke to realize that this time was different. That the hurt had been too much.
Then, one day he called and Luke had been so happy that it had taken him forever to understand what that meant.
“You met someone.”
Noah’s voice, filled with love and light, said it all and Luke wanted to be happy. This was as it should have been.
It took a long time for those feelings to become a reality.
But they had.
It was too late to change it now.
--
“Thing is.”
He wipes his hand over his hair, water falling on his shoulders and he manages to squint at Casey, sitting warm and dry at his side. Luke had needed a swim and Casey had wanted to talk.
It’s been an hour so Luke doesn’t dare interrupt him now that’s he’s finally saying something.
Casey keeps his gaze on the water just beyond their seats. Snyder Pond never changed and it somehow always made Luke feel better, knowing that. Having a constant he could count on when he needed that reassurance.
“It’s not fair to him.”
Luke moves his head slowly, brow furrowed. “What isn’t fair to who?”
“You not telling Noah that you’re still in love with him. It’s not fair.”
Luke feels his heart jump to his throat, turns his face away when Casey finally glances at him. It wasn’t like he didn’t know Casey knew. It was that they never talked about it. It was a silent rule between them.
“It’s not important now.”
“Of course it’s important!” Casey yells and Luke jumps, more in surprise than actual fear. His eyes are wide when he meets his friend’s glare.
“He’s getting married.”
“I know that.”
Luke sucks in a deep breath. “I like James. He’s a decent, sweet guy. He loves Noah.”
Casey nods, gaze dropping to his hands. “James is good to Noah. Good for Noah. He makes him smile. They get each other.”
Luke clenches his fists but doesn’t actually move when he speaks. “Exactly. So, why would I say anything about how I feel? It’s selfish, isn’t it?” Part of Luke wants Casey to contradict that, to tell him that it would be the right thing, that maybe he had a chance.
“It wouldn’t be for you, Luke.”
Their gazes collide when Luke flicks his to Casey’s. There’s a sadness there that Luke hadn’t seen directed at him in some time.
“Then why…?”
Casey rolls his eyes, leans up and turns toward Luke fully. “Because he deserves to know that he was loved. What happened between the two of you, his anger, Reid, your rejection -- it’s defined him, Luke. It’s made his relationship ten times harder than it would have been. The fact that James stuck it out, managed to make Noah get past that belief that he isn’t worthy of loving, is a miracle.”
Luke trembles but keeps his eyes on Casey.
“I’m not saying all of that is because of you, Luke. Noah has issues from way before you met. It’s just -- if you don’t tell him the truth, he won’t find the happiness he deserves.”
He keeps still, waits to see if Casey has anything else to say. When nothing happens and Casey goes back to staring at the water, he lets his shoulders droop, voice quiet.
“You want me to tell him I love him so he can be with someone else.”
It’s a statement not a question.
Casey shrugs. “I think you won’t find peace until you tell him the truth.” He pauses for a second. “You owe him that much, Luke.”
That was a truth he didn’t have the strength to deny.
--
The airport is bustling even at this time of night and Luke tries not to think too hard about what he’s doing. There’s hope coming alive and he knows he should squash it because the end result of this isn’t going to be want he wants.
That’s not the point of it at all.
He turns to give Casey a hug before stepping onto the curb toward the automatic doors of the terminal. He stops halfway, looks back to see Casey still watching him. He opens his mouth, closing it almost immediately. He starts to walk away when he feels Casey’s hand on his shoulder.
“Ask me.”
Luke hangs his head for a second. He’ll need to find courage to do this with Noah and maybe if he can find it now, it’ll come easier to him later.
“When I tell him…when he knows…what will he do?”
He looks up, sees Casey’s eyes go soft around the edges as he answers. “He’ll know.”
“Who will he chose?”
Casey gives him a sad smile. “You know.”
Luke nods.
Noah will chose James.
Luke will find a way to live with that.
2. my heart, my pain won't cover up...
♥
Author(s):
freakykat Rating: R
Characters: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer, Noah Mayer/OMC, Luke Snyder/OMC
Word Count: 1950
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, unfortunately. No money made. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Noah is getting married. Luke is hiding some truths.
Author’s Notes: I have no idea. It's this song's fault. I apologize profusely. There is...angst. Thanks to
noelleleithe for the beta. Mad ninja skills, that one. Song and lyrics from "Congratulations" by Blue October feat. Imogen Heaptake this cover up
1. my chance of being open is broken...
The invitation comes in a plain off-white envelope with Noah's scrawled writing addressing “The Snyder Clan” as a whole entity. Luke smiles when he sees it, ignores the contracting in his chest when Faith opens it with a flourish and reads it aloud.
He joins the laughter at the small note attached to the wedding announcement that assures them that if even one of them wasn't in attendance, there would an unflattering portrayal of them in his next movie and don't think I won't do that, Luciano which makes Luke roll his eyes because, okay, he'd missed one freaking family event in the last five years.
“He is going to have to let that go.”
Faith snorts. “You have met Noah, right?”
She gives him that knowing look he hates, the one that makes him turn away every time before she gets a chance to confirm that whatever she's thinking is true.
--
It's not that he isn't expecting it. He totally is. Has been from the moment Noah called him, voice quiet over the phone to tell him. (And that says a lot about who they still are, he thinks.)
“It's not particularly shocking news, Casey.”
His friend nods at him, sips from his beer and waits him out.
“They've been together for a long time.” Luke says, quietly.
“Three years.”
“Exactly.”
Luke peels the label off the glass bottle of sparkling cider, the slippery surface cool under his fingers. If they're shaking a little, he ignores it.
He's good at doing that.
He feels Casey's stare on him and glances up, sees the quick flash of annoyance in his eyes.
“What?”
Casey shakes his head and sighs.
“Nothing, man.”
--
“So, we got the invitation yesterday.”
He hears Noah pause in the middle of whatever he's doing (probably cooking something ridiculous because he took that stupid class and being Noah actually managed to show that he can pretty much do anything he puts his mind to, even learn to cook gourmet food if he wants to).
“The post it was a nice touch.”
Noah chuckles a little. “Just insurance to make sure you show up.”
Luke swallows past the lump he doesn’t think about. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
--
He is happy for Noah.
Luke won’t lie and say there isn’t a deep aching inside his chest when he thinks about it for more than a few minutes. Of course he’s going to feel it.
This is Noah.
His best friend. His family.
At one time he’d been Luke’s happy ending. And now he was someone else's.
It’s understandable that he wants to punch something hard.
--
“You should tell him.”
He glances up from the file in his hand, raises his eyebrows in a silent question. It’s not like he doesn’t know what she means.
Everyone seems to think he needs to tell Noah something.
“It’s not right that you haven’t, darling. He should know.”
Luke shakes his head, gives her a smile that he’s sure probably hurts her more than it does him. “What for? We were a long time ago, Grandmother. He’s moved on. I’ve moved on. There’s nothing to tell.”
She stares at him for a long time then nods once.
“If that’s how you want it.”
He knows she doesn’t mean it but he also knows she won’t push him.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
--
“He asked me to be his best man.” Casey looks away as he talks and Luke smiles softly.
“Of course he did.”
Casey shrugs. “I told him I’d think about it.”
Luke frowns. “Why would you need to think about it?”
There’s a sigh and Luke keeps looking at Casey’s profile until his friend glances over and meets his eyes. “Because I always pictured it differently and it’s going to take me a little time to adjust that. Okay?”
Luke nods. “Okay.”
He gets that completely.
--
Somewhere in the back of his mind, hidden in a mental box that he never dared to look into, Luke thinks he always believed it would work out.
Even when it had been his decision to make sure it wouldn’t.
--
“You know that I just want you to be happy.”
Noah’s voice is low and soft, makes Luke miss things he thought he’d gotten past. Quiet nights and warm beds, tangled limbs and pressed skin.
“I am happy.”
The silence that follows makes him panic but he pushes it down. “Noah. I really am.”
“It’s just -- it’s been a long time since -- and I know he hurt you but --”
Luke covers his snort with a cough.
“Noah. Paolo wasn’t. I promise you that I am very much past it.”
He waits to see if Noah will let him get away with that .
“Okay.”
Luke breathes.
“So tell me about this idea for a book you mentioned…”
--
Luke had met Paolo (“But, please, call me Paul.”) on a trip to Italy. In retrospect, he knows he was running away. It had been a painful year of guilt and grief. He’d emerged stronger in some ways. Weaker in others. The fact that Noah was waiting for him…
His shrink is pretty convinced that was what had made him jump into the disaster that was Paolo.
Paolo was nothing like Noah. Or Reid. He was colorful and loud. Luke had liked that the most. How very different he’d been from anyone he’d ever been with. He took Luke everywhere. Seedy clubs where they hid in dark corners and fucked until Luke could ignore the thoughts that kept creeping in. Expensive restaurants and exclusive parties that he pretended to fit into. Late nights of dancing, early mornings wandering the streets…
Paolo made Luke forget what he left behind.
Because.
Noah was waiting and Luke couldn’t…reach for him. Didn’t really know how.
So, he chose someone else.
Again.
Because he knew.
It was the only way Noah would let him go, would move on, find his happiness with someone that wasn’t him.
Marrying Paolo had been stupid, this he fully admits and paid for dearly. The annulment (his grandmother was a brilliant magician) had cost too much to think about. His family’s disappointment had cut deep. Casey’s distance had been hard.
But nothing had compared to Noah.
Noah didn’t speak to him for a year.
He refused to take Luke’s calls, ignored his emails and letters, even slammed the door in Luke’s face when Luke had broken down and gone to California.
It took months for Luke to realize that this time was different. That the hurt had been too much.
Then, one day he called and Luke had been so happy that it had taken him forever to understand what that meant.
“You met someone.”
Noah’s voice, filled with love and light, said it all and Luke wanted to be happy. This was as it should have been.
It took a long time for those feelings to become a reality.
But they had.
It was too late to change it now.
--
“Thing is.”
He wipes his hand over his hair, water falling on his shoulders and he manages to squint at Casey, sitting warm and dry at his side. Luke had needed a swim and Casey had wanted to talk.
It’s been an hour so Luke doesn’t dare interrupt him now that’s he’s finally saying something.
Casey keeps his gaze on the water just beyond their seats. Snyder Pond never changed and it somehow always made Luke feel better, knowing that. Having a constant he could count on when he needed that reassurance.
“It’s not fair to him.”
Luke moves his head slowly, brow furrowed. “What isn’t fair to who?”
“You not telling Noah that you’re still in love with him. It’s not fair.”
Luke feels his heart jump to his throat, turns his face away when Casey finally glances at him. It wasn’t like he didn’t know Casey knew. It was that they never talked about it. It was a silent rule between them.
“It’s not important now.”
“Of course it’s important!” Casey yells and Luke jumps, more in surprise than actual fear. His eyes are wide when he meets his friend’s glare.
“He’s getting married.”
“I know that.”
Luke sucks in a deep breath. “I like James. He’s a decent, sweet guy. He loves Noah.”
Casey nods, gaze dropping to his hands. “James is good to Noah. Good for Noah. He makes him smile. They get each other.”
Luke clenches his fists but doesn’t actually move when he speaks. “Exactly. So, why would I say anything about how I feel? It’s selfish, isn’t it?” Part of Luke wants Casey to contradict that, to tell him that it would be the right thing, that maybe he had a chance.
“It wouldn’t be for you, Luke.”
Their gazes collide when Luke flicks his to Casey’s. There’s a sadness there that Luke hadn’t seen directed at him in some time.
“Then why…?”
Casey rolls his eyes, leans up and turns toward Luke fully. “Because he deserves to know that he was loved. What happened between the two of you, his anger, Reid, your rejection -- it’s defined him, Luke. It’s made his relationship ten times harder than it would have been. The fact that James stuck it out, managed to make Noah get past that belief that he isn’t worthy of loving, is a miracle.”
Luke trembles but keeps his eyes on Casey.
“I’m not saying all of that is because of you, Luke. Noah has issues from way before you met. It’s just -- if you don’t tell him the truth, he won’t find the happiness he deserves.”
He keeps still, waits to see if Casey has anything else to say. When nothing happens and Casey goes back to staring at the water, he lets his shoulders droop, voice quiet.
“You want me to tell him I love him so he can be with someone else.”
It’s a statement not a question.
Casey shrugs. “I think you won’t find peace until you tell him the truth.” He pauses for a second. “You owe him that much, Luke.”
That was a truth he didn’t have the strength to deny.
--
The airport is bustling even at this time of night and Luke tries not to think too hard about what he’s doing. There’s hope coming alive and he knows he should squash it because the end result of this isn’t going to be want he wants.
That’s not the point of it at all.
He turns to give Casey a hug before stepping onto the curb toward the automatic doors of the terminal. He stops halfway, looks back to see Casey still watching him. He opens his mouth, closing it almost immediately. He starts to walk away when he feels Casey’s hand on his shoulder.
“Ask me.”
Luke hangs his head for a second. He’ll need to find courage to do this with Noah and maybe if he can find it now, it’ll come easier to him later.
“When I tell him…when he knows…what will he do?”
He looks up, sees Casey’s eyes go soft around the edges as he answers. “He’ll know.”
“Who will he chose?”
Casey gives him a sad smile. “You know.”
Luke nods.
Noah will chose James.
Luke will find a way to live with that.
2. my heart, my pain won't cover up...
♥