Fic: Inside the Fortress of Solitude (AI, Kris/Adam, MPREG AU) - 2/2

[freakykat]

Title: Inside the Fortress of Solitude (Or How Adam Lambert Rescues Kris Allen Unnecessarily) - 2/2
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, only to themselves. No disrespect meant to anyone.
Warnings: Well, you know...MPREG, lol. But if that doesn't bother you, it's all good.







Brad was the first person Kris told about the baby.

He didn’t even mean to, really. Leaving the doctor’s office, he was too shocked to know what to do next. He briefly thought of calling his mom, but that wasn’t a conversation he was prepared to have. (Kris was sure that the first thing his mother would do was call Leila and talk about the fact they were going to be grandmothers and that would lead to Adam finding out and he really wasn’t ready for that at all yet.)

Charles didn’t pick up when Kris called him, so he left a vague message saying he needed to talk to him about something important. He tried Cale next and breathed in when the call was picked up. He needed a face-to-face conversation, so when Cale said he was hanging at Brad’s, after Kris’ initial double take because when the hell did they become friends, he asked him to wait.

Kris somehow managed to not kill himself or his unborn child (holy crap) on the way over to Brad’s. He was reminding himself to take a few deep breaths to keep from throwing up all over Brad’s front door when it opened and he was looking into Brad’s grinning face.

“I’m having Adam’s baby.”

The words tumbled out before he could stop them and Kris would have laughed, if he could have, at the way Brad’s eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open. He hadn’t meant to say anything but he just needed… he needed to tell someone.

Brad had still been standing at the door, stupefied, when Cale had appeared behind him. He’d looked back and forth between them, settling his calm gaze on Kris.

Kris’ voice shook as he said it again. “I’m having a baby. It’s Adam’s.” He covered his face and mumbled an, “Oh god,” before he felt Cale pull him inside.

He doesn’t remember a lot of details after his confession. Brad brought him tea and a blanket. Cale rubbed his shoulders while Brad fetched a paper bag when Kris began to have a panic attack. They didn’t ask a lot of questions, which he was grateful for even though he knew they were having a silent conversation over his head the entire time.

Brad had insisted that he stay with him for the night. Cale had agreed and Kris had been too tired and scared to say no.

One night turned into two turned into a week and then suddenly a month had passed with Kris living in Brad’s spare room.

Brad’s excuse was that Kris’ apartment wasn’t fit for him, let alone him and the baby he hadn’t even had yet, and that if something happened -- which, okay, he wasn’t anywhere near needing to worry about the big day or anything, that much Kris knew, but still -- Kris was going to need someone there for him.

“Until you know, Adam gets back home. Then he’ll want to take care of you and I won’t be standing in his way. I like every part of my body where it is.”

Kris had run away from that conversation and every other Brad tried to start with him about what he was going to tell Adam, when was he going to tell Adam, how was he going to tell Adam.

And his, “I love you, baby boy, I do, but if you even think about keeping this from him, I will hurt you.”

He’d glared at Brad because of course he was going to tell Adam.

“When?”

“After he gets back from the tour.”

Brad raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, pursing his lips at Kris.

“He’s a couple of thousand miles away, Brad, okay? I just-- This isn’t something I can tell him over the phone or in an email, you know? The ‘hey, remember how we got drunk and slept together that one time without protection, well, surprise! I’m having your kid’ conversation is a face-to-face thing.”

That had been enough to keep Brad from pressuring Kris into telling Adam right away, or telling anyone else either. Their group was great but secrets never stayed that way with them.

(Cale had judged him quietly for being a coward but supported him nonetheless. Kris really loved his friends, sometimes.)

So, for a month he avoided all of Adam’s calls, texts and emails, mostly because he knew that if he actually had any contact with Adam, he’d tell, and that-- he wasn’t ready.

Adam’s messages had gotten increasingly more frantic, worried, and at the end, really, really angry.

Kris was about to break down and talk to him.

Then the morning sickness had gotten worse and by the time Adam was home, Kris was not fit for human interaction. His hormones were all over the place, making him go from sad to angry to hyper in the blink of an eye (“You are so lucky that you’ve got a kid in there, Allen.”) and it was all that he could do to stay out of everyone’s way until it passed.

Which it did, but by that time he’d been avoiding Adam for a couple of months and he had no idea how to tell him. Brad suggested that Kris take him out to dinner and just tell him already. (“That kid is making you a drama queen, Kristopher.“)

He waited until he was sure Adam was in the studio (bless Tommy and his addiction to tweeting) and called Adam’s phone. He left him a quick voicemail asking him if he was free for dinner the next night.

Less than an hour later, Kris’ phone rang and before he could even say hello, he heard Adam’s terse, “Where are you?”

Kris blinked and said, “I’m at Brad’s right-” and then the line went dead. He tried Adam back but it went straight to voicemail.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Kris stared at it for almost a full minute until the knocking turned into pounding and Adam’s, “Open the fucking door, Kristopher, or I swear I will break it down,” had him running to open the door.

Adam looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, his mouth a hard, thin line when he looked at Kris. He pushed past and started ranting at Kris about how he couldn’t take Kris shutting him out, that he hadn’t meant to drive him away, that their friendship was too important to do that and Kris owed him more than that and, “If you’re going to let me go then the least you can do is tell me to my face, Allen.”

Kris shook his head. “That’s not-- Adam, I just --”

“What, Kris? What is your explanation or excuse or whatever for not talking to me for two months? Two months!”

Kris really hoped this kid had his temperament because he was pretty sure he couldn’t take two Adams for the rest of his life, no matter how much he may love them.

“I swear, Adam, I wasn’t trying to avoid-- well, okay I was, but not because of the reasons you think.” Which, while not entirely true, wasn’t a lie either. But Adam narrowed his eyes at him, anyway.

“Why haven’t you been at home?”

Kris opened his mouth to answer but Adam plunged ahead with his rant. “When I got back I waited for hours for you to come home and you never did. And I know you're not living there right now. So, where are you sleeping these days, Kristopher?”

The tone didn’t go over very well with Kris and he glared at Adam. “That’s not really any--”

“The hell it isn’t!” Adam’s face was turning red, his hands clenched into fists, and it was getting out of hand.

Kris took a deep breath. “I’ve been here. At Brad’s.”

That deflated Adam some, confusion warring with the anger, and Kris rubbed his forehead where he could feel a headache starting to form. The plan had been to tell Adam calmly and rationally, not in some shouting match.

“Why are-- I don’t understand this, Kris.”

Kris nodded, met Adam’s stare and sighed. “I just-- Brad didn’t want me to be alone in case-- He worries a lot, I think.”

And suddenly Adam was in his space, tilting his face up, eyes searching Kris’, worry replacing the anger. “Did something happen? Were you-- did someone try to hurt you?” His hands were all over Kris, down his arms, across his back, stilling at Kris’ waist, and it was all Kris could do to pull back and away. He needed to think clearly.

“No no no. That’s not it. I’m-- oh, god, I don’t even know how to tell you this.”

Adam was standing in the same place, hands outstretched toward Kris, but his face seemed to go paler. “Are you sick?”

His voice caught in his throat and Kris let out a puff of air, half-sob, half-laugh, because of course Adam would think that.

He took a step closer, grabbing Kris’ wrist like he was afraid Kris would run away from him again. “Kris, tell me, please.”

Kris opened and closed his mouth a few times until Adam squeezed his hand hard, and then he shut his eyes, swallowed, speaking calmly.

“I’m-- we’re having a baby, Adam.”

He opened his eyes and found Adam’s shocked blue ones staring back at him.

Kris inhaled and cleared his throat, repeating it because he needed Adam to know this was real, because he needed to know it was real.

“We’re having a baby.”





Kris follows Brad out to the lobby, his gaze falling on Brad’s face as they walk toward one of the lounges -- the one that overlooked the gardens. Kris’ stomach drops at the almost grim set to Brad’s mouth. He’s never seen that look before, and he’s been privy in the last few months to a lot of Brad’s moods. They step quietly into the room, which is, thankfully, empty. Brad stands in front of the floor to ceiling windows.

It’s a wall of white now, nothing more than the raging storm can be seen, and Kris stops to stare at the brightness of nothing, wishes that maybe it would stop so that they could all go home.

“When Adam and I became friends again after…” Brad waves his hand widely to indicate everything he and Adam were to each other once, and Kris understands what he means, doesn’t need it explained any further. He thinks it’s the way he and Katy refer to each other.

He waits for Brad to continue.

“I made myself a promise.” He turns to look at Kris, gives him a half-smile and shrugs. “I wasn’t going to get involved in his love life.”

Kris snorts and Brad grins at him.

“Right? Like, what the fuck was I thinking?” He motions to the couch, sitting down, his legs stretched out in front of him.

Kris plops down next to him, lets Brad put his feet on his lap, and just stares at him until he talks.

“So, that was a stupid plan, because no matter what, Adam is my friend, always will be. It was hard at first, watching him with other people. I mean, I liked Drake and that dancer, Paul. They were nice.”

Kris raises an eyebrow. “Then there was Sauli.”

Brad grits his teeth. “Then there was Sauli. We don’t need to talk about that one.”

Kris had liked Sauli, actually, but Brad… Brad’s hate for him was a thing of epic proportions, and those months had been pretty hard on everyone. Kris had seen very little of Brad around that time.

“Then Robert, right?”

Kris nods because he hadn’t been fond of Robert but he’d never said a word.

“Who you hated.”

Kris looks up, eyes wide, and Brad gives him a knowing look. “Oh come on, baby. I know you pretty well. In case you don’t know this, your poker face is for shit, okay?”

It’s true.

“And finally, Preston, who I actually thought was nice but not long for Adam’s world. He was a little too… demanding.”

That hadn’t really been Kris’ experience with him. Preston had seemed good for Adam. Supportive, calm, not part of the usual crowd…

Brad smirks, shakes his head. “Oh, he wasn’t at first. But then he met you, and well, the boy was perceptive enough to know what you and Adam seem so intent on ignoring.”

Kris raises an eyebrow, hand falling on Brad’s knee. “And that would be?”

“That you two are so ridiculously in love, actual fucking hearts appear over your heads when you’re in the same room.” Brad rolls his eyes as he says this.

He squeezes Brad's knee hard because that wasn’t completely correct. “I don’t think-- Adam--”

“If you say Adam isn’t in love with you, Kristopher, I am going to end you.”

Kris clamps his mouth shut, looks away and down, doesn’t want Brad to see that in his eyes.

There’s a loud, frustrated sound coming from Brad, and then he’s up, pacing in front of Kris.

“Jesus fucking Christ. You two are the stupidest men I have ever met, and I’ve met plenty of stupid men, all right? I mean, remember Howard? Who thought the Green Party was a shindig where we all wore green? Yeah. Stupider than that, Kristopher.”

Kris wants to laugh a little, because Howard had been really just not bright, bless his soul, but the truth behind what Brad is saying is too scary for him to focus on anything else.

Brad sighs, rubbing one hand over his head, and Kris has rarely seen him this pissed off. “I swear, you better pray this kid gets Neil’s intelligence gene or whatever, because with the DNA she has, I worry for her.”

His chest feels tight with all these emotions he keeps bottled inside. What he feels for Adam… it’s not something he can describe. It’s more than anything has ever been in his life. He wants everything with Adam. Everything. And if he looks closely enough, if he lets himself think about it, he knows that Adam might want the same.

But then he can’t-- he can’t even begin to believe that he’s good enough. That someone that beautiful, that completely everything he ever wanted would be satisfied with him. Brad needs to stop saying it like it’s a fact. Adam doesn’t love him the way Kris wants. He can’t. It’s an argument he’s had with Allison and Scarlett and apparently one he’s now going to have with Brad.

“I’m just-- I don’t think he feels-- He can‘t love me, Brad. I‘m just… me. It‘s not-- I can‘t be want he wants.”

Brad narrows his eyes. “To quote you, Kris, that’s bullcrap.”

Kris does smile this time and glances up to see Brad giving him the same amused you are so lucky I think you’re cute look he gives Adam and Cassidy all the time. He seems to think about something for a minute, then sits back down, staring at his hands.

“I never thought-- I loved Adam and when we broke up-- that was hard. But, you’re the proof that it was right.” He doesn’t look at Kris, who is now staring at him. “I’ve always liked most of Adam’s boyfriends, with one or two exceptions, but none of them were my friend.” Brad smiles quickly, eyes still focused on the ground. “I love you a little bit, okay, Kris. I want you to be happy just as much as I want Adam to be happy, so.”

He meets Kris’ eyes finally.

“I’m going to tell you something that I promised Adam I wouldn’t, because-- well, because he’s an idiot.” He keeps their gazes locked. “You make him happy. And I never see you look happier than with him.” He reaches out and pats Kris’ stomach, rubs it a little. “This? Honey, this was just fate making its point.”

Kris swallows, that tightness making it almost impossible to breathe.

Brad pauses and then asks, quietly, “Why do you think Preston and Adam broke up?”

The change in topic makes Kris blink, and when Brad just stares waiting for an actual answer, Kris takes a deep breath, shakes his head. “I-- I don’t know. Adam never told me. I just figured…”

“You figured it was Preston, right?”

Kris nods. That was what Adam had said. At least, Kris is pretty sure it was. His brow furrows at the laugh Brad gives.

“Of course he let you-- Honestly, why the hell you love that moron like you do, I just don’t even.” Brad shakes his head and then looks straight at Kris.

Kris is about to defend Adam because, um, hey, that’s the love of his life Brad is talking about, but then Brad’s next words make his brain stop.

“Adam broke it off with Preston because he wanted Adam to stop-- well, being in love with you was really what he meant, but he just asked that Adam put some distance between you two.”

Kris scowls. “He wanted him to stop being my friend?”

He takes back every nice thing he ever said about that jackass.

Brad shakes his head. “No. Actually, not even close. He just wanted Adam to pay less attention to you.” Brad shrugs. “Adam couldn’t do that, didn’t want to, so Preston made him choose.”

Oh…Oh.

Wait…

That can’t be.

“Adam chose me?”

Brad rolls his eyes and Kris thinks he may end up with them stuck in that position before this conversation ends. “Of course he chose you… Kris, he loves you. You. Like, I have never seen him this stupid. This includes when we were together and that’s saying something.” Brad pats Kris’ face gently and laughs. “He’s loved you since, like, day one, I think.”

The words flow over Kris, seep into his bones, and he feels a burst of joy so deep that he can’t think. He has to remember to breathe. His chest loosens and all those things he’s kept inside for so long, that dam he put up breaks and he feels warm all over.

Adam chose him.

“Why-- why didn’t he just tell me?”

“Because, like you, he’s a moron and thinks all this is because of the baby. And I’m just-- seriously, fuck that noise. You’re both miserable and I just, I can’t take the miserable looks on your faces and how you’re both so ridiculous when you watch each other. I can’t take it anymore.” Brad stands up, pulls Kris to his feet then gently shoves him toward the door. “Now that you know, just go and put us all out of our misery, Kris. Really. Go. Tell him. Grow a pair, baby.”

If Brad is right… then Adam wanted him. It wasn’t just because Kris had been there. Or because they were drunk and made a mistake.

This changes… everything.

Happiness and relief bloom in his heart, make him grin widely. He leans in to kiss Brad on the forehead. “You’re going to be the best fucking godfather. Ever.”

Brad blows out a loud breath. “You know it.” He shoves at Kris, points to the door. “Now go and fix this shit already.”

Kris keeps grinning as he walks out the door.

He’s going to owe Brad big.





Kris wasn't sure how Adam was going to react. Not really.

That's to say, he knew that Adam wasn’t going to hate him or anything. (Deep inside, he was afraid Adam wouldn't believe him, and for Kris, well, that was pretty much worse than anything else. Ever.)

He expected a little confusion, maybe a second of anger, even fear.

So when Adam reacted with big eyes and a gaping mouth (and Kris was so ignoring his hormones there, okay, he should’ve gotten an effing award!) then lapsed into a full hour of complete silence, Kris had no idea what to do.

He waited with Adam, sitting on the other end of the couch while Adam processed, stood up, left the room, then came back to sit again.

By the time Adam finally spoke to him, Kris was contemplating calling Leila and telling her everything. Even the fear of what his own mother would do to him for her not being the first (or, okay, fourth) person he told wouldn't stop him if he needed to do that.

“We're having a baby.”

Adam's voice was tinged with amazement and, Kris thought, more than a bit of happiness, which was good. Really good.

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Is that why you stopped talking to me?” His voice held a tremor of anger and Kris wondered which one of them was the moodier one.

“I didn't stop talking to you.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “You totally did, Kris.”

Okay.

Yeah.

Maybe.

“I didn't know what to say. Adam, it's not like you asked for this, and I just-- I don't want you to feel obligated. We made a mistake.”

Adam's face did a strange sort of dance, a multitude of emotions crossing it before it went almost blank. “I didn't mean to sleep with you like that.”

It was a statement Kris was prepared to hear but it still stung.

He shrugged, pretended it didn't matter. “You were hurting. We were… not ourselves. It's not like we're the first to ever do that.”

Adam looked away. “Yeah.”

There was a silence that Kris hated and he wished for the awkwardness, the uncomfortable moment to pass, and that his best friend would show up again. The truth was that he wanted Adam to love him. He did.

But he needed Adam to be his friend right then more than anything else.

He glanced up and met Adam's probing gaze. It flicked between Kris' face and his stomach.

“You're having my kid?”

Kris narrowed his eyes at Adam. “I think we just established that, Adam, and if you even think of asking me if I'm sure it's yours...”

Adam looked shocked. “I wouldn't--”

“Good.”

He glanced back up at Adam and saw the bemused expression Adam was trying to hide, received a soft, sweet smile curving on Adam's mouth.

“What?”

“You're cute when you're hormonal.”

Kris hid his face in his hands and groaned.

And, in the end, that was all there was to it.





He'd never seen Adam quite the way he was once he knew he was going to be a dad. His excitement was contagious, even when Kris was still in the middle of his morning sickness and headaches and general pregnancy pains.

Adam made all those things easier, tolerable.

Adam would sit with Kris when he was saying hello again to his dinner and bring him a glass of water to wash out his mouth when he was done. He’d take a moment to massage Kris' temples and bring him tea (“Non-caffeinated, don't give me that look, Kris.”) to soothe his headaches. He’d watch television while Kris napped on the couch, settling Kris' feet on his lap, occasionally rubbing them because he read somewhere that you're supposed to do that.

Kris understood that Adam was only trying to help, to be there for him and the baby. (Because that's who Adam is. And Kris loves him so much that it's almost painful.)

So every time Adam would touch him, Kris wanted to die a little. It was like having everything he wanted right there in front of him. But he couldn't take it.

“Sure, when my feet actually hurt. Which they don't yet.”

Adam ignored him, grabbed his other foot and started in on it, thumbs digging into the flesh. Kris held in the moan that wanted to escape, his head falling back as he closed his eyes. The fingers working over his skin sent ripples of energy humming through his limbs and Kris shivered despite his best efforts. Adam's hands paused for a moment but then continued on like he hadn't noticed anything.

Kris could have kissed him for that. Well, Kris could have kissed him for anything, everything really, but that day, especially for that.

He swallowed back another noise when Adam's fingers grasped onto his ankle, rubbing soft circles there.

“Baby?”

Adam had taken to calling him that more and more often. Kris wasn't going to complain about it. Not like he disliked it or anything.

“Hmm?”

“I wanted to talk to you about living at Brad's.”

Kris opened his eyes and knew without Adam saying anything what this was about. “I'm fine there.”

And that was the beginning of Adam's relentless campaign to get Kris to change his mind.

He offered to build him a separate studio.

“Does it bother you that I'm using yours?”

Adam looked confused. “No, of course not, baby.”

Kris shrugged. “Then, no. I like being in the same place you create. Think it helps my mojo.” And when he looked up to grin at Adam, he pretended not to see the hungry look on Adam's face. It was too much to take in, to handle.

He gave Kris free rein to decorate.

Which was met with Kris laughing so hard he fell off the couch and Adam almost had a panic attack. Kris threw a pillow at his head.

He even brought Kris' mama in on the whole spiel.

“Kristopher, it's hard enough raising a child when you're married and have someone else to help take the burden.” Kris didn't miss the little married barb anymore than he'd missed the dozens of others his mom had been dropping. She loved Adam and everyone else in his family. Somehow, Kris guessed, she had assumed they would be a part of each other’s once Kris had come out. He was pretty sure Leila and his mama were planning a wedding under the radar.

“Mama. Stop. I'm not going to be doing this alone. Adam will be there.”

“How is that going to work with you in one place and Adam in another?”

Kris didn't have an answer for that. He wasn't sure exactly how they were going to do this. He figured the baby would stay with Adam some nights and the others with Kris. Except it made his stomach twist to think of being away from her at all, so maybe that wouldn't work. Scarlett kindly pointed out that they couldn't do that until the baby was at least a few months old, anyway, and by then she'd be used to her surroundings. Changing them every other week wasn't a good idea, even Charles agreed with that. (“She's not like a pet, Kris.”)

He was proud of the look he managed to give him before stomping out of the room.

The solution, to Kris, was pretty simple.

“You want to buy the house next door?” Adam asked, staring down at the papers Kris handed him halfway through their dinner.

Kris nodded. “It's close enough…“ His voice trailed off at the look on Adam's face, a little heartbroken, a little resigned, and Kris just– He couldn't pretend it was okay to be selfish anymore. Because he was being that. Selfish. He was afraid of what he would do, being with Adam all the time, having him everywhere, and that was taking precedence over their daughter. Over Adam.

It's Adam's, “I just don't want to miss any more time,” that does it.

Kris sighed, took the papers out of Adam's hands and ripped them in half. “You know what? Forget I even brought it up. Is tomorrow okay for me to bring my things over?”

Adam's eyes were wide, his face schooled into cautious hope. “Wait. So. You're going to move in? Really?”

Kris nodded. “Really. I– I'm sorry I was– I don't want to be– It's complicated and I wasn't thinking about how you felt or what the baby needs. You're totally right. We need to do this together.” He pointed his finger at Adam. “But you need to realize that I'm not the nicest person to live with right now. I have mood swings and don't want to be anywhere near people half the time. I think Brad might be a little afraid of me. So keep that in mind, okay?” He looked over at Adam, saw the softness in Adam’s eyes and started to speak when Adam leaned over the table. Kris froze as Adam's lips pressed against his, warm, a little sweet from Adam's drink. The kiss was quick and over before it started, but Kris' mouth tingled for the rest of the night.

Kris moved in the next day and Adam proceeded to do everything in his power to make sure he didn't want to ever leave. Kris found it adorable (which really just says everything).

He sometimes wished it weren't so easy to be with Adam. It made him hope for more than he thought he could have, and that was worse than not having it at all. Adam looked at him like he was the best thing he'd ever seen and it stung just a tiny bit. Kris loved that Adam felt so deeply for him, but he wished it had more to do with him than the baby.

But it could have been worse, Kris thought. Adam could have rejected their baby (not that Kris ever thought he would have) and shut Kris out. Instead, he was excited and caring and Kris loved him even more for that.

He just needed to teach himself to want less.





Kris isn't sure what he's going to say to Adam. It might be good to just blurt it right out. Tell him everything he feels, how he wants to make this work with them, that he wants to be a real family, and that he's sorry it took this long for him to figure it all out.

The elevator seems to take forever, and when it finally opens on their floor, Kris can't help the smile that breaks on his face.

It's all going to be fine.

He enters the suite and pauses when he sees that everyone is getting ready to leave. He looks for Adam and frowns when he's nowhere in the room. His gaze falls on Tommy, who points a thumb toward the room that he and Adam are sharing, grinning at Kris as he does.

Kris laughs, shakes his head and walks inside the room. Adam is sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped forward, head bowed, but when he hears the door close, his head jerks up to look at Kris. His eyes brighten a little and he smiles widely, but Kris can see the effort behind it.

“Hey. How'd the writing go? Get what you needed?”

Kris nods as he moves closer, settling down next to Adam and running one hand through Adam's hair. He notes the surprise that crosses Adam's face and leans his chin to rest on Adam's shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Adam can't seem to speak for a long moment. Kris can feel the tension in his muscles and frowns at the terse, “I'm fine,” he gets in return. That's a total lie. He doesn't get why Adam is acting… And it hits Kris suddenly.

Adam is scared.

It's not like Kris can blame him. He's been keeping a wall between them because he didn't think– But now he knows and Adam is– That's not acceptable.

“Adam--”

The door opens and Cassidy sticks his head through, stopping to give Kris an apologetic look when he sees that he's interrupting.

“Sorry, guys. We're going to have some dinner. Did you want to come?”

Kris shakes his head, but before he can say anything Adam is standing up, nodding. “We'll be right there.” He looks down at Kris, tries to smile as he pulls Kris up. “You haven't eaten in a while.”

He wants to argue but it's the truth, he can feel his hunger, so he meets Adam's gaze and nods at him. “You're right.”

Adam's smile is genuine this time and Kris returns it, grabbing at Adam's hand and lacing their fingers together. That confusion (and what Kris understands is Adam attempting to push down hope, he recognizes that look) crosses Adam's face again. Kris doesn't let go of his hand as they walk out.





Dinner is always a loud affair when they're all together. Everyone entering and leaving several conversations at the table, so Kris knows that he can't talk with Adam even though he really needs to tell him, like two years ago, really, that he loves him. But a declaration at a crowded table with their loving but nosy friends isn't the way he wants to do this.

The problem is that Kris can see Adam shutting himself away. It's like his fear is winning out and whatever he sees on Kris' face is making him want to run. That doesn't reassure Kris much. He's been having a silent conversation with Brad's eyebrows for five minutes now.

One of them flicks up. (You tell him yet?)

Kris purses his lips and scrunches his nose. (No, he's being difficult.)

The other eyebrow joins the first. (Tell him!)

Kris' mouth turns down. (What if you're wrong? I can't deal...)

Both eyebrows furrow and Brad glares. (Grow a pair, Kristopher, and just fucking say something!)

Brad's eyebrows are really bossy.

It's not like he hasn't been trying or anything. Since they sat down Kris has been glued to Adam. He leans against Adam's side, warm and content, matching the look Adam gives with his confident one. He slides one hand over Adam's thigh, makes him jump and drop his fork. Kris sighs, glances down at his half-eaten dinner and contemplates just going up to their room and waiting for Adam.

When Kris leans in to whisper in Adam's ear and he jerks away, Kris thinks that this is all a bad idea. Brad is wrong. Kris is making a fool of himself and scaring Adam at the same time.

He stares at Adam's wide eyes, blue barely visible, and what that means Kris isn't sure, but it's not a bad thing. It can't be. Brad is never wrong. Adam loves him. He can feel that in his gut now. He reaches for Adam's face…

The baby kicks hard, making Kris gasp and clutch at his stomach all at once.

His heart rises to his throat and he doesn't know what to do with the bubble of giddiness.

That’s the first time she's ever done that.

Everyone at the table stops talking except for Adam, who looks frantic and is asking Kris a million questions, but he can't hear him, rushing sound in his ears. Kris rubs his hand where he'd just felt their baby kick and laughs when she responds by doing it again.

Adam's freaking out and Kris turns to him, places his fingers on Adam's mouth to stop his rambling, then grabs Adam's hand, placing it over the spot where their daughter is apparently playing soccer with Kris' insides.

“Kris, what are– Oh my god.” He gapes at Kris when the baby kicks again. “Is that– is she–?“ There's another punt and Adam's eyes sparkle, his mouth working into a grin and Kris laughs again, grabs the back of his neck and presses their foreheads together.

“That's our baby girl saying hello.”

Adam's laugh is delighted and Kris can't help it, wants so much to kiss him that he doesn't care anymore whether it's scary or not. He brushes his mouth over Adam's, dropping quick kisses over his slack mouth, holding his breath until – finally – Adam is kissing him back, hand clamping at the back of Kris’ head, tilting him to get a better angle. Kris grins into it, wraps his arms around Adam's neck and ignores the roar of applause he can hear at the table.

He wants to crawl inside Adam and tries to do just that, half-straddling him, but Adam's hands push him away gently and Kris pulls back, dazed, to look at him.

Adam groans when his eyes flick to Kris’ mouth, and Kris thinks he can understand, watching Adam lick at his own bruised, swollen lips. His hands sink deeper into Adam's hair, holding him when he wants to move away.

“Don't.”

He can see Adam struggle with it, leaning in to kiss the side of Kris' mouth, mumbling a fast, “Not right here, baby. Let's go upstairs.”

Upstairs, yes. Where there's a bed and privacy and Kris can do whatever he wants with Adam.

“Okay.”

He's up and pulling Adam away, making the table laugh at his desperation, but seriously, he's been wanting this forever. He's not wasting another second.

“We're um... gonna go... now.”

Brad is laughing so hard that he's almost choking and Kris meets his eyes, nods when he mouths “Tell him,” and hauls Adam out of the dining room. The elevator takes forever, and when the doors close, Adam pushes Kris against the wall. Licks his way into Kris' mouth, hands working under his shirt, making Kris shiver when he pushes his face into Kris’ neck. He stops there, breathing deep, and Kris holds on, sinks his face into Adam's shoulder, tastes his way across the skin there.

The doors ping open and Kris extracts himself from Adam's arms, guides them to their suite, their steps slowing down.

It's like suddenly it's real and they both seem to realize that.

Kris blinks as Adam takes his hand, drags him to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them.

When he turns to Kris, he opens his mouth, then shuts it without saying anything.

Kris knows that this is on him.

“I love you.” He thinks about that for a second and expands on it because that's not the first time he's ever said that to Adam. “I mean, I'm in love with you.”

Adam blinks, mutters a quiet “Oh god,” but Kris needs to say everything he's been wanting to.

“There's no specific moment that it happened. Nothing I can pinpoint to know when it started. One day it just was.”

He takes a few steps back, needing the distance to be able to think clearly. He doesn't want to mess this up.

“Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake and I didn't know until I-- well, until I knew. As soon as I realized it, I was going to tell you, but…“

Adam is staring at him, wide-eyed, chest rising and falling too fast, but he doesn't say anything. Kris takes that as a sign to go on.

“You had Preston. You were happy with him and I just– I didn't think it was fair to pull up and say, 'Adam, dump your nice boyfriend and come be with me forever.' I'm not that guy, you know? But I hoped which, god, sounds so horrible when I say it, but it's the truth. Then it happened and I completely screwed it up--”

“You didn't screw it up.”

Kris shakes his head, can't meet Adam's eyes so he looks down at his feet, randomly thinks it's nice that he can still see them because Scarlett said he might not be able to soon, and this is the stupidest thing to be thinking about right at this moment.

“I did, Adam. You needed a friend and I–“

“That was on me. I was the one who didn't take it slowly, who jumped in because you were there and you were looking at me like I've wanted you to since I met you. We were drunk and I took advantage.”

Kris glances over at Adam, tries not to laugh because they are both so stupid. “So, you were what? Blaming yourself for what happened? Like I don't have my own mind?”

Adam raises an eyebrow, his own smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “And you were feeling guilty, even though we both wanted it and weren't hurting anyone?”

They stare at each other and then Adam starts laughing, bending over at the waist.

Kris runs his hands over his head, snorting out a quick, “Brad is right. We are the stupidest men alive.”

He feels Adam standing in front of him and works up the courage to look at him.

What he finds is Adam grinning stupidly at him, eyes a little wet, and Kris breathes out, too overcome to actually move.

“You're an idiot. No, seriously, Kristopher. You are.” Adam pulls him in, wrapping both hands around his waist, dropping a kiss on Kris' nose before locking eyes with him. “I love you. You love me. We're having a baby. Why the hell have you been pushing me away?”

Kris makes a face. “I haven't been pushing you away.” Adam opens his mouth and Kris continues. “I've been keeping you at arm’s length. There's a difference.”

Adam sighs heavily. “Fine. But why?”

“Because you freaked out the morning after we were together and I thought that you didn't feel the same way.”

Adam's eyebrows rise up. “Are you fucking kidding me? Kris, come on, I loved you long before I should have, okay? I want to be a family. You and our baby. That's all I want in this world.”

Kris hugs him, smiling into Adam's shoulder. “I do, too.”

“Good. Then, no more being stupid, right?”

Pulling back, Kris beams at Adam, watches his eyes darken, and pushes up to bring their mouths together. He tastes the sigh that escapes from Adam’s lips and his hands grip onto Adam's shirt. They're moving back towards the bed, and Kris makes a happy noise in the back of his throat. He lets go of Adam long enough to sit down and scoot back, grabbing for Adam to haul him in. He settles between Kris' legs, pressing down so that they're touching everywhere… chest, hips, knees.

Kris shudders under Adam, arches up into him and groans when their cocks rub together. He needs to get Adam naked, like, yesterday. He runs his hands under Adam's shirt–

He feels the kick and freezes at the same time Adam does. Kris sees it in Adam's eyes before he starts to pull back, and the hell they're stopping now. He locks his legs around Adam's waist, not letting him move.

“Baby, I don't want to hurt her.”

Kris tightens his hold, rolling his eyes, brushing his hands through Adam's hair, curling them on his neck. “We're not going to hurt her. You've read the same books I have, Adam. It's perfectly safe.”

But Adam has that look on his face and Kris knows that he's not going to let this go.

“Okay. Fine.”

He pushes up and flips Adam on his back, sees the surprise and hunger on his face when Kris ends up straddling his hips. Adam lets Kris pull his shirt off and gasps when Kris' lips close around his nipple, sucking hard, tongue circling wetly.

“Fuck– Kris--“

Flames spark hot and wild under Kris' skin and he can't seem to stop, licks his way down Adam’s chest, noses over his stomach, pressing kisses on the way down. He works the button on Adam's jeans open, helps him wiggle out of them enough that Kris can easily pull out his cock. He mouths at it through Adam's underwear and smiles when Adam arches up, hands clutching the bedsheets. He likes this, having the power to make Adam speechless. Wants to always be here, wants to always be what Adam needs.

He rubs his face on Adam's thigh, mouths at the skin as he works his fingers on the band of Adam's underwear, pushes down and pauses to look at the jutting length of Adam's cock, head red and purple, leaking pre-cum. Kris licks at the drops, then down the shaft.

Adam writhes under his touch, moans Kris' name and it's… Kris can feel it in his chest, under his skin, and it makes his own cock harder. He needs to taste more of Adam, make up for all the lost time. He wraps his mouth over Adam, swallows as he moves down, slow and steady, keeps the pace languid. Adam's hands grip his head, pull some, and Kris moans.

He hasn't done this much but he pays attention to what makes Adam crazy, the sounds he lets out when Kris swirls his tongue over the head of his cock. He can feel Adam trembling, opens his eyes to watch Adam’s face as he breaks open, and it's stunning. Kris doesn't think he's ever seen anything so beautiful.





Kris sighs happily as Adam's fingers trail down his hips, as Adam lays his hand over Kris' waist and rolls him into his arms. Kris nuzzles his way into Adam's shoulder, sighing at the way his body feels boneless. The sense memory of Adam's mouth on him sends shivers down his spine.

He hasn't felt this good ever in his life.

“No more running away, baby, okay?”

Kris opens his eyes, meeting Adam's adoring ones, and smiles stupidly -- he's sure -- nodding. “No more running.”

“Good.” Adam drops a kiss on his forehead, then settles his open palm over the flesh of Kris’ stomach. It’s starting to round out now, and Kris places his hand over Adam's.

“She's going to be here soon,” Adam says quietly, eyeing Kris carefully.

Kris narrows his eyes a little. “Yeah. She is.” He's not sure where Adam is going with this.

“So I figure we can just ask Kim and Mom when the wedding date is, and all we have to do is show up, right?”

Kris flicks his gaze up to Adam's face, watches the grin spreading over it and starts laughing.

It's like Kris is always saying...Timing is everything.


End.

End Note: Thank you so much the everyone at kradamadness that encouraged/cheerleaded me to finish. <3